Bobblehat Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 Hi, not sure if this will gain any response. Just had a very messy end to an affair I was part of (the other woman). It was an extremely messy end. I want to know if I should apologise to her? Or do I wait until she contacts me, if she contacts me. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 There is not necessarily a right or wrong. That said, if she asked you not to contact her then I suggest you don't. If she's blocked you e.g. on email or social media, suggest you don't try to get around that. Things like that send a specific message that you shouldn't ignore. It sounds like you're seeking a bit of "closure". That's understandable, but ultimately closure comes from within, and it usually takes a least a bit longer (sometimes a lot longer) than we'd like. It will come eventually whether you apologize to her or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 I don't see the point in contacting her now it's all over. Unless you were deceived about his marital status and want to let her know that. That's the only time I would want to know in her position. If you were a willing participant, just steer clear of her and don't engage would be my take. Leave her and her WH to sort out their marriage. You concentrate on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorryborry Posted February 2, 2021 Share Posted February 2, 2021 Think I'd leave it. It's up to him to sort it out. Hope you are ok. Its probably better it's over as you can have a better life. It was his responsibility to look after his marriage. So you are only part responsible but nowhere near as much as him. Shel take him back, dont worry. Just move on yourself and get support. Sorry this happened to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pearly Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 On 2/2/2021 at 3:46 PM, Lorryborry said: Think I'd leave it. It's up to him to sort it out. Hope you are ok. Its probably better it's over as you can have a better life. It was his responsibility to look after his marriage. So you are only part responsible but nowhere near as much as him. Shel take him back, dont worry. Just move on yourself and get support. Sorry this happened to you Lorryborry, no, you are wrong. Married men are off limits. People need to have a bit of integrity. I've read your posts and I know you are married, too. So does that mean your H is available to all women? Karma. And no @Bobblehat no one wants your apology. Unless you can prove that there was NO affair, the wife doesn't want to talk to you. Trust me. That would make it look like you have the goldenkeys to her marriage. . . You already destroyed it. Stay away 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 Quote I want to know if I should apologise to her? No. You definitely shouldn't. Just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 What exactly are you sorry for? Sorry you got caught? Sorry you feel bad? Sorry you feel guilty? Sorry you feel sad? She will hate you, so why would you want to upset her further? The coming together of the wife and the OW to "understand" each other or to together hate on the MM, doesn't really happen much outwith Hollywood, and if you are expecting her gratitude for your "honesty" then forget it. Leave her alone. If you do stir up that hornet's nest then you may regret it big time. I suggest you do not put your head above the parapet. If she comes looking for answers then answer her honestly, it's the least you can do, but do not seek her out or harass her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 I’m not sure what your motivation is to contact the wife, as you don’t say. For me, attempting to contact the wife after you have been discovered is rather disingenuous. If you were actually concerned about the woman, you wouldn’t have slept with her husband. I say let it be, if she has questions she will contact you. You can offer your apology then. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 What is your motivation to contact her? You really need to dig deep to figure out WHY you want to. Is it because you are truly sorry and need to apologize? Or is it to assuage your own guilt? Is it because you want her to hear your side of the story? Is it because you want to garner more information about what is happening within their home? Is it to make sure she knows the truth, etc? It also makes a huge difference if you knew her or not. I'm one of the rare BSs that didn't mind a conversation from the OW. I didn't blame her. In some ways, I can see if the OW doesn't know the BS... never has met her nor seen her, the wife is just some figure in the background, but when it all hits the fan, she becomes very real. And I can understand how, at that point, the OW can feel sorry about their part in it. But a lot of BS do not feel this way or care about it either way. And if some time has past, it can be an awful reminder of a very terrible part of their life. So..in very rare cases would I ever suggest someone contact the BS. If you do, do not demand anything. Send a note.... keep it straight to the point. Not a lot of I's except to say sorry. Do not try to explain anything away.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts