Why would a guy stand me up on a date he initiated?

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

 

 

 

8 minutes ago, FMW said:

OP said the place they were to meet was only 10 minutes away from her, she just took him up on his offer to pay her gas money to try and get him to actually show up face to face to give it to her (instead of giving her the money electronically as he had offered).

OP, he was definitely rude to not let you know ahead of time he would be an entire hour late, especially since he had to have known well ahead of time.  I wouldn't bother having any further contact with him because of that.

But I also wouldn't bother thinking about it anymore, don't waste time and energy on thinking what a terrible guy he is or trying to figure out why.  It only stirs you up and gives you a bad attitude going forward.  Dating is always a crap shoot, and from what I hear, online dating is bout 100 times worse.  Sometimes frustrating things are going to happen.  Sometimes people are rude and inconsiderate.  

Oh I see. Well that’s good. I guess he felt even that was bad enough. And I agree with him. I would’ve said cashapp me the gas money bro and I use premium 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I take it skittles traveled some for the date hence the offer for gas money. But I could be wrong. I hope I am because that makes his actions all the more despicable

that would be correct. He offered the gas money, I didn't ask for it.

[Skittle2021]

3 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

I think you are being overly sensitive about the tone.  Whatever your prerogative--though it might be part of the reason your date lost interest.  Try not to take yourself so seriously. 

I feel like if you got a text message to cancel, you'd still have something to gripe about.  It's kind of in your tone TBH.  Just being real.  The bottom line is you will probably need a thicker skin for app dating as well as who cares if some guy that was lying and not into you anymore disappeared?!  Saved you the time, emotional investment and all that of having to go on 1, 2, 5 dates with him only to find out he was a deficient human.  Think about it like this, you got your answer about him quite quickly and relatively painlessly.

I did misunderstand where this guy lives but unless you are part of his life, as in dating more seriously or girlfriend, you have no idea why he would go 4 hours away and maybe add working out to the list of things he was doing there.  It's not really your business.  All you can do is use your yellow flag to later find out what it's about (had the dating progressed any further).  Sure, he might be lying and he might have a good reason attached to being so far away.  This is part of getting to know someone & if you are doing OLD or app dating even more so that you have your guard up for yourself but be open enough to actually make it to the dating process itself so you can find out more.

I have no idea WHY gas money would come up.  Don't know what you talked to him about before, when he canceled.  What a bizarre thing to talk about from either of you.  Best of luck moving forward.

Telling me that if I got a text to cancel I would still gripe about it, is accusatory and couldn't be further from the truth. You do not know me to make such an assumption. I was upset about someone waiting my time and rightfully so.  I didn't understand it because its never happened to me before. Why would I not be upset? ...and yes I may have been overly sensitive as you put it, but once again, I was upset. You cannot tell me how to feel about a comment or invalidate how I feel about it because you don't feel that way. "Its as simple as that"  is equivalent to "its not that hard to understand" or "get over it" is that something you would like to hear from someone when you are upset? I don't think so. 

As I stated before,  I didn't care about how he felt about me or him losing interest. He wasted my time, that is what I cared about. Since when do you have to be into to someone to cancel something or be considerate to someone else's time? I would be livid if anyone did this, not just a date. The only difference here is that HE was pushing very hard for this date, not me. I didn't even want to go to be honest, but he kept asking so I gave in and accepted. That is why I didn't understand and that is why I was so upset to be stood up. I have already said that I was new to the OLD and did not know that this was a common thing. I am over it now, that was a week ago. I did receive many responses to my questions and am grateful for those people for providing clarity in OLD. 

Him being 4 hours away became my business when he used that as an excuse for him not showing up. It didn't make sense, and It is how I knew he was lying to me. That is the only reason why I brought it up.

He never said he wasn't coming. He said he was an hour away. If I had been naive to believe him, I would have been sitting there waiting all night for him and he would have never showed up. This was proved when I took him up on his offer to give me gas money. I asked him to bring it to me in person. He never showed up which means he was never on the way. 

I have also said multiple times in this thread that HE offered gas money out of the blue. I did have to drive to meet him so maybe that was his way of making amends. I don't know how that is so bizarre to you.

Edited January 25, 2021 by Skittle2021

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 

Oh I see. Well that’s good. I guess he felt even that was bad enough. And I agree with him. I would’ve said cashapp me the gas money bro and I use premium 

Me too!

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

He offered the gas money, I didn't ask for it.

Why didn't you tel him to cashapp you the gas money when he wouldn't show up to give it to you?  How far did you have to drive?

[peach302]

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

Telling me that if I got a text to cancel I would still gripe about it, is accusatory and couldn't be further from the truth. You do not know me to make such an assumption. I was upset about someone waiting my time and rightfully so.  I didn't understand it because its never happened to me before. Why would I not be upset? ...and yes I may have been overly sensitive as you put it, but once again, I was upset. You cannot tell me how to feel about a comment or invalidate how I feel about it because you don't feel that way. "Its as simple as that"  is equivalent to "its not that hard to understand" or "get over it" is that something you would like to hear from someone when you are upset? I don't think so. 

As I stated before,  I didn't care about how he felt about me or him losing interest. He wasted my time, that is what I cared about. Since when do you have to be into to someone to cancel something or be considerate to someone else's time? I would be livid if anyone did this, not just a date. The only difference here is that HE was pushing very hard for this date, not me. I didn't even want to go to be honest, but he kept asking so I gave in and accepted. That is why I didn't understand and that is why I was so upset to be stood up. I have already said that I was new to the OLD and did not know that this was a common thing. I am over it now, that was a week ago. I did receive many responses to my questions and am grateful for those people for providing clarity in OLD. 

Him being 4 hours away became my business when he used that as an excuse for him not showing up. It didn't make sense, and It is how I knew he was lying to me. That is the only reason why I brought it up.

He never said he wasn't coming. He said he was an hour away. If I had been naive to believe him, I would have been sitting there waiting all night for him and he would have never showed up. This was proved when I took him up on his offer to give me gas money. I asked him to bring it to me in person. He never showed up which means he was never on the way. 

I have also said multiple times in this thread that HE offered gas money out of the blue. I did have to drive to meet him so maybe that was his way of making amends. I don't know how that is so bizarre to you.

Its not being overly sensitive to feel the way you feel.. when you're waiting on someone and they  stand you up. I think any normal and sane  person would be the same.

As to why he did that when he's the one who was pushing for it in the first place....who freaking knows. Could be he's  a game player and wanted  to feel validated or something..or could just be hes a flake and changed his mind last minute. 

Either way try not to think about it too much as he's clearly a waste of time.

Have you heard from him since? out of curiosity

 

Edited January 25, 2021 by peach302

[introverted1]

How far were you going to meet someone who ostensibly lives near you?  Gas is at about $2/gallon and even if your car only gets 20 mpg and you were traveling 60 miles, what was he giving you, $6? 

And then he fell asleep in his car and when he woke up, he traveled 4 hours to go to a gym in another city? Then realised he wouldn't be able to meet you in time but was too busy to get to a phone, so didn't tell you until you messaged him? Then claimed to be on his way and was going to meet you at your gym but got an emergency call from a friend so he canceled with you.

I think you need a better picker because this whole thing sounds like a train wreck from start to finish.

Edited January 25, 2021 by introverted1

[peach302]

13 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

How far were you going to meet someone who ostensibly lives near you?  Gas is at about $2/gallon and even if your car only gets 20 mpg and you were traveling 60 miles, what was he giving you, $6? 

And then he fell asleep in his car and when he woke up, he traveled 4 hours to go to a gym in another city? Then realised he wouldn't be able to meet you in time but was too busy to get to a phone, so didn't tell you until you messaged him? Then claimed to be on his way and was going to meet you at your gym but got an emergency call from a friend so he canceled with you.

I think you need a better picker because this whole thing sounds like a train wreck from start to finish.

Her main point was that she wasnt even that interested in the first place. Hes the one who encouraged her to go on a date with him. Got her to agree then stood her up.

 

 

Edited January 25, 2021 by peach302

[introverted1]

7 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Her main point was that she wasnt even that interested in the first place. Hes the one who encouraged her to go on a date with him. Got her to agree then stood her up.

 

 

If that's her point, then I stand by my assertion that she needs a better picker.  If you have to be "encouraged" or convinced to go on a date, you should perhaps listen to your gut instead. 

Everything about this date was off, based on what the OP has shared.  OLD is full of fakes, people who want to talk endlessly but never meet, catfish, people who are married/committed...  you name it.  If you're going to do OLD, best to develop a thick skin and good assessment skills.

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

If that's her point, then I stand by my assertion that she needs a better picker.  If you have to be "encouraged" or convinced to go on a date, you should perhaps listen to your gut instead. 

Everything about this date was off, based on what the OP has shared.  OLD is full of fakes, people who want to talk endlessly but never meet, catfish, people who are married/committed...  you name it.  If you're going to do OLD, best to develop a thick skin and good assessment skills.

Yes can't disagree there.

In this case she shouldnt have bothered if she didn't want to really meet him i guess.

 

 

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

This has nothing to do with how much you like someone, its about common courtesy and respect. I don't know him well enough to care if he liked me or how much. Just wanted to know what reason there is for a person to do this when sending a text message to cancel is very simple.

This could have everything to do with how much he "liked" you. Some people think it's a waste of their time to be considerate when they are not that into a person. That's why they flake. They reckon you're not important, so your time is not important to them.

And it's not just potential dates who do this kind of thing. I've had "friends" pull that crap on me. We're supposed to meet, but a "better" plan comes up (with someone they value more than me). They don't call, they don't show up. They don't see anything wrong with it because that's how their minds work.

[peach302]

6 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

This could have everything to do with how much he "liked" you. Some people think it's a waste of their time to be considerate when they are not that into a person. That's why they flake. They reckon you're not important, so your time is not important to them.

And it's not just potential dates who do this kind of thing. I've had "friends" pull that crap on me. We're supposed to meet, but a "better" plan comes up (with someone they value more than me). They don't call, they don't show up. They don't see anything wrong with it because that's how their minds work.

Accurate.

That sort of mentality is wrong though. Treat people how you want to be treated. 

Edited January 25, 2021 by peach302

[Miss Spider]

lol $6 out of his pocket and into mine is better than nothing and I’d promptly block his a** after

 

srsly though any more headspace you give ppl like this is just allowing theM to waste more of your time . People are going to people and all you can do about it sometimes shake your head and laugh

Edited January 25, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Me too!

Why didn't you tel him to cashapp you the gas money when he wouldn't show up to give it to you?  How far did you have to drive?

Because he said he was "on his way" I figured he could give it to me in person. Once he didn't show up, that is when I knew he had lied about that too and never intended to show up. I  never cared about the gas money.

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

Its not being overly sensitive to feel the way you feel.. when you're waiting on someone and they  stand you up. I think any normal and sane  person would be the same.

As to why he did that when he's the one who was pushing for it in the first place....who freaking knows. Could be he's  a game player and wanted  to feel validated or something..or could just be hes a flake and changed his mind last minute. 

Either way try not to think about it too much as he's clearly a waste of time.

Have you heard from him since? out of curiosity

 

Thank you! No I haven't. Once it started getting late and I realized he had lied to me again about being on the way, I told him to never contact me again and blocked him from everything. He has been an afterthought since then.

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

How far were you going to meet someone who ostensibly lives near you?  Gas is at about $2/gallon and even if your car only gets 20 mpg and you were traveling 60 miles, what was he giving you, $6? 

And then he fell asleep in his car and when he woke up, he traveled 4 hours to go to a gym in another city? Then realised he wouldn't be able to meet you in time but was too busy to get to a phone, so didn't tell you until you messaged him? Then claimed to be on his way and was going to meet you at your gym but got an emergency call from a friend so he canceled with you.

I think you need a better picker because this whole thing sounds like a train wreck from start to finish.

Yes, exactly. This is my point. I let it go that night, I just wanted some clarity as to why someone would do something like that, hence the post.  Im fine now and have moved on.

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

Her main point was that she wasnt even that interested in the first place. Hes the one who encouraged her to go on a date with him. Got her to agree then stood her up.

 

 

YES!! Thank you!!!! That is exactly what I am trying to convey here and why I was so pissed. It had nothing to do with him liking me or not liking me at all.

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

If that's her point, then I stand by my assertion that she needs a better picker.  If you have to be "encouraged" or convinced to go on a date, you should perhaps listen to your gut instead. 

Everything about this date was off, based on what the OP has shared.  OLD is full of fakes, people who want to talk endlessly but never meet, catfish, people who are married/committed...  you name it.  If you're going to do OLD, best to develop a thick skin and good assessment skills.

I agree. I went into this blindly and was completely caught off guard with this. Had I known any of this before hand I would have been better prepared and more realistic expectations. Lesson learned.

[Skittle2021]

39 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

lol $6 out of his pocket and into mine is better than nothing and I’d promptly block his a** after

 

srsly though any more headspace you give ppl like this is just allowing theM to waste more of your time . People are going to people and all you can do about it sometimes shake your head and laugh

LOL! right. I am laughing now, I wasn't at the time. Now I know better and thanks to the replies, I have a better idea of how to move forward should I continue with OLD.

[Skittle2021]

56 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Yes can't disagree there.

In this case she shouldnt have bothered if she didn't want to really meet him i guess.

 

 

Maybe you are right and I shouldn't have, but I figured I won't meet anyone if I dont get outside my comfort zone. This was a bad move and I wont make this mistake again.

[Skittle2021]

50 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

This could have everything to do with how much he "liked" you. Some people think it's a waste of their time to be considerate when they are not that into a person. That's why they flake. They reckon you're not important, so your time is not important to them.

And it's not just potential dates who do this kind of thing. I've had "friends" pull that crap on me. We're supposed to meet, but a "better" plan comes up (with someone they value more than me). They don't call, they don't show up. They don't see anything wrong with it because that's how their minds work.

WOW! The thought of that just makes my skin boil. I guess you are right. Although it could have also been that he didn't look anything like his pictures. Regardless, its sad that people behave this way.

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

Maybe you are right and I shouldn't have, but I figured I won't meet anyone if I dont get outside my comfort zone. This was a bad move and I wont make this mistake again.

Initially why didnt you want to meet him that much? Did you get a bad feeling ...or was he not your type?

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

WOW! The thought of that just makes my skin boil. I guess you are right. Although it could have also been that he didn't look anything like his pictures. Regardless, its sad that people behave this way.

There needs to be a screening process on OLD. To get rid of the odd people. 

I've seen many a profile with pictures of the guys mouth close up...or blacked out pics. .or with shades on and im like how are these profiles even approved. Wtf 

[Skittle2021]

58 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Initially why didnt you want to meet him that much? Did you get a bad feeling ...or was he not your type?

He wasn't usually the type of guy I would go for. When talking to him, he was very evasive about details of his life. I always felt like he was hiding something. He had never been in a relationship and when I looked at his social media, there was a gap of like 3 years in his posts. From 2017 until one  recent post in 2020. I thought that was odd. Over the phone he sounded like a decent guy and since I am so picky, and after convincing from friends, I decided to give him a chance and see how it went to be around him in person. 

 

[Skittle2021]

59 minutes ago, peach302 said:

There needs to be a screening process on OLD. To get rid of the odd people. 

I've seen many a profile with pictures of the guys mouth close up...or blacked out pics. .or with shades on and im like how are these profiles even approved. Wtf 

I agree with this! if it wasn't for cover, I wouldn't even be OLD.

[Skittle2021]

2 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

I agree with this! if it wasn't for cover, I wouldn't even be OLD.

*covid