Explanation

[Shadoink]

I would like to preface this story that recently happened to me with the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship. Being 26 I have just not found a girl that I enjoy spending a bunch of time with outside of the physical aspect of a relationship. Not saying I have not met nice girls just nothing that has had that “spark” that everyone seems to talk about. With that being said I would like to find someone that I have that true intimacy with and I’m tired of the hook up game. 
 

So this all began with a girl that used to train at my gym that I go to. She was a client of one of the female trainers. This is a private gym so it’s always the same people so she became a familiar face. We decided to throw a gym party at the house and so I dm’d her on Instagram to come to the party. She said that she would not feel comfortable going because she no longer trained with the female trainer from the gym and was worried about drama. Months went by and I never reached out until she posted something on her story. I then responded to that story, sparked conversation, and then eventually got her number and set up a hike with her that weekend. 
 

We go on the hike and it went really well. We hiked for 3 hours with her dog and talked the whole time and I enjoyed learning about her. When she walked outside I remember how beautiful I thought she was as I had never really truly looked at her like that. After the hike I walked her back to her house. Now she lives with her parents still and she asked if I wanted to come inside. I declined telling her I had to go meal prep (which was not a lie), plus I did not feel comfortable meeting the parents on the first date. So when I go to say goodbye she gave me this look like she wanted a kiss. I gave her a hug and she held me tightly and I told her I would text her soon to hang out again. She sends me a text about how she had so much fun and wanted to hang out again. Great success. 
 

So the following weekend we make plans to hang out on Saturday night. She’s a big scary movie person so she was gonna come over and watch scary movies with me. So she comes over and we watch 2 movies and when the 2nd movie finished I finally make my move. When I kissed her I felt something that I have never felt with a kiss before. I was actually in awe. And so we basically do everything but sex, I could have had sex but I did not want to rush this because I was really into this girl at this point. We lay there afterwards for hours talking, kissing, cuddling, holding hands. Basically all the stuff that normally have not done with just “hook ups”. She leaves and heads back home, I do the gentleman thing and told her I would stay up till she told me she got home. Once she did she thanked me again for great time and I said I want to see you more often she responded with “I’d love to!” 
 

So the next week we have our normal conversations and on Wednesday I asked if she would like to go to my buddies restaurant on Friday. She had told me that she loves going to new restaurants and trying new foods. My buddies restaurant is phenomenal Greek food and he told me beforehand that if I bring her in we could order whatever and it would be free. Thought this would be a cool date for her. She ends up responding Friday morning telling me she can’t because she is stressed about school starting and getting everything ready for that and she wouldn’t be free that weekend. She also finished her text with “hope you are good and we will hang out soon!” I had no issues with that and told her that I understood and to let her do her thing this weekend so she’s all good and I would talk to her after the weekend. 
 

So Monday comes around and we FaceTime for about 2 hours just talking and making her laugh and a little teasing etc. Goes well. She tells me that she has school starting on Wednesday because of MLK day being on that Monday. Wednesday morning I told her “good luck with first day of school and when your done if you want to come over to the house and hang out and I’ll cook you dinner”. I honestly was just thinking of doing something nice for the girl I was interested in that was stressing big time about school. I get completely GHOSTED. Just shocked I get 0 response from that. A week goes by and I hear nothing. Keep in mind also that the weeks before this she is sending me “good morning” “hope you have a great day” texts. Even sending me good luck texts for my lifts at the gym. Not normal just hook up stuff. 
 

So a week goes by and I finally text her and say “hey what’s up”. She goes back to normal texting like nothing ever happened. So I was extremely confused about that but I don’t want her to think I’m desperate or controlling at all. I am just trying to be cool, calm, and collected. So then I ask if she wants to see me that weekend. She said she was sick in bed and had a COVID test. I felt bad and was very nice to her, but gave her spaces cause she was sick. Don’t talk to her on Sunday but Monday I send her “hope you are feeling better and having a great day”. And once again got no response
 

I am  so confused as to why she did a 180 on me. What did I do wrong? Does anyone have something they could offer? I’m hurting bad from this BS. 
 

Thank you 

[josedelamuerte]

Could be that she's sensing you're getting attached, and feels it's going too fast to her, so she's taking her foot off the gas. Could be she got caught up in school (some people actually do get lost in their routine, and romance is not their top priority). Could be that while you're thinking - "I've never felt like this before, I've found my soulmate", she's thinking "Meh" and trying to let you down easy.

Whichever it is - find acceptance, and be kind to yourself.

[d0nnivain]

She probably freaked out about Covid.  You were the new wild card in her life.  The stress of going back to school & all that is going on in the world, nothing is normal. 

You did what you could.  She's not responding.  Leave it alone. 

[Wiseman2]

Did you have the exclusive talk? Perhaps she is talking to and meeting others,?

It seems like it's going way too fast physically for her and too slow as far as being exclusive

Since you are more used to hooking up, you may have to learn to shift gears.

[Shadoink]

We have not had the exclusive talk. I was planning on having that conversation after 3rd date. What is messing with me the most is I do not know what happened. I didn’t feel as I was coming on to strong to someone who told me they wanted to see me more, sends me good morning/have a great day texts, and good luck on things that are important to me. I wanted to do something nice for her when I offered to cook her dinner which I HAVE NEVER OFFERED TO COOK DINNER FOR A GIRL. If that scared her then so be it, but why not just tell me what’s going on?

[smackie9]

maybe you didn't do anything wrong and this has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Edited February 2, 2021 by smackie9

[ShyViolet]

This is how dating is these days.  Honestly, you might not have done anything wrong.  Maybe she just decided that she's not as into you as she thought.  You will probably never know the real reason.  It happens.  Just don't worry about it too much, and move on.

[ctdans]

Why didn't you ask her?  Only you can tell if her response is genuine.  And if she freaks out at you because you ask why she went silent for that length of time then think of yourself as being lucky you find out now rather than later that she has that character or behavior.  Exclusive or not there is something about dating etiquette and just plain old good manners.  

[poppyfields]

13 hours ago, Shadoink said:

So then I ask if she wants to see me that weekend. She said she was sick in bed and had a COVID test. I felt bad and was very nice to her, but gave her spaces cause she was sick. Don’t talk to her on Sunday but Monday I send her “hope you are feeling better and having a great day”. And once again got no response.

She has COVID mate and you're freaking out because she hasn't responded?  Lord, she may be really sick!

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Shadoink said:

I was planning on having that conversation after 3rd date. 

I wanted to do something nice for her when I offered to cook her dinner which I HAVE NEVER OFFERED TO COOK DINNER FOR A GIRL 

You keep planning dates in-house. That wasn't scaring her off. It's 'waiting' to have the exclusive talk even after it got somewhat sexual at your date 2 Netflix and chill date. It doesn't matter if your former hookup culture dictates that you  "NEVER OFFERED TO COOK DINNER FOR A GIRL". If you want to date, you'll have to shift gears.