Mizz Layta Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 I've been with a MM for 3 years now. we've never spent anytime outside work hours. I can only see him during his work hours. I knew it's highly unlikely that he will leave his live in SO and children but there was always part of me that hoped for miracle. I tried to let him go few times only to end up in contact and seeing each other. However, lately he seem to be making excuses to see me. we usually meet on weekends since weekends are quiet days at his work. Lately they've been a string excuses that doesn't add up. We were supposed to meet today then with another excuse about how work is busy. I know it's work which could be legit but we haven't met for 3 weeks because things coming up at work when meeting wasn't a problem before on weekends. Are things running it's course? Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 I don’t understand. You say you’ve never met outside of work hours, but he has canceled on you due to work?? Im Confused. Or was this supposed to be the first meeting outside of work hours, and he canceled? I can tell you that, if a man has an “affair” and he doesn’t get sex out of it, he will not be inclined to make an effort to meet up, unless he has an inkling that there will be some sex coming his way in the near future. But after 3 years? Not likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 I'm sorry to say this but it might be done for him. He's bored or has someone else he's interested in. It's also possible he has stress in his life, needs to concentrate on wife/family. You just don't know. Generic excuses like "busy" mean they don't want to confront something either with you or about someone else. If this busy excuse continues and you don't see him in person anymore, it's possible he's backing away from you. It's done. Heartbreaking for you yes but realize affairs with MM are meant to end at some point. Three years is a long time and I would think a man in this case would slow fade you due to the bond & length of time you were together. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 Ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 30, 2021 Author Share Posted January 30, 2021 45 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: I don’t understand. You say you’ve never met outside of work hours, but he has canceled on you due to work?? Im Confused. Or was this supposed to be the first meeting outside of work hours, and he canceled? I can tell you that, if a man has an “affair” and he doesn’t get sex out of it, he will not be inclined to make an effort to meet up, unless he has an inkling that there will be some sex coming his way in the near future. But after 3 years? Not likely. We never met outside work hours and he has no intention to. Today meeting was during his work hours as well. He is his own boss and make his own hours. So he usually he makes time for me during his work hours depending how busy it is. sometimes he leaves a bit early and we meet then he goes home when he is supposed to. Our meeting are 1 hour to 2 hours maximum Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 (edited) And what do you guys do when you meet during these work hours? Talk? Edited January 30, 2021 by Pumpernickel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 30, 2021 Author Share Posted January 30, 2021 33 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: And what do you guys do when you meet during these work hours? Talk? Our meeting are strictly physical. He doesn't seem interested to just meet and talk. They.ve been times when I suggested we just meet and talk when I was down and sad about real life problem and he will agree only to give excuses such as busy at work. We still talk when we meet right after sex but we never meet just to talk. Even when I'm on my period he will still want oral sex. yet he always message me in between meeting stating how much he misses me Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 Given that meeting and talking is off the table for him, those messages about how he misses you only refer to the sex. You could do so much better than him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 10 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: Our meeting are strictly physical. He doesn't seem interested to just meet and talk. They.ve been times when I suggested we just meet and talk when I was down and sad about real life problem and he will agree only to give excuses such as busy at work. We still talk when we meet right after sex but we never meet just to talk. Even when I'm on my period he will still want oral sex. yet he always message me in between meeting stating how much he misses me Frankly, it sounds like you were just a free, dedicated booty call to him. What are you getting out of this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 A few things could be happening, all of which you likely already know: 1) His wife has caught on that something is wrong and is monitoring him more closely 2) He had a sudden pang of guilt and realizes he needs to stop cheating 3) He's meeting up with someone else now. OP, he doesn't want a relationship with you. You've been trying to turn this into something more by suggesting you meet and talk when you were having life problems and he shut that down. He's not emotionally-attached the way you are; this is just sex for him. It's time for you to move on, regardless of what he wants. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorryborry Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Think you are capable of meeting someone who will treat you better. Not alot in this for you. Hes all about himself. Try to break up and find someone better for you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 2 hours ago, assertives said: Frankly, it sounds like you were just a free, dedicated booty call to him. What are you getting out of this? Even though our meetings were strictly physical we do chat and caught up on life afterwards. We just don't fool around and he leaves right after. He will hang around for an hour or so before he goes home or goes back to work. So I was getting some type of emotional support as limited as it was. Of course I wanted more than he could provide at times but then there were times I tried to end due to that. only to miss the physical aspects of our relationship. Then he gets in touch telling me he misses me. the cycle begins again. I think i will just use this opportunity to let him fade away Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 33 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said: Even though our meetings were strictly physical we do chat and caught up on life afterwards. We just don't fool around and he leaves right after. He will hang around for an hour or so before he goes home or goes back to work. So I was getting some type of emotional support as limited as it was. Most booty calls don't have sex and then just stand up, get dressed and leave immediately after. If he's got time to chill and rest a bit before bolting, then why not hang out a little? That still doesn't mean it's anything other than a booty call, though. Don't let him fade out- cut him off yourself. Figure out why you got yourself into this mess, so that you aren't tempted back into dead-end dysfunction in the future. Realize that men who do this generally don't view you as much more than a fun distraction from the doldrums of everyday, married life. He's either found a shiny new distraction or he's laying low because he nearly got caught. This was going to end sooner or later, so now you can take your power back and demand better of yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 I second everything that @elaine567 said. See this for what it is (a booty call) rather than what you want it to be (a romantic love). I also agree with @basil67 who said what he's missing is what he gets from you, not necessarily you as a person. That's patently obvious by the way he blows you off when you reach out for support. Note how if there's nothing sexual involved, he won't give you his time. That should tell you everything you need to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorryborry Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 What's the point of keeping him. You cannot depend on him and the wife and family will have first dibs on him everytime. Hel eventually tire also and give you a fade. I'd get out now and start looking for someone else while your dignity is in tact. Dont put up with this. No judgement here about him being married. Only am seeing he wont be any good to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 As someone else said, you can do it better. What about dating a single man? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Telling you he misses you means nothing in a romantic sense. He has just learnt that saying he misses you, makes you go all gooey and you will then let him have sex with you. These work type affairs where everything is conveniently conducted at work, are often nothing to do with feelings and emotions but everything to do with sex and reducing the risk of being found out to a minimum. They are thus often practical arrangements. He needs sex, he has identified you as a willing participant, he gets regular sex with little investment on his part. He doesn't want to get involved, he is not in love... this arrangement costs him nothing and hopefully his wife will never find out... Perfect! FOR HIM. You are a service provider, providing a service for nothing in return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: Even though our meetings were strictly physical we do chat and caught up on life afterwards. We just don't fool around and he leaves right after. He will hang around for an hour or so before he goes home or goes back to work. So I was getting some type of emotional support. This is a transaction. He gets sex, and you have formed an emotional attachment to the man. But for him, it has always been and will always will be, just sex. I really hope that someday you learn to value yourself more than this. It starts today by realizing that the fact that he has stopped calling you is actually a gift. Edited January 31, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Most booty calls don't have sex and then just stand up, get dressed and leave immediately after. If he's got time to chill and rest a bit before bolting, then why not hang out a little? He also probably knows that this is her currency. He wants more sex - She are more likely to answer his call if he makes her feel good by spending a few minutes talking with you after sex. Edited January 31, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Elaine 567 you explained the big picture perfectly for the OP! MM hunt women at work who are vulnerable/lonely for attention. They keep their nefarious shenanigans restricted to the office so the wife doesn't find out. He likely keeps his phone on vibrate at all times at home so his wife is not alerted to phone calls or messages. They have the game planned out beautifully! For them! Anyone can say I miss you. We feel all warm & fuzzy inside hearing those words. MM know how to manipulate with words. MM has treated OP like trash. Three years is wasted time OP cannot ever get back. It kills me to read these heart breaking stories over and over. To hear the pain these women are going through. I feel like screaming! I hope OP can see how MM has eroded her self esteem and what kind of a person he really is. This situation is NOT love in any shape or form. MM is all about himself and his unfulfilled needs. OP please walk away, close the door and heal from this mess! He's a creep and not worthy of your precious time. You're the princess. MM is not your prince. My heart goes out to you ❤️. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) Thank you guys for your insights. while I knew that MM will never leave since they have house and a lot invested there was always a part of me that would always fantasize about him being a free man. And what life would be like if here were truly mine. some of you might say, then why get involved with a MM? I got involved because he gave me the impression that his relationship was over and they were not married. And it wasn't that serious but she got pregnant with their now 4 year old son but things between them were over. Only to later find out that he has been with this women for 17 years. bought a house together with zero intention of leaving. I know I wasted 3 years of my life on him. Now that suspect l he might be doing the slow fade. I don't know something is off. When we text he seems so receptive and and sounds eager to meet by making plans on what to do when we meet, only to bail on the last minute with excuses. Regardless I feel like this is the time to close that door and not contact him, as hard as it will be Edited January 31, 2021 by Mizz Layta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Miss Layta, I think the thing which has gone wrong for you is that you didn't get a good dose of fury when you found out that you'd been duped. Rather, you seem to have just continued on in a kind of dreamland where you imagined something would come of it. How do you feel about all the lies from him? And why did you stay knowing that it was all lies? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Mizz Layta said: there was always a part of me that would always fantasize about him being a free man. And what life would be like if here were truly mine. If he was truly yours, no doubt you wouldn’t find a moments peace because you will be worried all the time who is giving him blow jobs at work... Why would you wonder that? You would be silly not to - you know first hand that he is capable of carrying on an office affair without his wife’s knowledge. I agree with basil. You need to find your anger and you won’t have as much difficulty walking away... Edited February 1, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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