need info on this subject....child custody

[mlchris2]

ALright, many already know my story....

 

This morning I finally had enough and though to myself that my wife is playing this game with me and I have no control. I cant speak my mind about the subject at hand... I'm filling for divorce and going to go for child custody. She's partying with the kids in the house, she has a 21 year old roomate whom brings her friends over (which I dont approve of, but get told to deal with it), I get stuck babysitting the kids at nights, while she goes out and parties (on her days off). I also get the kids on weekends and have no free time because she is either out doing something with her roomate or partying afterwork and cant take the kids because of that.

 

I know the courts will probably say the children need their mother, but she is in my eyes, not fit to be a parent right now. My kids need stability and not need to bounce around from home to home, becuase their mom wants to party it up. What chance do you think I have? What type of evidence do I need to produce that will show the court she is not fit to be a parent in her current state?

 

I appricate any advice one could give me. I was really hoping that things would work out... she gave me an ultimatum that she would agree on seperation as long as I let her do what she wanted... I did agree, but then something hit me last night, that I'm being taken avantage of and I'm not having it.

 

Mark

[slubberdegullion]

A couple of things that may be of help:

1. Get a lawyer. Not next week. Not tomorrow. Today. Tell him/her what's been going on and that you want to protect yourself, your children and your assets;
   
2. Keep a record of the dates/times that she was supposed to spend with the kids but didn't. Make the record in long-hand (pen & paper) instead of a Word document or some such thing because it's too easy to manipulate a Word file;
   
3. Record the times she comes home drunk or on a high (maybe she doesn't, I don't know, but regardless you'll need to keep records of these things);
   
4. Have you started separating your finances? Make sure that you do this as quickly and quietly as possible;
   
5. Change all your passwords on your bank accounts, computers, etc.;
   
6. Make a record of when you started to notice changes in her personality. In short, create a written journal that can be used as evidence. It may go without saying, but keep it truthful. It's too easy to embellish details when one is in an emotionally fragile state;
   
7. If the kids have bank accounts, try and see if the bank will freeze their accounts for a specific period - say, a year - to allow deposits only but no withdrawals.
   

That's all I can think of right away, but be sure to get legal and financial advice right away.

 

Good luck.

[RecordProducer]

Why don't you just ask for a joint custody? I lived with my dad for 5 years (my mom lived with an idiot) and I am divorced myself and I can tell you that chldren need both parents. A partying mother is better than no mother at all. If they love her and she loves them then that's the most important thing. If you want them to see their mother every other weekend then you're being very selfish.

 

Now imagine if the court thought that neither of you is a fit parent and your kids have to go to a foster home. You'd think it's unfair and they need both parents, right? Well you are doing half of thos to your children. You should think of them first, but not by taking away an important person out of their lives. You said: "I also get the kids on weekends and have no free time." It sounds to me like you also need free time (like your wife), but you think you're allowed to have it and not her. I actually don't get the concept of your wishes; you complain about not having free time and you want your children full time?

 

Do you realize that custody means that you'd be the parents who will be 90% responsible? You will have to wake them up, give them food 2-3 times a day (and cook), study with them, spend time with them, find baby-sitters when you want to go out, take them to the docotr and have sleepless nights when they are sick, etc. Parentship is a three-shift 24/7 type of job. You better be careful what you wish - it may come true!

[mlchris2]

thanks slubber.... I'm doing all of that right now.

 

We have joint custody right now... Except they live with her and spend week nights with her and I get them only on the weekends. I feel that if she is wanting to live this life and not acting like a mother/wife, then she doenst need to be raising the kids. I wouldnt have any problem with our current custody status, but she's not doing her or the kids any good.

 

let me ask you something...How well do you know your friends? My best friend of 18 years, whom I though I knew, better than his mother, called me from prison last week. I was in total shock when I heard what happened. For the last 10 years, he has been a child molester, molesting his kids, his sisters. I had no idea. This was a person I spent 18 years of my life getting to know and I knew not, he showed no signs. My point being, you think you know someone, but you have no idea.

 

my wife is bringing her friends home from work, along with their boyfriends. How does she know, let alone myself know that these people arent physo murders, abusive when their drunk, depressed at the world and alcohol makes it worse, child molestors and I have 3 kids there asleep???

 

My concern is for the best intrested of the kids. If she continues to party on weekends and weeknights and lie to me about it, then I'm not having it.

 

I do agree having both parents in the childrens life is good. I'm not taking them away from her, I just dont want them around her if she's going to keep doing what she's doing.