Why would a guy stand me up on a date he initiated?

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

That makes me feel a lot better to know it isn't just me.

Oh no you are definitely not the only one.  Read around this forum in the dating section and you'll see much worse.

[Skittle2021]

27 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Oh no you are definitely not the only one.  Read around this forum in the dating section and you'll see much worse.

Will do!

[Watercolors]

1 minute ago, Skittle2021 said:

Will do!

How long have you been using online dating? You need to keep your expectations in check to be more realistic. Of COURSE he was consistent, attentive, and begged you to meet him for the first date. That’s what most online dating guys will do and say, to get the woman hooked on him emotionally, prior to the first date, so that the woman arrives emotionally primed, as in, she’s already into him. 

No one but him knows why he flaked on you. But that’s not what you want to focus on. Focus on his actions not his words. He could have easily called you to tell you he changed his mind about meeting for the first date. Also, he could have easily called you to tell you that he got called into work, or WHATEVER prevented him from meeting you...to be polite and considerate. But, his actions show you that his attentiveness, his consistency, was all an “act.” It usually is an “act,” with online dating. At least with the guys who either have ulterior motives, as in, they’re multi-dating, they can’t be bothered, they’re just jerks, etc. the reasons are infinite why guys act like jerks. 

He showed you his true colors with is behavior. Forget about words. Words show you how “he” pretends to be, actions show you who he really is. 

 

[Skittle2021]

5 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

How long have you been using online dating? You need to keep your expectations in check to be more realistic. Of COURSE he was consistent, attentive, and begged you to meet him for the first date. That’s what most online dating guys will do and say, to get the woman hooked on him emotionally, prior to the first date, so that the woman arrives emotionally primed, as in, she’s already into him. 

No one but him knows why he flaked on you. But that’s not what you want to focus on. Focus on his actions not his words. He could have easily called you to tell you he changed his mind about meeting for the first date. Also, he could have easily called you to tell you that he got called into work, or WHATEVER prevented him from meeting you...to be polite and considerate. But, his actions show you that his attentiveness, his consistency, was all an “act.” It usually is an “act,” with online dating. At least with the guys who either have ulterior motives, as in, they’re multi-dating, they can’t be bothered, they’re just jerks, etc. the reasons are infinite why guys act like jerks. 

He showed you his true colors with is behavior. Forget about words. Words show you how “he” pretends to be, actions show you who he really is. 

 

I have only been online dating for about 3 weeks now. I understand everything that you are saying, and I like how you broke it down. I never looked at it this way. I discarded him and blocked him. I just wanted perspective going forward. 

[Skittle2021]

On 1/21/2021 at 1:09 AM, Be Cool said:

Because he's really not that into you. It's simple as that.

No, it's not as simple as that. I didn't ask anything about how he feels about me or him being into me. It's about common courtesy to cancel a date if don't plan on attending.

Edited January 22, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate remark.

[Versacehottie]

18 hours ago, Be Cool said:

Because he's really not that into you. It's simple as that.

What's wrong with saying this, OP? It's the person opinion about why the guy stood you up and valuable insight.  Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less true or unwelcome or even rude.

What they probably meant is that the guy who stood you up wasn't into you enough to make a 4 hour trip to take you on a date.  He feels lukewarm about you and perhaps only intended to make the date happen if the pre-date texting got him interested more/or kept his interest.  It's actually the most plausible explanation.  Just because you don't like that the guy did it to you, don't take it out on the person who is explaining plausible reasons why and specifically answering your question. 

 

 

Edited January 22, 2021 by Versacehottie

[peach302]

10 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

@Pumaza About a week and half of consistent conversation. He was very consistent, attentive and persistent especially with "spending time together" He practically begged me. 

They're always consistent, attentive and persistent at the beginning ..the ones who turn out to be A holes. So it doesn't  mean a thing. 

[peach302]

6 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

No, it's not as simple as that. I didn't ask anything about how he feels about me or him being into me. It's about common courtesy to cancel a date if don't plan on attending. Take your rudeness away from my post. Thanks

Hes  the worst type of person 😂😂. Character  less.

Probably best he's gone now!

 

[LeoLady888]

Skittle2020,

I'm afraid I can't answer your question as to why you were stood up but it happens a bit in OLD.

I wouldn't  set too much store by it.

Next time have a plan B ready just in case:-

a. He doesn't show

b. He does and seems dodgy.

And don't give up, it's a numbers game.

[introverted1]

On 1/20/2021 at 8:00 PM, Skittle2021 said:

 He says, he fell asleep in his car after work and had to workout in Richmond that day and asked for my cash app to give me gas money. I honestly did not believe him because Richmond is 4 hours away. why would anyone drive 4 hours to work out when they made plans to meet with someone. He also claimed he was running around all day and didnt have a chance to use his phone. Complete BS. To prove to myself that he was lying, I asked him to bring me my gas money in person since he was "on his way".

 

This sounds like a very strange "date."

Why was he bringing you gas money?

[stillafool]

17 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

No, it's not as simple as that. I didn't ask anything about how he feels about me or him being into me. It's about common courtesy to cancel a date if don't plan on attending. Take your rudeness away from my post. Thanks

Your thread title asks "Why would a guy stand me up on a date he initiated"?  Be Cool was giving you his answer to that question.  On a public forum you are not going to like all the answers you get.

[Saracena]

21 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

@amygirl908 . I did discover on his social media (among other things that he lied about) that the pictures he used for the dating profile were from 4 years ago, so who knows what he looks like if he did actually decide to show up!

Probably pretty fit after that 4-hour workout in the city! 😃  (Sorry, couldn't resist)

OP as others have said you will meet a lot of flaky people like this. Best not to dwell on the whys, it's futile. Just block, delete and move on.

Edited January 22, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed personally identifiable information

[QuietRiot]

Um? What kind of person falls asleep in their car...just like that? That's just a weird way to fall asleep in your car. lol. He couldn't wait to get home to take a nap? lol

[Skittle2021]

On 1/21/2021 at 8:36 PM, Versacehottie said:

What's wrong with saying this, OP? It's the person opinion about why the guy stood you up and valuable insight.  Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less true or unwelcome or even rude.

What they probably meant is that the guy who stood you up wasn't into you enough to make a 4 hour trip to take you on a date.  He feels lukewarm about you and perhaps only intended to make the date happen if the pre-date texting got him interested more/or kept his interest.  It's actually the most plausible explanation.  Just because you don't like that the guy did it to you, don't take it out on the person who is explaining plausible reasons why and specifically answering your question. 

 

 

Yes I understand that, but the tone of the response was rude whether you think so or not, I think it was rude.

 

Secondly, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. He lives by me. It didn't make sense to me for him to drive 4 hours to Richmond to workout knowing he had a date. Him not wanting to go on the date is fine. What isn't fine is that he didn't even bother to cancel or say he wasn't going to show up, that is what I have a problem with. This has nothing to do with how much you like someone, its about common courtesy and respect. I don't know him well enough to care if he liked me or how much. Just wanted to know what reason there is for a person to do this when sending a text message to cancel is very simple.

Edited January 25, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Skittle2021]

On 1/22/2021 at 11:30 AM, QuietRiot said:

Um? What kind of person falls asleep in their car...just like that? That's just a weird way to fall asleep in your car. lol. He couldn't wait to get home to take a nap? lol

Exactly! LOL! it was lie, a very bad one at that.

[Skittle2021]

On 1/22/2021 at 9:43 AM, Saracena said:

Probably pretty fit after that 4-hour workout in the city! 😃  (Sorry, couldn't resist)

OP as others have said you will meet a lot of flaky people like this. Best not to dwell on the whys, it's futile. Just block, delete and move on.

You are right, I didnt know this was common until now. I feel better knowing and now i dont take it personal. He has been blocked and deleted that very same night.

[Skittle2021]

On 1/22/2021 at 9:18 AM, introverted1 said:

This sounds like a very strange "date."

Why was he bringing you gas money?

who knows? it was strange. I knew he wasn't on his way, let alone bringing any gas money, I just wanted to see what other kind of BS excuse he was going to come up with. 

[Skittle2021]

On 1/22/2021 at 9:24 AM, stillafool said:

Your thread title asks "Why would a guy stand me up on a date he initiated"?  Be Cool was giving you his answer to that question.  On a public forum you are not going to like all the answers you get.

Its not about liking the answer. It's about the tone of the answer. Giving an opinion does not give you a pass to be rude. The "its as simple as that" to me was rude and an insult as in saying, "it's not that hard to understand". That was completely unnecessary.

[introverted1]

4 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

who knows? it was strange. I knew he wasn't on his way, let alone bringing any gas money, I just wanted to see what other kind of BS excuse he was going to come up with. 

This is an odd response.

Who brought up the idea of him bringing you gas money, and why?

[Skittle2021]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

This is an odd response.

Who brought up the idea of him bringing you gas money, and why?

he offered to reimburse me for the gas, I guess because he felt bad for standing me up.

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

Yes I understand that, but the tone of the response was rude whether you think so or not, I think it was rude.

 

Secondly, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. He lives by me. It didn't make sense to me for him to drive 4 hours to Richmond to workout knowing he had a date. Him not wanting to go on the date is fine. What isn't fine is that he didn't even bother to cancel or say he wasn't going to show up, that is what I have a problem with. This has nothing to do with how much you like someone, its about common courtesy and respect. I don't know him well enough to care if he liked me or how much. Just wanted to know what reason there is for a person to do this when sending a text message to cancel is very simple.

I think you are being overly sensitive about the tone.  Whatever your prerogative--though it might be part of the reason your date lost interest.  Try not to take yourself so seriously. 

I feel like if you got a text message to cancel, you'd still have something to gripe about.  It's kind of in your tone TBH.  Just being real.  The bottom line is you will probably need a thicker skin for app dating as well as who cares if some guy that was lying and not into you anymore disappeared?!  Saved you the time, emotional investment and all that of having to go on 1, 2, 5 dates with him only to find out he was a deficient human.  Think about it like this, you got your answer about him quite quickly and relatively painlessly.

I did misunderstand where this guy lives but unless you are part of his life, as in dating more seriously or girlfriend, you have no idea why he would go 4 hours away and maybe add working out to the list of things he was doing there.  It's not really your business.  All you can do is use your yellow flag to later find out what it's about (had the dating progressed any further).  Sure, he might be lying and he might have a good reason attached to being so far away.  This is part of getting to know someone & if you are doing OLD or app dating even more so that you have your guard up for yourself but be open enough to actually make it to the dating process itself so you can find out more.

I have no idea WHY gas money would come up.  Don't know what you talked to him about before, when he canceled.  What a bizarre thing to talk about from either of you.  Best of luck moving forward.

[Fletch Lives]

That's a low-brow, American scammer you have there, when they ask you for gas money. 

One of the rules is, if they ask you for money before you have met, it's a scammer.

[Cookiesandough]

I take it skittles traveled some for the date hence the offer for gas money. But I could be wrong. I hope I am because that makes his actions all the more despicable

[FMW]

OP said the place they were to meet was only 10 minutes away from her, she just took him up on his offer to pay her gas money to try and get him to actually show up face to face to give it to her (instead of giving her the money electronically as he had offered).

OP, he was definitely rude to not let you know ahead of time he would be an entire hour late, especially since he had to have known well ahead of time.  I wouldn't bother having any further contact with him because of that.

But I also wouldn't bother thinking about it anymore, don't waste time and energy on thinking what a terrible guy he is or trying to figure out why.  It only stirs you up and gives you a bad attitude going forward.  Dating is always a crap shoot, and from what I hear, online dating is bout 100 times worse.  Sometimes frustrating things are going to happen.  Sometimes people are rude and inconsiderate.  

Edited January 25, 2021 by FMW

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

This is an odd response.

Who brought up the idea of him bringing you gas money, and why?

 

3 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

who knows? it was strange. I knew he wasn't on his way, let alone bringing any gas money, I just wanted to see what other kind of BS excuse he was going to come up with. 

On 1/20/2021 at 8:00 PM, Skittle2021 said:

 He says, he fell asleep in his car after work and had to workout in the city that day and asked for my cash app to give me gas money. I honestly did not believe him because the city is 4 hours away. why would anyone drive 4 hours to work out when they made plans to meet with someone. He also claimed he was running around all day and didnt have a chance to use his phone. Complete BS. To prove to myself that he was lying, I asked him to bring me my gas money in person since he was "on his way". He agreed and I gave him my gym address. 30 minutes passed and he asks me where I was. I told him I was out with a friend.  After 30 more minutes, he claimed that A friend just called him and he had to make a move to save her. I told him that I knew he had no intentions of showing up and that if he didn't want to meet up, thats all he had to say. In short, i told him to never contact me again.

Quote

 

I say all of that to say this, was I wrong for how I handled it? and why would he push so hard to meet me and not show up? I don't understand.

And this is why B Cool gave you his answer to your question.  It was an answer to your question that the reason this guy did this to you is because he wasn't that into you.  It does sound like the most simply honest answer to your question.