Losing the most amazing girl I've ever met.

[berk155]

My girlfriend of ten months just broke up with me. We were in a long distance relationship, like other side of the world stuff. We had matched on some dating app when were both close to each other in some foreign country. We never got the chance to meet in person, but we fell in love online. She is a one of a kind girl. Everything you could want. She's incredibly smart and talented. She can have whatever she wants to have. She is always the center of any room she walks into. She controls her life in a way I've never seen before.

I took her for granted. I was dishonest twice about not talking to a past romantic fling in my life. I should've blocked this person. But I couldn't. I want to now for her. But it is too late as she is already dating some new guy.  I will also say that I talked to this person because she is my friend and at one point I did get confused about my feelings between the two of them. she knows that, but my feelings for my now ex will always be so much stronger than this other girl that talked to me a couple times. Also, looking back I should've been so much better. I am kind of ashamed. It is hard, being on the other side of the world. But I know that I could've been a much better boyfriend. I feel so stupid.

She always had lots of guys waiting for me to slip up. I did through being dishonest and not being a good enough boyfriend. I think it is really hard to find someone that can tolerate you on a daily basis. Then also for that person to fall in love with you. Share so many dreams with you. I was prepared to leave my country to go live in hers. All of these dreams are gone now, and it is mostly my fault. These dreams kept me going. Dreams of travelling the world together. Dreams of growing together, every single year. Dreams of having a life so rich with emotions and passions. Dreams that I will never get to experience.

The good news is that I have grown so much these past couple of days. I know a lot more about myself and relationships. I am a much better man than what I was yesterday. I am improving myself because of her.

I am afraid though. These girls don't just walk into my life. I feel like it could be years before I find someone new. Maybe I won't ever have this again. I can't even look at photos of her, she is so beautiful. She is the most beautiful girl in the world. She gave my life so much color. But I am too young and stupid, I took what we had for granted. I messed up. But I learned that what I had was so uncommon for me. So rare. That it might never happen again.

I am afraid I will never be able to really have what we had. I think it will be years before I am even able to look at another woman the same way I look at my now ex. I am very afraid. I feel like I will probably die alone because I wasn't a good enough boyfriend back when I was 22. I wish I had a redo button. I wish I could be hers. What if I never find her again? What if every other woman in my life just isn't as good as she is? There are only a handful of woman on the same level as her. And not many of them are interested in me, let alone willing to date me, to give me a chance.

I am writing this as I have searched for similar stories to mine on the web.

[trident_2020]

Yes there are similar stories to yours all over the place. Hence the expression "We don't realize what we have until it's gone".

 

[d0nnivain]

You didn't have anything.  You never met.  

As soon as you actually meet a new person in real life you will be fine.  Yes, this hurts now.  You built this virtual relationship into something important.  In these crazy lockdown times we all need somebody & she was that for you but you wanted more.  You couldn't have more with her due to the distance & you got something from the other girl which hurt her.  

Maybe if you are ever back where she is you can make amends but for now grieve & move along.  

[littleblackheart]

 

 

People online are real people. I know I'm 100% real as I'm typing this post...

In OP's situation, the feelings are real, the bond is real, the breakup is real; it's not 3D real, but if it's real to him, then it's real.

With that said, there's not a lot you can do, OP.

These relationships are difficult enough as it is without the added pressure of third parties, though as lapses of judgement go, yours isn't the worst in the world. Academic now anyway, since she's taken.

You might also want to bear in mind that, at the age of 22, your life is ahead of you still. Chances are you'll find an even more amazing girlfriend at some point.

For now, you're what looks like in the throes of a heartbreak, so ride it out for a while, and you'll eventually be fine. Chin up!

[berk155]

54 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

times we all need somebody & she was that for you but you wanted more.

Thank you for your comment. Perhaps part of me wanted more. But there really aren't many girls like her. What if there is nothing more? What if nothing is good enough? She was the best, and that's it. I am such a fool.

[trident_2020]

5 minutes ago, berk155 said:

Thank you for your comment. Perhaps part of me wanted more. But there really aren't many girls like her. What if there is nothing more? What if nothing is good enough? She was the best, and that's it. I am such a fool.

There are more like her. At least one. Unfortunately she's in love with me.

 

[d0nnivain]

56 minutes ago, berk155 said:

Thank you for your comment. Perhaps part of me wanted more. But there really aren't many girls like her. What if there is nothing more? What if nothing is good enough? She was the best, and that's it. I am such a fool.

There IS more.  There is meeting in person & getting to spend time in the presence of the person you like 

Without having ever met her you don't know who she truly is.  You know who you think she is.  When you meet a different person you may find out the reality is even better than what you imagined this would be. 

You are not a fool.  You made a mistake.  Experience is a great teacher.  Unfortunately experience comes from making mistakes.  

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, berk155 said:

She is a one of a kind girl. Everything you could want. She's incredibly smart and talented. She can have whatever she wants to have. She is always the center of any room she walks into. She controls her life in a way I've never seen before.

She always had lots of guys waiting for me to slip up. I did through being dishonest and not being a good enough boyfriend. I think it is really hard to find someone that can tolerate you on a daily basis. Then also for that person to fall in love with you. Share so many dreams with you. I was prepared to leave my country to go live in hers. All of these dreams are gone now, and it is mostly my fault. These dreams kept me going. Dreams of travelling the world together. Dreams of growing together, every single year. Dreams of having a life so rich with emotions and passions. Dreams that I will never get to experience.

OP, man, do you ever need some perspective. 

You have no idea if the fantasy ideal you have of this woman matches reality. You have no clue if you two would gotten along in person, and truly tolerated each other on a daily basis. You don't know if you'd have had chemistry offline. You don't have any way of knowing if she's the center of any room she walks into (as you've never seen that happen for yourself) or if she controls her life the way you think she does. She might be lovely and some of that might indeed be true, but you're building all of this based on zero first-hand knowledge of her. 

You got carried away in a fantasy. Planning to move to her country is incredibly premature when you've never even had a date, but it's indicative of how swept up you are in the image you've created. 

Time to come back down to earth, dude. Assuming this girl is the best is unrealistic when you've never spent any time in each other's presence. 

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, berk155 said:

 We never got the chance to meet in person.

Ok, you don't know her. That means you can delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

That way you can get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local real life women.

[ShyViolet]

I'm sorry but if you never met in person, this was not a real relationship.  This was a fantasy that you built up in your head.  It's time to face reality.  Next time, try to date people in your local area who you can actually spend time with in person.  That is the essence of a real relationship.  Stop wasting your time with long-distance things.

[maggiemtn]

I know it sucks and when you’re down, you think these types of thoughts. “What if I missed my one chance at happiness?” “What if no one else compares?” We’ve all been there. It never, ever stays that way. Two months ago, I felt the same as you. 8 years ago, I felt the same as you. There are literally billions of people in this world. You will find someone else you connect with and care about just as much, and more, than you do with your ex. There is no “one person” for another. There are lots and lots of people, it’s just finding someone you click with at the right time, and the only way you won’t find it again is if you hide under a rock for the rest of your life. Grieve the loss and move on.
 

And while I believe your feelings are justified and that you treated the relationship as if you were physically together, you should remind yourself that you never were. In a few weeks or so, you will start to look at this differently and you will be able to focus more clearly on things that weren’t ideal: mainly, that you never actually met. Being with someone day in and day out, living with them, dealing with the little annoyances of life together, is quite different than an online relationship.