Friend is taking a course of action against her ex on social media?

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Well FB, at least, is pretty proactive in throwing people in "social media jail" for posting certain unsavory discourse.

Yeah, and this "cancel culture" and fake outrage is getting out of hand.

[Atwood]

28 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

I do support her.

I just don't support this course of action.  I had mentioned the same thing to her as I told her "I'm just saying this to you, as a friend, do you really think this is a good idea to be exposing your ex and alienating some people like this?"

Some people here even stated this is a libelous act...so...there you go.

A good friend actually will actually be open to criticism of their actions, otherwise I'd just be enabling them.

A while ago, a woman I knew from a board game night would constantly post drama about what her ex-fiance had done to her, even bringing her up on charges for stealing from her, and whatever. She actually was into me, romantically, and was even considering asking her out...however, her constant flaming of her ex turned me off and I told her that was one of the main reasons I didn't date her.  She understood, and this never caused a rift in our friendship.

It is slanderous if she names him as committing a crime, and I would advise her against incriminating herself, for sure.  Is your main concern that your friend is on the boundaries of being slanderous? To me, it reads like you think the behaviour is offputting/you personally don't like it. I agree that a good friend will advise her best how to avoid bringing harm to herself, but you seem pretty unaffected by the abuse your friend may have endured. I will ask again - have you made any attempts to understand why trauma survivors might choose social media as an outlet?

[Wiseman2]

Frankly it's a silly and horrible way for her to deal with things.

Why air dirty laundry like this? It makes her seem a bit psycho to do this instead of confide in trusted friends and family and a therapist.

[QuietRiot]

45 minutes ago, Atwood said:

 I will ask again - have you made any attempts to understand why trauma survivors might choose social media as an outlet?

Oh yes,  of course I have.

[Atwood]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Oh yes,  of course I have.

And have you reached any conclusion?

[Taramere]

On 2/9/2021 at 12:11 PM, QuietRiot said:

I have a good female friend of mine that's been acting rather odd lately. She started posting things about her ex-husband online. Although she's like 2 or 3 years divorced, it appears she's not over it.

Apparently, she's taken to her own personal social justice regarding her marriage regarding "If you were in a marriage to a narcissistic, gas lighter" or something to that effect....and is trying to gather around people who can relate to her own situation via her social media.

Her ex-in-laws saw this, and unfriended her and she even announced they had done so. 

She obviously think she's in the right by going the social justice route, but really, is this just making her look bad?

I think people sometimes forget that their friends list contains far more than just a few close friends.  The more people who respond to those posts of hers, the more likely it is that a large number of people on her friends list will end up seeing them.  If her ex in-laws were still on her friends list then that suggests that whatever issues went on behind closed doors during the marriage, the divorce was a relatively amicable one.

The kind of stuff she's posting probably will draw in quite a few people who want to b**** about their exes, and plenty more people will likely read through whatever ensues in an "eating popcorn and rubbernecking" sort of way.  I do think it's making her look bad, and that she's in the wrong for posting this stuff...but if she's suddenly bursting out with stuff like this then she's probably not in a place where she's going to take that message well.  I'd be inclined to agree with Atwood that if you're going to intervene at all, then it's probably best to contact her privately offering a private and empathic sounding board for whatever's troubling her.  Maybe once you've provided that sounding board you could try to steer her away from posting any more stuff on Facebook.  However I do believe that you should think carefully before getting involved, even if she's a good friend.  If any attempts to help go badly, then you could find yourself being the next person to be negatively reviewed on her Facebook updates.

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Taramere said:

  I do think it's making her look bad, and that she's in the wrong for posting this stuff...

Agree. This is for private conversations with friends, family, attorneys and most of all therapists.  

[usa1ah]

It isn’t slander if it is the truth. 
 

The time to have done this was when she found out, not 2 to 3 years later. 

Edited February 14, 2021 by usa1ah

[poppyfields]

On 2/14/2021 at 8:07 AM, usa1ah said:

It isn’t slander if it is the truth. 

The time to have done this was when she found out, not 2 to 3 years later. 

You are correct, but in this case, the truth is subjective, and if she mentioned his name could harm him, severely damage his reputation, embarrass and humiliate him. 

"If you were in a marriage to a narcissistic, gas lighter....."

That's not slander as she was asking a generic question, although her friends and family knew who she was referring to.  

But no name, no slander. 

If she had posted "my ex husband Joe Blow is a narcissistic selfish POS who gaslighted me throughout our marriage" that's slander. 

Edited February 23, 2021 by poppyfields