Surprised to be in this position

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

After only three years of marriage, my wife has said and done things over the past three (3) Months that give me concern. 

 

The List

1. We are not on the same page

2. You look old

3. New Hair Color & Style

4. Increased Office Hours

5. Feels Taken for Granted by me.

6. On her phone until 3 AM at times.

7. Wants to Travel Alone

My wife is 5 year younger and could pass for mid 30s in age.

Whats the prognosis here ? Affair? Divorce?

 

 

Edited February 6, 2021 by HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE
info

[Blind-Sided]

Some people are phone people.  My GF is always on her phone, and whenever I peek... it's just twitter, and cat pictures.  But I know if she wakes up in the middle of the night... she will look at it for a while.  But, the exW was not that addicted. So, when she started being on her phone more... and not letting it sit around... and locked it... I knew something was up. 

So... it depends on how she was, and how she is now. 

The new hair/cloths... to me... that's just a girl. 

The comment about taking her for granted, and not on the same page... that's not good.  You need to talk to her about it.  And... if she doesn't really want to talk about it... that is a red flag.

And finally... I wouldn't want my SO traveling alone.  That's just a coverup for an affair.  

Personally... I would start to evaluate your assets, and make a plan, so when she hits you with it... you know what to do. 

[littleblackheart]

59 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

My wife is 5 year younger and could pass for mid 30s in age.

5 years isn't much of a gap at all, especially when you're in your late 30's / early 40's. In essence, both of you are in the same middle-age bracket.

59 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

5. Feels Taken for Granted by me.

How have you addressed this? Has she told you straight up?

She could be feeling neglected, she could be on the verge of a midlife crisis, she could be bored, etc.

Might be time to try courting your wife again 

Edited February 6, 2021 by littleblackheart

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

Yes I have brought all of this up. I am reassured its nothing of the sort. 

 

My gut is SCREAMING she is planning a move or has already made one

 

Thanks

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

Yes I have brought all of this up. I am reassured its nothing of the sort. 

That's evidently not true on her part because you state that she states she feels "taken for granted" and "not on the same page."

Sounds like her emotional bank account is about to be drained, so yes, you should be concerned.

What do you plan to do about it?

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

My wife is 5 year younger and could pass for mid 30s in age.

How old is she?

[d0nnivain]

So head it off at the pass.  Lavish her with attention.  Do things to make yourself look & feel younger.  She may be thinking about a move but it sounds like you can change her mind.  If you don't address this with action & romance you will lose her. 

Valentine's Day is next weekend.  Go big!

A 5 year age difference is nothing after age 25

[Marc878]

Sounds like she wants out. I’d let her go.

[josedelamuerte]

2 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

My gut is SCREAMING she is planning a move or has already made one

My gut has screamed similar things in the past, and it turned out it was way off.

Are you usually a jealous/anxious guy?

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

@Josedelamuerte - no we used to to go bars just so I could watch other guys try.

She is 45

[basil67]

I can't comment on her having an affair, but yes, you'll be headed for divorce if you don't address the issues she's stated.   What are you doing to try to sort things out?

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

5 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

 

And finally... I wouldn't want my SO traveling alone.  That's just a coverup for an affair.  

 

Yes, most women seem to leave the nest to fully let loose and leave no real trail or witnesses. Women are smart3r than men about infidelity 

Men should be aware of this MO.

 

 

[Marc878]

7 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

After only three years of marriage, my wife has said and done things over the past three (3) Months that give me concern. 

 

The List

1. We are not on the same page

2. You look old

3. New Hair Color & Style

4. Increased Office Hours

5. Feels Taken for Granted by me.

6. On her phone until 3 AM at times.

7. Wants to Travel Alone

My wife is 5 year younger and could pass for mid 30s in age.

Whats the prognosis here ? Affair? Divorce?

 

 

Sounds like blameshifting and excuses to make her exit to me. The traveling alone, office hours, phone usage are huge red flags and suggest she already has that significant other already lined up.

If you want to know who her new boyfriend is go online and check your phone bill. I suspect you’ll find his number there.

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

29 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Sounds like blameshifting and excuses to make her exit to me. The traveling alone, office hours, phone usage are huge red flags and suggest she already has that significant other already lined up.

If you want to know who her new boyfriend is go online and check your phone bill. I suspect you’ll find his number there.

not sure if can get access to phone records unless I hack the account, but point well taken.

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I can't comment on her having an affair, but yes, you'll be headed for divorce if you don't address the issues she's stated.   What are you doing to try to sort things out?

talking about it, of course initial reaction is denial but no anger 

[mark clemson]

6 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

My gut is SCREAMING she is planning a move or has already made one

Sounds like you need to keep an eye on her. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

It it was me, I wouldn't let her travel alone. Why does it need to be alone, so she can have a fling or two?

If she goes alone anyway, I suspect I'd ask for contact info/where she'll be and do surprise evening visit to her hotel room.

Overall, I'd say try to figure out if she's really asking for (reasonable) change, or if you're "not welcome in her life." If it's actually the latter, there's a real chance she's on her way out or perhaps having an affair or ready to.

It's always hard to say for sure.

[Marc878]

12 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Sounds like you need to keep an eye on her. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

It it was me, I wouldn't let her travel alone. Why does it need to be alone, so she can have a fling or two?

If she goes alone anyway, I suspect I'd ask for contact info/where she'll be and do surprise evening visit to her hotel room.

Overall, I'd say try to figure out if she's really asking for (reasonable) change, or if you're "not welcome in her life." If it's actually the latter, there's a real chance she's on her way out or perhaps having an affair or ready to.

It's always hard to say for sure.

The signs are there.

[Marc878]

22 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

not sure if can get access to phone records unless I hack the account, but point well taken.

I’ll bet she guards her phone too. Doesn’t she?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

She is 45

My guess she looked around one day and realised she is getting old and this is her last chance to  change her life.
She sees you as not the person to do that with. She looks at you and she sees a 50 year old guy, an "old" guy and as that is the last thing she wants to see in her quest for reliving her youth, she is thus rejecting you.
She looks like she is in her 30's, she wants to exploit that, not buy some slippers and slip into old age...
I guess she is mixing with younger or younger at heart women/men at  work and now wants to be free to follow her dreams. The travelling is no doubt is something she always wanted to do and never did but she doesn't want you tagging along, ruining it, by just being there... She doesn't want you cramping her style. That may be about  looking for other men or it may just be about not having you around
giving your input into the situation,
She may be having an affair she may not be.
Women can want to change their lives without a man being involved. 
Some women just want to be free to do exactly as they please when they want to do it.
She may be half way out the door, I guess mentally that is where she is at, but whether she has the nerve to actually do it may be something different.
 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

After only three years of marriage

1. We are not on the same page

2. You look old

3. New Hair Color & Style

4. Increased Office Hours

5. Feels Taken for Granted by me.

6. On her phone until 3 AM at times.

7. Wants to Travel Alone

Marriage therapy may help you two start the dialogue about what 1. and 5. in particular means, since they are the most ominous. The rest sound like midlife crisis on  her part, especially 3., 2. and 7. Does she have insomnia from midlife/hormonal changes?

Are you up at 3am also? How do you know this? Does she have grown kids?

Edited February 6, 2021 by Wiseman2

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Marriage therapy may help you two start the dialogue about what 1. and 5. in particular means, since they are the most ominous. The rest sound like midlife crisis on  her part, especially 3., 2. and 7. Does she have insomnia from midlife/hormonal changes?

Are you up at 3am also? How do you know this? Does she have grown kids?

Good observations.

Yes she has grown kids and so do I.both on our second marriages....

I dont sleep more than 5 hours 

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

Sounds like you need to keep an eye on her. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

It it was me, I wouldn't let her travel alone. Why does it need to be alone, so she can have a fling or two?

If she goes alone anyway, I suspect I'd ask for contact info/where she'll be and do surprise evening visit to her hotel room.

Overall, I'd say try to figure out if she's really asking for (reasonable) change, or if you're "not welcome in her life." If it's actually the latter, there's a real chance she's on her way out or perhaps having an affair or ready to.

It's always hard to say for sure.

she is a successful realtor with rich friends, and attends destination weddings in other countries. More than likely it's some I already know in her circle 

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

My guess she looked around one day and realised she is getting old and this is her last chance to  change her life.
She sees you as not the person to do that with. She looks at you and she sees a 50 year old guy, an "old" guy and as that is the last thing she wants to see in her quest for reliving her youth, she is thus rejecting you.
She looks like she is in her 30's, she wants to exploit that, not buy some slippers and slip into old age...
I guess she is mixing with younger or younger at heart women/men at  work and now wants to be free to follow her dreams. The travelling is no doubt is something she always wanted to do and never did but she doesn't want you tagging along, ruining it, by just being there... She doesn't want you cramping her style. That may be about  looking for other men or it may just be about not having you around
giving your input into the situation,
She may be having an affair she may not be.
Women can want to change their lives without a man being involved. 
Some women just want to be free to do exactly as they please when they want to do it.
She may be half way out the door, I guess mentally that is where she is at, but whether she has the nerve to actually do it may be something different.
 

 

agreed on all points and observations, no surprises really, as I have been documenting this for about 90 days now.  We may be late stage or somewhere in the middle of her exit 
funny how time catches up with all of us in different ways

[HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

I’ll bet she guards her phone too. Doesn’t she?

By guards, if you mean password protected yes. its the texting at all hours from clients that is hard to believe. Nobody that I know text their realtor at midnight 

[Marc878]

9 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said:

By guards, if you mean password protected yes. its the texting at all hours from clients that is hard to believe. Nobody that I know text their realtor at midnight 

Keeps it with her. Turns it away or down when you walk by. Secretive with it.

It sounds like you know what’s going on. This isn’t a court of law where you must have concrete proof. You just need enough for you.