Working together

[Mmmjjj]

This is my first post. I wasn't really sure where to put it. 

My common law husband and I own a small business together. 85% of the time we work great, the other 15% of the time it's awful. 

We have 4 kids, and he's a great Dad. He loves spending time with the kids and hates to leave them to work. Sometimes he gets into a "funk" I'll call it for lack of a better term. He will want to stay home, or leave for work late. He won't prepare for the next day or even that day until he's supposed to be leaving. He will claim it's because of the kids, but I will be there to care for them.

ie. He has a project to do that day.  He knows what equipment and material he needs weeks in advance. The night before he will go to bed by 9pm because he "has to get up early for work". He will still be in his pajamas by 8:30. In an effort to get him moving I will ask him to take our daughter to school for 9. He will get dressed but rarely in work clothes. He will take our daughter to school, then come back and get his equipment and materials ready for the project. Then he will make some excuse like he needs to use the bathroom, have a coffee, take our other kid for a nap etc. By the time he's ready to work it's nearly 11. 

Other times he will have some sort of health "issue" like a sore back or tooth or (this is for real) stubbed toe and he can't go to work because of it. 

I've tried talking to him about this, how he needs to operate like a business with normal business hours. He starts to call me "boss" and says I never give him a break. It's frustrating. The other 85% of the time he's out the door by 7:30 and at the work site by 8. Comes home at 5 and gets in a good day. The problem is, it seems like the 15% of the time is when we really need to get projects finished. Then I'm stuck explaining to the customers why he isn't there working. 

The only way to get him back on track is to start a fight with him. Literally I have to go into what he calls "boss mode" and tell him to get his s*** together. He gets mad and goes to work. Then he's good for awhile until another "funk" happens. 

I don't want to have to make him mad at me so he will go to work. How can I get him to see that just because we own the company, doesn't mean he doesn't have to put in the effort he would if he were an employee (and more!). 

Any advice is appreciated, I will try to answer any questions that might be helpful in advice giving. 

TIA

[FMW]

1 hour ago, Mmmjjj said:

Then I'm stuck explaining to the customers why he isn't there working. 

That would be my main concern - if it's having a quantifiable affect on your business.  If customers are complaining about missed deadlines that's a serious problem.  If the work is still getting done but he's just not always around when a customer wants to speak to him, it might not be quite as big an issue.  

People work in different ways, some are more regimented and scheduled, others kind of fly by the seat of their pants but are still able to get the job done successfully (meaning high quality, on time, no/very few customer complaints).  Especially if someone is a business owner, they aren't likely to change their work patterns or habits unless they become a financial issue (fewer customers, less money coming in).  

If his work habits aren't affecting the bottom line then it's something you might need to learn to accept.  If you are losing business or customers directly related to his work habits then that's what you need to focus on when discussing it with him.    

[Wiseman2]

Procrastinating is one of many typical passive aggressive behaviors. 

[SumGuy]

You have 4 kids and it's awful 15% of the time?   That does not sound bad at all, people can be awful sometimes, but his "awful" seems to be procrastinating, or just a different work style than yours.  Count yourself lucky. 

In a normal business environment you'd be lucky to get 6 solid hours of work in an 8 hour day (with an hour for lunch) from employees.  That is 75%.  Such employees are usually considered good if not stellar.  You would be surprised how many people fritter away a good hour or more during the work day.

One benefit of having your own business is setting your own hours. So 15% of the time he doesn't even start until 11am, but does he get the job done?  Are your customers/clients happy?  If the answer to both is yes then you are are trying to control how he works just because you like it better, not for any objective reason.

As to him wanting to take care of the kids some days, why don't you let him?  If you run the business together why not just do the work yourself those days?  Or is he the maker, the one that actually provides the product or service?  If so, then you being on him about the "how" and "when" he gets the job done is being his boss.

Also consider productivity is a function of time and efficiency.  Most are far more productive, and make fewer errors and are more creative to boot, in 6 hours on a good full nights sleep, than those who work 9 hours but with insufficient sleep, sleep deprived workers are also more prone to errors and less creative.

 

Some more positive advice: can you change these from fights to motivation?  Sometimes people need a bit of a kick in the butt to get over a funk...but in a nice way and not in a way that creates hard feelings.  You can also try to work with him on why he gets in these funks, there are other ways to help someone get over them besides negative confrontation.  After all, you are business partners, meant to have each others' backs and grow together, not one harangue the other.

Edited January 22, 2021 by SumGuy