Does he want his ex back? I'm flying out to be with him for VDAY tomorrow.

[trident_2020]

Of course you don't agree, even though your reasoning flies in the face of logic, reason and common sense.

 

[Cappygyal]

4 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Of course you don't agree, even though your reasoning flies in the face of logic, reason and common sense.

 

I’m saying I don’t agree that he was playing either one of us. She had been ignoring him for months so she was completely out of the picture and he was single so he approached me.

[trident_2020]

If you're so sure then why did you start this thread asking if he wants to be with his ex?

 

[BaileyB]

6 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I’m saying I don’t agree that he was playing either one of us.

It’s like, when you are driving and every single driver on the road is a bad driver...  It’s usually time to look at your own driving and your own frustration tolerance. 

What are the odds that every single person who has posted here AND your cousin are wrong and you are right? 

Edited March 24, 2021 by BaileyB

[Cappygyal]

Just now, trident_2020 said:

If you're so sure then why did you start this thread asking if he wants to be with his ex?

 

I wasn’t sure about HIM still wanting her. However, I’m sure we weren’t overlapping in the sense that they had been in communication when he posted the MED post or contacted the ex’s mother. My cousin and the ex are good friends. According to her she had been ignoring him for months and she said he got “desperate” and started posting things, contacting her mom, etc. So I’m only saying I’m sure that the ex wasn’t in the picture at all when we began seeing each other.

[Cappygyal]

Just now, BaileyB said:

It’s like, when you are driving and everywhere single driver on the road is a bad driver... It’s usually time to look at your own driving and your own frustration tolerance. 

What are the odds that every single person who has posted here AND your cousin are wrong and you are right? 

But my own cousin said the ex hadn’t given him the time of day for months so she’s even saying that we didn’t overlap and that he wasn’t playing the ex because he was out of the picture.

[BaileyB]

18 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

My cousin said before I came out here the first time he broke done in tears because he thought she had moved on so that’s when she warned me that she thought he was just using me to get over her and for an ego boost because she had been ignoring for months.

This was what I was referencing. 

Sure, you may not have overlapped in terms of who was in his bed but that’s just location. As per this discussion, you have much to learn about the psychology of breakups. 

My friend, he’s been playing both of you against each other since he invited you for Valentine’s Day and then got back with his ex. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by BaileyB

[Cappygyal]

5 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

This was what I was referencing. 

Sure, you may not have overlapped in terms of who was in his bed but that’s just location. As per this discussion, you have much to learn about the psychology of breakups. 

My friend, he’s been playing both of you against each other. 

But how did he play both of us and put as against each other if she wasn’t talking to him for months? He wasn’t in the picture. In the screen shot my cousin sent me he said to his ex how he hadn’t seen her in 5 months and hadn’t talked to her in 3. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cappygyal

[BaileyB]

6 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

But how did he play both of us and put as against each other if she wasn’t talking to him for months? He wasn’t in the picture. In the screen shot my cousin sent me he said to his ex how he hadn’t seen her in 5 months and hadn’t talked to her in 3. 

Your right, she doesn’t know about you, does she? Their relationship ended because he learned she had sex with another man and he was not truthful. Right? 
Still, this whole situation has created a competitive situation for you that has not served you well. 

[Cookiesandough]

27 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I wasn’t sure about HIM still wanting her. However, I’m sure we weren’t overlapping in the sense that they had been in communication when he posted the MED post or contacted the ex’s mother. My cousin and the ex are good friends. According to her she had been ignoring him for months and she said he got “desperate” and started posting things, contacting her mom, etc. So I’m only saying I’m sure that the ex wasn’t in the picture at all when we began seeing each other.

You do not know that at all unless you are her. I’d bet he’s been working her trying to get her back the whole time. That’s how f boys operate, you know? They are working multiple fronts, keeping their options open just in case. And I think her message to you was jealousy( I want to belieeeee she’s smarter than that though. I want to believeeeeee) His relationship with her is kind of beside the point, though, isn’t it? He’s been keeping you around on the side,  while trying to meet up with her/get her back. Now that she doesn’t want him, he’s come crawling back.  No one here is going to tell you that  you will live happily ever with this guy unless they are nuts. 
 

 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cappygyal]

19 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

You do not know that at all unless you are her. I’d bet he’s been working her trying to get her back the whole time. That’s how f boys operate, you know? They are working multiple fronts, keeping their options open just in case. And I think her message to you was jealousy( I want to belieeeee she’s smarter than that though. I want to believeeeeee) His relationship with her is kind of beside the point, though, isn’t it? He’s been keeping you around on the side,  while trying to meet up with her/get her back. Now that she doesn’t want him, he’s come crawling back.  No one here is going to tell you that  you will live happily ever with this guy unless they are nuts. 
 

 

So you’re saying if you’ve been single for 5 months and still want your ex you shouldn’t try and date others? He was supposed to sit on his hands the entire time? 
 

that’s what @princessaurora ex at the time did (tried to get her back for a year while casually seeing someone else) and now they’re happily married. He wasn’t an f-boy. 

[Versacehottie]

I think you are confusing the fact that this guy IS technically single with the fact that if he had his way, he would not be single--he would be with her or dating a bunch of girls besides you, ie living up his singleness. 

It doesn't sound like he is emotionally open at all.  So you are confusing the fact that he is free to date you if he wants (looks like he is) with the fact that it is a green light.  All he's been showing you is that it isn't a green light at all.

Under your logic, what is the reason YOU are not his girlfriend? He's single and it seems like you are desperate to be.  I think you need to accept that at this moment you are a hook up which doesn't necessarily translate into girlfriend (even in the absence of the ex).  I would say in the context, it doesn't look good for BECOMING the girlfriend based on how you are presenting yourself and treating yourself like a second class citizen.  Just historically that is not the way usually to get a guy to consider you gf material.  So IMO you are playing the game wrong.

 

 

[princessaurora]

47 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

that’s what @princessaurora ex at the time did (tried to get her back for a year while casually seeing someone else) and now they’re happily married. He wasn’t an f-boy. 

I don't know. He was kind of an f boy for a bit when he was sleeping with more than just her. But she thought because she stuck by him the longest she meant something and was completely devastated when I forgave him and she got cut out his life in a split second. He had even made plans with her for Thanksgiving and then when I got back in touch with him he told her I was coming instead and they were done. Like you, she thought I'd never take him back and he'd eventually accept that and move on with her. But that was never his plan. She was just a vessel to fulfill his sexual needs and that Is nothing to be proud of.  

Y'all are so similar it scares me. That's why I've been  trying to warn you to walk away. 

 

[Cappygyal]

10 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

I don't know. He was kind of an f boy for a bit when he was sleeping with more than just her. But she thought because she stuck by him the longest she meant something and was completely devastated when I forgave him and she got cut out his life in a split second. He had even made plans with her for Thanksgiving and then when I got back in touch with him he told her I was coming instead and they were done. Like you, she thought I'd never take him back and he'd eventually accept that and move on with her. But that was never his plan. She was just a vessel to fulfill his sexual needs and that Is nothing to be proud of.  

Y'all are so similar it scares me. That's why I've been  trying to warn you to walk away. 

 

So he never had feelings for her?

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

I’m saying I don’t agree that he was playing either one of us. She had been ignoring him for months so she was completely out of the picture and he was single so he approached me.

So what?  She might have been out of the picture but that doesn't mean she was out of the dark recesses of his mind and heart.  Clearly, she was not and probably won't be for a very very long time.  Meanwhile, he's got you to fall back on for some easy sex and ego boost.

I asked you this earlier, but where do you get your information from about this stuff?  Or is this simply your own spin?

I am sorry but your perceptions are way off my dear.

Edited March 25, 2021 by poppyfields

[princessaurora]

15 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So he never had feelings for her?

No, he didn't. I guess you could say they were kind of friends, but being that he threw her out his life so easily, that would be a stretch. 

[amygirl908]

3 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

She had been ignoring him for months so she was completely out of the picture and he was single so he approached me.

Except for she was still in his head and I highly doubt they hadn’t talked in months. You take everything at face value and then twist it to fit your narrative. Girl you need to look inside yourself and find out why you feel the need to let the internet and a man validate you. What value does this man add to your life? All the stress, the worry and the anxiety can’t possibly be worth it.

[Cappygyal]

6 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

I think you are confusing the fact that this guy IS technically single with the fact that if he had his way, he would not be single--he would be with her or dating a bunch of girls besides you, ie living up his singleness. 

It doesn't sound like he is emotionally open at all.  So you are confusing the fact that he is free to date you if he wants (looks like he is) with the fact that it is a green light.  All he's been showing you is that it isn't a green light at all.

Under your logic, what is the reason YOU are not his girlfriend? He's single and it seems like you are desperate to be.  I think you need to accept that at this moment you are a hook up which doesn't necessarily translate into girlfriend (even in the absence of the ex).  I would say in the context, it doesn't look good for BECOMING the girlfriend based on how you are presenting yourself and treating yourself like a second class citizen.  Just historically that is not the way usually to get a guy to consider you gf material.  So IMO you are playing the game wrong.

 

 

So am I hook up or is he dating me? 

[basil67]

23 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So am I hook up or is he dating me? 

Is he OK with you putting photos of him on your social media yet?  Has he told you that he's exclusive with you?  Does he talk of future with you?   Is it a given that he'll be with you on peak dating nights?   Does he tell you what he's doing on the nights he's not with you? 

These are the things which would indicate that you're more than a hookup.  

Edited March 25, 2021 by basil67

[Cappygyal]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Has he told you that he's exclusive with you?

No.

you can date without exclusivity and it not be a “hookup”. My sister dated her husband and they weren’t exclusive for a while but it wasn’t just them booking up.

[basil67]

Just now, Cappygyal said:

No.

you can date without exclusivity and it not be a “hookup”. My sister dated her husband and they weren’t exclusive for a while but it wasn’t just them booking up.

I added a few things to the list with a post edit.  Tell me if he does the rest of the things.

 

[Cappygyal]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I added a few things to the list with a post edit.  Tell me if he does the rest of the things.

 

No he doesn’t. He told me to take the pictures down that I had taken of us and not to take pictures inside of his house the last time I was here and that we were just friends. However, he said that we were just friends when he was telling me that he went to dinner with his ex and they were working things out. So I figured he only called me his friend because she made him say that to me and he didn’t actually mean it. Also, I figured he told me take the pictures down only because she told him to tell me to do that, not that he actually had an issue with it. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cappygyal

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

No he doesn’t. He told me to take the pictures down that I had taken of us and not to take pictures inside of his house the last time I was here and that we were just friends. However, he said that we were just friends when he was telling me that he went to dinner with his ex and they were working things out. So I figured he only called me his friend because she made him say that to me and he didn’t actually mean it.

In this case, there is absolutely nothing to indicate that you're anything more than a casual hookup.     

Edit to add, I saw you just added the extra thing about the photos.  You are totally a hookup to him.   If you were special to him, he would have told her that you are part of his life and can put up whatever pictures you want.  

Edited March 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Cappygyal]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In this case, there is absolutely nothing to indicate that you're anything more than a casual hookup.     

Edit to add, I saw you just added the extra thing about the photos.  You are totally a hookup to him.   If you were special to him, he would have told her that you are part of his life and can put up whatever pictures you want.  

So you don’t think she forced him to do and say those things only to appease her in that moment and not actually mean it? He did those things only to end back with me a month later so to me he only did it to shut her up.

[basil67]

You want to know if he's dating you at present, yes?  

When I asked the questions about him allowing you to put photos of him on your social media, being sexually exclusive, talking about things you could do in the future together, being open about what he's doing when he's not with you.....I mean TODAY.   Is all this stuff happening for you at present?   If not, you're a hook up. 

As far as her "forcing" him to say things.....I guess if he's totally spineless and cares nothing for how you feel about his words, it's a possibility. 

 

Edited March 25, 2021 by basil67