She's hard to say that she loved me, don't know when we will make it official, and always prioritize other things. Should I stay?

[dontknowwhattofeel]

This is about me m (28) and her f (21). 
We have known for each other from august 2018. We have become bestfriend since then. 
She has been close to 2 male for the last 2 years. 1 year and 8 months. Each time she ended being hurt by them. And I am the one who comfort and help her. Last time she broke up on June 2020.
Last time we meet face to face was May 2020. She was so afraid to meet because of this pandemic. So she said, I cant come to her place (1-2 hours from my place)

We have been closer since august 2020. We agreed to make our friendship into romantic relationship. We have done long distance relationship. we can spent up to 12 hours a day to videocall each other, i did my things, and so she did her thing while calling each other. we are inseparable.

fyi, in the last relationship. she didn't get enough attention, she become insecure and needy. so for the last 5 months, i always be there for her, anytime of the day, when she need me i will always ready to be there. i gave her my time (almost 24/7), attention, love, everything that i can give. her love language is gift, so i send her many things and she really happy with that. We already talk about our future, how both of our parents agree with our relationship. even my mom and hers already talk to each other. What will we do when we are married in the future etc.

But, there are things that make this hard for me:
1. She was on healing process, so she cant even tell me how were her feeling to me. she cant even say that she miss me or love me.
2. She always prioritize everything else above me. Her work, task, volunteering, friends etc. many times, when we were on videocall or call (like on 1 a.m in the morning), her friend called and needed help, she always prioritize them and she can talk to them until 5 a.m. Once she even went out with her male friend to have lunch (even though she said she was afraid with this pandemic). She can stay until 4 a.m. to do her task with her friends. but when I need her, she said she was too sleepy and need to sleep.
3. there are many guys who chase her. 

On 30 December 2020. Everything changed, after I beg her (it is after so many drama, after her abusive boyfriend call her, even came to her place). Finally she said that she love me. How she was so lucky to have me. how am i helped her and make her family whole again (before this she usually fight with her parents, but after i am getting close, talk to her mother in video call, sending them some gifts, their relation getting better)

On August 2020, she said that she need to see 3 months to make this relationship official. Maybe on December. On December, she said that she need more time, maybe on April or less, she didn't know. Last night, after 5 months, i asked her, what else we need to make our relationship official? she said 5 months is to fast. and she asked me, what if she need time until next year? will i stay?

I asked her for clarification. Why she feel this 5 months not enough? what else we need to do to make it official? but she said, she was tired and need to sleep, it was 00.30 a.m. (we were zooming yesterday). so i let her sleep. but on 1 a.m. she woke up and chat and called other people, while she didn't explain what happened. she just said, she need to do something.

I asked, why she can give so many attention and energy to anything else but not this relationship? she didn't answer, she left me to sleep.
i text her many questions that hung on my mind. I know she read some of them at 7.47 am. but she didn't reply. she continue to sleep until 9.47 a.m. 
When i asked her again, she just said she was sorry. only one word answer "sorry". I sent her many messages, but she only reply like 2 of them. she didn't even bother to reply the other.

I am tired of this begging for her attention and certainty. So i tell her, come back to me when she already have her answer. What we need want to make our relationship official? when is the right time? why she always prioritize anything else, while she is number one on my list? until she at least answers that, i wont text or call her.

i am a simp right? what should i do?
i dont want to lose her, but i am really tired (you should know that I am a really different person while i am with her, like i gave 20x more attentions and love to her than my exes, we are happy with that. but it looks like she doesnt know yet, where to go).
She always say sorry, but everything just happened again and again. like she is too busy with things that can be done later and when we meet, she was to tired to talk to me.
should i stay?

[josedelamuerte]

1 hour ago, dontknowwhattofeel said:

I am tired of this begging for her attention and certainty. So stop!

So i tell her, come back to me when she already have her answer. At this point break off contact! She'll come around if she wants to (probably won't).

What we need want to make our relationship official? Your relationship consists of you being her penpal / phone-girlfriend. In that sense it's already official.

when is the right time? For it to become romantic? If you continue simping her like this, never.

why she always prioritize anything else, while she is number one on my list? Because she knows she doesn't have to give you anything for you to keep chasing her. She'd rather spend her energy on guys she sees as romantic prospects.

until she at least answers that, i wont text or call her. Good for you! Even if she does answer but it's more of the same, move on.

i am a simp right? Big time!

what should i do? Stop. Live your life. Find love. It's not here.

 

[d0nnivain]

You can't lose what you never had.   This isn't going to work.  Be done so you can heal & then go find a girl who does love you. 

[introverted1]

What sort of insanity is it to be "inseparable" over video calls?  You have never even seen this girl in person since she broke up from her last bf.  It sounds as though you are providing emotional support/validation/relief from boredom/etc. for her while she provides nothing to you.  and yet, you persist.

A better plan would be to find someone closer to your own age who is actually looking for a romantic partner.

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, dontknowwhattofeel said:

fyi, in the last relationship. she didn't get enough attention, she become insecure and needy. so for the last 5 months, i always be there for her, anytime of the day, when she need me i will always ready to be there. i gave her my time (almost 24/7), attention, love, everything that i can give.

This is such unhealthy behavior in a relationship.

A mature, emotionally responsible woman wouldn’t behave in this way - the fact that she says she didn’t get enough attention and became insecure and needy is a real red flag.

Rather than heed this red flag, you have rushed in like a white knight and she has taken full advantage of you. You have conveniently provided the attention and reassurance she was seeking and she is about to pass you over when the next guy comes along that she wants to date. 

I’m sorry. The simple fact is, you can’t provide this woman enough attention to have her be interested in dating you. You seem to be under the misguided notion that if you do more, she will reciprocate your feelings. That’s not how it works. This isn’t going to be what you want it to be. 

Edited February 1, 2021 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, dontknowwhattofeel said:

So i tell her, come back to me when she already have her answer.

Her lack of response is her answer. You just don’t want to accept that. 

[Gaeta]

She's 21 so she acts like a 21 yo. She's using you as a puppet. 

You're 28 so act like a man of 28. Find a local woman of your age, you'll see a HUGE difference. Online relationships are hard to break but you need to end this, it's already driving you crazy, needy, and putting you in a state of emotional distress. She's not worth it, not even one bit!

Edited February 1, 2021 by Gaeta

[Be Cool]

I see more redflags here than Tiananmen Square on Mao's birthday:

1/ Long-distance Relationship.

2/ OP is being needy.

3/ OP's woman, according to him, is not prioritizing him.

4/ OP's woman is not showing him enough affection.

5/ OP is obviously having one-itis.

When your partner is not doing her job, you stop dating her and start dating other women instead. 

[Cookiesandough]

No. Find someone more interested.

Edited March 1, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it seems you are wasting your time on her.

She doesn't seem that interested. 

Is she on/off with her other BFs?

[spiderowl]

It sounds like she likes you, enjoys your company, but just does not see this as a lasting, committed relationship, whatever she is saying.

You are spending far too much time pestering her for clarity.  She is not giving you clarity because she is not as involved in this relationship as you are.

I can't help but feel that you are there for her, involving yourself in her family, being her friend, spending too much time encircling her with your adoration and attention.  It is too much.  

I think you should back off, leave her to her own devices more.  If she wants you, she will say if she wants to commit.  If she doesn't commit, it is because you are she are not seeing this relationship the same way.

Unless you back off considerably, you could end up in a very sticky situation here, because if she decides she does not want this much attention, your behaviour could be seen as too much and too stalkerish, just saying.

For your own sake, do not get more involved until she is ready to commit.  She has kept you hanging for a long time.  She is not as interested as you are.  I think you are better, pulling back and considering other women because you are likely to be very disappointed here.

 

[smackie9]

The OP is long gone...post and dash. He's an orbiter. Doing the beta thing by orbiting around her, consoling her when she needs emotional support and attention. This is the kiss of death,  the worst way to try to get a GF. You get used.

OP there is nothing to be gained by this.