Boyfriend telling me that he has best memories with someone

[hotpotato]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are long distance, you need to consider that he's probably having sex locally.

He's clearly not into you and you hide him from your family, so it's time to reflect why you bother with this.

Yep. If he hasn't cheated already, he probably will soon. In my experience, when guys start openly negatively comparing you to other women, they already have a foot out the door. 

[deaana1]

Just now, hotpotato said:

Yep. If he hasn't cheated already, he probably will soon. In my experience, when guys start openly negatively comparing you to other women, they already have a foot out the door. 

He said he hasn't done it. And he doesn't do it not because it is me, but it is his type and he can't do it. And he has said it all the time, not just now. I believe him somehow. He is always available

[elaine567]

He may not be the type to cheat, but he has admitted to have been with "50 or  more" women, and now  he is complaining about the sex with you and telling you about the best sex ever with someone else...
What a Prince! 
So I guess your time is almost up.

Edited January 24, 2021 by elaine567
Typo

[d0nnivain]

41 minutes ago, deaana1 said:

Clearly he liked everything with her. And me trying to please him all the time and still wasn't enough, am feeling like s*** right now 

You are parsing his words too finely.   He is not a masterful speaker. 

A lot of what's wrong here is your inexperience & the distance. 

If you feel like all you do all the time is try to please your BF & in return he makes you feel like s*** it's time to get a new BF.  It really is that simple.

[deaana1]

13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You are parsing his words too finely.   He is not a masterful speaker. 

A lot of what's wrong here is your inexperience & the distance. 

If you feel like all you do all the time is try to please your BF & in return he makes you feel like s*** it's time to get a new BF.  It really is that simple.

But I love him. And he is not usually like that. It is the first time I am feeling like this. And I would want so badly to forget all the love right now and leave him. But it looks so hard. I am angry and I am mad at him. I would probably do something to make him feel like he made me, but I can't. And I can't break up either. I am stuck and don't know what to do and what I am thinking 

 I got very angry and I told him "If you were here, I would eat it until you will have no more, and you wouldn't have the chance for other impressions and better sex". He kind of liked it, though I said it because I was angry, not because I would want to please him. 
And now he is telling me "If you trust me, then believe me that there is only you in my mind, so change yourself, be more open and more passionate" 

But I feel the same. I feel like this girl is stuck in his head and mine too and would come to our minds again when we have sex together 

Edited January 24, 2021 by deaana1

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, deaana1 said:

It is the first time I am feeling like this.

What about all the other problems  with him you have posted about?
It is hardly a catalogue of happy and dreamy times is it?

[deaana1]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

What about all the other problems  with him you have posted about?
It is hardly a catalogue of happy and dreamy times is it?

It was mostly my fault, not his on those problems 

[d0nnivain]

5 minutes ago, deaana1 said:

But I love him. And he is not usually like that. It is the first time I am feeling like this. And I would want so badly to forget all the love right now and leave him. But it looks so hard. I am angry and I am mad at him. I would probably do something to make him feel like he made me, but I can't. And I can't break up either. I am stuck and don't know what to do and what I am thinking 

You can't live on love alone.  While you may think you love him, if he doesn't love you, then you can't make this work.

Getting him back by doing something to make him hurt is not the answer.  It won't fix this.

You can break up.  You are not stuck.  You just don't want to break up.  That is your choice.  As a young woman who thinks she's in love, you like being able to say you have a BF.  The idea of a BF makes you happy & inflates your sense of self.  It's bad that you derive self worth externally but we've all done it.  You feel good that somebody else finds you attractive.  As you mature you will learn that sometimes the price is too high & not worth it.  If the man makes you feel bad, he's not a good man & you need to let him go to preserve yourself.   You are just not ready to do that.   The fact that you blame yourself shows me & everybody else reading your posts that this is not a healthy relationship.

[elaine567]

13 minutes ago, deaana1 said:

It was mostly my fault, not his on those problems 

I don't believe that and neither, if you were honest with yourself, do you...
You are dating down on so many levels.
You need to get some self belief and aim higher, as he will drag you ever downwards.

[hotpotato]

2 hours ago, deaana1 said:

He said he hasn't done it. And he doesn't do it not because it is me, but it is his type and he can't do it. And he has said it all the time, not just now. I believe him somehow. He is always available

Deaana is in denial. Even if he doesnt cheat, the writing is in the wall. You guys are long distance and he is singing the praises of other women. I know the signs- I've been dumped a lot lol. They dont always seem busy. Even if the relationship lasts, is this what you want? 

[Keridan]

On 1/23/2021 at 7:23 PM, deaana1 said:

But you don't compare her to others. You don't say to her "She did that to me and she impressed me" You don't tell her you are not that attracted to her anymore, because she isn't doing things for you. Do you?
 

That is exactly what he has told me all the time since we were together and he told me again after saying that and seeing my reaction or the fact that I started crying. But does it really matter after comparing me with the other girl?? You have no idea how I feel. I do love him, I can't describe how much. But believe me, I feel like even when we will be intimate together, he will think of her. Even when I will try and find the courage to do something new to please him, I will feel demotivated and think about the girl who pleased him more than me and he compared me to her... 

I am not an expert. I know he has had many girls before, double my age probably, he has told me about that, and I know that there might be many of them who were better than me, maybe more attractive and beautiful than me, but comparing me directly... it sucks. And I bet he wouldn't have felt better, if I would say something like this

I have been where you are. He is making a mistake doing a direct comparison. Let's be blunt, it makes you feel inadequate  (or at least I did). Until I was on the other side of it, I didn't know better.

It sounds like he and I share at least part of the same problem,  we can't communicate what we are looking for. The difference is only how we try. He was wrong to make it feel like a competition.  

I do believe your insecurity is misplaced and you should feel better about yourself, but that takes a lot of time. You may not be a good match at this point in your lives. 

If you think he is worth the time and some pain, keep him and work on it. If you dont feel the challenge is worth the rewards, then go through the immediate pain to make the long term better. 

Unfortunately, you can never express enough information for us to make that choice for you. You have to look into to your feelings for him and his overall character and decide that balance.

[Wiseman2]

You have an inordinate amount of drama, trouble, headaches and heartaches with this guy. What is the attraction?

You could probably date  lots of decent guys away at school, no?