Snakesalive Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 So I’ve just had my first contact with my ex mm since our affair ended in November. He called me by way of explanation about why he’d not been in touch and to explain kind of about why it ended (I’d been doing the classic thing of blaming myself) I think the call was actually prompted by me resigning from his company and because he wanted closure !!! In some ways I’m more angry than before given that again he managed to dominate the conversation by telling me how he’s learned things about himself , is getting his life back on track -not gone back to wife and has no intention to but he is happy just to see how life will pan out and taking it a day at a time . His family are telling him he’s a different man , much calmer..... 😡😡 you can imagine how pleased I was to hear all that He said doesn’t regret our time together and wants the best for me in my life going forward . Said he did love me when we were together but the pressure of his kids , the business etc was too much -basically as others have told me correctly on here when the rubber hits the road and the reality of living with your AP becomes real he couldn’t/didn’t want to deal with it. I was worried this contact would put me back in my recovery and while I must admit it has shook me it’s also re confirmed what I’ve come to realise -he’s selfish , weak and is only really committed to himself and his business. Yes I still hurt and I told him I think he lied to me and himself about being in love with me -he doesn’t accept that but couldn’t deny him saying “I can’t say I don’t love you” was a pathetic statement . But I have to let this go whether he loved me or not won’t stop me living a better life without him in it Overall whether what he said to me was genuine or heartfelt who knows and why would I believe him anyway . What I do know is I owe it to myself to move on and If there’s anything to come out of this experience I hope sharing it will support others too -as hearing the experience and comments from people on this forum have me . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 1 hour ago, Snakesalive said: Overall whether what he said to me was genuine or heartfelt who knows and why would I believe him anyway . What I do know is I owe it to myself to move on Good for you! You know you are on the path to healing when you can say this with conviction... I wish you all the best - there are wonderful things waiting for you, you just need to go and find them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Snakesalive Posted February 9, 2021 Author Share Posted February 9, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Good for you! You know you are on the path to healing when you can say this with conviction... I wish you all the best - there are wonderful things waiting for you, you just need to go and find them! Thankyou that means a lot -i came off the call and kept thinking why didn’t I say this and why didn’t I say that but now I’ve had chance to think it really wouldn’t have mattered and would have just had me going round in circles again . I guess the fact he’s heading for his second divorce maybe says something about his capacity to love and for relationships -undoubtedly I would have constantly been wondering when my time was up when he got fed up . He still mentioned what could have been if we hadn’t been found out but Im getting to a place (not quite there yet ) where I realise this didn’t have any bearing on the outcome -just made things come to a head quicker , waiting 6 months for it to be more acceptable to our families that we were together was just giving him time to weigh up his options and keep me dangling again -no one should be an option in any ones life right? Link to post Share on other sites
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