New Facebook singles group rule added

[QuietRiot]

I am a member of a few local Facebook singles groups. One of them recently, all admins are women...added a rule that no men should privately message a woman that's a member and to ask her IN the main page (where everyone can see) permission to send her a DM.

This is typically when a woman posts a pic in the main room, gives her stats, says, "Hey, new to the area, wanting to meet singles" and you see a slew of dudes commenting. It is in the comments section is when we're wanting to ask permission to ask to DM off the site.

There was a lot of push back on this by others, including some women. But apparently, a lot of women complained about  having tons of men from the group sending them messages privately.

I was like "What do you expect, it's a SINGLES group, this rule defeats the purpose".  I got a few agreements and likes on that comment.

Even later on, an admin announced and re-emphasized this rule, even added, "I know you don't like this..but..too bad". 

Don't mean to make this a gender bashing thing, but fortunately, this isn't the only group in the area, but this kind of delves deeper into how women are the gatekeepers (all-woman admins) of the mating process...and them controlling the narrative this way is quite absurd.  Some people left the group, even had private discussions with those aligned with me on this.

Some have expressed that some of the messages were offensive...and I said, "Well, ban the offending characters, not just someone giving a polite greeting in a message". 

.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent guidelines to avoid inappropriate contact. Dating apps are for DMs, FB groups tend to be more for discussion and support.

[QuietRiot]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent guidelines to avoid inappropriate contact. Dating apps are for DMs, FB groups tend to be more for discussion and support.

Right, but what if it is appropriate contact? That's what I'm talking about here.  Anyways, they really don't talk much about anything on the page. Except "hey, Im going to so-and-so tonight" or "What's everyone got going on tonight" with a selfie up.   

It's just senseless chatter where it's just a handful of participating members out of thousands. 

Edited January 27, 2021 by QuietRiot

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Right, but what if it is appropriate contact? 

If you want to stay in the group, you'll have to go by the group administrator's rules. You should not be using it as a dating site.

If you like someone in the group, you could try a friend request.

Edited January 27, 2021 by Wiseman2

[QuietRiot]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

If you like someone in the group, you could try a friend request.

Oh, that's forbidden too.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Oh, that's forbidden too

This may inspire you to get on some dating apps and stop approaching random women in your "people you may know" FB feed.

Look at the positive side of the situation. It could help you find better ways to meet people.

[QuietRiot]

38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This may inspire you to get on some dating apps and stop approaching random women in your "people you may know" FB feed.

 

Been there, done that, that's why I went to the FB groups. lol  Mostly catfishers and fake accounts on the free sites, and rarely any responses on the paid sites (usually due to non-paid subscribers) 

Edited January 27, 2021 by QuietRiot

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

I am a member of a few local Facebook singles groups. One of them recently, all admins are women...added a rule that no men should privately message a woman that's a member and to ask her IN the main page (where everyone can see) permission to send her a DM.

This is typically when a woman posts a pic in the main room, gives her stats, says, "Hey, new to the area, wanting to meet singles" and you see a slew of dudes commenting. It is in the comments section is when we're wanting to ask permission to ask to DM off the site.

There was a lot of push back on this by others, including some women. But apparently, a lot of women complained about  having tons of men from the group sending them messages privately.

I was like "What do you expect, it's a SINGLES group, this rule defeats the purpose".  I got a few agreements and likes on that comment.

Even later on, an admin announced and re-emphasized this rule, even added, "I know you don't like this..but..too bad". 

Don't mean to make this a gender bashing thing, but fortunately, this isn't the only group in the area, but this kind of delves deeper into how women are the gatekeepers (all-woman admins) of the mating process...and them controlling the narrative this way is quite absurd.  Some people left the group, even had private discussions with those aligned with me on this.

Some have expressed that some of the messages were offensive...and I said, "Well, ban the offending characters, not just someone giving a polite greeting in a message". 

.

Fear of rejection  is the #1 thing that stops men from approaches women they’re into and this singles group is asking the men to face public Rejection....? ,  And why though exactly? That part makes 0 sense to me... but I guess it’s their group, their rules. Maybe start your own . Or just wait around. Usually when people find out that changes aren’t working in a big way they revert back

Edited January 27, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Blind-Sided]

OK.... first... stop whining.  It's a private group, and they can have whatever rules they want.  I agree, it's a dumb rule since it's a "Single" group.  But, it is what it is.

Second... Start your own group !!!   Once you get it up... make a post in that group about it, and invite as many people in that group as you can before you get booted out.

[Fletch Lives]

Well that's just due to a general problem with dating these days - if there is a single, beautiful girl in the room, a bunch of guys mob her, lol. So the women complain that too many guys are hitting on them and then you get rules to cut down on the influx. This even happens on dating sites. 

It's just the times we live in. Accept it and move on.

[QuietRiot]

41 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Fear of rejection  is the #1 thing that stops men from approaches women they’re into and this singles group is asking the men to face public Rejection....? ,  And why though exactly? That part makes 0 sense to me... but I guess it’s their group, their rules. Maybe start your own . Or just wait around. Usually when people find out that changes aren’t working in a big way they revert back

Well, the thing is, the people of that group are also members of other singles groups (same people), in which those groups have no such rules...so...kind of a loop hole.

[QuietRiot]

42 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Fear of rejection  is the #1 thing that stops men from approaches women they’re into and this singles group is asking the men to face public Rejection....? ,  And why though exactly? That part makes 0 sense to me... but I guess it’s their group, their rules. Maybe start your own . Or just wait around. Usually when people find out that changes aren’t working in a big way they revert back

Yeah, the pendulum could swing back. They could be shooting themselves in the foot with this rule.

[Cookiesandough]

3 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, the pendulum could swing back. They could be shooting themselves in the foot with this rule.

I think so. IMO it’s distinctly different than, even say, the OkCupid rule where men have to be matched first before they can message. There was a huge uprising from men regarding that, but at the end of the day it stuck because like fletch said, women were complaining about their DMs being blitzkrieged by men they weren’t attracted to/didn’t match with... 

It’s different because this is a lot smaller group of people I presume and also matching is an private affair.  I would be a bit uncomfortable as a woman to have to approve which men  can message men in a public fb group. It’s easy enough to just say no thank you to a person that messages you or just ignore. I get messages on Facebook from people I don’t know all the time and I just ignore. It’s not that difficult

 

 

[Interstellar]

Guys may do the picking, but women does the choosing.

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Well, the thing is, the people of that group are also members of other singles groups (same people), in which those groups have no such rules...so...kind of a loop hole.

So what’s the problem?  Just do those groups or start your own.   It’s a molehill not a mountain.  

[basil67]

7 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Well, the thing is, the people of that group are also members of other singles groups (same people), in which those groups have no such rules...so...kind of a loop hole.

Every single person in this group of thousands are also members of other singles groups which have different rules?   Well go and approach them on sites where it's OK

That said, this rule would not have been established had there not been many complaints of many women getting approached in their DMs and it all became a headache for the admins.

 

9 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Right, but what if it is appropriate contact? That's what I'm talking about here.  Anyways, they really don't talk much about anything on the page. Except "hey, Im going to so-and-so tonight" or "What's everyone got going on tonight" with a selfie up.   

What is the purpose of the page according to their blurb?    

@QuietRiot Your posting history is largely that of complaints and 'nit picking'.   Have you considered that if you tried to adopt a more easy going, don't sweat the small stuff attitude, that you may start to have luck with women?   This type of petty complaining will drive away any woman who may be interested in you.