Lilly green Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 Hello first time posting on here, looking for a bit of advice my boyfriend of 8 years has been away for 9 months- half way through he ended up sleeping with someone else!! I’ve had an awful time coping/struggling with everything and despite everything that has happened I can’t seem to switch my feelings off for him! He had said he wanted to start fresh with me as he loves me and forever will but then the next day it’s like “I want to sell up and be on my own?” Now the we have decided to take “time apart” to get our heads sorted the last conversation we had was that he isn’t committing to anything atm but he wanted to make me happy but he can’t do that atm as he isn’t happy with the whole situation he says? I’m soo confused by it all. Not sure if I’m looking for answers but is this time apart necessary? Or is it a case of he needs time to sort of miss me? I’m really stuck! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 There is nothing to be confused about. You are heartbroken. That is why your thoughts are muddled. After 8 years your relationship has run it's course. He knows that there are only 2 paths forward here: marriage or break up. He didn't have the maturity or integrity for marriage so he picked cheat. Even though you were willing to forgive him & work toward reconciliation he knows he doesn't want to move forward with you but change is scary so he initially said let's try. Now this business about him needing "time apart" to "sort" himself out is more malarkey. It's him not having the stones to just end things so he's trying to sugar coat it which just hurts you more. Do yourself a favor & you end it. Yes it will hurt. No it's not what you want but it's what you need. You can't hang on to a man who no longer wants you just because you have history. I'm so sorry 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 I'm sorry but it's just an easy way to breakup with you. You cannot convince someone to be with you and you should not wait on someone, anyone. Sometimes people reconnect down the road but that happens by cutting all contact and moving on. I am in a similar situation, I caught him cheating and he left saying he loves me and always will but he needs to re-center himself. He's on multiple dating sites right now 're-centering' himself. You need to handle this like a breakup. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
josedelamuerte Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 "Time apart" is just a breakup with a buffer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 I am really sorry, OP. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's done with your relationship. "Time apart" shouldn't even be necessary if you two have been long-distance for the last 9 months anyway. That's usually just a way to date around and see if what single life feels like before cutting you loose altogether - or maybe he conceded to this time apart because he already feels guilty for cheating on you and thinks he at least owes it to you to go through the motions of "separating" before definitively ending it. Either way, if he didn't really miss you the previous 9 months that he's been away, it's not going to suddenly happen now, I'm afraid to say. I would end this cleanly so you can heal. He's already gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 There's really nothing to figure out here.... he slept with someone else and now he is saying that he needs to "be on his own". Whether you are ready to face this or not, he is done with this relationship. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. So just come to terms with that, and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Lilly green said: my boyfriend of 8 years has been away for 9 months- half way through he ended up sleeping with someone else!! the next day it’s like “I want to sell up and be on my own?” Now the we have decided to take “time apart” to get our heads sorted the last conversation we had was that he isn’t committing to anything atm but he wanted to make me happy but he can’t do that atm as he isn’t happy with the whole situation he says? I’m soo confused by it all. Not sure if I’m looking for answers but is this time apart necessary? Or is it a case of he needs time to sort of miss me? I’m really stuck! He wants to be out of his obligation of having to answer to you so that he can go be with the chick he got busted with 5 months ago (he never put her down). He may miss you, but this drive of his to be rid of you in order to check out this chick is stronger than any love he feels for you. Your relationship is over except for a long, drawn out breaking up. Edited January 30, 2021 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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