What types of men should I avoid so that I'm no longer treated badly

[Candacesims]

I was thinking about what men that I should avoid from getting into a relationship. my men were cheater , abuse, immature, idiot, sporty men , sport player and guys that doesn't care about women feeling or just another f*** boil. is Gamer should you avoid if a guy is too immature. I am not sure with gamer.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Candacesims said:

I was thinking about what men that I should avoid from getting into a relationship. my men were cheater , abuse, immature, idiot, sporty men , sport player and guys that doesn't care about women feeling or just another f*** boil. is Gamer should you avoid if a guy is too immature. I am not sure with gamer.

Goodness, other than sports player which is too broad to know either way, you've really run the gamut on crap guys haven't you!  I'm sorry.

Gamer?  Don't know, although I once worked with a woman whose hubby was a huge gamer and she rarely saw him.  He bought her flowers a lot though, so that made her happy.😳

Don't know how religious you are, but have you tried Church?  I'm serious.  I'm not religious but would imagine good guys might be found there.

 

 

[LivingWaterPlease]

If you're spiritual find someone who is spiritual also. Church is a good place to start but there are folks there who are looking for the same thing you are, yet that doesn't mean they're spiritual, though you may be. IOW, there are plenty of jerks in church, too! I've heard lots of stories about some of them and even met some I haven't dated.

If you date someone who reads the Bible often (I like to date those who read it daily) you'll have a very high chance of being treated very well. However, it's not going to be 100% foolproof, humans being what they are. I still believe it's your best chance for a rewarding relationship. And those guys are almost always in church.

You may think there aren't any such men, or that there are too few around. Well, that's true! However, the ones who are out there are challenged to find women who do the same so they will grab onto you real quick when they find you. My experience has been that they are mostly highly motivated to marriage (and excellence in life, including education, career, etc.) and will not expect sex beforehand. So if you want to enjoy sex in a relationship as soon as you feel like it, these are not going to be your target guys. Though many of them will do it, it will just complicate your R with them.

When I was on a dating site I put that requirement (Bible reading Christian) in my profile and got contacts from almost all professional men in good careers. I met three who treated me very well and were marriage minded. I met one who was a great guy but flakey. No jerks at all replied, not even one. I didn't find a marriage partner (but found some great friends) but shortly got off the sites for other reasons.

I'm 70 and have plenty of opportunities to date such men because they are looking for women who are like that and they (women who are compatible with that lifestyle) are scarce. I also have male relatives who are younger and into the same type of life who are looking for the same type of woman. 

I ended a two-year relationship last summer with a man who treated me very well and was attractive and fit; respect, gifts, dinners, kindnesses no woman deserved, who was a high earner, intelligent and fun. I am now in a R with a similar man I have chemistry with. It's going much slower but I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful the care, attention and respect that he gives me is. He hasn't been a gift giver at this point bc the relationship is moving more slowly. But the gifts aren't what matters to me, anyway, it's the chemistry, the kindness, the respect and the depth of spiritual and intellectual sharing we have together.

I realize not everyone is interested in this type of life or relationship, but you asked so thought I'd share with you! So many are, IMO, looking for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. BTDT a long time ago, so I understand the draw and have learned my lessons the hard way!

Edited February 9, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease

[LivingWaterPlease]

Since you asked and since I posted guys to look for, OTOH here are some tips of guys to stay away from:

Any guy who is rude, unkind or dishonest, in large or small ways, to any other person, even when the person has mistreated him or seems to deserve it. Anyone who is snippy toward others, passive aggressive, holds anger towards others, etc.

Any negative behavior you see in a guy (or any person for that matter) towards others will eventually be directed at you when the guy gets frustrated or angry with you, which will probably happen at some point in the R, life being what it is. You want a guy who knows how to deal with conflict respectfully and also who will deal with it rather than ignore it. Conflict is part of all relationships eventually.

So watch how the guy handles conflict with others, even in the smallest matters. Because that's how he'll handle it with you.

Find men who are always respectful even to those they don't like or who are dismissive toward them. They needn't associate with those types of people but it's important they treat them well when they must encounter them. Those are the men who will treat you well and they are also men who will do well in their careers.

It's true that charisma, good looks, money and other advantages, get people a lot in life. But, if you require any of those things in a man, be sure he also has the qualities of respecting others.

Disrespect shows up early. IMO one reason people miss the red flags is because the disrespect and/or poor treatment is often exhibited in small ways towards others and is excused because the guy is treating you so respectfully at the onset as most men will do early on.

How a man treats others is as important as how he treats you.

This is a tall order. There are lots of jerks out there. And only a few stellar ones. Don't settle. If you do, you will be the object of disrespect at some point.

And, lastly, be a stellar kind of woman. That means living by the same standards you look for in him.

 

 

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

If you're spiritual find someone who is spiritual also. Church is a good place to start but there are folks there who are looking for the same thing you are, yet that doesn't mean they're spiritual, though you may be. IOW, there are plenty of jerks in church, too! I've heard lots of stories about some of them and even met some I haven't dated.

If you date someone who reads the Bible often (I like to date those who read it daily) you'll have a very high chance of being treated very well. However, it's not going to be 100% foolproof, humans being what they are. I still believe it's your best chance for a rewarding relationship. And those guys are almost always in church.

You may think there aren't any such men, or that there are too few around. Well, that's true! However, the ones who are out there are challenged to find women who do the same so they will grab onto you real quick when they find you. My experience has been that they are mostly highly motivated to marriage (and excellence in life, including education, career, etc.) and will not expect sex beforehand. So if you want to enjoy sex in a relationship as soon as you feel like it, these are not going to be your target guys. Though many of them will do it, it will just complicate your R with them.

When I was on a dating site I put that requirement (Bible reading Christian) in my profile and got contacts from almost all professional men in good careers. I met three who treated me very well and were marriage minded. I met one who was a great guy but flakey. No jerks at all replied, not even one. I didn't find a marriage partner (but found some great friends) but shortly got off the sites for other reasons.

I'm 70 and have plenty of opportunities to date such men because they are looking for women who are like that and they (women who are compatible with that lifestyle) are scarce. I also have male relatives who are younger and into the same type of life who are looking for the same type of woman. 

I ended a two-year relationship last summer with a man who treated me very well and was attractive and fit; respect, gifts, dinners, kindnesses no woman deserved, who was a high earner, intelligent and fun. I am now in a R with a similar man I have chemistry with. It's going much slower but I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful the care, attention and respect that he gives me is. He hasn't been a gift giver at this point bc the relationship is moving more slowly. But the gifts aren't what matters to me, anyway, it's the chemistry, the kindness, the respect and the depth of spiritual and intellectual sharing we have together.

I realize not everyone is interested in this type of life or relationship, but you asked so thought I'd share with you! So many are, IMO, looking for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. BTDT a long time ago, so I understand the draw and have learned my lessons the hard way!

I am not believe in married but would prefer a long term relationship .married is not as important . sex is not important since I still a virgin . 

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Since you asked and since I posted guys to look for, OTOH here are some tips of guys to stay away from:

Any guy who is rude, unkind or dishonest, in large or small ways, to any other person, even when the person has mistreated him or seems to deserve it. Anyone who is snippy toward others, passive aggressive, holds anger towards others, etc.

Any negative behavior you see in a guy (or any person for that matter) towards others will eventually be directed at you when the guy gets frustrated or angry with you, which will probably happen at some point in the R, life being what it is. You want a guy who knows how to deal with conflict respectfully and also who will deal with it rather than ignore it. Conflict is part of all relationships eventually.

So watch how the guy handles conflict with others, even in the smallest matters. Because that's how he'll handle it with you.

Find men who are always respectful even to those they don't like or who are dismissive toward them. They needn't associate with those types of people but it's important they treat them well when they must encounter them. Those are the men who will treat you well and they are also men who will do well in their careers.

It's true that charisma, good looks, money and other advantages, get people a lot in life. But, if you require any of those things in a man, be sure he also has the qualities of respecting others.

Disrespect shows up early. IMO one reason people miss the red flags is because the disrespect and/or poor treatment is often exhibited in small ways towards others and is excused because the guy is treating you so respectfully at the onset as most men will do early on.

How a man treats others is as important as how he treats you.

This is a tall order. There are lots of jerks out there. And only a few stellar ones. Don't settle. If you do, you will be the object of disrespect at some point.

And, lastly, be a stellar kind of woman. That means living by the same standards you look for in him.

 

 

the issue is they all too good at pretending to be good but change into a bad person . I want to see the bad not the good  then I can avoid them for reason . having learning disabilities make even harder to find a decent men

[Candacesims]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Goodness, other than sports player which is too broad to know either way, you've really run the gamut on crap guys haven't you!  I'm sorry.

Gamer?  Don't know, although I once worked with a woman whose hubby was a huge gamer and she rarely saw him.  He bought her flowers a lot though, so that made her happy.😳

Don't know how religious you are, but have you tried Church?  I'm serious.  I'm not religious but would imagine good guys might be found there.

 

 

No hasn't tried church because it has been closed to COVID-19 and I am not religious 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Just now, Candacesims said:

the issue is they all too good at pretending to be good but change into a bad person . I want to see the bad not the good  then I can avoid them for reason . having learning disabilities make even harder to find a decent men

I get it Candacesims. But,  you can watch and see how they treat others in little ways. Watch if they are kind to their families, to waitresses, to anyone they talk with. If they make fun of other people, that's disrespectful and will come back to you one day. There are little ways of being kind and little ways of being unkind. Watch for them.

Even when they are being so nice and pretending at first to respect you, there will be ways you can notice how they treat others.

A person treats you the way they treat you, not because of who YOU are, but because of who THEY are. If someone is snippy or rude to another person they don't like, they do it because they are that type of person and will do that to you in a R eventually.

 

[Candacesims]

1 minute ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I get it Candacesims. But,  you can watch and see how they treat others in little ways. Watch if they are kind to their families, to waitresses, to anyone they talk with. If they make fun of other people, that's disrespectful and will come back to you one day. There are little ways of being kind and little ways of being unkind. Watch for them.

Even when they are being so nice and pretending at first to respect you, there will be ways you can notice how they treat others.

A person treats you the way they treat you, not because of who YOU are, but because of who THEY are. If someone is snippy or rude to another person they don't like, they do it because they are that type of person and will do that to you in a R eventually.

 

the issue is with me is because I have a learning disability and can't even tell the difference, but I know they are very good at pretending to be good and that what happens with my 9 ex boyfriends . 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Oh, OK, Candacesims! Do you have family nearby? Because one way to protect yourself from getting with a person who won't treat you right is to bring them around people who love you, or care deeply for you, such as family. They can often see things in a person you might not be able to see. In your situation that's what I'd do.

So do you have family you could bring your bf's around in a casual way?

[dramafreezone]

9 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Goodness, other than sports player which is too broad to know either way, you've really run the gamut on crap guys haven't you!  I'm sorry.

Gamer?  Don't know, although I once worked with a woman whose hubby was a huge gamer and she rarely saw him.  He bought her flowers a lot though, so that made her happy.😳

Don't know how religious you are, but have you tried Church?  I'm serious.  I'm not religious but would imagine good guys might be found there.

 

 

There are a bunch of creeps that go to church too.  I don't think it has much of a correlation with higher character.

[Candacesims]

9 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Oh, OK, Candacesims! Do you have family nearby? Because one way to protect yourself from getting with a person who won't treat you right is to bring them around people who love you, or care deeply for you, such as family. They can often see things in a person you might not be able to see. In your situation that's what I'd do.

So do you have family you could bring your bf's around in a casual way?

I still single since my ex boyfriend want toxic and starting talking about his stupid ex girfriend, and then he's starting blaming my trust issue, but he was the one that cause the drama . I am looking for a new boyfriend that not like my ex boyfriend . My mum said that I can only date guys with learning disables but so far they have been the bad type of that were cheater in while I was in college  and yes I did have more one relationship there too .

[Wiseman2]

Make a list of positive traits.

Single. Working. Respectful. Etc.

Then any other things that are important such as wants marriage, kids, whatever.

All the negativity and intense anger and hatred you have towards men will only attract the types of horrible creeps you are talking about so it's a self-fullfiling prophecy

[LivingWaterPlease]

4 hours ago, Candacesims said:

I still single since my ex boyfriend want toxic and starting talking about his stupid ex girfriend, and then he's starting blaming my trust issue, but he was the one that cause the drama . I am looking for a new boyfriend that not like my ex boyfriend . My mum said that I can only date guys with learning disables but so far they have been the bad type of that were cheater in while I was in college  and yes I did have more one relationship there too .

When you begin to date someone new can you bring your new boyfriend around your mom or sisters and brothers? They would be able to help you decide if the guy is a good person or not. 

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

When you begin to date someone new can you bring your new boyfriend around your mom or sisters and brothers? They would be able to help you decide if the guy is a good person or not. 

My mother is not very good at looking for red flag and I am not sure about my older sister she always fight with me and agrue . 

[d0nnivain]

Just now, Candacesims said:

My mother is not very good at looking for red flag 

Sometimes it's easier to see red flags in other people's lives then our own.  

Since your way of independently evaluating these men isn't working, try the suggestion offer by LivingWaterPlease at least once.  What have you got to lose?  

[LivingWaterPlease]

37 minutes ago, Candacesims said:

My mother is not very good at looking for red flag and I am not sure about my older sister she always fight with me and agrue . 

Maybe you have a friend who could help? Otherwise, I'd say to get into counseling and learn how to protect yourself from men who may mistreat you.

You are not alone in your quest to try to learn ways of finding healthier men to date, though.  This is something many are trying to do.

I think you are a smart lady for realizing the need to look for healthy men to date before getting emotionally involved with them.

 

 

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Maybe you have a friend who could help? Otherwise, I'd say to get into counseling and learn how to protect yourself from men who may mistreat you.

You are not alone in your quest to try to learn ways of finding healthier men to date, though.  This is something many are trying to do.

I think you are a smart lady for realizing the need to look for healthy men to date before getting emotionally involved with them.

 

 

I don't have any friend since they all be fake and yes i already tried therapy  more than once and didn't help.I have been looking through TikTok about red flag and how to be treated in the right way for men to treat and what women looking, and I will not say what men I am looking for since I know if I do tell they pretend to be guy that I want but always do change . can Smilling be a turn off or could look like a fake smile

[d0nnivain]

You are not going to find competent help on a platform like TikTok or most social media sites.  Even the advice you get here should be taken with a grain of salt because are just internet strangers.  

You seem inordinately suspicious & distrustful of people.  You have no friends because you claim they are all fake.  You think that men who talk to you or smile at you are pretending.  

It is good to keep your guard up but lacking all trust is not the right approach either.  Can you be more neutral in your initial assessment?  Give people a chance to show you who they are.  If they are good, great slowly let them into your life.  If they prove to be unworthy, you can move on from them. 

Edited February 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Candacesims]

22 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You are not going to find competent help on a platform like TikTok or most social media sites.  Even the advice you get here should be taken with a grain of salt because are just internet strangers.  

You seem inordinately suspicious & distrustful of people.  You have no friends because you claim they are all fake.  You think that men who talk to you or smile at you are pretending.  

It is good to keep your guard up but lacking all trust is not the right approach either.  Can you be more neutral in your initial assessment?  Give people a chance to show you who they are.  If they are good, great slowly let them into your life.  If they prove to be unworthy, you can move on from them. 

I already did give people a change and always end up with heart break or broken trust both male and female friend . they don't even bother helping me and yet reply with this stupid comment . 

Edited February 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[trident_2020]

42 minutes ago, Candacesims said:

I already did give people a change and always end up with heart break or broken trust both male and female friend . they don't even bother helping me and yet reply with this stupid comment . 

If you can't be nice to people taking their time to try and help you, then you probably aren't nice to anyone.

People won't respond positively to you if you treat them like crap, and it makes perfect sense if you think about it.

The only one's you're going to attract are the ones that want something from  you, such as SEX

 

[Candacesims]

when I ask for help for my past friends are were refuse to help even know that i been kinda to them in first place and will always be kinda . next please 

[trident_2020]

Do you call your friends stupid when they something that you don't like or agree with?

[Candacesims]

4 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Do you call your friends stupid when they something that you don't like or agree with?

nobody is nice to me even know that alway be kinda an they always cause the drama

[trident_2020]

1 minute ago, Candacesims said:

nobody is nice to me even know that alway be kinda an they always cause the drama

When you call people stupid you create your own drama.