Glx Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 (edited) Ten days ago I found out that my ex, who ended the relationship two months ago, has registered on Tinder. I have been on the App too, but it didn't help much since none of the guys I met there can compare to my ex. We actually met on Tinder as well. Prior to getting back on it, we met, he gave me flowers and said that he hasn't forgotten me. Then he sent me a hand-written letter, where he said that he can't get over me, and "his head tries to convince him that break up decision was for the best, but the heart thinks only about me and tries to convince him to get me back" and that "you have that special something that makes me lose my head" However, he did not hint during the meeting or in the letter that he wanted to start the relationship over or that he was apologizing for his decision. 5 days after he sent me the letter he got back on Tinder, and it hit me very hard. Especially since he has very good photos there, and his biography is written very well too. I am sure lots of girls will like him. I don't know how to cope with it. Every day I wake up thinking how he is flirting with all these girls there and they are falling for him (he is super romantic and knows how to talk well), or that he already found someone there who is better than me, that he has completely forgotten me and moved on. I imagine him going on dates with all these beautiful women or starting a new relationship soon and it breaks my heart again and again. How can I get over it? 😔 Edited February 11, 2021 by Glx Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 For starters, stop looking at him on Tinder. Block him. Seeing this is hurting you so stop looking. Now make some fun plans for yourself. Dive back into your hobbies or pursue a new one. Immerse yourself in work. Pick up a side hustle if that is an option. Surround yourself with supportive people. Make other positive changes in your life. Change your hairstyle. Rearrange your living space. Exercise. You will get through this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 11, 2021 Share Posted February 11, 2021 I like d0nnivain's suggestions. You can also try practicing some mindfulness to help get you out of the funk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 On 2/11/2021 at 3:43 AM, Glx said: he gave me flowers and said that he hasn't forgotten me. Then he sent me a hand-written letter, where he said that he can't get over me, and "his head tries to convince him that break up decision was for the best, but the heart thinks only about me and tries to convince him to get me back" and that "you have that special something that makes me lose my head" However, he did not hint during the meeting or in the letter that he wanted to start the relationship over or that he was apologizing for his decision. How did you not understand that it was his way to ask you back? Flowers, hand written letters, his heart wants you back, what else do you want? Do you want him back too? He's on Tinder because you did not give him a green light that you want him back too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: How did you not understand that it was his way to ask you back? I agree that's what he was doing, but.... Since he was the one who ended it, I think he needs to explicitly say "will you take me back?" Just hinting around about it isn't cool. He had the guts the end it, he needs to have the guts to ask her back. I think his "confessions" of feeling are a little lame without a clear "I want you back". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glx Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, FMW said: I agree that's what he was doing, but.... Since he was the one who ended it, I think he needs to explicitly say "will you take me back?" Just hinting around about it isn't cool. He had the guts the end it, he needs to have the guts to ask her back. I think his "confessions" of feeling are a little lame without a clear "I want you back". That is exactly what I think and exactly the reason why I didn't reply anything to him. Moreover, he explicitly said "my head is trying to convince me that the decision was right". I think it is a very important part Edited February 13, 2021 by Glx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calendula Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Only you can figure out what, exactly, is going to work best for you as a positive and useful coping strategy. Some things to think about in terms of finding a way to cope: Do you or do you not want to get back together with him? Why? If you want to get back together, tell him directly and don't wait for him to get a clue on his own (never going to happen). If he's interested in trying again, then you guys can work through the discussion later about what happened the first time and why. If you don't want to get back together, you may still need to have at least one more conversation with this guy if only to gain closure and reaffirm to yourself that the relationship really is over. He may not be willing to help you gain that closure, but if not, then such behavior would itself be a good reason to count yourself lucky for getting out of the relationship when you did. Part of your heartache might come from wanting something you feel you can no longer have and the rose-colored glasses we sometimes wear when viewing the past. So what did you like about this guy, specifically, and could you find it in someone else? What did you NOT like about him that you would try to avoid as a character trait in a future partner? Rebound relationships are "a thing" for a reason as they sometimes help us work past unresolved issues from previous relationships. It also seems that you're dealing with a certain degree of insecurity which is to be expected with any rejection. Perhaps consider what YOU bring to a relationship, what good things YOU have going for you in terms of future relationship successes, and what things you might want to improve about yourself before you start another relationship with someone new. If you can see this period of being single as an opportunity to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and make yourself better for the next person you try to be with, then at least you will have learned something from your experience with your ex. With any kind of coping, I think it is important to spend some serious time just letting yourself feel, cry it out, and then spend some time trying to understand those feelings completely. What are all the emotions that you currently feel and how could you describe them with as much detail as possible? Why do you feel this way? What makes the feelings better or worse? What actions, activities, thought patterns, external stimuli, etc? Who has influence over how you feel and how your feelings might change? Do you want that person to have influence if that person isn't you? You DO get to choose whose opinion you value and who therefore influences your life and choices. How long are you willing to continue to feel a certain way without doing something about it? What could you do to change anything that could make you feel differently, even if it is just a small thing? Is part of what you feel grief? Grief for something lost, lost potential, lost opportunity, lost visions of a possible future with this person? If grief is a part of it, research the stages of grief and spend some time considering where you are in that process. As you work through what you're currently dealing with, try to remember that sometimes the bad things that happen to us open our eyes and awareness to better possible futures that we might have missed otherwise. Some day you may be able to look back and say, honestly, that this guy leaving your life was the best thing that could have happened, even though it was hard at the time, because this experience became part of a path that brought you to someone and something better than you could have previously imagined. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 On 2/13/2021 at 9:38 AM, Glx said: That is exactly what I think and exactly the reason why I didn't reply anything to him. Moreover, he explicitly said "my head is trying to convince me that the decision was right". I think it is a very important part What was his reason for breaking up? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Try to move forward and don’t focus on him. NC all the way. I think he wasn’t sure he wants to be in the relationship, but of course he still has some feelings for you and parts of the rship, so he doesn’t want to let the option completely go. Don’t get back with someone who breaks up with you. They made the choice they didn’t want to be with you . Let them live w it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 It takes l time to heal. Some people feel it helps to l cut contact. Also, dating can help. Link to post Share on other sites
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