LovevsLust Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Hey all, So I met this guy online in 2011 and we hit it off almost immediately. After some time we went our separate ways but reconnected after 4 years in 2015. We stopped talking again mostly because I was dealing with school and my own stuff and we live in different states. In 2017, we connected again but for a short time. Now it's 2021 and he's trying to connect again, but now, I'm in a committed relationship and have been for 4+ years. Talking to him again brings back all the feelings I once had for him. Even though our "relationship" has basically been about our physical attraction for each other. We've basically been knowing each other for 10 years and have never met but we have video chatted enough to know it wasn't a catfish. I've had a conversation about him to my boyfriend without naming the guy but it wasn't as in-depth. I need some advice. I figured if I met the guy, I would finally get a semblance of closure knowing that I have the perfect boyfriend already. But another part of me thinks it's a horrible idea and should just force myself to stop talking to him. Part of me knows that it's just list but what if it's not? I can't be in love with both of these guys. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, LovevsLust said: I have the perfect boyfriend already. Do you? if so what's up with carrying on with this guy you never met? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovevsLust Posted January 31, 2021 Author Share Posted January 31, 2021 I do. He's my first real relationship and it's been amazing. However, this other guy left an imprint on me though. It's like when you're a kid and you want something you know you shouldn't have. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorryborry Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 Would not try to make connection with this guy. It will only complicate your life as you are in a relationship. Not a good idea for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2021 Share Posted January 31, 2021 46 minutes ago, LovevsLust said: It's like when you're a kid 🤔 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, LovevsLust said: I figured if I met the guy, I would finally get a semblance of closure I don’t think you get your closure from meeting the man. I think you open another door... Which is fine, if you want to open that door, that is your decision. But, you need to be honest with your boyfriend. If you are going to meet another man to see if there is anything there, you need to let your boyfriend know. For what it’s worth, I think this falls into the “fantasy relationship” category. You have quite literally been creating a fantasy about this man for the past 10 years!! Your current boyfriend can not possibly compete with a fantasy partner - you should never even expect him to try as it’s just not fair to him. Edited February 1, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, LovevsLust said: It's like when you're a kid and you want something you know you shouldn't have. And yet, one of the lessons we learn as adults is that you can’t always get what you want... Impulse control, the ability to predict the consequence of a decision, empathy for others - all good things that help us make decisions as adults. If we use these skills. Edited February 1, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
josedelamuerte Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 You've already gotten some great advice here. I'll just add that even if you do choose to meet the guy and you discover that you two are very compatible in real-life, not just as a fantasy, keep in mind that you're comparing something fresh to a naturally stale 4 year relationship. Hardly a fair comparison. Once the honeymoon phase fades out you may find that the "new" guy's dull, or not one who sticks around. Your current boyfriend may not be willing to rekindle at that point. Things are good now. Be happy. My dad would say - "The greatest enemy of the good is the better". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
denwickdroylsden Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Don't start something without accepting all possible outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Your BF is real. This on line guy is a fantasy. You could never get together before & make it work. Now is no different. Stop interacting with on line guy & focus on your BF. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 20 hours ago, LovevsLust said: It's like when you're a kid and you want something you know you shouldn't have. Only, you're not a kid anymore. If you want to meet him, have at it. But break up with your boyfriend first. Because you know this isn't about closure if you're never met the guy, much less dated him. It would be you seeing if you like him enough in person to explore something. I think if your relationship were as amazing as you're saying it is, you wouldn't even consider the idea of sacrificing it for the chance to meet up some dude from the internet. You might want to do a deep-dive inside yourself and ask yourself if you're genuinely still happy with your boyfriend, or if perhaps you've grown bored and complacent. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) I think you should consider the possibility that Mr. On-Line is gaming you and that you are not the only one he’s gaming. Why? Who knows. Maybe to see if he can. It’s an ego boost, a time filler. Or perhaps to simply experiment and perfect his on-line “game.” There are men who do this, please do not kid yourself about that. Not saying that IS what he’s doing, but it’s a possibility worthy of consideration imo. It happens. I find it odd he keeps popping in and out of your life over the years, but has made no effort to actually meet you. Living in different states is no excuse, couples do this all the time. Different countries on the other side of the globe? Perhaps. But not different states. I would also explore your feelings for your boyfriend. Something is lacking for you to still be harboring feelings for Mr. On-Line after ten years no matter what they’re based on. Fantasy, the unknown (which can be intoxicating I get that). I am wondering why you have not met in person in ten years? Do you think if you suggested meeting in person, he would go for it? Again, living in different states is really no excuse imo. I am not a mind reader, but all this points to the very strong possibility that he's gaming you. JMO. In any event, good luck whatever you decide to do. Edited February 1, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRising8 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 Serious question: if you haven't met in 10 years, 6 years of which you were single, why on earth would you want to meet now that you have the perfect boyfriend. Ask yourself that and answer out loud. Does it really sound right when you hear it? It shouldn't and if it does sound right you really need to look inside to see what's missing and why you suddenly after all this time, think it is a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted February 6, 2021 Share Posted February 6, 2021 Simple answer for @LovevsLustyou get online and say you're sorry but to use your on words from OP you tell him that you are "in a committed relationship for the past 4+ years" and "he is the perfect boyfriend". You really enjoyed the 10+ years that you all have spent talking with each other but you want to be faithful to your boyfriend. This of course if you actually believe what you said in your post. Why would you risk 4+ years with the perfect boyfriend for someone you have never met in person. It seems like a easy decision to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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