Does he want his ex back? I'm flying out to be with him for VDAY tomorrow.

[SpecialJ]

If it's any consolation, this guy doesn't actually care about his ex either because you got off a plane to see him, and then he immediately turned around to see her. We're in the middle of a pandemic, so he seems to be willfully exposing her to whatever you may have been exposed to in transit without telling her. He either doesn't know how or doesn't care to be a respectful or standup dude, only cares to get his own needs met. I'm sorry you got hurt in this situation, but I hope you got a covid test when you got back, that it was negative, and that you don't risk your health for another non-committal guy in the future. Taking responsibility for your own health, feelings, and decisions is the most important thing. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, FMW said:

One of my friends had a bad habit of posting pictures of me and others in our friend group all over her social media.  I was NOT happy about it and made that clear to her, I felt it was an invasion of my privacy, especially since she was considered a "hot little blonde" and had tons of guys looking at everything she posted.  So it's not just dating situations where people should think before posting.  

Indeed. I'm most careful with older family members who don't trust the internet.

[Cappygyal]

18 hours ago, SpecialJ said:

If it's any consolation, this guy doesn't actually care about his ex either because you got off a plane to see him, and then he immediately turned around to see her. We're in the middle of a pandemic, so he seems to be willfully exposing her to whatever you may have been exposed to in transit without telling her. He either doesn't know how or doesn't care to be a respectful or standup dude, only cares to get his own needs met. I'm sorry you got hurt in this situation, but I hope you got a covid test when you got back, that it was negative, and that you don't risk your health for another non-committal guy in the future. Taking responsibility for your own health, feelings, and decisions is the most important thing. 

Well they’re in Florida so it’s a little different kind of mindset about Covid there and apparently he did tell his ex about me. 

So no he definitely cares about her. My cousin told me he decided he was going to therapy with her and get individual therapy too. He already made an appointment lol. Everything was just so quick for him to make it work with her.....

Edited February 26, 2021 by Cappygyal

[amygirl908]

6 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Well they’re in Florida so it’s a little different kind of mindset about Covid there and apparently he did tell his ex about me. 

So no he definitely cares about her. My cousin told me he decided he was going to therapy with her and get individual therapy too. He already made an appointment lol. Everything was just so quick for him to make it work with her.....

Dear it wasn't quick it's just what he actually wanted the whole time.

Everyone here told you that's what he wanted the whole time you just didn't want to listen.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, amygirl908 said:

Dear it wasn't quick it's just what he actually wanted the whole time.

Yes, exactly. 

This was a dead-end from the beginning, OP. 

[Cappygyal]

22 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly. 

This was a dead-end from the beginning, OP. 

Should I tell her? If I were her I would want to know - how quickly he jumped to someone else then how quickly he jumped back with her. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Should I tell her? If I were her I would want to know - how quickly he jumped to someone else then how quickly he jumped back with her. 

No. It's  none of your business. 

You need better boundaries. 

 

Edited February 27, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Pumpernickel]

2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Should I tell her? If I were her I would want to know - how quickly he jumped to someone else then how quickly he jumped back with her. 

No! Just be done with it already. She probably already knows anyway.

[balletomane]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No. It's  none of your business. 

You need better boundaries. 

 

I agree.

Your cousin constantly alerting you to what he was up to and all the scrutiny of his social media also comes across as high schoolish and lacking in boundaries. I understand that you're quite young, but this is not how relationships between two adults are supposed to look. It would have have been better to tell your cousin to stop feeding you all this info on him and his ex, to stop analysing his social media posts, and if you wanted to date this guy, to treat it as a few casual dates. If you didn't want a casual relationship, you should have walked away instead of trying to force things in the direction you wanted.

[Cappygyal]

So all of you were wrong 

 

he started following me again on IG last night and I followed him back too. Not long after I get a message from his ex saying he got mad at her yesterday and just followed me to strike back at her. That he told her all about me and how he supposedly said he couldn’t wait for me to leave, texted her on vday, asked to go dinner the moment I left. She said he was posting things about her days before I came to see him. Said she had pictures of proof. All this other stuff. She ended it by saying he’s got issues and he’s judging me as a means to hurt her.  She just wanted to warn me that so that I wouldn’t get hurt and wished me good luck.

I never looked at the pictures she sent me as “proof”. Just deleted him. I told him and he just said she’s just a jealous crazy ex who got upset when she heard about me. Then I blocked her 

I’m clearly the one that he wants. I’m starting to think he just made up “working things out with my ex” because he got cold feet and came to his senses about me. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This is such a train wreck. 

If you genuinely believe this guy has pure intentions with you, well, we can't help you. 

 

[Cappygyal]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

This is such a train wreck. 

If you genuinely believe this guy has pure intentions with you, well, we can't help you. 

 

Then why did he follow me back and then tell me all those things she said were untrue?

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Cappygyal said:

Then why did he follow me back and then tell me all those things she said were untrue?

Because he's using you after she dumped him again.

[Cappygyal]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because he's using you after she dumped him again.

So you don’t think his ex made all that stuff up because she’s crazy and she’s just jealous? 

Because why “use me”? I’m not even local. He could’ve chosen someone else.

[jspice]

2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So you don’t think his ex made all that stuff up because she’s crazy and she’s just jealous? 

Because why “use me”? I’m not even local. He could’ve chosen someone else.

Because he can. Because you’re allowing him to. 
Do you think he didn’t call you “crazy”?

”she means nothing to me. She just flew in to see me and I had no idea she was even coming. She’s just this crazy girl who’s been trying to date me.”

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

He could’ve chosen someone else.

He doesn't have anyone else and most women would run a mile from a guy who is still mixed up with his ex...
You tolerated it and even when he ran straight to his ex the minute you left, you are still besotted with him...
He knows you are gullible and will put up with anything, so why wouldn't he run to you when she kicked him out AGAIN...

[princessaurora]

Here's what happened.

He sweet talked her all weekend and got her to agree to dinner ( if you wouldn't have deleted the message, you would have seen this). He assumed all would go well, she'd take him back and live happily ever after. That is why he deleted you off IG and got mad about the pics on sm. He doesn't want anyone to think he's your bf, especially her. The dinner did not go as planned. He probably resorted back to the behaviors she broke up with him for in the first place and she told him she doesn't want to get back together.

So he came grovelling back to you because he knows you're young, naieve, and his ticket straight back to poontown. 

If you're ok with being used for sex, then go right ahead and believe all the bull he's feeding you. But why would you want to be a man's second choice? I've seen ONS partners be treated with more respect than this. And I believe the ex is trying to protect you because women look out for each other. You really should listen to her. She clearly doesn't want him anymore because she knows he's not gonna change. 

Ever heard the saying "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with? "

Just replace love with sex and this guy will show you he's the poster child. 

I feel so sorry for you because I see so much heartbreak in your near future if you don''t wake up and see the writing on the wall. You clearly have no respect for yourself if you take him back. He's going to use you as long as you let him get away with it. 

 

 

[Cappygyal]

9 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

Here's what happened.

He sweet talked her all weekend and got her to agree to dinner ( if you wouldn't have deleted the message, you would have seen this). He assumed all would go well, she'd take him back and live happily ever after. That is why he deleted you off IG and got mad about the pics on sm. He doesn't want anyone to think he's your bf, especially her. The dinner did not go as planned. He probably resorted back to the behaviors she broke up with him for in the first place and she told him she doesn't want to get back together.

So he came grovelling back to you because he knows you're young, naieve, and his ticket straight back to poontown. 

If you're ok with being used for sex, then go right ahead and believe all the bull he's feeding you. But why would you want to be a man's second choice? I've seen ONS partners be treated with more respect than this. And I believe the ex is trying to protect you because women look out for each other. You really should listen to her. She clearly doesn't want him anymore because she knows he's not gonna change. 

Ever heard the saying "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with? "

Just replace love with sex and this guy will show you he's the poster child. 

I feel so sorry for you because I see so much heartbreak in your near future if you don''t wake up and see the writing on the wall. You clearly have no respect for yourself if you take him back. He's going to use you as long as you let him get away with it. 

 

 

So you think the ex is telling the truth? He just followed me to get under her skin?

[Cookiesandough]

 

1 hour ago, Cappygyal said:

So all of you were wrong 

 

he started following me again on IG last night and I followed him back too. Not long after I get a message from his ex saying he got mad at her yesterday and just followed me to strike back at her. That he told her all about me and how he supposedly said he couldn’t wait for me to leave, texted her on vday, asked to go dinner the moment I left. She said he was posting things about her days before I came to see him. Said she had pictures of proof. All this other stuff. She ended it by saying he’s got issues and he’s judging me as a means to hurt her.  She just wanted to warn me that so that I wouldn’t get hurt and wished me good luck.

I never looked at the pictures she sent me as “proof”. Just deleted him. I told him and he just said she’s just a jealous crazy ex who got upset when she heard about me. Then I blocked her 

I’m clearly the one that he wants. I’m starting to think he just made up “working things out with my ex” because he got cold feet and came to his senses about me. 

He’s playing both of you. I see 2 women fighting over garbage . 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[princessaurora]

4 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So you think the ex is telling the truth? He just followed me to get under her skin?

Yes, I do. I'm telling you I've  seen this happen so many times to people in my life. She doesn't want to see you get hurt. She knows what kind of man he  is and is trying to warn you. 

He added you back on IG so he can suck you back in, lie, and manipulate you right back into his bed. 

You deserve better than this. Don't let an emotionally unavailable treat you like a vessel, because that's exactly what he's doing. 

Show him you're better than that and you will not tolerate it. Delete, block, and move on. 

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, Cappygyal said:

 

 I’m not even local. 

Playing people is so much easier when they’re less likely to show up to your house or  run into you when you’re with another person at dinner or out and about. You should always keep them in different area codes if you can 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Cappygyal]

13 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 

He’s playing both of you. I see 2 women fighting over garbage . 

She’s not fighting over him. She ended the message by saying she was trying to warn me. That I deserved better and that we both do. 

[Cookiesandough]

1 minute ago, Cappygyal said:

She’s not fighting over him. She ended the message by saying she was trying to warn me. That I deserved better and that we both do. 

Nah, sorry. I don’t believe she’s a good Samaritan for a second. I can’t say whether it’s true but she reached out to you/spilled those beans out of anger. She’s mad at him and wants to sabotage it but she’s keeps accepting his Valentine’s Day calls doesn’t she? Sucker. 

[Cappygyal]

Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Nah, sorry. I don’t believe she’s a good Samaritan for a second. I can’t say whether it’s true but she reached out to you/spilled those beans out of anger. She’s mad at him and wants to sabotage it but she’s keeps accepting his Valentine’s Day calls doesn’t she? Sucker. 

No. She kicked him to the curb again.

[lana-banana]

She at least has the sense to realize he's a total cad and ultimately not worthy of her time. What about you, OP? Where's your self-respect? Why won't you look for a partner who puts you first and foremost, doesn't hurt your feelings, and doesn't play games?