Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 I (27/f) met a guy (30) a few months ago through my cousin. My cousin went to school with him and they became best friends, like brother and sister actually. Anyways, I moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago and started hanging out my cousin again. We all hung out as a group and I developed an interest in this guy. We eventually exchanged numbers. My cousin found out and warned me that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I asked for more details (how long ago, length of the relationship, etc.) So the backstory - he was with her for almost 2 years, she was his first very serious adult relationship, he wanted to marry her. They broke up in October but officially stopped talking in December - they had planned for him to spend Xmas with her family. Apparently, he was kind of being jackass towards the end of the relationship and so she said that either they go to couples counseling or he could walk. He told her he wasn’t going to go. So she just told him “okay” then left. They haven’t talked since (December). As I mentioned he and my cousin are like brother and sister so they hang out quite a bit and he confides in her. My cousin told me that he watches her stories every single time she posts. He liked a post 2 weeks ago that said, “the person you’re stressing over, well they’re f*cking someone else, let it go.” Or just a few days ago, “don’t lose your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.” My cousin also told me that it was the ex’s mom’s birthday on the 31st, well he texted the mom happy birthday. My cousin noted that he and the mom weren’t extremely close. Got along, but not close. He was out a few days ago and got some free merchandise (beenie hats) from a law firm that happened to be the ex’s name. He posted a story saying “oh I got free merchandise from *insert law firm/ex’s name”. My cousin thought he did this on purpose to get her attention, I however just thought it was coincidence and he wanted to show off the free merchandise. Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption [b]MED[/b] under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are [b]MED.[/b] Is that just coincidence? So after my cousin told me all of this I confided in my best friend. My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. I do, however, still think he’s just grieving the relationship. You can still care about someone and not still want to be with him (why he told her no to counseling) and I’m flying out to spend the Valentine’s Day weekend with him (he recently relocated for work). If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO. So does he still want to be with his ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 Hi friend, Yes, he still wants to be back with his ex. Hope you protect your heart. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 Have fun but be prepared that it could just be a hookup because he's on the rebound. Also he is long distance so sex with you is a safe bet, since there's no chance of this going anywhere. Enjoy yourself and your cousin's fix up. After your adventures, you can get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local men who are single and available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 2 hours ago, divegrl said: Hi friend, Yes, he still wants to be back with his ex. Hope you protect your heart. Take care. Why do you think he wants her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 Why are people flying anywhere in the middle of a pandemic?? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 4 hours ago, Cappygyal said: If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO. Um.... NO. it doesn't tend to work like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 5 hours ago, Cappygyal said: I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back. It means he's looking forward to sex until he gets her back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It means he's looking forward to sex until he gets her back. But why do you think he wants her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: But why do you think he wants her back? It doesn't matter. What matters is have fun knowing it's just a hookup. He's long distance and your cousin fixed him up with you for some pity sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 Ok you’re trying desperately hard here to convince yourself of “facts” that you know aren’t really there. Here are the facts that you are not acknowledging: He monkey branched to you before the relationship with his ex was done and dusted. Their relationship may have officially finished in October but it was not “done” until December. You must have been on the scene in the middle of all this. This is not a rebound. This is worse! So you think that because he is seeing you now it means he doesn’t want to get back with his ex? ...No! Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. Again the facts are he was scheduled to spend Christmas with her. Christmas wasn’t that long ago. You think that just because he’s met you, he will immediately forget how important she was to him? As hard as it is to admit to yourself; you are serving as the filler, the replacement, and the band aid. But what you can’t do is change his feelings for her. He’s not emotionally available for you. You’re allowing yourself to be undervalued. Wake up and smell the coffee and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 The fact that this is a long-distance relationship and you don't even see him regularly doesn't bode well for this relationship. He isn't with you on the day-to-day. Naturally you are not a real part of his life and not on his mind as much, because it's long distance. That leaves him more open to be hung up on his ex. This isn't worth the trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 8 hours ago, Cappygyal said: My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. Listen to your friend. Quote I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. Not sure where you got this idea, but it's not accurate. There are any number of reasons why he would be forming other relationships and doing so absolutely does not negate the potential that he still wants to be with his ex. Based on what they are both posting, it seems neither one is done with the relationship. If you're ok with being the rebound who gets dumped, go ahead with your plans. But if it were me, I'd back off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 So I got here early this morning, about 5 hours ago. He’s out at the store right now. I saw him out the corner of my eye go look at her Instagram story before he headed out. That doesn’t really mean anything does it? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Cappygyal said: Why do you think he wants her back? It's not certain if he wants her back but he still has very strong feelings for her, as evidenced by what you posted. >>Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption [b]MED[/b] under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are [b]MED.[/b] Is that just coincidence?<< How could that be coincidence? What else could MED stand for? I'm sorry but I don't envision this ending well for you. Edited February 13, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 He is still very much into her. That is why he is frequently checking out and liking her social media. He's not ready to move on and may even decide to get back with her if the opportunity presents itself. I'm willing to bet his masculine pride was the only thing that prevented him from attending couples counseling with her. Not gonna sugar coat it, If you're in this for anything beyond sex, I'm afraid you're going to get your heart broken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 9 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: So I got here early this morning, about 5 hours ago. He’s out at the store right now. I saw him out the corner of my eye go look at her Instagram story before he headed out. That doesn’t really mean anything does it? Combined with everything else, yes it does mean something. It means he still has strong feelings for her. Quite strong. I'm not sure how you can't see that for yourself. If me, I'd have ended it. I certainly would not have flown there to be with him. But you're there now, so try to make the best of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Combined with everything else, yes it does mean something. It means he still has strong feelings for her. Quite strong. I'm not sure how you can't see that for yourself. If me, I'd have ended it. I certainly would not have flown there to be with him. But you're there now, so try to make the best of it. So you’re saying looking at ex’s post while in the presence of someone else means he has strong feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 19 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: So I got here early this morning, about 5 hours ago. He’s out at the store right now. I saw him out the corner of my eye go look at her Instagram story before he headed out. That doesn’t really mean anything does it? The fact that you even need to keep asking questions like this says a lot. You are clearly not secure in this relationship and you feel in your gut that something is up. Your instincts are probably right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: The fact that you even need to keep asking questions like this says a lot. You are clearly not secure in this relationship and you feel in your gut that something is up. Your instincts are probably right. Im only asking based on the feedback. So is it an issue that he looked at her Instagram while I’m around? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: So you’re saying looking at ex’s post while in the presence of someone else means he has strong feelings? I said combined with everything else, did you read my post before that? About what he posted on SM with her initials MED under? Again, I ask how could that be coincidence? What else could MED stand for? It's quite blatant cappy, he still has strong feelings for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: Im only asking based on the feedback. So is it an issue that he looked at her Instagram while I’m around? EVERYTHING you've posted about his interactions with his "ex" is an issue. Any ONE thing could possibly be explained but when you add up Less than 2 months since break up "Hidden" messages in posts the ex makes (that refer to him) "Hidden" messages he makes in his posts (that refer to her) Frequently checking her SM, even while you are present the only logical answer is that they are not done with each other and, more specifically, he is still pining for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 17 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: So you’re saying looking at ex’s post while in the presence of someone else means he has strong feelings? It means he’s thinking of her and not thinking of you. and yes, underpinning all those thoughts are very strong feelings. Bottom line: He still loves her. Whether he wants to get back with her or not is irrelevant (although I suspect he might). However he still loves her. That much is obvious. You don’t get over a 2 year relationship this quickly that only ended in December. You’re fooling yourself if you believe otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 If you're able to separate your emotions that would be the best thing for you. Whatever you do, don't spend the weekend moping about it. If that's what you're planning on doing, might as well fly home now because it will only make you and him miserable. If I were you, I would just bang the ever living daylights out of him this weekend. That's what I used to do with my fwb when he was still pining for his ex. Believe me, it took his mind off of it and we both had fun in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappygyal Posted February 13, 2021 Author Share Posted February 13, 2021 29 minutes ago, princessaurora said: If you're able to separate your emotions that would be the best thing for you. Whatever you do, don't spend the weekend moping about it. If that's what you're planning on doing, might as well fly home now because it will only make you and him miserable. If I were you, I would just bang the ever living daylights out of him this weekend. That's what I used to do with my fwb when he was still pining for his ex. Believe me, it took his mind off of it and we both had fun in the process. Was he still checking up on her? I just found out that he recently followed her other social media account, like within the last few weeks lol. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 26 minutes ago, Cappygyal said: I just found out that he recently followed her other social media account, like within the last few weeks lol. He sounds obsessed with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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