Boyfriend telling me that he has best memories with someone

[deaana1]

Hi guys, 

I was arguing with my boyfriend. And he told me that he would expect much more, like talking dirty to him while sexting. Basically his exact words were "I have had those kind of girls who were at family dinners and told me "I would eat your ____"" . At one moment as I mentioned something like "You should have told me that you want me to talk dirty, you didn't have to mention that sentence "She has said me I would it your _____". He said, "Yes, someone has told me that and she ate it and I thanked God she existed, I had impressions and best memories".. it made me feel so bad. I don't expect me to be an expert, I know he might have had better than me, but I don't find it normal to say to your actual partner. Now I think that when he had sex with me, he thought of her, or when he masturbates he thinks of her. He says he said it because he was angry and that I have also said things when I was angry, but it looks like he really thinks of her and consider her about sexual experiences. 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, deaana1 said:

his exact words were "I have had those kind of girls who were at family dinners and told me "I would eat your ____"" . 

Now wonder you don't want to introduce him to your family.

[deaana1]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Now wonder you don't want to introduce him to your family.

He has never done comparison or such things, but this made my self esteem go to 0. 
He has said you should be passionate, open, say what you want or what you thinks, byt never such things. I don't feel enough

[basil67]

The perfect breakup line for rude man like him is "you need someone who can meet your needs"

[deaana1]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The perfect breakup line for rude man like him is "you need someone who can meet your needs"

If we will still be together. when we get intimate with each other I will probably think he is thinking of her. I don't know what is going on with my life. I told my parents I was dating him, they were fine with it. She didn't like the fact about the degree, but she said she wanted me to be happy. But I don't know if I am feeling happy... 

Edited January 23, 2021 by deaana1

[Ruby Slippers]

This guy isn't very smart and doesn't know how to talk to or treat a woman. I don't think these kind of men are worth wasting your precious time and energy on. Save that for a man who appreciates you and makes you feel good about being with him.

[deaana1]

6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

This guy isn't very smart and doesn't know how to talk to or treat a woman. I don't think these kind of men are worth wasting your precious time and energy on. Save that for a man who appreciates you and makes you feel good about being with him.

He has always made me feel good and helped me with my problems, he has made me feel better within myself (at least I think so). But I don't know what was that. He has never said such things. 

[Ruby Slippers]

If you think he's worth keeping, then tell him it makes you feel bad to be compared to women from his past, and you'd appreciate it if he'd just ask directly for what he wants rather than comparing you disfavorably. To me, this is basic manners, not something you can really teach a grown man - but I guess it's worth a shot.

[deaana1]

9 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

If you think he's worth keeping, then tell him it makes you feel bad to be compared to women from his past, and you'd appreciate it if he'd just ask directly for what he wants rather than comparing you disfavorably. To me, this is basic manners, not something you can really teach a grown man - but I guess it's worth a shot.

I don't know if he is worth keeping. I love him, more than everything, but it feels he isn't attracted to me anymore and doesn't love me as before. He kind of avoided me last time we were sexting and told me he fell asleep, and now he told me it wasn't exciting for him because it was the same as always 

[elaine567]

When are you going to wake up and dump this guy like you should have done ages ago when you first started posting about him.
You don't find a guy and hope he will change into someone you would really want in your life.
This guy will ruin you if you let him.

[Pumaza]

you guys are 18?

anyway he doesnt sound into you.and annoyed with your performnce.

move on.

[deaana1]

4 minutes ago, Pumaza said:

you guys are 18?

anyway he doesnt sound into you.and annoyed with your performnce.

move on.

26 and 21 

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, deaana1 said:

He said, "Yes, someone has told me that and she ate it and I thanked God she existed, I had impressions and best memories"..

Translation: you are free to leave anytime you wish.

You need to do exactly that.  He doesn't mean you or your esteem/feelings any good. Expect more of this if you insist upon staying with him and be prepared for him to escalate the vitriol because what he said today will no longer give him the charge he's after.

Edited January 23, 2021 by kendahke

[Keridan]

Okay, so from a different perspective. I got around a lot when I was younger. And married a woman saving herself for marriage. 

Lots of challenges. She wasn't comfortable with some of the things I ask for, but she would try.

She didn't care about my past and I suck at sharing, so she didn't get details. I do think at first it made her uncomfortable. 

Now I hope she knows that I won't ever feel the same about anyone else. Theres are things I miss or I wish she would try, but it's nothing compared to how I feel about her.

I am disappointed sometimes and she gets frustrated, but that seems like part of a real relationship to me. She makes an effort and I don't push. 

It's not about loving the women in the past, it's about sexual desire to share more experiences with her because they worked for me in the past. I honestly don't even like to think of sharing those experiences with another woman anymore.

I don't know if that's who he is. But for me, I don't pressure her, I just ask. I get some no answers, but I don't hold them against her. She is still the woman I love

[deaana1]

28 minutes ago, Mike A Woods said:

I think that you should surprise him very much so that he has the best memories of you.

I would want to. I really do and I am going crazy about that the whole time,  but I don't know what to do and what he expects or what other girls do. He just says you are a girl, you should know. I didn't have any other relationship before, so I could just now what men usually want. I haven't even kissed someone before him. I am just stuck, not knowing what to do. 

[deaana1]

1 hour ago, Keridan said:

Okay, so from a different perspective. I got around a lot when I was younger. And married a woman saving herself for marriage. 

Lots of challenges. She wasn't comfortable with some of the things I ask for, but she would try.

She didn't care about my past and I suck at sharing, so she didn't get details. I do think at first it made her uncomfortable. 

Now I hope she knows that I won't ever feel the same about anyone else. Theres are things I miss or I wish she would try, but it's nothing compared to how I feel about her.

I am disappointed sometimes and she gets frustrated, but that seems like part of a real relationship to me. She makes an effort and I don't push. 

It's not about loving the women in the past, it's about sexual desire to share more experiences with her because they worked for me in the past. I honestly don't even like to think of sharing those experiences with another woman anymore.

I don't know if that's who he is. But for me, I don't pressure her, I just ask. I get some no answers, but I don't hold them against her. She is still the woman I love

But you don't compare her to others. You don't say to her "She did that to me and she impressed me" You don't tell her you are not that attracted to her anymore, because she isn't doing things for you. Do you?
 

1 hour ago, Keridan said:

Now I hope she knows that I won't ever feel the same about anyone else. Theres are things I miss or I wish she would try, but it's nothing compared to how I feel about her.

I honestly don't even like to think of sharing those experiences with another woman anymore.

She is still the woman I love

That is exactly what he has told me all the time since we were together and he told me again after saying that and seeing my reaction or the fact that I started crying. But does it really matter after comparing me with the other girl?? You have no idea how I feel. I do love him, I can't describe how much. But believe me, I feel like even when we will be intimate together, he will think of her. Even when I will try and find the courage to do something new to please him, I will feel demotivated and think about the girl who pleased him more than me and he compared me to her... 

I am not an expert. I know he has had many girls before, double my age probably, he has told me about that, and I know that there might be many of them who were better than me, maybe more attractive and beautiful than me, but comparing me directly... it sucks. And I bet he wouldn't have felt better, if I would say something like this

Edited January 24, 2021 by deaana1

[Blind-Sided]

DUMP HIM!!

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, deaana1 said:

. He kind of avoided me last time we were sexting and told me he fell asleep, and now he told me it wasn't exciting for him because it was the same as always 

If you are long distance, you need to consider that he's probably having sex locally.

He's clearly not into you and you hide him from your family, so it's time to reflect why you bother with this.

[deaana1]

34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are long distance, you need to consider that he's probably having sex locally.

He's clearly not into you and you hide him from your family, so it's time to reflect why you bother with this.

I have thought about it. He told me there is no one else. If there would be someone, I would know right away. And I don't know but I trust him that there is no one else. I have strong intuition. And I know he is having some depression phases at the moment. 
That is when all started, because I was supporting him and at a moment I started advicing him, and he said it made him feel worse and stayed the whole night awake (yesterday was my turn to be the whole night awake btw). He meant it was okay to advice him, but not at the moment when he knew what was going on and just wanted support, not moral 

[usa1ah]

16 hours ago, deaana1 said:

If we will still be together. when we get intimate with each other I will probably think he is thinking of her. I don't know what is going on with my life. I told my parents I was dating him, they were fine with it. She didn't like the fact about the degree, but she said she wanted me to be happy. But I don't know if I am feeling happy... 

How could you feel happy being with someone like your boyfriend? 
 

I personally would never date a girl that was so vulgar. There is a time for dirty talk, it’s not during a family dinner. 
 

Never change who you are for someone else. Especially when that someone else doesn’t appreciate who you really are. 

[deaana1]

53 minutes ago, usa1ah said:

How could you feel happy being with someone like your boyfriend? 
 

I personally would never date a girl that was so vulgar. There is a time for dirty talk, it’s not during a family dinner. 
 

Never change who you are for someone else. Especially when that someone else doesn’t appreciate who you really are. 

I agree with you. I find it awkward to be on a family dinner and text dirty things to your boyfriend. I don't know why I didn't mention it to him, that this is vulgar.  Actually I don't do dirty talks often, or let's say at all, but if he would have told me he likes it, I would do that without a problem. I have thought he was ok with me not talking like that. 

55 minutes ago, usa1ah said:

Never change who you are for someone else. Especially when that someone else doesn’t appreciate who you really are. 

And thank you for this. It is really motivating in my situation

[elaine567]

17 hours ago, deaana1 said:

He said, "Yes, someone has told me that and she ate it and I thanked God she existed, I had impressions and best memories".. it made me feel so bad.

Why do you think he said it?
He said it to make you feel bad.
He did it deliberately, it was no mistake.
He set out to hurt you and he succeeded.
Making you feel bad makes him feel good. That is how it works.
Stable, nice and decent men try to build you up, not try to bring you down to bolster their own egos.
By you allowing it, he will just get worse.
Getting upset and crying does no good. He doesn't care a damn.
You need to oust such people from your life and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

[deaana1]

26 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Why do you think he said it?
He said it to make you feel bad.
He did it deliberately, it was no mistake.
He set out to hurt you and he succeeded.
Making you feel bad makes him feel good. That is how it works.
Stable, nice and decent men try to build you up, not try to bring you down to bolster their own egos.
By you allowing it, he will just get worse.
Getting upset and crying does no good. He doesn't care a damn.
You need to oust such people from your life and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

I was mentioning it to him all the time now and he keeps telling me that he likes sex with me and enjoys it, but he has had best sex with someone else.

He told me it doesn't have to be a big deal and I don't like the fact that you think your self esteem is ruined again. He said you shouldn't think you are not enough or nothing after that, you should know your worth... and I don't want to feel like that. But I was having a hard time building my self esteem and you know, when you have been struggeling with that, one word is enough to go where you were at. 

Edited January 24, 2021 by deaana1

[d0nnivain]

He phrased it wrong during an argument.  He was trying to tell you he wants you to talk dirty to him & he put too much context around it because he's not a word smith or screenwriter.    It's part of why he told you that you should just know what to do.  He doesn't have the words to express himself clearly. 

Now you are jumping to conclusions that he wants her.  No he doesn't.  He wants you but he would like you to engage in certain behaviors that she did.  It's not about her.  It's about you.  If you give him the one thing he had from her that he doesn't presently get from you, he will forget about her in no time.  He didn't have better sex with her.  He had dirtier sex with her & he wants that from you.

I agree that it's inappropriate to sext during a family dinner but alas the forbidden taboo aspect is probably part of what gets him off. 

If you continue to harp on his poor phrasing he's going to get fed up.  

It's about time you told your parents he was in your life.  The guy has already had enough of being your dirty little secret.

I understand that this is your 1st relationship.  You don't have to change to please somebody else.  The secret is finding somebody with whom you are compatible.  If he wants sexual things you can't give him, this may not have a future. 

[deaana1]

21 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

He phrased it wrong during an argument.  He was trying to tell you he wants you to talk dirty to him & he put too much context around it because he's not a word smith or screenwriter.    It's part of why he told you that you should just know what to do.  He doesn't have the words to express himself clearly. 

Now you are jumping to conclusions that he wants her.  No he doesn't.  He wants you but he would like you to engage in certain behaviors that she did.  It's not about her.  It's about you.  If you give him the one thing he had from her that he doesn't presently get from you, he will forget about her in no time.  He didn't have better sex with her.  He had dirtier sex with her & he wants that from you.

I agree that it's inappropriate to sext during a family dinner but alas the forbidden taboo aspect is probably part of what gets him off. 

If you continue to harp on his poor phrasing he's going to get fed up.  

It's about time you told your parents he was in your life.  The guy has already had enough of being your dirty little secret.

I understand that this is your 1st relationship.  You don't have to change to please somebody else.  The secret is finding somebody with whom you are compatible.  If he wants sexual things you can't give him, this may not have a future. 

He doesn't regret saying that. And no, he didn't say "I didn't have better sex with her, I had dirter" He said it clearly many times "I had best sex with her, I don't have with you the sex I had with her." He said "It is not that she is on my mind or that when I am with you I think of her, or you don't make me feel like her. It is not that she was perfect at everything and you aren't. I love many things on you and I enjoy sex with you, but it was better with her. Just the sex, nothing else" And it still hurt....

No, he didn't like only the fact that it was dirtier. Clearly he liked everything with her. And me trying to please him all the time and still wasn't enough, am feeling like s*** right now 

Edited January 24, 2021 by deaana1