ctlguy Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 I am wrestling with a question. When do you know how and after a breakup when there are still feelings? My GF and I just split after 3 months 2 weeks ago. We are both in out mid 40s and I know this may sound cliche but this was the quickest and easiest connection I have ever had. We joked about how we connected from the very first sentence the night we met. We constantly laughed and she told me that she missed me every day we didnt see other which was only a few days a week. We did some cool trips together in a short time and she always was wanting to plan the next one. She always loved and respected being open and honest with one another and It was something she needed most in a relationship......we when I was. I admitted that I was in debt with the IRS and spent what I had saved to barely scratch the surface to getting out the whole because stupid business decisions I made. A lot of it took her by surprise and she said it ok but a lot to process and she needed some time to think. Ultimately she said that she couldnt move forward because she needed to be with someone who is financially secure. Her marriage ended because of money and she does some real estate on the side now and has allamony/child support. The thing was it wasnt about the amount of money I have as a I have a great secure job but she doesnt want to go through the same thing. The actual part I liked about her she wasnt into money or material things but it was the security of it. She was kind of an old soul/hippie so the most important thing really was about the connection and how you feel around someone. That was supper strong but I hated that what came between us did. Where it stands now is we have talked briefly and she has stated that she stands by what she feels in her heart but agreed to at least sit down and talk some more. I know it was a delay or a easy let down and today she said it would just bring those emotions to the surface because she has never ended things with someone she had feelings for but hopes we can be friends and have drinks occasionally. Although I respect her feelings but the fact that there are still feelings between us how do you just let go of all hope? I hear her but damn its hard to believe it. Anyone else experienced that? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 You are just making this harder on yourself if you are still holding out hope. She ended it and she was very clear about that. She may have said she hopes you can still be friends, but if you're not able to be "just friends' with her without wanting more, then staying friends and seeing each other occasionally wouldn't be a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 45 minutes ago, ctlguy said: I was in debt with the IRS and spent what I had saved to barely scratch the surface to getting out the whole because stupid business decisions I made. The thing was it wasnt about the amount of money I have as a I have a great secure job It's not about money as far as income stream and employment goes. It's about her having an issue of being with a man who has been in the workforce for over 2 decades and doesn't have a penny saved. Yes many women won't date a guy who is otherwise a good match but financially irresponsible even if he's currently working. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 (edited) l don't care what it's about l say her walking so easily and then what the , next she's talkin friends , just like that, attests to her lack of any real depth character and feelings. lf she sticks to it not even trying to work it out or come up with a plan l'd say lucky for you. Edited February 9, 2021 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 Sorry this happened. Watch out for those "quick and easy connections". That can lead to a sizzle and fizzle situation like this. Unfortunately she's just not into it anymore. No choice but to move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 14 hours ago, ctlguy said: My GF and I just split after 3 months 2 weeks ago. * * * [S]he told me that she missed me every day we didnt see other This jumped out at me as being ridiculous. She only knew you for 90 days total. She lived 40+ years on this earth without you. How much could she really miss somebody so relatively new in her life? That said, money is a huge issue for her. When you candidly admitted to having money issues it triggered something deep in her based on her failed marriage. It really was less about you & more about her issues with her situation. Unless you won the lottery & could wipe it all out in an instant there was no fix for this. You know you are in a hole. You have this great secure job now so presumably you have worked something out to repay the IRS. If you haven't availed yourself of a good tax lawyer maybe you should. There are programs where they sometimes waive the interest & penalties. Despite what you see on TV, they almost never waive repayment of the tax principle itself. Get your financial house & order. Next relationship don't disclose your troubles until you absolutely have to -- like right before you are about to get engaged. Until then it's nobody else's business. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 On 2/8/2021 at 5:59 PM, ctlguy said: A lot of it took her by surprise and she said it ok but a lot to process and she needed some time to think. Ultimately she said that she couldnt move forward because she needed to be with someone who is financially secure. Her marriage ended because of money and she does some real estate on the side now and has allamony/child support. The thing was it wasnt about the amount of money I have as a I have a great secure job but she doesnt want to go through the same thing. The actual part I liked about her she wasnt into money or material things but it was the security of it. She was kind of an old soul/hippie so the most important thing really was about the connection and how you feel around someone. That was supper strong but I hated that what came between us did. You need to take off your pink sunglasses. She's divorced and living off child support and alimony, she needs a man with a good paying job and she found one in you. Then the big news hit and suddenly the girl who was not about money turns into a material girl. She's not into money but she needs security?....how do you separate the 2? It's the darn same thing. No, the most important thing for her is not connection, that's a big lie, the most important thing for her is financial security from a man. You should be upset she lied to you and pretended to be someone she's not. Quick connection and fireworks means nothing, it's just hormones. You need to keep your head cool the first year. Don't worry you will get over it, block and delete, don't play friends, all she's offering you is her pity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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