LucyLocket Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 Hey everyone, new here, looking for opinions on this please..... If you went through a volatile, abusive marriage with someone whose spending habits sent you broke, and then went through a vicious divorce, and that relationship left you traumatised, how would you feel if your best friend of 40 years, and his wife, always invited your abusive ex and her 4th husband to their social functions and either left you out altogether or didn't invite you until the last minute? This is the situation with my defacto partner. We have been living together for about a year, together for 2 years, and in general a very happy relationship, but recently he's started telling me that I will "have to" encounter his ex at some stage. This was after I refused to attend a recent social function where we were invited last minute and the invitation came with a "warning" that his ex would be there. I thought it was actually rather rude, and I also am starting to really question why his best friend would even let my partners ex through the front door. His wife wears the pants, and I very much suspect that his wife actually dislikes my partner and that she's the one who has deliberately always kept his ex in the picture, perhaps an attempt to push him out of her husbands life, (hasn't worked). I can't understand why my partner tolerates what I see as disrespect, but I don't want to say anything about it because interfering in his friendships is not my style. The thing is, I feel he's way out of line expecting me to be OK with this. My attitude is just to leave it in the past and just don't go to functions where she is and if it means seeing less of some friends then that's just what happens, accept it and move on. Divorce usually means that someone gets custody of the social circle and in this case it's not him and he should accept it. In the 7 years since his divorce he has never gone to a social function where she is, so I don't understand why he wants to go now. One of my girlfriends suggested that he wants to show me off, a way to rub her nose in it because I am supposedly a "catch", and that bothers me too, if it's the case. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) I might not feel good about it but I'd go to the event and have a good time. I once went to a party in the home of my best friend. I'd guess there were about fifty people there and one of the people was an attorney who was representing a party who was suing me. I didn't go up to the guy and schmooze with him but I did go to the party and I did have a good time! You may think you know all of the dynamics behind the situation but it's possible there are contributing factors you don't know. That's what I assumed about my friend. That I didn't know everything about the circumstances. Anytime you can offer people grace, it pays to do so. We need more grace in this world. I'm editing this to add: The happiest people I know are those who are kind and gracious to others. They are the ones who think the best of others and who don't take offense, even when an insult is offered up. And they are the ones who are able to maintain good relationships with everyone. OTOH, folks who tend to get offended and defensive about things are generally unhappy people who often have difficulty maintaining relationships. From all I've seen people treat you the way they treat you because of who they are, not because of who you are. Go to the event(s) and have a good time! Edited February 1, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 If your partner is OK with seeing his EX, that is his choice. If your partner is OK with the way his friend of 40 years treats him, that is also his choice. You can tell your partner that he deserves better but in the end it's his choice. If you don't like the choices you get to chose not to participate. What's keeping you from staying home? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 You can't control what other people do. You can't control who other people choose to invite to their social events. That's their business. If it makes you uncomfortable, then don't go. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) It's been 7 years, it's time to put it to rest. Trying to keep your partner's resentment toward his ex alive isn't going to bring you anything good in life. So she gave him a hard time and left him broke and destroyed...yes it happens to a lot of couples divorcing but thankfully people move on an put their resentment to rest. Edited February 1, 2021 by Gaeta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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