Shouldn't be dating if one can't afford it. a gentleman doesn't mind feeding a lady.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

On 1/19/2021 at 9:16 AM, EternalClarity said:

Buying moderately priced meals on first dates can quickly add up if you're actively dating. A coffee for a complete stranger is enough imo and it's not being cheap. 

Shouldn't be dating if one can't afford it. A gentleman doesn't mind feeding a lady.

 

moderator note: this post and the following 31 posts were removed from another thread and placed in General Relationship Discussion to provide the original poster of the other thread advice specific to their situation. 

Edited January 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lorenza]

2 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Shouldn't be dating if one can't afford it. A gentleman doesn't mind feeding a lady.

Well, I am not conservative at all, so my understanding about ladies and gentlemen is quite different than yours but in any case, a man who earns less and can't afford eating out all the time still deserves to date. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

1 minute ago, EternalClarity said:

Well, I am not conservative at all, so my understanding about ladies and gentlemen is quite different than yours but in any case, a man who earns less and can't afford eating out all the time still deserves to date. 

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

[Trail Blazer]

20 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Shouldn't be dating if one can't afford it. A gentleman doesn't mind feeding a lady.

This attitude bothers me.  There's many reasons why people shouldn't date and money is not on top of that list. 

There's many decent men looking for love who don't have a lot of money and a lot of rich womanizing @$$holes who chew women up and spit them out on a whim.

I can comfortably afford to date and I can say that apart from my current girlfriend insisting on splitting the bill on our second date, I have paid for every (non-exclusive) date I've been on.

It doesn't matter how wealthy I am, I have an issue feeding an entitled, ungrateful woman who sees men as a meal ticket and someone to fund her fun nights out.

 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Trailblazer, it has nothing to do with gold-digging. It's called having manners. 

Are you equally bothered by men who expect to get laid on the first date?

[GeorgiaPeach1]

 

4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Unless he got sex out of it, the majority of men would say yes, a big waste.

We don't generally fund expensive dates to still end up going home with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters and then get ghosted whilst considering it a success.

You posted this just as I was typing my last response. So in order to have a meal, the woman is expected to sleep with the man?

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

 

You posted this just as I was typing my last response. So in order to have a meal, the woman is expected to sleep with the man?

In order for it to be considered successful, from a man's perspective, which is pertinent here; a man should get a second date, or sex. 

Simply put, funding a woman's night out to get nothing in return is not considered successful, from a man's perspective.

What sort of schmuck would enjoy funding endless first dates where he's constantly paying only to be repeatedly ghosted?

[Allupinnit]

7 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

In order for it to be considered successful, from a man's perspective, which is pertinent here; a man should get a second date, or sex. 

Simply put, funding a woman's night out to get nothing in return is not considered successful, from a man's perspective.

What sort of schmuck would enjoy funding endless first dates where he's constantly paying only to be repeatedly ghosted?

Well maybe the OP had to learn his lesson the hard way.  Next time he'll go dutch or just ask the woman out for a walk.   

[Trail Blazer]

11 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Trailblazer, it has nothing to do with gold-digging. It's called having manners. 

Are you equally bothered by men who expect to get laid on the first date?

I'm sorry, but you just effectively stated that men who don't have a great deal of money to spend on dinner dates are not men worthy of dating.

Maybe in Georgia that's not considered gold-digging, but it sure reeks of a gold-diggers attitude to me.  An entitled attitude (from either sex) is ill-mannered if we're on the topic of manners.

As for men who expect to get laid on a first date; am I bothered by it?  Absolutely not.  Most guys would happily take sex on a first date, but they don't expect it to happen every time.

Unless a guy is unduly putting pressure on a woman to have sex when it's not what she wants (actively preying) then what's the big deal?  It takes two to tango, right?

Someone awlays has to pay for the date, as the date has to ensue for there to be some kind of interaction.  That date costs money, and the cost is almost always beared by the male.

Ergo, male entitlement for sex is a false equivalence.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

22 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

In order for it to be considered successful, from a man's perspective, which is pertinent here; a man should get a second date, or sex. 

Simply put, funding a woman's night out to get nothing in return is not considered successful, from a man's perspective.

What sort of schmuck would enjoy funding endless first dates where he's constantly paying only to be repeatedly ghosted?

Good question. Maybe the sense of entitlement to a woman's body is what gets these types of men ghosted. I'm sure most women can tell the difference between a man's genuine interest vs his looking to smash.

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

Also frustrating is to have sex with a man on the first date and not hear anything afterward, or get the slow fade.  I'd rather pay for my own date than wake up the next morning with another online notch in my bedpost from a man I'll never hear from again.  Don't care if he paid for a steak dinner.

Easy, then.  Don't have sex with him on the first date. 🤷‍♂️

[Allupinnit]

1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said:

Easy, then.  Don't have sex with him on the first date. 🤷‍♂️

But you're saying that if he spends money on the date he's owed something.  At least sex or a second date or it's a loss.  So?

I never heard this much belly-aching over paying for a date from the men I dated, nor from the one I married.  If it's become such an issue then keep the dates cheap.

[trident_2020]

20 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Shouldn't be dating if one can't afford it. 

Right because poor and low income people don't deserve to meet a partner.

"Shaking my head".

😟

 

[Shining One]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

I never heard this much belly-aching over paying for a date from the men I dated, nor from the one I married.

Obviously we're not going to say this to women we're with or trying to get with. The only women I've shared this with were women I ended things with and they asked why.

[Allupinnit]

4 minutes ago, Shining One said:

Obviously we're not going to say this to women we're with or trying to get with. The only women I've shared this with were women I ended things with and they asked why.

You dumped a woman because you paid for all of the dates and she wasn't having sex with you?

[Shining One]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

You dumped a woman because you paid for all of the dates and she wasn't having sex with you?

I've dumped several women for not paying for anything on our dates or reciprocating in some other fashion. I had sex with some of them. Egalitarianism is a relationship requirement for me.

[Allupinnit]

3 minutes ago, Shining One said:

I've dumped several women for not paying for anything on our dates or reciprocating in some other fashion. I had sex with some of them. Egalitarianism is a relationship requirement for me.

Good for you!

[peach302]

2 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

 

You posted this just as I was typing my last response. So in order to have a meal, the woman is expected to sleep with the man?

Basically this is how a lot of men see it

[peach302]

1 hour ago, Shining One said:

I've dumped several women for not paying for anything on our dates or reciprocating in some other fashion. I had sex with some of them. Egalitarianism is a relationship requirement for me.

Men should pay on the first date. 

 

[trident_2020]

15 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Men should pay on the first date. 

 

Women should stay home, not work and do housework and laundry.

We're even.

 

[FMW]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Men should pay on the first date. 

Plenty of women (and men) think that.  They need to stick with dating those that agree with them.

As a woman the very reason I haven't ever been comfortable with a guy paying for things when we really don't know each other is that right or wrong, he'll likely expect something (sex) in return.  I personally don't see someone paying my way as a compliment unless we've gotten to know each other.  There are many "gentlemanly" things I do appreciate, but paying isn't one of them.  In the situation OP presented I definitely would have shared in the costs of the evening, it doesn't matter if he suggested going somewhere else.  

Not everyone has the same expectations or views. 

[peach302]

12 minutes ago, FMW said:

Plenty of women (and men) think that.  They need to stick with dating those that agree with them.

As a woman the very reason I haven't ever been comfortable with a guy paying for things when we really don't know each other is that right or wrong, he'll likely expect something (sex) in return.  I personally don't see someone paying my way as a compliment unless we've gotten to know each other.  There are many "gentlemanly" things I do appreciate, but paying isn't one of them.  In the situation OP presented I definitely would have shared in the costs of the evening, it doesn't matter if he suggested going somewhere else.  

Not everyone has the same expectations or views. 

You're right in saying not everyone shares the same expectations and views.

[peach302]

20 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Women should stay home, not work and do housework and laundry.

We're even.

 

Not speaking for myself here necessarily.. But ive seen women commenting elsewhere and saying they will not meet a man a second time unless their first meeting is paid for 😂. Just saying. 

And they're seen as tight and not very generous. 

Also i didn't mean every single time. But the first time they meet then yes. 

Edited January 20, 2021 by peach302

[Calmandfocused]

I do agree that in dating situations there is always a transaction” of some description. Give and take if you will.
 

However the transaction doesn’t have to be financial  or sex, it can be a simple expression of appreciation or having a good time. 
 

The op feels like he was the giver and she was the taker. Very unbalanced so he feels unsatisfied. He feels like he’s got nothing back for his investment. I get it. 

I don’t think he’s particularly bothered about this woman. It’s the principle. 

 

 

 

[trident_2020]

@peach302 You seem to be all over the place between "men should always pay" and "men should always pay on the first date" and "It doesn't mean you think that way " and "yes you do think the first time they meet the man should pay"

Irregardless of the inconsistencies prevalent in your posts; speaking for myself, I might pay on a first date and I might not. But the woman's attitude means everything. If she EXPECTS me to pay then it's a nonstarter.

Edited January 20, 2021 by trident_2020