Karlyred Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 The story of our relationship is that When I met my xhusband he made me feel like I was the only girl that existed on this planet. I had never met a man who did anything for me without expecting sex in return. I was so used to being seen only as a sex object but he treated me like i was actually worth respect. He wasn't from my city so he was only here briefly but in that short time I couldn't get him out of my head. He eventually expressed he felt the same way and came back to see me. The more time I spent with him I fell in love even more but wen he went back to his hometown he started to act different. Wen I pressed on he said he wasn't over an ex let's call her cece. I told him to take the time he needed to be over her and hopefully he would find his way back to me. We communicated every now and than for 6 months. I dated other people. Than randomly on the day I got back in my city after getting my breast done he expressed that through these months he's been thinking about us and thinks he needs to man up and relocate to be with me in my country.  After that we flew back and forth to see each other more to confirm our feelings. He ended up proposing to me and we got married. Months later I asked him about this ex "cece" he proclaimed there relationship was mostly online and they had only met once. Bewildered i asked how did a girl you only met once come between us? He exclaimed that it wasn't just her he simply wasn't finished dating other girls at that time and was testing out his options. But hes ever since we got in a relationship hes all about me now. Since we were not exclusive at that time cece was a factor i tried to simply ignore the whole mess of what he just told me and begin our life together. He relocated here to be with me with the plan he would stay here while the sponsorship application completes. Because he was going to be completely dependent on me as he would not be allowed to work in my city i had to get a job. so i ran up and down the streets applying anywhere that would take me. After consistent rejection I finally landed a job. Than one day i discovered in his phone he had a picture of one his past girlfriends in lingerie. I was furious with him but he claimed it was just in his phone to look at he didn't have feelings for her. Furious i made him delete her from his social media and phone. He obliged but than later on i discovered he was still following her on Instagram after lying that he removed her on social media. He swore he forgot she was on there and apologized profusely deleting her.  a few shorts months later we had fallen on hard times ( mostly due to him blowing sponsorship fee money in our joint account during a separate argument we had and me suddenly getting fired from my job) and  given my former past as a sex worker i knew i could get money to alleviate our financial worries. So i asked my xhusband if it was okay if i did that. At first he said no which i accepted but than later on he  agreed. I began to escort and financially support him as well as all our bills and pay for the sponsorship application. after we were in a better place financially and sponsorship was complete i no longer escorted but than one day i discovered that during that time frame He secretly sought the company of an online sex worker who would mail her panties and treats that were in her vagina for him to eat. Once his act was revealed i was enraged.Even more so because his excuse for doing it was that i escorted. Which was something he gave me permission to do and i never would have done it if he had an issue with it. Furthermore he had been giving money out at a time when we needed it! I felt a knife had been shoved in my hurt because i sacrificed so much to bring him here and financially supported him for 10 months all on my own. It was like he didn't care at all! Because of this betrayal my emotions were all over the place id be happy one moment than angry or sad. I used to adore that man and treat him like a king but i no longer looked at him the same. We  decided to embark on a reconciliation and in that reconciliation we did a bit of therapy and he paid for my 25k surgical operation to prove he loved and was devoted to me. Although it helped me not feel foolish for staying or mind spending money on him our arguments about the affair persisted. Mostly because i felt he wasn't taking full ownership over the affair as he kept saying it was because i escorted and claiming it was more than just business she really liked him. Close to our anniversary i requested he buy two  rings from two different online stores  and the one i like most he would keep than send the other back for a refund. I knew i was being a complete diva. I just wanted the perfect ring to symbolize a new beginning. He begged me to let him take me to an actual jeweler but i refused. I found one ring i liked and he purchased it but i couldn't find any others i liked comparable so i settled on that one. I didn't tell him he didn't have to buy another one as i felt he should suffer with the thought that he might still have to.it was extremely cruel of me to do that but my emotions were a mess and i had somehow turned the ring thing into part of being his penance. I had convinced myself i was entitled to it because of all he put me through. Than later on that week i grew randomly suspicious of him and looked through his phone and discovered that a couple days before he paid for my surgical operation he had downloaded a dating app and looked online at apartments. I felt so hurt and betrayed. It was supposed to prove his love for me. His undying devotion but he had to download a dating app and make an account before he did it? Furious i broke up  with him and told him to cancel the order for the ring. but than  Later that day we spoke and he explained that he planned on leaving me because of the costly operation but felt bad and stayed cuz he really wanted to be with me and knew the work i put in to bring him here than deleted the app. After hearing how it all went down i  forgave him as i understood since in general hes a very selfish person. all seemed well for the rest of the week. He reordered the ring and we were going to do therapy till one day he came to me told me he cancelled the order for the ring and has decided he is leaving me because he couldn't take the 5 months of my rollercoaster emotions which had me arguing with him on and off all the time. Expressed he no longer wanted to do therapy. I begged him to stay as i had no idea he felt overwhelmed by me to the point of leaving me. I was so deep in my own world of pain i ignored all the signs i was hurting him or that he was unhappy.  He said he was still leaving but it will be for a trial separation. I reluctantly agreed to it as i had no choice really. The first week was fine. We did one session of therapy which was a disaster but every other day was fine. But one day I noticed on his google play he kept uninstalling and reinstalling snapchat. I asked if he had an account he vehemently denied it. But through further investigation i discovered he did. I told him to give me the password so i could see if he was talking to any women and he refused. Than proclaimed lets just end the relationship. And i agreed. I felt so hurt, betrayed and totally abandoned. Later we talked and he revealed he was never monogamous and has always been non-monogamy to the point he was in love with me and had feelings for the sex worker as well as that ex "cece"  when he married me. He said he felt trapped in the relationship because he couldn't talk to other women because he loved how he felt wen they would praise and adore him and made him feel loved and special online. From what i gather My love was not enough especially after the affair discovery since i had these violent mood swings. He also went on to say i deserve better than him which is why hes letting me go.said he married me out of love but these past months of hell caused that love to fade away. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 How long have you been divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karlyred Posted January 21, 2021 Author Share Posted January 21, 2021 49 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been divorced? We are technically Sepearated. Not divorced just yet Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 I really am sorry about this. Take time to heal and get some help. Talking it out with a counselor will help a lot I believe.  Doesn’t matter what others think, you are worth love and being treated special. You just have to believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karlyred Posted January 22, 2021 Author Share Posted January 22, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, usa1ah said: I really am sorry about this. Take time to heal and get some help. Talking it out with a counselor will help a lot I believe.  Doesn’t matter what others think, you are worth love and being treated special. You just have to believe it. I had that with him and i blew it. I let my rage and sense of entitlement consume me. Edited January 22, 2021 by Karlyred Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 "She sent him treats to eat that were inside her vagina." Disgusting. Especially since they were mailed whatever was on them had a good chance to start growing. I'd break it off just because of that. Â 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 22 hours ago, Karlyred said: When I met my xhusband he made me feel like I was the only girl that existed on this planet. I had never met a man who did anything for me without expecting sex in return. I was so used to being seen only as a sex object but he treated me like i was actually worth respect. This is the problem. You are in love with that guy, but that guy is not the real him.  1 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: This is the problem. You are in love with that guy, but that guy is not the real him.  I dont they ar The're real selvs another of them. It might be love but not pure love. Link to post Share on other sites
deepthinking Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 (edited)  Other men will smile at you. Be ready 😛 Edited January 22, 2021 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 12 hours ago, Karlyred said: I had that with him and i blew it. I let my rage and sense of entitlement consume me. Ah no. . . .you married a man too quickly knowing full well he was hung up on another. Then you debased yourself by going back to being a sex worker to support his sorry butt. No man worth anything would let his wife do what you did. He then lost respect for you & moved on to other women. Your marriage became a sham. None of this had to do with your rage or sense of entitlement. If anything you have terrible self esteem. Doing what you did for a living had to have eaten your soul & all of your self respect. You need to love yourself which will probably take years of therapy to undo all the damage that has been done to your psyche. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 (edited) Really sorry for your situation. Regardless of what you were doing for a living (and he agreed to it and liked the money it brought in I'm sure),he really doesn't have a leg to stand on in regards to his bad behavior. You weren't cheating on him if he agreed to it, but he was being unfaithful. From what you said, I can't see how you destroyed the marriage. Honestly he doesn't sound like a particularly stable person. In a case like this, it is really best to divorce and go total NC. It's very likely that he will continue to put you through hell if you stay in contact. Look up narcissism and see if it seems to apply to him. Best of luck. Edited January 25, 2021 by Zona Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 On 1/22/2021 at 12:06 PM, trident_2020 said: "She sent him treats to eat that were inside her vagina." Disgusting. Agree. Could have been a covid issue or melted M&Ms. Link to post Share on other sites
michzz Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 Any way you can edit your wall of text? Hard to read. Use paragraphs! Â Â Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karlyred Posted January 29, 2021 Author Share Posted January 29, 2021 On 1/22/2021 at 8:09 PM, d0nnivain said: Ah no. . . .you married a man too quickly knowing full well he was hung up on another. Then you debased yourself by going back to being a sex worker to support his sorry butt. No man worth anything would let his wife do what you did. He then lost respect for you & moved on to other women. Your marriage became a sham. None of this had to do with your rage or sense of entitlement. If anything you have terrible self esteem. Doing what you did for a living had to have eaten your soul & all of your self respect. You need to love yourself which will probably take years of therapy to undo all the damage that has been done to your psyche.  I did not know he was hung up on another woman when i married him. He assured me he was over all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2021 Share Posted January 29, 2021 22 hours ago, michzz said: Any way you can edit your wall of text? Hard to read. Use paragraphs! Not after several days. Link to post Share on other sites
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