I think I am having an emotional affair w/ a MM? I don't know?

[Jezzy]

I don't know, but I have read about emotional affairs and I think I may be in one. I don't know, so I need your advice. Here's my story:

 

I met a guy at work about 1 year ago. I noticed that he "noticed" me and that he made it very clear through body language and little gestures here and there that he was interested in me. So I started to take interest in him as well.

 

We started emailing each other and he would always compliment me on things and tells me that he's always glad to see me. Just recently he had asked me to go out with him to a bar/club for a drink. We hadn't gone out yet but I asked him when he'd be interested in going. He told me that with his work, kids, and his schooling that it would be hard to find time. But assured me that it would be sometime "soon".

 

During these months that we've been "getting to know" each other through email or just through conversations at work, I didn't really think that this could actually be an emotional affair until I read about what an EA is.

 

See, I was just letting him know about my situation at home and how my fiance and I have decided to end our engagement and that I will possibly be seeling my home. He then told me that his wife is a realtor and she could help me sell the house.

 

Well........ neither one of us knew about our significant others. i had no idea that he was married and he had no idea that I was engaged. And we had been having some kind of relationship all along if I am correct on what an EA is. Although there was no actual "physical" contact between the 2 of us, I felt that there was a definate "spark" there. There is definately some chemistry between the 2 of us. I feel it, I see it, I taste it, I smell it. It's there. It's like a sexual tension. But like I said, we had no idea that we were both taken.

 

Despite all of that, I feel like he's playing a game with me. That in itself is why I feel it is emotional. He must've gotten mad at what I said, or he knew it was getting out of hand and finally revealed his marriage. I am not upset that he's married, but I am upset that he's gotten this far with me before the reveal. I don't want to continue anything else with him other than just a friendship now that I know about his wife. I feel bad for her.

 

I want to apologize to him for me letting things get somewhat carried away but I feel like he should apologize to me. What should I do? Out of respect for his wife, I want to have some closure to this and do I become the bigger person and tell him that I no longer want to speak with him? Or do I wait for an apology? He knew that I found him irresistible because I told him so months ago, and yet he continued to pursue me.

 

Also, when I told him of my split with my fiance, he seemed a little concerned/jealous of the mate/ex. If he wants to end it, why doesn't he just tell me? My feelings won't be hurt but I'll think of him more of a man if he would just stay faithful to his wife and quits playing games with me or any other woman.

 

So... is this an EA? Should I apologize to him for not knowing he was married and kept pursuing him? Or should I wait for an apology from him? Also, I was engaged for 2 years to a guy that basically treated me like dirt. We were seperated for quite sometime if you're wondering why I pursued this man in the first place (before I knew he was married). I just made it a completely permanent seperation just recently. Help! : )

[Con's_Gucci_Girl]

I don't know much about these types of affairs either. You may want to wait for someone who does know about them answer it for you. Otherwise, it does sound like you are having an EA in my opinion.

[HokeyReligions]

You keep saying that neither of you knew about the other persons commitment. You knew that your engagement was over -- but HE knew all along that HE was married!

 

Stay away from him.

[whichwayisup]

You can't 'just' be friends with him now. Why would you want that? Seriously, if you think he's playing a game with you now, why would you want a friend like that in your life?

 

Take care of you, deal with the breakup of your fiancee, and be alone for a while. Emotionally you attached yourself to this guy because he paid attention to you, found you attractive. But, now knowing what you know walk away.

[newbby]

you dont need to apologise to him. whats to apologise for? you didnt know he was married, now you do. it would be impossible to be just friends when you have unwittingly emotionally invested in him.

lots of physical affairs start out this way or similar and mm do play the game very well. have some time to yourself, if you need to say anything at all to him, you dont need to apologise, just say i didnt realise you were married, now that i know i think it inappropriate that we remain such close friends.

[RecordProducer]

I don't think this was an EA.

You should absolutely not apologize to him for his mistake - not letting you know that he had a wife.

And you have no reason to request an apology from him. He was flirting with you and you feel fooled by him. Yet asking him to apologize would be ridiculous. What will you gain by that except that you will expose your feelings for him and hopes about the two of you?

IMHO, you should simply be friendly to him from now on... or not even that.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I don't want to continue anything else with him other than just a friendship now that I know about his wife.

 

You can't continue what wasn't there to begin with. He doesn't want to be your friend. He wants to get in your pants behind his W's back. That is all he will continue to want, too - because it was NEVER about 'just friends'. You both hid the fact that you were otherwise taken, because you wanted to get close to the other. The only thing that kept this from being a full blown affair is that you didn't get around to the physical part. The emotional part was fully there - hiding the fact that you were involved, sexual tension, flirting, jealousy, arranging to meet without the knowledge of your SO's, etc.

 

I noticed that he "noticed" me and that he made it very clear through body language and little gestures here and there that he was interested in me. So I started to take interest in him as well.

 

Although there was no actual "physical" contact between the 2 of us, I felt that there was a definate "spark" there. There is definately some chemistry between the 2 of us. I feel it, I see it, I taste it, I smell it. It's there. It's like a sexual tension.

 

He knew that I found him irresistible because I told him so months ago, and yet he continued to pursue me.

 

Also, when I told him of my split with my fiance, he seemed a little concerned/jealous of the mate/ex. If he wants to end it, why doesn't he just tell me? My feelings won't be hurt but I'll think of him more of a man if he would just stay faithful to his wife and quits playing games with me or any other woman.

 

1. So... is this an EA?

2. Should I apologize to him for not knowing he was married and kept pursuing him?

3. Or should I wait for an apology from him?

 

1. Yes, definitely.

2. Nope. Why would you apologize? You don't apologize when someone tricks and lies to you. He only told you he was married, because you told him you were breaking your engagement and he was making it clear that he was not available for a real relationship with you should you have had that in mind when breaking off your engagement.

3. Nope. He won't apologize. Why would he? He is intent on making you his OW. If he does apologize, it will only be to soften you further and make you more likely to agree to continue being his OW.

 

If you do not want to continue to be his OW, then walk away now - permanently. There is no "friends" here, only an affair in the making.

[megabit15]

You should absolutely not apologize to him for his mistake - not letting you know that he had a wife.

And you have no reason to request an apology from him. He was flirting with you and you feel fooled by him. Yet asking him to apologize would be ridiculous. What will you gain by that except that you will expose your feelings for him and hopes about the two of you?

IMHO, you should simply be friendly to him from now on... or not even that.

Good advice RP....

She shouldn't be rude to the guy because she works with him.

 

Jezzy, iIf you don't want any of his married stuff - Just be polite, courteous, and stay very far away from the flirting....No apologies, discussion or explanations with him is necessary. Just do it.

[Hot Coco]

YES! No question about it. You said:

 

"He knew that I found him irresistible because I told him so months ago, and yet he continued to pursue me."

 

That not only should tell you that it is but also that if there's any way to get another job or be transferred or something you should. Don't learn this lesson the hard way. I completely agree with some others on here who said you can't be friends. That would be playing with fire and literall flirting with disaster.

 

Good luck.