wk2121 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Chatting to a single mum of two for the last 4 months , she has a girl (1) and boy (3). I am single 32 year old , good job , own my own house and live about 20 miles away from her. We have been on 3 dates would have been on more but due to her lack of family support (baby sitter) and lockdowns we haven't. We get on amazingly well , due to covid when she has come round to see me she has stayed over and our 'dates' have lasted 24 hours . We text every couple of days and are interested in each others lives , its quite chilled out . However due to her situation with lack of support she has cancelled a large number of dates so many that i have lost count.I I have been very chilled about it but its got to the point now where her cancellations are getting to me. She is organising to see me and the cancelling last minute , she has done this numerous times . I have always just been understanding , About a month ago she said that we couldnt go on like this with her cancelling on me and i said i understand and it wasn't fair on either of us , however 2 days later she messaged again and said she missed me and sent me a present through the post.. however this weekend i said something as she gave me no warning at all with the latest cancellation ( was probably the 7th/8th time in a row she's cancelled) she then text me saying she cant date me at the moment due to covid/lockdown and having two young children, she says im amazing and wish she had met me later or sooner in her life but can't things working out at the moment especially in lockdown. Should I just walk away ? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Yes. She's telling you and showing you she can't/do any differently right now, so unless you want to continue the way things have been, move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 1 hour ago, wk2121 said: Should I just walk away ? Yes. Run away. She's told you and shown you that she doesn't want to be in a real relationship with you right now. Time to stop chasing and ignoring the red flags (her cancellations at the last minute). Time to move on. And next time, don't waste 4 months in a text-exchange with a woman. Texting isn't a real relationship. Only face to face time with the other person counts as a real relationship. Texting is just being pen pals. Next time, set up the first date right away. Pandemic be damed. Do a video date or a walking date or a coffee date. If the woman balks and makes you wait longer than a week to see her face to face, she's lying to you in some way about her real intentions with you. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) I know life is incredibly busy for a single parent. Her children are very young, so every waking moment is taken up with meeting their needs. She probably likes you a lot but has too many people competing for her interest - her kids mainly. She may have someone else she's interested in but again probably doesn't have time for. It is easy for a parent to feel they are failing everyone - the kids, extended family, lover, work if they go out to that too - sometimes it is easier to throw in the towel. Having said the above, she has not kept to her plans with you, difficult though it can be. Her kids are so young, she is probably emotionally entwined with them in a way that a guy may not understand. Someone else in her life is an additional person to have to 'look after'. I suspect she has met someone nearer to her or she just doesn't feel she is up to a relationship at the moment. She is not feeling drawn to you enough or she would find a way of spending time with you. Also, while you and she were having a good time together with just the two of you, her real life is full of others needing her attention. At her stage in life, I think I would have felt that a boyfriend was another child to look after. I can understand her giving up. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out. She is going through the most demanding time of her life and precious moments with a boyfriend, where she gets spoiled a bit, may not be worth the effort to make it happen. Edited February 1, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 1 hour ago, spiderowl said: She is going through the most demanding time of her life and precious moments with a boyfriend, where she gets spoiled a bit, may not be worth the effort to make it happen. Here's the thing spiderowl. You're giving her way more leeway than she deserves. She literally wasted 4 months of the OP's life, promising to meet up with him, but then canceling at the last minute. Now, I now plenty of single moms who dated without any problem during their children's early years. These were women who had full-time jobs, some went to night school in addition to that, and, had young children to take care of too. But they all managed to do that successfully, the way they managed their time and used the resources available to single mothers. This woman clearly had no interest in the OP at all, save for a few in-person dates where they were intimate. She did that to most likely emotionally hook the OP, so that she could contact him in between those times to ask him to give her money for her children, etc. I mean, I don't know, but she doesn't sound like a very reliable person, based on what the OP wrote about her. So, the martyr that you've painted her to be, couldn't be farther from the truth, and I don't even know the OP or this woman. However, I do know there is a difference when someone is interested in you or not interested in you. OP, had she truly wanted a real relationship with you from the start, no pandemic or the role of single mum, could have prevented that. The simplest explanation is the most likely one: she just wasnt interested in you and she used texting to keep you hooked to her, just in case she needed you for financial help or an emotional boost. But for a real relationship? Nope. Her behavior with you over those 4 months shows you that you were merely just an option to her, never a priority. You deserve to be with a woman who makes you a priority in her life, excuses be damned. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 She's not in a place to date. And you're right to walk away from it all. Some single moms have great support around them, parents and friends on call to help mind kids and can date relatively easily. Other do it tough, with little in the way of support and professional babysitters can be expensive - and it sounds like she was in the latter category. But even with little support, so many cancellations in a row is a bit fishy. As for COVID, all respect for you and her taking lockdowns seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Bud, sometimes when you get dealt a bad hand its best to fold it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) Yeah, I think dating as a single parent with two VERY young children is hard at the best of times... During covid times, when it’s not easy to drop the kids off with your parents or hire a babysitter... I just don’t see how this is going to be possible. I’m curious to know how it’s possible that she has a one year old and is separated/divorced from the child’s father? And ready to date again? That really has me scratching my head, more than anything else to be very honest. I would think that as a single mother of two kids under the age of three, her life at this time is all about survival, not dating. Edited February 1, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author wk2121 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Share Posted February 1, 2021 12 hours ago, Watercolors said: Yes. Run away. She's told you and shown you that she doesn't want to be in a real relationship with you right now. Time to stop chasing and ignoring the red flags (her cancellations at the last minute). Time to move on. And next time, don't waste 4 months in a text-exchange with a woman. Texting isn't a real relationship. Only face to face time with the other person counts as a real relationship. Texting is just being pen pals. Next time, set up the first date right away. Pandemic be damed. Do a video date or a walking date or a coffee date. If the woman balks and makes you wait longer than a week to see her face to face, she's lying to you in some way about her real intentions with you. Totally agree we, met organised a date within a week of meeting , had the date and then 2nd lockdown the following week , had two dates then the 3rd lockdown. I am aware of what a women should be giving and what my boundaries are . I was more after the perspective of dating a single mum with two young children ,the pandemic and lockdowns just makes things even more difficult. I agree with you the amount of cancelations does start to become fishy and maybe she is just using me for someone to talk too , she initiates 80% of the conversation so i'm not chasing her. I am walking away i know i deserve to be someones priority however we did have a great connection so didn't just want to abandon ship when maybe the caring things to do woud be to keep the door open and not just be another guy disappearing out of her life when the going gets tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wk2121 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Share Posted February 1, 2021 5 hours ago, BaileyB said: Yeah, I think dating as a single parent with two VERY young children is hard at the best of times... During covid times, when it’s not easy to drop the kids off with your parents or hire a babysitter... I just don’t see how this is going to be possible. I’m curious to know how it’s possible that she has a one year old and is separated/divorced from the child’s father? And ready to date again? That really has me scratching my head, more than anything else to be very honest. I would think that as a single mother of two kids under the age of three, her life at this time is all about survival, not dating. Yes thats what my conclusion is also , practically it can't happen right now particularly as she has a very poor support network and the kids father is not interested. I am the first person she has dated since she has been on her own in May we met in October (so she says) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 18 hours ago, wk2121 said: Should I just walk away ? Yes. The kids will always come 1st. You are not ready for that. She is correct that she is not in a place to date. When you said she had a 1 year old, I wondered how long it's been since she separated from the baby daddy. Probably not long enough to be emotionally available at present. Ending with him in May & taking up with you in October 5 months later is too soon. The idea that you think her living 20 miles away from you makes her long distance tells me you also have issues to work out. For something to be LDR you need to be 4+ hours away or need a plane to see each other. To you 20 miles may be inconvenient, but to me it practically makes her a neighbor Edited February 1, 2021 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Why wouldn't you? Never mind the fact sticking around would be a a ginormous waste of your time, you need to respect she told you she didn't think things would work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wk2121 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Share Posted February 1, 2021 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Yes. The kids will always come 1st. You are not ready for that. She is correct that she is not in a place to date. When you said she had a 1 year old, I wondered how long it's been since she separated from the baby daddy. Probably not long enough to be emotionally available at present. Ending with him in May & taking up with you in October 5 months later is too soon. The idea that you think her living 20 miles away from you makes her long distance tells me you also have issues to work out. For something to be LDR you need to be 4+ hours away or need a plane to see each other. To you 20 miles may be inconvenient, but to me it practically makes her a neighbor Its not long distance I'm aware of that that isnt an issue . I posted it in this section as due to Covid /lockdowns and that she is a mum with commitments which makes seeing each other difficult Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 OK. The lock down difficulties make it even more valid to end this. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 21 hours ago, wk2121 said: she then text me saying she cant date me at the moment due to covid/lockdown and having two young children, she says im amazing and wish she had met me later or sooner in her life but can't things working out at the moment especially in lockdown. Should I just walk away ? She already told you that she can't date you. I'm not sure why you're asking whether you should walk away. It's already decided. What's the alternative, you refusing to accept what she's said and continuing to pester her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wk2121 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: She already told you that she can't date you. I'm not sure why you're asking whether you should walk away. It's already decided. What's the alternative, you refusing to accept what she's said and continuing to pester her? I haven't ever pestered her , the last time she said this was three weeks earlier and i accepted it and walked away she then came back again . She has said it again so just wanted peoples take whether i should take her at her word or try and get her to see the bigger picture that the pandemic will pass and things will get easier for her and us. Taking a step back as others had mentioned if she wanted to make it work she would so I will take her at her word. Just seems a shame She has already text me this morning saying how sorry she is and how rubbish she feels and that she is on my side and feels like a dick. I haven't replied and wont as I have accepted it but the fact she is already messaging me makes me ponder her thought process , whether it is emotion based on the circumstances , how she strongly feels , or both. timing is not right and it is what it is , I will accept and walk away quietly Edited February 1, 2021 by wk2121 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 If she can't make up her mind, then YOU should make up your mind and not play these games with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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