Sister-in-law.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Hmmm I'm wondering if you've always had a thing for older sis (sounds like it) and your willy is screaming at you, "Hey man, now's our chance!" and noggin says, "Double check first if she's [finally] hot for you, too."

The first comment about going home to shower is 100% nothing burger. You're reading into that. The comment about run and then shower, 50/50. Twirling hair, maybe 65% thinks you're cute. 

End score=you want something to happen more than she does. 

Now for the important stuff...WHO CARES?! Are you seriously thinking about boinking your wife's sister? Even letting yourself fantasize about this is dangerous territory, a slippery slope that can lead to an oops moment (like trying to kiss her one day). Just stop already.

Harsh as this might seem, I think you have self-esteem (and possibly maturity) issues if you are going to this level to get your ego stroked. What you should be asking about is how to resolve those. What you're really doing here is asking strangers to validate your ego by telling you big sis is hot for you. You need to get yourself together--to many people are depending on you to not throw a massive monkey wrench into their lives. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Western200 said:

 My sister in law and I are both married,

I do find her very attractive. 

How are you related? Wife's sister or brother's wife?

Sounds like your crush is making you fantasize a lot.

However, she is not coming on to you. That's just wishful thinking.

[Western200]

7 hours ago, HappilyMarried said:

When is the next family get together or when you will be with the SIL? One other question did the SIL tell you this about showing both when her sister was not around and it was just you and her?

It was just me and her off to the side. I was near an area where she was going into her house for something and she stopped off to tell me about the shower stuff. Nobody else was even close to listening range 

Edited January 28, 2021 by Western200

[usa1ah]

I think you should bring this up with your wife. Just tell her that her sister said something that caught you off guard. Then explain the conversation. I wouldn’t go into complete details if your thoughts unless your wife already knows you have a vivid imagination. 
 

Having your wife in the loop can help keep your marriage just between the two of you. 

Edited January 28, 2021 by usa1ah

[Wiseman2]

You already know this is the no-fly zone.🤚🛑

[Crazelnut]

So bottom line is ... you want to have sex with your SIL and you want us to help you figure out if she's willing. Nasty man.

[SRCSRC]

I find your response to the question whether she is truly flirting with you a big problem.  Fantasies are fine, but it sounds like you would act on the fantasy but would probably chicken out.  Wrong answer.  The correct answer would be that you would never act on the fantasy because you love and honor your wife and would never cheat on her.  You would never do anything to put your marriage in jeopardy.  You, also, would not be a willing participant in destroying your sister-in-law's marriage.  Better get your head out of your ass before you do something utterly stupid and destructive.  Now, if signals from your SIL become obvious, do the correct thing and advise her to seek counseling before she screws up her marriage.  It takes two to maintain and escalate a flirtatious relationship.  Cut it off now before things blow up.  Don't spend so much alone time with the SIL at family functions and most of all, do not flirt with her.  You are probably already doing that.    

[vla1120]

15 hours ago, Western200 said:

I’ll keep an ear out for any other things she says to me. 

That's the exact opposite of what I would recommend. If I were you, I'd make sure you don't find yourself alone with her anymore at family functions - or any other time, for that matter. Imagine how hurt your wife would be to know you were having these types of thoughts about her own sister. Even if your SIL is throwing out these comments as flirtations, it does not mean you have to act upon them. Plus, you could shut them down permanently with one comment about how committed and loyal you are to her younger sister, your wife. 

Edited January 28, 2021 by vla1120

[Western200]

38 minutes ago, SRCSRC said:

I find your response to the question whether she is truly flirting with you a big problem.  Fantasies are fine, but it sounds like you would act on the fantasy but would probably chicken out.  Wrong answer.  The correct answer would be that you would never act on the fantasy because you love and honor your wife and would never cheat on her.  You would never do anything to put your marriage in jeopardy.  You, also, would not be a willing participant in destroying your sister-in-law's marriage.  Better get your head out of your ass before you do something utterly stupid and destructive.  Now, if signals from your SIL become obvious, do the correct thing and advise her to seek counseling before she screws up her marriage.  It takes two to maintain and escalate a flirtatious relationship.  Cut it off now before things blow up.  Don't spend so much alone time with the SIL at family functions and most of all, do not flirt with her.  You are probably already doing that.    

I do not appreciate your swearing. I came here for opinions and conversation. Not an argument. I came here to see if her comments were seen as flirtatious now your jumping in talking about me being destructive. I can’t help but be flattered by her shower comments and I can’t shake the imagine of her being in the shower. I’m human. 

[Western200]

18 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

That's the exact opposite of what I would recommend. If I were you, I'd make sure you don't find yourself alone with her anymore at family functions - or any other time, for that matter. Imagine how hurt your wife would be to know you were having these types of thoughts about her own sister. Even if your SIL is throwing out these comments as flirtations, it does not mean you have to act upon them. Plus, you could shut them down permanently with one comment about how committed and loyal you are to her younger sister, your wife. 

I’m not usually alone with her. Just happens she usually walks by me in passing if I’m getting food or something and that’s when she’ll say something. Or if she’s dropping off something at my house and we’ll talk at the door bc of covid we stay out of each other’s houses 

[Miss Spider]

On 1/27/2021 at 1:06 PM, Western200 said:

Thanks for the replies so far. As for the first reply I truly don’t think she’s thinking of me as a “girlfriend .” She knows I’m a man and I just find it so odd that a woman led alone a sister in law would tell me how she got sweaty during her run, felt chilly when she was done running because of the sweating and then tells me she took a nice hot shower after and it felt so good. And she started it when we were alone.  I wonder if this is her way of feeling me out. I think she’s tired of her husband not giving her attention - always working and not helping out with the kids. Thanks for the replies, keep them coming . I like hearing different options. 

You missed the point. No one said she thinks you’re a woman, just that she thinks that you’re a harmless brother in law and not remotely thinking of you in that way. So she said something that she would basically tell a friend. She took a hot shower after a cold run. 
She didn’t suspect that you would turn it all pervy

[elaine567]

12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

. So she said something that she would basically tell a friend. She took a hot shower after a cold run. 
She didn’t suspect that you would turn it all pervy

Exactly.

OP
With no ever present  husband and no real support this was her little anecdote of the day, her little story, and so she told you.
Had she had a husband, a chum, a mother, a sister even a neighbour to tell she would have told them. 
As it was you showed up so she told you. You see this as a "sign", as you want it to be "sign" but I guess you are far off the mark...
You may see showers as sexy, most women do not see them in that way.
She went for a  run, she was sweaty, she was cold, so she had a  nice hot shower...
Full stop.
She was then clean and warm, it was a practical solution.

Edited January 28, 2021 by elaine567

[Western200]

So far people seem split on whether she’s was throwing out a sign vs I’m a friend she likes to tell she had a hot shower too. She told me she went for a run which signals she telling she’s healthy and staying fit (a sign) got all sweaty (a sign) and finished with her taking a hot shower 😕 Ladies I’m sure you tell your girlfriends you took a shower but would you tell your neighbor or husbands friend ? Or mailman over small chat? 

[SRCSRC]

I find your response to the question whether she is truly flirting with you a big problem.  Fantasies are fine, but it sounds like you would act on the fantasy but would probably chicken out.  Wrong answer.  The correct answer would be that you would never act on the fantasy because you love and honor your wife and would never cheat on her.  You would never do anything to put your marriage in jeopardy.  You, also, would not be a willing participant in destroying your sister-in-law's marriage.  Better get your head out of your ass before you do something utterly stupid and destructive.  Now, if signals from your SIL become obvious, do the correct thing and advise her to seek counseling before she screws up her marriage.  It takes two to maintain and escalate a flirtatious relationship.  Cut it off now before things blow up.  Don't spend so much alone time with the SIL at family functions and most of all, do not flirt with her.  You are probably already doing that.    

Not sorry I evidently tweaked your nose.  This is a site that deal with infidelity.  Maybe you should have posted your inquiry elsewhere.  But the fact remains that you fantasize about your SIL but would not act on it because you would "probably wuss out"  Your words, not mine.  I suggest you grow up and not fixate on whether your SIL is flirting with you.  If she definitely is flirting with you, and it will be made clear to you eventually, do the adult thing and nip it in the bud.  

[HadMeOverABarrel]

2 minutes ago, Western200 said:

So far people seem split on whether she’s was throwing out a sign vs I’m a friend she likes to tell she had a hot shower too. She told me she went for a run which signals she telling she’s healthy and staying fit (a sign) got all sweaty (a sign) and finished with her taking a hot shower 😕 Ladies I’m sure you tell your girlfriends you took a shower but would you tell your neighbor or husbands friend ? Or mailman over small chat? 

Dude, sorry, but this post makes you seem creepy in a stalkerish kind of way. These are not signs.

[Akin to: She wanted me to do x to her because she wore a short skirt when she walked past me.]

If you related what you wrote here within my earshot in a public gathering, I would immediately head towards the exit, or at least I'd check where the exits are, keep my eye on your whereabouts, and put lots of space/barriers between us.

[d0nnivain]

31 minutes ago, Western200 said:

So far people seem split on whether she’s was throwing out a sign vs I’m a friend she likes to tell she had a hot shower too. 

The problem remains that you seem open to having an affair with your wife's sister. 

Even if she was throwing out signals (which I doubt) that's all the more reason you need to shut this down by staying far away from her.  What part of that don't you get or do you want to destroy your marriage, her marriage & their whole family?  

[Amethyst68]

16 hours ago, Western200 said:

Good question. Fantasy me would go for it and have an all out fling . The whole 9 yards. Reality me would probably wuss out and not do anything about it. 

So you would 'wuss out'. No objections about being married to and loving to her sister?  Or the fact she's married as well? 

In fact you don't mention your marriage or wife at all in your posts, your obviously all caught up in your fantasy. 

You should mention this to your wife but I have a feeling you won't. At last avoid being alone with her sister. 

[MilaVaneela]

OP, you barely mention your wife other than commenting that this woman is her sister. Just out of curiosity, why? It seems odd that the woman you’ve made vows to spend your life with and had children with barely gets a mention at all, good, bad or indifferent. 

[Caauug]

On 1/28/2021 at 5:04 AM, Western200 said:

My wife’s sister 

Blood is thicker than water, that is a fact. Don't go there!!!

If you did get the chance to do the sister, you will still loose cause sisters will stick together and you will be back on the streets with nothing and no one.

Try thinking out side the box... Why would your SIL be flirting with you? If your wife has a new skeleton in her closet and she needs dirt on you to cover up new skeleton??? Never under estimate what family will do.... They will be sharing everything...  I would be looking very close at your wife....

If either your wife or SIL are good average looking they will be getting numerous offers from guys everyday. (Or wear high heels, jeans and a basic t-shirt to a local pub for a few hours on a Saturday night, if her offers are low for the month). Try to get my point here, SIL does NOT need to go messing up the family to get a little side sex, unless there is a motive!!!! Don't take the bait!!! I would be asking why is the bait out there??? To put the heat on you and away from your wife??? 

You are being played as a chump.... Start thinking with the other head!!! 

[Wiseman2]

It's ok to fantasize. But keep it zipped. You already know that.

[colingrant]

Stay at home parents have time to think of stuff like this. When it's a man and a woman, it's dangerous. Just the situation reminds me of THE worst infidelity story I'd ever read. A poster on another side  found out his wife had sex nearly weekday with a neighbor stay-at-home dad. Both had two young kids in the same grade which enabled them to synchronize their time together and for daily morning and afternoon romps, especially after the kids began attending elementary school. 

The woman's husband found a picture on an old hard drive and eventually found his wife's diary, which extended back nine years. The husband ran a large business and was rarely home and her lover's wife was high up in a corporate position, leaving the two unchecked. Tragically, when the husband found out about it it had been over for 5 years or so because her lover and one of his daughters died in a car accident. 

When the husband began probing after finding pictures of his wife and neighbor on an old computer as well as finding her diary, he also checked medical records to see if anything could be found. Records revealed his wife was attending therapy very frequently and after comparing it against her timeline of the affair, realized she was receiving therapy to manage the mourning of the affair partners' death. 

After five years or so, she continued with another therapy to reconnect with her husband who was none the wiser during the entire affair and realized what a beautiful man he was. After it came out and she confessed, he went into a funk and asked his wife of 35 years or so to move in with her sister, which she did reluctantly. Their two daughters who were in college now, rallied around their dad while their mom began to dive into a very deep depression. 

The two girls came home for Thanksgiving and their mom started cooking meals and leaving them at the doorstep for her husband and daughters who were on a short break. After the break, the wife let herself into her old home to retrieve some items I believe and found her husband unconscious in the foyer. She called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. Turns out he was dehydrated and stressed, which eventually took its toll. 

She blamed herself for his condition and was sent further into despair because her husband had started divorce proceedings and of course her daughters had ostracized her two daughters.  She attempted to take her life but was unsuccessful and then taken to a mental facility. The husbands last post indicated he had visited his soon to be x-wife in the hospital and she never looked up at him. He said it made sense to him later as his wife was successful at taking her life. 

OP. I'm not going to make the jump and say you're on path to an affair, but a couple of things are just ripe for it to happen. You're picking up on things which may indicate where your mind is and if you're right, you're sister in-law may be thinking the same thing. Add that to having the time and trust of your spouses and you'll be on this site in a few months or years with another sad tail depicting the ugliness, devastation and collateral lethal damages infidelity inflicts upon individuals, families, communities and most of all, kids. It's 100% not worth it. As alluring as she is and can be, the costs when compared against the benefits are a complete and utter mismatch.  

[mark clemson]

To be fair, lethal fallout is rare (does happen, though). Blown up families though, well...

You're treading some dangerous ground and I suspect she is too. My guess is she's the type who like to flirt and get attention, watch the men get interested/hot and bothered, etc. You're around, so you get flirted with too.

Not the end of the world, but IF it starts looking like more than just that, absolutely shut it down. The chances of your wife finding out are high from the start (it's her SISTER after all). And in my opinion it's very unlikely she'd ever forgive you.

[merrmeade]

On 1/28/2021 at 1:20 PM, Western200 said:

I do not appreciate your swearing. I came here for opinions and conversation. Not an argument. I came here to see if her comments were seen as flirtatious now your jumping in talking about me being destructive. I can’t help but be flattered by her shower comments and I can’t shake the imagine of her being in the shower. I’m human. 

And THIS ^^^^ is exactly why everyone is warning you off and putting it back on you. What we're trying to say is that, precisely BECAUSE you are excited by it and you admit that you like it - over and over and over - and you keep thinking, asking, writing about it, it HAS ALREADY become a problem that BOTH of you are responsible for. You can no longer claim that it is being done TO you.

You  say that you want to know why she does it and whether or not it's a come-on, but you haven't said either why you want to know. You haven't said what you're going to do about it if the consensus here is that she IS doing it on purpose to get this reaction. WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? Is the reason you are asking because you don't want to make a fool out of yourself  if she ISN'T doing it to excite you. Are you asking because, if you flirt back, you'll look foolish if she didn't mean that? What if you decide her asides are intentionally provocative, then what? Are you planning to enjoy that flattery some more?

You say you can't shake the image of her in the shower, but you also aren't doing anything to avoid having to try. You aren't avoiding her. You aren't giving her the cold shoulder. I don't think that you want to shake it, since you are not only making no effort to "shake" her by controlling YOUR movements and circumstances to avoid seeing her. In fact, you sound like you are ready to jump on it as soon as you get the green light. 

And don't forget, you think that it's just fine to feel flattered and we should get that and remove you of all responsibility because you're only "human" after all.  You've got all your excuses ready. You've made yourself a helpless male toy that she's playing. Well, THIS is a cockamamie excuse that  my husband gave me for finally giving in to the flirtatious, provocative moves being put on him by...

.... and it doesn't matter by whom. The point is that YOU are not helpless, and this excuse will NOT fly with your wife, I can guarantee. Adults act. They don't throw up their hands with a grin and say, "What could I do?" They find a way to make things. right. Are you a man or a 12-year-old?

[pepperbird2]

On 1/27/2021 at 11:22 AM, Western200 said:

Hello everyone it feels good to be able to vent how I feel on here and see what your thoughts are on my topic. My sister in law and I are both married, kids and live near one another. She’s a couple years older than me and I do find her very attractive. We often talk a lot at family functions or when our kids play together because both are spouses work a lot. Her husband is away for weeks at a time and she often carry’s her families weight. I’ve known her for several years and we both feel comfortable around one another as anyone would. But lately there was a few conversations we had that got my attention and maybe I’m reading into it but that’s why I’m here for peoples advice.
Our last conversation we had we were both outside at a family social distanced gathering by the fire and when she was near me when I was alone off to the side, she mentioned how cold it’s been and during her run earlier in the day she felt so sweaty and so cold after her run that she said she took the best hottest shower ever and felt so good after that. Now right away the imagine of her being in the shower made me very... well excited for that imagine. And why would she have bothered to tell me she took a hot shower after her sweaty run? And this is the second time she has told me about being in the shower in about a month. The other time she was dropping something off to my house and it was just her and I and the kids and she told me how she was gonna head home after my house and take a shower. I might be reading into this but it certainly gets my attention of her. Often times too as we are talking together  she’s playing with her hair which I know can be a nervous sign I believe. What are your thoughts? Thanks ! 

sir, you are engaging in some wishful thinking. you'd better reign that in before you hurt a whole lot of people.

[pepperbird2]

On 1/27/2021 at 12:51 PM, d0nnivain said:

She's making conversation the same way she would talk to a girlfriend.  Your mind is in the gutter.  

Spend less time alone with your SIL.  You can't handle being around her.  You are going to do something you regret that will destroy your marriage & upset her.  

Exactly.