I'm obsessed with someone I really like and I'm not sure on how to handle it.

[MrGreenJeans95]

HI I'm a 23 year old male. So, I have an obsession over someone I've known since 2013, we were friends and always have been. Recently (late 2020) we've began hanging out with a more sexual/interest vibe, she would always call/text me first. At that point I knew her feelings for me were there, mine weren't fully there yet.  So as we hung out more, I knew her feelings grew stronger and stronger for me as the time went on, and eventually we had sex for the first time, (sorry for detail) and we just continued to hangout more and more. 

To get to the main point, as we hung out more my feelings increased for her, and I'm feeling hers are lowering, she doesn't call or text as much as she use to, and I've notice the disconnect. It's driving me nuts and I don't know why other than the fact I have feelings for her. I cringe to say this but I'm obsessed with her because I don't where she's at with all of this, and I don't want to reach out or ask her because I feel I've maybe over pursued her a little bit hence why she's distant and I don't want to push her away even more. I'm constantly wondering what she's doing and I hate the fact that I do, I don't want to be doing this anymore and I want to be happy and content while she goes and lives her life doing whatever she does. The way I feel when I'm around her is how I want to feel when I'm alone. 

 

I'm just literally lost and have no clue how to handle the situation, I know it's a lot of writing and probably cringy, but I just need some advice and what to do, I HATE feeling this way. Am I not happy with myself? 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Given the situation it seems to me your feelings are normal. For most people when someone they love pulls away, it seems to make them desire the person more. I'd give her the space she seems to need and try to find things to do to distract yourself but also to make your own life better. Exercise would be a good thing to do or even to do more of.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, AJorquez said:

 eventually we had sex for the first time,

I don't where she's at with all of this, 

What have you two decided on? Friends? Hooking up? FWB? Dating? Exclusive dating? A relationship?

Why not ask her to be your GF? That would stop the guessing games for both of you.

You need to step up rather than have sex, then hang back, get inside your head too much and leave everything in a nebulous state.

 

[MrGreenJeans95]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What have you two decided on? Friends? Hooking up? FWB? Dating? Exclusive dating? A relationship?

Why not ask her to be your GF? That would stop the guessing games for both of you.

You need to step up rather than have sex, then hang back, get inside your head too much and leave everything in a nebulous state.

 

She first asked me "we're just hooking up right?" and I told her I was kinda hoping it would go somewhere. She then said, "Ok, I lied, I kinda like you too and I rarely tell people how I feel about them.. But I think it's just bad timing and were still living our lives." I respected her response. Aside from her saying that, her actions are showing relationship level stuff i.e Kissing me in the lips when we greet and say goodbye, holding hands when we go out, leaning on me in public and in private, buying me gifts, etc. But then when we're not together, she goes distant and that's the part that confuses me and drives me nuts, I feel if she liked me, she wouldn't go cold like that when we're not together. 

 

I would say it might be because she's waiting for me to make it official? But she already responded with "But I think it's bad timing, and we're still living our lives." When i told her that I was hoping it would go somewhere, so that's why I haven't mentioned the exclusiveness yet. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, AJorquez said:

She first asked me "we're just hooking up right?" and I told her I was kinda hoping it would go somewhere. She then said, "Ok, I lied, I kinda like you too and I rarely tell people how I feel about them.. But I think it's just bad timing and were still living our lives."

Excellent. Go with it and be FWB until there's more

Edited February 6, 2021 by Wiseman2

[MrGreenJeans95]

14 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Given the situation it seems to me your feelings are normal. For most people when someone they love pulls away, it seems to make them desire the person more. I'd give her the space she seems to need and try to find things to do to distract yourself but also to make your own life better. Exercise would be a good thing to do or even to do more of.

Thank you for your response, and I have been giving her time, and usually she'll initiate contact by reacting to my instagram stories, or a little comment here and there, but I don't really consider that communication. I don't know if she does that to keep me around or whatever. It's just confusing to me.

[MrGreenJeans95]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Go with it and be FWB until there's more

Ok, thank you for your advice

[LivingWaterPlease]

8 hours ago, AJorquez said:

Thank you for your response, and I have been giving her time, and usually she'll initiate contact by reacting to my instagram stories, or a little comment here and there, but I don't really consider that communication. I don't know if she does that to keep me around or whatever. It's just confusing to me.

 

I think you should talk with her about it, now that I think about it a little more.

[d0nnivain]

She has been chasing you for 7 years.  You finally had sex but you still didn't step up & chase her.  Of course she's going to pull back.  She thinks you are rejecting her. 

  Your refusal to "reach out" or "ask her" as you put it is what is aggravating this problem.  She thinks you are equivocating & trying to let her down gently.  Pull on your big boy pants & ask her out for Valentine's Day.  It's time to go all in.    It's not bad timing.  She only said that because she's scared you are rejecting her.  You have never initiated & she fears that you are only here because she made it too easy.  She is looking for you to be the man & take the lead. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by d0nnivain

[LivingWaterPlease]

5 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

She has been chasing you for 7 years.  You finally had sex but you still didn't step up & chase her.  Of course she's going to pull back.  She thinks you are rejecting her. 

  Your refusal to "reach out" or "ask her" as you put it is what is aggravating this problem.  She thinks you are equivocating & trying to let her down gently.  Pull on your big boy pants & ask her out for Valentine's Day.  It's time to go all in.    It's not bad timing.  She only said that because she's scared you are rejecting her.  You have never initiated & she fears that you are only here because she made it too easy.  She is looking for you to be the man & take the lead. 

This. 1000X.