Anna_T Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 HI there, So, I had a relationship of a couple of months with a guy and we split up. He told me that he didnt think we were compatible, and the thing he most likes about our time together is the sex. I know that we have a good physical relationship, but that isnt all. It really isn´t. We have lots of things in common. I think he was annoyed at me as I criticised his taste in clothes. He doesnt take criticism too well clearly. And then he moved to another city for 3 months for work. Since we split up I did not get intouch. He texted and called sometimes. I was polite and friendly, but would always be the one to wrap it up. We even had a conversation where he admitted that he has some issues emotionally and he´s aware of this. His habit is to have short and intense relationships while my habit is to have longer and deeper ones. Then the last couple of messages he sent me were a bit sexual in tone. He has never at any point said he misses me, or that he wishes we hadnt split up. He has said that he thinks of me... my skin, my massages etc So after the last message, I sent him a very polite nice voice mail yesterday to say that I think we shouldn´t be intouch for a while. That I didnt really like the last couple of messages and that I´d prefer it if we closed this chapter for now. That maybe in the future we could start a new chapter but for now we should just get on with our own stuff. He replied and said ok. He enjoys being in touch with me but ok, each one should get on with their life. He will accept that. Now I know some of you may be thinking why would you even want this guy back... But at the moment, I think I´d like to keep my options open for the future. I think he bailed on something that did have the potential to be good, but we both maybe need to work/discuss/be frank about a few things. I´m wondering though if I did the right thing by saying lets go no contact for a while. If I did want him back that is. I´d appreciate any thoughts. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 I get wanting to keep your options open but he's not an option unless all you are looking for is NSA attached sex. So if you aren't reaching out & you have now told him to stop reaching out, there is no future. He's just some guy you used to know & that is OK 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 This man has serious issues that keeps him from participating in a long term meaningful relationship. You cannot fix him and don't think you can be his shrink or his mother. You dated 2 months, he was honest enough to let you know he has issues, you have now closure. Yes you did the right thing and to make sure you don't get any other messages from him you block him and go on finding yourself a man that is looking forward to build something meaningful. You know why it's a big job to find a partner? It's because we waste way too much time on men like him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 6 minutes ago, Anna_T said: I had a relationship of a couple of months with a guy and we split up. He told me that he didnt think we were compatible, and the thing he most likes about our time together is the sex. Ok 8 weeks is enough time to sense that there's some good chemistry, but a lot of incompatibilities. Try to move forward. Now that you mentioned no contact, simply delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. That way you won't be vulnerable to hookups, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anna_T Posted February 7, 2021 Author Share Posted February 7, 2021 I know what you´re saying. It doesnt sound like a relationship worth saving I know. And I´ve had good relationships before. I dont know what it is that has got under my skin about this one. That I cant let it go completely. I know that he´ll be back at Easter and I kind of hope that that will be enough time for him to realise that he´s lost something pretty good and want to make the effort. Or not and then I´ll have a definitive answer. It´s sad really, noone has even said that to me - that the most interesting thing about us is the physical - when I really have so much positive qualities. Maybe its that what gets me. That he chose not to see those. Or ignored them. I don´t know. But I cant deny that I´ve got into some obsessive thinking about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 You already have a definitive answer. You're stuck with this guy because you're lonely, you want someone to love, this covid doesn't end, you don't want him for the right reasons, recognize that. Also remind yourself 8 weeks dating is not a relationship, it's casual dating. Also, don't expect him to realize anything. This was sex for him. He was not open or even sensitive to your other qualities, he saw nothing in those 8 weeks but only sex so no, he won't wake up suddenly in 2 months realizing you had other qualities, he can't see what he voluntarily did not want to see back then. There are technics to stop obsessive thinking, look up online. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 15 minutes ago, Anna_T said: I know that he´ll be back at Easter and I kind of hope that that will be enough time for him to realise that he´s lost something pretty good and want to make the effort. He wont. You are longing for the man you want him to be, not the man he is. Hopium is a dangerous drug 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 44 minutes ago, Anna_T said: I´m wondering though if I did the right thing by saying lets go no contact for a while. If I did want him back that is. Absolutely, yes, you did the right thing. He's just trying to sext with you and get his rocks off. If you're looking for a relationship, keep moving. He's been clear that he isn't interested in that with you, and thus, he is not an option to consider for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 23 minutes ago, Anna_T said: Or not and then I´ll have a definitive answer. You've already got it. You're just not quite ready to set it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anna_T Posted February 7, 2021 Author Share Posted February 7, 2021 13 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You already have a definitive answer. You're stuck with this guy because you're lonely, you want someone to love, this covid doesn't end, you don't want him for the right reasons, recognize that. Also remind yourself 8 weeks dating is not a relationship, it's casual dating. Also, don't expect him to realize anything. This was sex for him. He was not open or even sensitive to your other qualities, he saw nothing in those 8 weeks but only sex so no, he won't wake up suddenly in 2 months realizing you had other qualities, he can't see what he voluntarily did not want to see back then. There are technics to stop obsessive thinking, look up online. Ok, I know it sounds like we were casual, but we weren´t. We were living together for the two months. And he did see my other qualities then, it´s what brought us together initially. It was just after I criticsed him for his limited wardrobe, he got very defensive and he switched to something and someone else.. And I know that doesnt make him seem like a worthwhile partner for me. But I just would like another chance, maybe. Or at least leave the door ajar to see if he could maybe be the one. But also I know you´re right about Covid times, these aren´t the best times to meet someone else. I´m sure I will though. I´m just having a hard time letting go of this one. We´re both scientists working in the same field. This is rare for me to meet someone who I´m into who also is into what I do.. I will take a look at some online techniques for the obsessive thinking.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 5 minutes ago, Anna_T said: I know it sounds like we were casual, but we weren´t. We were living together for the two months. And he did see my other qualities then, it´s what brought us together initially. It was just after I criticsed him for his limited wardrobe, he got very defensive and he switched to something and someone else.. If that's all it took to trigger this dramatic shift, then you either didn't know him as well you thought you did or your relationship was built on very flimsy foundations to begin with. I realize you're still holding out hope that he might be the one for you, but he's already decided that you aren't the one for him. It hurts to feel rejected, but you're holding out for nothing here, sadly. This one's already done and dusted. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 He has made it very clear to you that all he's interested in you for is sex. What is there to want back? He will not give you a relationship. Do you honestly want to go back to a guy who is only interested in you for sex and that's it? Don't ever go running back to a guy who has already made it clear that he doesn't want you. Preserve your dignity. Find a man who actually wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Anna_T said: Ok, I know it sounds like we were casual, but we weren´t. We were living together for the two months. 2 months is casual no matter what. It's a drop in an large ocean. He rejected you, accept it and move on. There are tons of men out there that are better than him and will be able to value you for who you are. People get out of relationships every day, 2 years relationships, 5, 10 , 15 and they survive and find love again. That 2 months will be forgotten in no time. Link to post Share on other sites
josedelamuerte Posted February 7, 2021 Share Posted February 7, 2021 5 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I get wanting to keep your options open but he's not an option unless all you are looking for is NSA attached sex. So if you aren't reaching out & you have now told him to stop reaching out, there is no future. He's just some guy you used to know & that is OK 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: He wont. You are longing for the man you want him to be, not the man he is. Hopium is a dangerous drug Not much more to say. These two are spot on. You wanted this relationship to be something more than it was. Now imagine you didn't want that. Now you know how he feels. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 13 hours ago, Anna_T said: So, I had a relationship of a couple of months with a guy and we split up. He told me that he didnt think we were compatible, and the thing he most likes about our time together is the sex Refreshingly honest of him. You can keep on 'friendly' terms if you have self-control, though only contact him if you want a FwB type of situation or if you've managed to deal with the residual feelings / hope for rekindling things, as it's unlikely to happen. I personally see no need to block or delete his number as it seems a bit petty - it just didn't work out, is all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anna_T Posted February 8, 2021 Author Share Posted February 8, 2021 Ok. Yes. Thank you for all your advice.. Link to post Share on other sites
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