Does she like me as more than a friend?

[Frackalicious]

I have a close female friend who I'm interested in but she doesn't want to date at the moment.  Therefore, I told her I needed to take a bit of a break so that I could get over my feelings.  We started talking again after 2 weeks and she showed me some pictures that she had taken at a photoshoot at a lake and asked me if they were nice.  I told her that they were nice and told her that new Facebook profile picture (which was also from the photoshoot) was nice as well.  She then said that she didn't think I noticed because I didn't like the picture.  She also mentioned how other friends and acquaintances liked her picture and yet I didn't even though I was a close friend.  Honestly, I was taking a break and therefore I didn't want to "like" her picture.  She then started complaining about how other guys "loved" her picture and yet at most, I only "liked" her picture from time to time.  She kept saying she didn't care and wasn't offended that I didn't like her picture but she definitely noticed.  When I went in to "like" her picture, she said "you don't put the hearts huh."  This was just really strange because she's never acted like this before.  We've known each other for 10 years and we've never really cared if the other person likes our picture or not.  Is this an indicator that she likes me as more than friends?  Or is just insecurity from her?

[dramafreezone]

On 1/30/2021 at 10:55 AM, Frackalicious said:

I have a close female friend who I'm interested in but she doesn't want to date at the moment.

I think you can stop right here.  She's not interested in you romantically.  All of that other stuff about the "likes" I think is you projecting your interest on to her.

It doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy your attention, but she's already getting as much of it as she wants from you.  If she's comfortable with you and views you as a nice person, then she will be your friend forever.

Another thing, you told her you like her, and then she doesn't want to date you.  This may be hard to hear, but essentially she thinks she can do better than you (as far as a romatic partner).  Otherwise she would clearly be demonstrating her interest in you.  By her saying she doesn't want to date at the moment, she's saying that even being alone is preferable to dating you.  You are firmly entrenched in the dreaded "friendzone."

The movies teach us that all we have to do is keep purusing and then one day she'll just wake up and realize you're the guy of her dreams.  That crap is not real life.

Could you sit around for another 10 years, pine for her and wait for a vulnerable moment to swoop in and be her white knight?  I guess but no woman is worth that.  She's just a person.  She poops, farts, all of that stuff, she's not this ideal person that you probably think she is.

Best thing you can do to become dateable in her eyes is to back away and date other women (preferably women that look better than her).   What you're doing now will just result in more heartache and resentment on your end.  Start by knowing you deserve someone that actually is romatically interested in you.

Edited January 31, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

29 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Best thing you can do to become dateable in her eyes is to back away and date other women (preferably women that look better than her). 

Go off and date other women but do not do that in order to spark her interest, do that so you can move on.
That trick can work with some women, but with others, they will lose interest as soon as you start looking at other women, and will strike you completely off their potential dating list.
Some women get fired up if you try to make them jealous by messing around with other women, others will get totally turned off.
If after 10 years she will not date you of her own volition, then you need to write her off IMO, not try to trick her into it..
 

[dramafreezone]

8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Go off and date other women but do not do that in order to spark her interest, do that so you can move on.
That trick can work with some women, but with others, they will lose interest as soon as you start looking at other women, and will strike you completely off their potential dating list.
Some women get fired up if you try to make them jealous by messing around with other women, others will get totally turned off.
If after 10 years she will not date you of her own volition, then you need to write her off IMO, not try to trick her into it..
 

Well yes of course, I'm ultimately suggesting that he move on and date women.  If it has the side effect of raising her romantic interest in her, all the better.   If she were to see him date someone on her level or higher as far as looks, I think there's a very good chance she would re-evaluate whether or not he's dateable in her eyes.  As much as some women will deny it, they take into account how other women view men.

But he should not waste another second being her source of free attention and support when he has romantic feelings for her (especially since she knows it and continues to take advantage).  She doesn't have any justification for getting offended by who he dates.  Most men think dating pretty women that are actually interested in them is enough incentive on its own.  That'd be pretty concieted of her to think it's about making her jealous.

Edited January 31, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Wiseman2]

On 1/30/2021 at 1:55 PM, Frackalicious said:

she doesn't want to date at the moment. 

I was taking a break and therefore I didn't want to "like" her picture.  She then started complaining about how other guys "loved" her picture

You may want to step  back from this. The only thing worse than the friendzone is the fanzone. 

Shift your focus on more mutually interested women. 

[elaine567]

51 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

   If she were to see him date someone on her level or higher as far as looks, I think there's a very good chance she would re-evaluate whether or not he's dateable in her eyes.  As much as some women will deny it, they take into account how other women view men.

Many women want a man who is besotted with HER, if he takes his attention off elsewhere,  she will lose interest completely.
I think this idea that women are turned on by men seeking out hotter women to raise his value is over rated and is mainly a male idea of how women think...
I am not saying it never happens, younger more naive women may be taken in by that trick, and women who are just looking for some casual, may want a hot and in demand guy, but any women looking for a relationship is not going to be impressed by a fickle man. One minute he is hot for her, next he is looking for a new conquest...
Pass. 
 

[dramafreezone]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Many women want a man who is besotted with HER, if he takes his attention off elsewhere,  she will lose interest completely.
I think this idea that women are turned on by men seeking out hotter women to raise his value is over rated and is mainly a male idea of how women think...
I am not saying it never happens, younger more naive women may be taken in by that trick, and women who are just looking for some casual, may want a hot and in demand guy, but any women looking for a relationship is not going to be impressed by a fickle man. One minute he is hot for her, next he is looking for a new conquest...
Pass. 
 

Well the reality is short of him saying "I'm doing this to make you jealous" all she knows is that he's seeing another woman because she's very attractive and she actually likes him. Dating beautiful women that acutally like you is not a trick. 

My premise is that she should date other women because this one is a complete waste of time, and he should devote his time to women worthy of it.   If it serves the purpose of raising her interest, then that's a bonus.  That said I still wouldn't be interested in her because that shows that she doesn't have the conviction to notice a good thing when she had it right in front of her, she's just a follower at that point.

For her to make any assumptions that him dating a good looking women that's into him is about making her jealous, would only confirm that she's full of herself, and he's better off without her.

Either way, he has nothing to gain by continuing to be this woman's "friend" when he clearly wants more.   If I were him I wouldn't be the least bit concerned about how she views my dating life.  She has no right to pass any judgment.

[elaine567]

Other small problem, it is not easy for most men to just find and date attractive women at will...
Maybe this uninterested girl is as good as he is capable of attracting... 

[dramafreezone]

38 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Other small problem, it is not easy for most men to just find and date attractive women at will...
Maybe this uninterested girl is as good as he is capable of attracting... 

Well this isn't very helpful, or accurate.  I'm not some great looking guy and I'm shorter than average, and I've attracted women that I've thought were "out of my league" and are definitely attractive by conventional standards.  As long as he doesn't have some extreme physical deformity, he probably looks good enough to attract an attractive women.  And beauty is subjective, it's about what he feels is attractive.  He doesn't need some supermodel.

It's not easy to date attractive women.  On the other hand, I know it's not easy for women to find men who are confident, make a good living, make her feel good and are attentive to her needs.  Otherwise the phrase "where are all of the good men" wouldn't be a thing. 

The OP just needs to make himself into a catch.  That will take time, but any man can do that if they want it bad enough.  He should get into the gym, build a career for himself, and learn to accept his insecurities.  Main way to do the latter is knowing that every woman won't like what he has to offer, but some women will, and those are the ones he should pursue.  He certainly won't make himself into a catch by pining after someone that is clearly not interested in him.

Edited January 31, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

The OP just needs to make himself into a catch.  That will take time, but any man can do that if they want it bad enough

I don't believe that to be universally true.  It is a myth.
Go to the gym  - some men do not have the genes to look good whatever they do in the gym.
Build a career - not everyone can build a career. Some are seriously lacking in what it takes to build a career. 
Some are lucky if they can land a low paid job. 
 Learn to accept his insecurities - some will ever be anything else but insecure... They lack social skills, they lack desirable personality traits, they had a terrible upbringing...etc. etc.

I am not suggesting that the OP is a no hoper, he may indeed have a lot going for him, but such advice doled out so often on here to struggling men I guess is not very helpful in actually becoming attractive to women.
Suggesting that men date attractive women as if it is something ALL men can do, is nonsense.
I have never seen this advice be given out seriously to women.
"OK so you can't attract the guy you are crushing on, so go find a very attractive man to date, to make him jealous..."
If she could attract a very attractive man, don't you think she would be doing that already?
Attractive men and women do not just fall into anyone's lap... 

[dramafreezone]

No offense, but if anyone has these limiting beliefs that you're expressing, you're right the person can't be anything but unimpressive.  I personally don't believe in impossible, or limiting myself.  If that person doesn't believe that they have value in this world, that they can be successful, then they won't ever get a woman, they won't reproduce and they'll be weeded out from humanity because that thought process is not meant to be propogated.  It doesn't serve humanity.

First whether or not you have the genes to look good in the gym is irrelevant.  A fraction of men have those genes, should they just give up and get a dad bod?  You do the best with what you have.  It's not about impressing someone else, it's about respecting your body.  If you don't no one else will.

Anyone can build a career.  Does that mean everyone can be a corporate CEO type?  No.  Can you learn a skill and make a nice living?  Yes, I believe anyone without a disability can.  You do need discipline though, so if they're lacking in that, then they're out of luck.  Otherwise, be honest with yourself, know your strengths and your limitations, and find a job doing what you do best.  It's not some miraculous accomplishment to build a career but it's part of being a desirable man.

Accepting insecurities is hard.  Hell I just accepted the fact that I'm 5'5'' last year, which was my biggest insecurity.  I used to be ticked off that women went for taller guys.  Today, I know that even if I was tall there would be some other hang up I wished I could change.  Everyone has something they'd like to change.  Some women won't date a short guy, but what I know know is that I've attracted and dated good looking women that don't care at all about height.  Accepting insecurities is knowing that there are good people out there that will like you exactly the way you are, and those are the people who you should bring into your life.

Attractive women aren't some scarce resource.  There are 4 billion women in the world.  When put into that context it makes no sense for a man to be hung up on one that has no interest in him.  He puts himself out there, makes himself the best version of himself, and knows that there will be a woman out there that likes him for him, a woman that he's crazy about will eventually fall into his lap.  If that seems like trite advice to you then that's your opinion, but I've found it that it's changed my own life.

Ultimately, he doesn't need to date 50000 beautiful women,  he just needs to find one that's crazy about him.  One out of 4 billion.  Doesn't sound that unrealistic to me.

Edited February 1, 2021 by dramafreezone

[basil67]

On 1/31/2021 at 5:55 AM, Frackalicious said:

She then started complaining about how other guys "loved" her picture and yet at most, I only "liked" her picture from time to time.  She kept saying she didn't care and wasn't offended that I didn't like her picture but she definitely noticed.  When I went in to "like" her picture, she said "you don't put the hearts huh."  This was just really strange because she's never acted like this before.  We've known each other for 10 years and we've never really cared if the other person likes our picture or not. 

Honestly, I wouldn't be pandering to all this drama.   If she didn't care, then she wouldn't notice and she wouldn't raise the issue.   Then you're in trouble because you put a like instead of hearts?   I'm with Wiseman2 in suspecting that she's more concerned about her social media presence.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

As much as some women will deny it, they take into account how other women view men.

I think you underestimate how often we have a little gossip along the lines of "what does she see in him?" or "$10 says she'll move on within 4 weeks"  And no, we're not interested in him, we're shaking our heads as to why she made that choice.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, this is a maddening situation. She's playing with you. I had a friend like this. She demanded all kinds of time--the kind of time usually demanded only of a boyfriend--and yet she didn't want to date.

I had to get away from that friend, and you need to get away from this woman.  This woman is trouble on two levels. One, most people (except for those like your friend and my friend) can often sense when a guy is interested and they will subtly pull back to send a signal to the guy. They would not be saying, "You need to like my photo stronger." Second, a woman who is interested in you should know how to throw real hints. And it would be showing interest in you--not in asking you to show more interest in her in this silly way.

Bottom line: move on. Get away from this woman. I don't care how much you like her as a friend, she's not good for your mental wellbeing. Think about it: right now, she's criticizing you for showing restraint, you who are holding yourself back because you sense she's not interested in you. This is absurd. You're being tied in pretzels. Get away. 

The hard truth of things is that it is impossible to be a real friend with someone you want to date. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Something is wrong with a woman who is focused on her social media "likes" and "hearts"  to the extent they'll confront someone badgering about their reaction to their photos. Also, it would be embarrassing to many women to have to approach a guy and ask him if he likes their photos. Sounds as if she's insecure in general, no matter how confident she may seem. She's very needy of attention. The people I know who are the most secure and happy aren't posting their photos all over social media. The ones I know who are struggling with self esteem (or are narcissistic) are posting glamor shots, etc. a lot.

I'd say this girl isn't as much interested in you as she is in herself.

[dramafreezone]

17 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Something is wrong with a woman who is focused on her social media "likes" and "hearts"  to the extent they'll confront someone badgering about their reaction to their photos. Also, it would be embarrassing to many women to have to approach a guy and ask him if he likes their photos. Sounds as if she's insecure in general, no matter how confident she may seem. She's very needy of attention. The people I know who are the most secure and happy aren't posting their photos all over social media. The ones I know who are struggling with self esteem (or are narcissistic) are posting glamor shots, etc. a lot.

I'd say this girl isn't as much interested in you as she is in herself.

She doesn't have to approach anyone.  In addition to the OP she probably has another 2-3 guys that are in the same place that he is, they like her but she has no interest in a sexual relationship with them.  These are male orbiters.  The only thing she wants from these men is their attention, because they make her feel pretty and desirable.

Hope you take this to heart OP.  She just wants your attention and you're giving it away for free.  If you didn't like her romantically and were just friends then it would be fine but you want more than that, and aren't getting that.  Put a higher value on who gets your attention.

Edited February 1, 2021 by dramafreezone