The dreaded phone call after 2 months NC

[smile95]

On Dr. Phil yest, he said that even a relationship where the guy/girl would move heaven and earth for you and was a wonderful person, the odds of a marriage lasting are still 50-50. Sad! Wonder what the odds are of a marriage working with a Narcissist? Unless you both were, but I bet that N's are not attracted to each other. I think that N's "prey" on people like myself who are forgiving and compassionate and unselfish.

[JohnJohn]

You're absolutely right, Beth. Narcissists spend so much time in "evaluating" their potential prey. That's why I realized I attracted these kind of people - because I am open, sensitive and very caring. To a normal person that is a good thing. To a Narcissist that is like blood in the water for sharks!

[smile95]

who would have thought that being forgiving and sweet and caring would be a bad thing! UGH.

 

I guess when I meet the right one, I will feel what it feels like to get all of that in return. It will feel very odd to be loved in a healthy way. I have never had that. May take some getting used to! In a good way!

 

Do N's really think they love us? I know they are just words, but I was convinced when with him he was being real.

[JohnJohn]

Do N's really think they love us? I know they are just words, but I was convinced when with him he was being real.

 

They are very good at faking emotions from what I have read. They crave love, but don't feel they deserve it. What they feel is obsession not love. They don't love themselves, but an image of themselves so therefore if one cannot love oneself then one cannot love another.

[heartnsoul]

Just out of curiosity...what are the tell tail signs of a Narcissist??

[smile95]

oh man I have so many web sites to refer you to! When I get back tonight I will PM you some helpful sites. Has he called yet?

[smile95]

some signs real fast

 

*believe and act like they are better than others,

* constantly fantasize about success, power, or beauty,

* believe that they are special and can only be understood by other special people,

* expect everyone to go along with what they want,

* take advantage of other people,

* cannot recognize or identify with other people's feelings, and

* are jealous of what other people have or think others are jealous of what they have.

[heartnsoul]

EDITED: Original reply didn't come out right. I'm Sorry.

 

OK, mine isn't one lol

 

Sure, e mail me some sites! Nope, not a word from him. This is my first go round and I can assure you, it will be my last! This telling me you're gonna call and don't , no thank you!

 

Maybe he's waiting for me to call him? Nope, not a gonna happen!! hehe

 

Well, I can say that my bed looks gorgeous!! Bought myself a new bed ensamble and tomorrow it's clothes!!

[JS17]

Hooray for retail therapy

 

heartnsoul, you messed up, shouldn't have answered the phone but you did and you can't change that. You know that now. We all make mistakes. The important part is that we learn from our mistakes. Remember how badly this feels next time he calls, it will keep you from wanting to answer his call. It sure helped me;)

 

btw, my ex owed me money too. I just wrote it off, it wasn't enough to make it worth the pain of dealing with him.

[smile95]

heartnsoul- I had a feeling he would not call today. Pleae do not call him. I think that is what he expects. I do not blame you for answering really. At 1am, I answer while half asleep and usually remember nothing from the conv!

 

That really was not your fault....had it been when you were awake, would you have answered?

 

Please remember how this feels. You said he prob did not have NPD and he prob does not, but this was pretty predictable. I think that he wanted to know that if he could, he could get you. Youanswered and that was enough I guess.

[bassboy57]

I know what you are going through. I was accused of lying to my g/f on labor day of this year and she has a tendency to read into things all too often. It doesn't help that I was lying to her at one time and wanted to clear the air, so i did just that this past Feb. She said she forgave me and that she knew i was, but wanted to hear it from me. Now, I am not going to burn up this page going into my whole story except to say that she claimed to love me soooo much, wanted me to move back in with her up through labor day. Heck, Her, her daughter, and I spent the day before together and I spent the night there on Sept. 4th. But, a situation took place on Sept 5th and she read into what was said by 3rd parties and drew conclusions by things that were not said and snet me emails calling my a sick lying jerk! I can't talk to her. She will not listen and went so far as to change her cell and home phone numbers! The 2 people who were indirectly involved that she had spoken with that night to come to these conclusions had either emailed her or called her and she tells them it is none of their business and claims that they are lying for me. I hurt terribly. I was never lying to her at all. I understand her doubt, but to arrive at the conclusions she had with absolutely no facts and without talking to me sucks!. She ended the relationship based upon what she thought happened and I haven't even been able to have the opportunity to vindicate myself. So, I do understand how you were robbed of closure and left to your mind to go crazy.

[heartnsoul]

Well, I had to turn my phone off last night. He didn't call and I learned a valuable lesson. Painful but valuable lesson. He will call again and I can't fall into this trap again. His interests are in fact self serving and inconsiderate. This has proven to be a set back but not a monumental one.

 

Thanks again for all the advice and input.

[Lishy]

He is playing with you heartnsoul.

 

I have been in this situation - He has been thinking of you and he didnt like the fact you wasnt calling him!

He isnt interested in getting you back he is interested in getting your attention and getting you to think about him.

Ignore any further calls and write off the money he owes you (your pride and self esteem is worth more than any amount of money) and i am sure he has no intention of paying you back anyway. It was simply an excuse to call you.

 

Be strong my love and IGNORE any further calls - Turn your phone off every night so you dont get caught off guard!

 

You must let us know if he ever calls, and the outcome.

 

I wish you all the strength and luck in the world!

[heartnsoul]

Well, another PING folks. He im'ed me this past Sunday. After a cycle of silence, he signed off. That was that.

 

I wish I could understand what he wants or is trying to accomplish. Even though it doesn't matter, it's my over analytical nature to dwell.

 

I haven't reached out to him at all since we split back in July and now I'm being contacted for whatever reason. ??

 

As I've stated before....he asked for a break and never gave me a goodbye (in essense, blew me off). This failed relationship has plagued my dreams and emotional well being for quite some time now. I've come a long ways since the initial demise however, there's a chunk of me that wishes I could just sweep the whole 'train wreck' under the carpet but, it's not happening.

 

Lishy ~ I absorbed your insight and it makes a lot of sense. I guess he doesn't want me to forget about him for some twisted reason.

[JohnJohn]

I wish I could understand what he wants or is trying to accomplish. Even though it doesn't matter, it's my over analytical nature to dwell.

 

It's really quite simple. He's trying to see if he has any last vestiges of control over you. If you answer a call or message, then he does. It's all about power like I said in a previous post on this thread. An emotional abuser like this will retreat and then approach, retreat and approach. It's a cycle and you are an active participant in it. The only way you can stop the cycle is to not answer the contacts and hold to NC. Break your addiction to this insanity.