Sister-in-law.

[Western200]

Hello everyone it feels good to be able to vent how I feel on here and see what your thoughts are on my topic. My sister in law and I are both married, kids and live near one another. She’s a couple years older than me and I do find her very attractive. We often talk a lot at family functions or when our kids play together because both are spouses work a lot. Her husband is away for weeks at a time and she often carry’s her families weight. I’ve known her for several years and we both feel comfortable around one another as anyone would. But lately there was a few conversations we had that got my attention and maybe I’m reading into it but that’s why I’m here for peoples advice.
Our last conversation we had we were both outside at a family social distanced gathering by the fire and when she was near me when I was alone off to the side, she mentioned how cold it’s been and during her run earlier in the day she felt so sweaty and so cold after her run that she said she took the best hottest shower ever and felt so good after that. Now right away the imagine of her being in the shower made me very... well excited for that imagine. And why would she have bothered to tell me she took a hot shower after her sweaty run? And this is the second time she has told me about being in the shower in about a month. The other time she was dropping something off to my house and it was just her and I and the kids and she told me how she was gonna head home after my house and take a shower. I might be reading into this but it certainly gets my attention of her. Often times too as we are talking together  she’s playing with her hair which I know can be a nervous sign I believe. What are your thoughts? Thanks ! 

[d0nnivain]

She's making conversation the same way she would talk to a girlfriend.  Your mind is in the gutter.  

Spend less time alone with your SIL.  You can't handle being around her.  You are going to do something you regret that will destroy your marriage & upset her.  

[kendahke]

1 hour ago, Western200 said:

Now right away the imagine of her being in the shower made me very... well excited for that imagine. And why would she have bothered to tell me she took a hot shower after her sweaty run? And this is the second time she has told me about being in the shower in about a month. The other time she was dropping something off to my house and it was just her and I and the kids and she told me how she was gonna head home after my house and take a shower. I might be reading into this but it certainly gets my attention of her. Often times too as we are talking together  she’s playing with her hair which I know can be a nervous sign I believe. What are your thoughts?

Next time you're at a family function and she's standing next to her husband, you need to ask him "would you give me the name of your plumbing contractor? Your wife keeps emphasizing to me how much she loves taking showers and that got me to thinking that perhaps our plumbing could use an upgrade, too. My wife and I would enjoy that, I'm sure".

My thoughts are it's inappropriate conversation that you are allowing to take root in your intimacy with someone who has no business being there which serves to put your marriage asunder--something you swore before God and man that you wouldn't do when you married your wife. So, either you're enjoying breaking that aspect of your marriage vows or you're being intentionally dull as to what she's doing as to avoid your responsibility to stand sentry to your marriage's esteem.

Edited January 27, 2021 by kendahke

[Western200]

Thanks for the replies so far. As for the first reply I truly don’t think she’s thinking of me as a “girlfriend .” She knows I’m a man and I just find it so odd that a woman led alone a sister in law would tell me how she got sweaty during her run, felt chilly when she was done running because of the sweating and then tells me she took a nice hot shower after and it felt so good. And she started it when we were alone.  I wonder if this is her way of feeling me out. I think she’s tired of her husband not giving her attention - always working and not helping out with the kids. Thanks for the replies, keep them coming . I like hearing different options. 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Western200 said:

Thanks for the replies so far. As for the first reply I truly don’t think she’s thinking of me as a “girlfriend .” She knows I’m a man 

It's not that she is mistaking your gender.  It's that women discuss intimate & personal subjects like showering with each other so talking to you about it is conversational not salacious. 

Even if I'm wrong & she is feeling you out why do you want to blow up two families?  Seriously think about how your wife would feel if you broke your vows for your SIL.   How would you feel if your wife was talking to other men about her showers? 

Your conscience is screaming "Danger, Will Robinson, danger!" so why aren't you listening.  

There are no options. There is you being faithful to your wife or there is cheating.  Pick one.  

Edited January 27, 2021 by d0nnivain

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Your mind is in the gutter.  

^^^ this.

[Western200]

Idk... I’ve always had good hunches about people and what their thinking. This whole subject is in the gutter but it’s my reality. And Ofcourse I wouldnt want to betray anyone but all I am doing is pointing out something. I guess I find it flattering if it is true 😕

[d0nnivain]

It's OK to be flattered just be smart & put distance in here.  You know what writing is on the wall.  Stop reading it.  

[Ellener]

11 minutes ago, Western200 said:

I guess I find it flattering if it is true

I'm sure she knows that; she's immature is all, trying to wind up/turn on a relative in the presence of her family...who does that?!

[HappilyMarried]

36 minutes ago, Western200 said:

Idk... I’ve always had good hunches about people and what their thinking. This whole subject is in the gutter but it’s my reality. And Ofcourse I wouldnt want to betray anyone but all I am doing is pointing out something. I guess I find it flattering if it is true 😕

Just curious your SIL is she your wife's sister or is your SIL's husband your brother?

[Western200]

My wife’s sister 

[d0nnivain]

Another point:  do you really want to go there with somebody so reprehensible as to do that to her own sister?  

[HappilyMarried]

53 minutes ago, Western200 said:

Idk... I’ve always had good hunches about people and what their thinking. This whole subject is in the gutter but it’s my reality. And Ofcourse I wouldnt want to betray anyone but all I am doing is pointing out something. I guess I find it flattering if it is true 😕

Just tell her that your have to check out her shower if it is that good you might get one to surprise her sister with one as well. Then check out her reaction.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Western200 said:

 She knows I’m a man and I just find it so odd that a woman led alone a sister in law would tell me how she got sweaty during her run, felt chilly when she was done running because of the sweating and then tells me she took a nice hot shower after and it felt so good.

What was the context of the conversation?  Had she just finished her run and got herself cleaned up and was feeling better?   Or had you been talking about it being dire weather for exercise?   This would not be odd at all. 

However, if she was talking about a run she had last week and raised the discussion with no prompting, then it's odd.  I'd be surprised if this is the case though.

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by basil67

[Western200]

32 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What was the context of the conversation?  Had she just finished her run and got herself cleaned up and was feeling better?   Or had you been talking about it being dire weather for exercise?   This would not be odd at all. 

However, if she was talking about a run she had last week and raised the discussion with no prompting, then it's odd.  I'd be surprised if this is the case though.

 

It started off with her bringing up the cold weather topic which then switched to her saying she went for a run earlier that morning and how when she was sweating is made her so cold when she got home that she had to take a long and hot shower to feel better. And like I had said in my original post she had brought up her showering before when she told me she was going home to shower after dropping something off at my house. Injist feel like a woman showering is a personal thing and wouldn’t really tell many men about when they shower. Bc when you shower your naked! And don’t they know what imagine their floating out there?  
 

and there was no prompting - she brought it up all on her own. She’s older than my wife and I have this feeling she’s jealous that I’m around more than her husband and can do more etc. 

Edited January 27, 2021 by Western200

[basil67]

As she's likely never thought of you naked, it wouldn't occur to her that you'd make that leap.   It's not like the comment was off topic and added for no reason other than titillation. 

Get your mind out of the gutter and move on. 

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by basil67

[Pumaza]

She may just talking,and you imagine dirty stuff.

Whats ever it is.Start being more cold to her. Before you find yourself breaking homes ,falling into affairs.

[Western200]

So far some people think this is something others think my minds in the gutter but I’m leaning towards she’s throwing out signals. She’s always twirling her hair talking to me. 

[Fox Sake]

This is your sister-in-law. The clue is in the name. SISTER. You treat her and protect her like one, and nothing else. Honour that. 
 

I couldn’t ever imagine getting with my sister in law. It would be very wrong. 

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but that’s your brothers wife , correct? What are you even thinking?! Why would you want to be stirring your siblings porridge? 
 

You want to analysis her behaviour to see if she’s into you, so you stand less of a chance of making a fool of yourself if you decide to talk to her about it or make a move. This is the vibe I get. 
 

I’m more interested in what part of you thinks it’s okay to potentially destroy not only your own marriage, but someone else’s too? 

Not to mention the strain on parental relationships involved in familial splits.
Sorry for the tough love man but you asked for opinions and coming from the product of a later childhood in the middle of an affair that shattered people , I’m gonna be straight up tell you it absolutely f***ing sucked as a kid. 

[Western200]

I totally get it and I’m not shy from harsh criticism. That’s life right? I value all your opinions.  This is just a weird mix of emotions. This is my wife’s older sister. She’s very attractive and for her to be giving imagines of her after a run, all sweaty followed up by a hot shower. My mind can’t help but take in that imagine. And I just feel like it’s not causal conversation. I cannot picture my wife telling her brother in law about her day and what lead up to her taking a shower. That just doesn’t sound normal. I’ll keep an ear out for any other things she says to me. 

[Fox Sake]

I see where you’re coming from and I do understand you. So don’t worry you’re not falling on deaf ears. Maybe she enjoys making you squirm... maybe you’re imagining it.either way , for as long as your with your wife, you have an obligation to honour and shouldn’t looking anywhere else. Morally. 
In practice I imagine it can be different in some situations. Especially with all the time you spend together and it leads you astray. 

my impartial advice on your situation is to try not to assume that she wants you because she’s talking about one thing. We all shower a few times a day. Some people less ...maybe she only showers a few times a week and it’s like a thing for her 😂 haha 

my sister in law is incredibly flirty, but that’s just who she is and it doesn’t bother my brother. She would never act on it either.

 Just remember to always do the right thing  

[HappilyMarried]

42 minutes ago, Western200 said:

I totally get it and I’m not shy from harsh criticism. That’s life right? I value all your opinions.  This is just a weird mix of emotions. This is my wife’s older sister. She’s very attractive and for her to be giving imagines of her after a run, all sweaty followed up by a hot shower. My mind can’t help but take in that imagine. And I just feel like it’s not causal conversation. I cannot picture my wife telling her brother in law about her day and what lead up to her taking a shower. That just doesn’t sound normal. I’ll keep an ear out for any other things she says to me. 

Ok Western 200 I'll just cut straight to the chase. If she is actually flirting with you and wants to push things what will you do about it? I think that is a key question here.

[Western200]

4 minutes ago, HappilyMarried said:

Ok Western 200 I'll just cut straight to the chase. If she is actually flirting with you and wants to push things what will you do about it? I think that is a key question here.

Good question. Fantasy me would go for it and have an all out fling . The whole 9 yards. Reality me would probably wuss out and not do anything about it. 

[HappilyMarried]

1 minute ago, Western200 said:

Good question. Fantasy me would go for it and have an all out fling . The whole 9 yards. Reality me would probably wuss out and not do anything about it. 

When is the next family get together or when you will be with the SIL? One other question did the SIL tell you this about showing both when her sister was not around and it was just you and her?

[Starswillshine]

Talking about taking a shower would never come on my radar about things inappropriate to say. And I'm pretty hard core about boundaries and appropriate things to say to people. Given what you have written here.... you are fantasizing about your sister-in-law and reading too much into what she is saying.