JEM22 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 My husband has a female friend and in an attempt to be comfortable with her around I struck up a friendship. During an argument with my husband in which he had lied to me about many things, threatened to cheat and even ended up on match, he decided to go to a bar. This female friend texted me and said She was going to go by there and check up on him to make sure he wasn’t doing anything. She texted me that all was ok and pretended to stay and watch him. No I did not ask where to do this but her doing this did make me feel more comfortable about what he was doing. Now I found out that the two of them had planned to meet up at the bar together and sat there together while She lied and said He was sitting at the bar by himself. They had a good laugh out of my worries and then conspired to keep the secret of what they were up to. I feel betrayed and that now the two of them are keeping things from me. He’s angry that I am upset by this. Am I wrong for being upset?
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 Not at all. Your husband's responses to your marital woes is immature & cruel. Him threatening to go on Match is destructive. Him lying to you is also problematic. I could probably find a way to be OK with a genuinely platonic friendship but once she crossed into co-conspirator, I'd be on my way to the divorce lawyer's office. Sorry.
trident_2020 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 I am going to respond as if this is legitimate thread and a person really can be so ignorant and say no you aren't wrong for being so upset.
Author JEM22 Posted February 11, 2021 Author Posted February 11, 2021 Thank you. I have come to doubt even my right to be angry about such things. if i get angry, or question anything then he gets angry that i am angry and punishes me for weeks with abusive language and doing things to intentionally hurt me. he puts all the blame on my while taking none of it himself. Ive known that things were going to have to end but it helps to hear from others to help validate how i am feeling after being invalidated for so long.
Author JEM22 Posted February 11, 2021 Author Posted February 11, 2021 he has also broken my trust with the lies, threats to cheat if i dont give into what he wants, being on match, talking to multiple female friends.... he feels that is my problem and my problem alone to deal with. he doesnt need to earn my trust back but i need to blindly trust him or he wont live with not being trusted.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 I am sorry but you are being abused here. Seek help from friends and family if you have any left (abusers tend to get rid of supportive people in their victim's lives) and seek professional help before he drives you crazy, literally.
FMW Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 Good grief. This calls for way more than being upset. Leave him. If you don't have family or friends to support you, seek out local resources for abused women. They can help you make decisions and take the actions necessary to get out of this unhealthy situation. Don't wait, do it now.
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 He's Gaslighting you. Learn about it. Then head to the divorce attorney. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 How long have you been married? Do you have children? Do you both work? Talk to trusted friends and family be very frank about the abuse and cheating and drinking. However more importantly talk to your doctor for a referral to a therapist. Do not talk to your husband about that. Also privately and confidentially consult an attorney to review your options in divorce. At some level you know he's cheating, lying and abusive. Hope you feel better after getting some expert advice.
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