Does he want his ex back? I'm flying out to be with him for VDAY tomorrow.

[Cappygyal]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

You want to know if he's dating you at present, yes?  

When I asked the questions about him allowing you to put photos of him on your social media, being sexually exclusive, talking about things you could do in the future together, being open about what he's doing when he's not with you.....I mean TODAY.   Is all this stuff happening for you at present?   If not, you're a hook up. 

 

I’m not sure. After he called me his friend last month I just haven’t brought anything up.

[basil67]

Just now, Cappygyal said:

I’m not sure. After he called me his friend last month I just haven’t brought anything up.

If he's dating you with a view to the future, you don't need to bring these things up.  He will be open and honest about what he's doing, his ideas of what the two of you might do and perhaps put photos of you both on his social media.

Does he take you to meet anyone as his +1

[Cappygyal]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If he's dating you with a view to the future, you don't need to bring these things up.  He will be open and honest about what he's doing, his ideas of what the two of you might do and perhaps put photos of you both on his social media.

Does he take you to meet anyone as his +1

Well the day I flew in his friends wanted to go out to this bar so we all met up there. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cappygyal

[basil67]

Just now, Cappygyal said:

Well the day I flew in his friends wanted to go out to this bar so we all met up there. 

This was before he went back to his ex?

[Cappygyal]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This was before he went back to his ex?

One time yea. The same friends wanted to meet up with him again (post ex) so we went. See, this doesn’t sound like a hookup if I met/went out with him and his friends.

so that’s why I’m convinced when he called me his friend or told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys he only said that because he felt forced to. He didn’t mean any of it. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cappygyal

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

One time yea. The same friends wanted to meet up with him again (post ex) so we went. See, this doesn’t sound like a hookup if I met/went out with him and his friends.

It doesn't mean that you're not a hookup.  Heck, I've met some of my friend's casual hookups...and I've met one of two of my daughter's hookups too.  So yeah, even meeting the parents isn't a clear sign of anything. 

If you'd met the friends, AND can be public about him on FB, AND he's open with you about what he's doing when he's not with you AND talks about stuff you could do as a couple in future AND is interested in sexual exclusivity, then you can be more comfortable about feeling that you might be something special to him.  

You need to look at the big picture

Edited March 25, 2021 by basil67

[Cappygyal]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It doesn't mean that you're not a hookup.  Heck, I've met some of my friend's casual hookups...and I've met one of two of my daughter's hookups too.  So yeah, even meeting the parents isn't a clear sign of anything. 

If you'd met the friends, AND can be public about him on FB, AND he's open with you about what he's doing when he's not with you AND talks about stuff you could do as a couple in future AND is interested in sexual exclusivity, then you can be more comfortable about feeling that you might be something special to him.  

You need to look at the big picture

I added this post edit so I’ll just copy it here. So when he called me his friend or told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys (pre ex) you don’t agree that he only said that because he felt forced to, that he didn’t mean any of it? 

Edited March 25, 2021 by Cappygyal

[elaine567]

8 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So you don’t think she forced him to do and say those things only to appease her in that moment and not actually mean it? He did those things only to end back with me a month later so to me he only did it to shut her up.

NO.
That is complete nonsense.
He is a grown man, he does what he wants and what he wanted was to try to win her back and if it upset you then he didn't care.
She was the important one, you were expendable.

You seem to have a huge ego and you assume you mean a lot to this guy, but if you did, he would be broadcasting you from the roof tops, not telling you to pull the photos.
Problem is you are the rebound, the girl he can get, when the one he really wants is not available and that is never a great place to be.
Most women would have told him to f off as soon as he went back to his ex, but not you.
You are a doormat and he will wipe his boots all over you again and again, I am sorry to say.

[basil67]

I don't believe for one moment that she forced him to say anything.   That said, the past is completely irrelevant to whether or not you're currently more than a hookup.   Why are you so fixated on this?

Anyway, him telling you that he doesn't want to stand in your way of meeting other guys is yet another sign that you're a hookup.   There is absolutely nothing in any of what you've written which infers that you are more to him than a hookup.  

[Wiseman2]

Why analyze? Just go and have fun with it. You know what the deal is with him.

It's long distance so there's some limitations but right now you're having fun with the whole thing.

[basil67]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Why analyze? Just go and have fun with it.

To be fair, it's hard to 'have fun and go with it' when you want to be a girlfriend but are actually just a hookup.  

[Cappygyal]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I don't believe for one moment that she forced him to say anything.   That said, the past is completely irrelevant to whether or not you're currently more than a hookup.   Why are you so fixated on this?

Anyway, him telling you that he doesn't want to stand in your way of meeting other guys is yet another sign that you're a hookup.   There is absolutely nothing in any of what you've written which infers that you are more to him than a hookup.  

Well two things:

1. would a man who only wants sex AND doesn’t have feelings spend days with her back-to-back? Mind you this is my second time spending ample time with him.

2. when his drama queen idiot ex messaged me and said he was a jerk who talked bad about me and I deserved better than being his pawn she said he told her how he was irritated with me the entire time I was there. I call BS - a man isn’t going to spend days with a woman who he finds irritating. I don’t think he’d spent days with a woman he only just wants sex from. 

 

 

[elaine567]

If she was just having fun, she would not be obsessing about his ex, nor would she care about whether he sees her as a hook up or not..
Most women want to be seen as more than just "fun and sex". They want to be respected and taken seriously

[basil67]

Just now, Cappygyal said:

Well two things:

1. would a man who only wants sex AND doesn’t have feelings spend days with her back-to-back? Mind you this is my second time spending ample time with him.

2. when his drama queen idiot ex messaged me and said he was a jerk who talked bad about me and I deserved better than being his pawn she said he told her how he was irritated with me the entire time I was there. I call BS - a man isn’t going to spend days with a woman who he finds irritating. I don’t think he’d spent days with a woman he only just wants sex from. 

Sure a guy would spend days with a girl if sex was on tap and she was distracting him from his sadness about losing another girl.  But I'm pretty sure you've already discussed this to death.

More importantly, the history is still irrelevant to whether you're currently someone he sees a future with.

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Cappygyal said:

1. would a man who only wants sex AND doesn’t have feelings spend days with her back-to-back? Mind you this is my second time spending ample time with him.

2. when his drama queen idiot ex messaged me and said he was a jerk who talked bad about me and I deserved better than being his pawn she said he told her how he was irritated with me the entire time I was there. I call BS - a man isn’t going to spend days with a woman who he finds irritating. I don’t think he’d spent days with a woman he only just wants sex from.

1. He does if he wants sex, some companionship, a distraction.
2. He does if he wants and needs sex. Some men will do just about anything for sex.

He took about a minute to contact her as soon as you got on that plane, so he was hardly loved up with you was he?

[Cappygyal]

10 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

1. He does if he wants sex, some companionship, a distraction.
2. He does if he wants and needs sex. Some men will do just about anything for sex.

He took about a minute to contact her as soon as you got on that plane, so he was hardly loved up with you was he?

Yea, they was before. He’s not contacting her now.

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Yea, they was before. He’s not contacting her now.

How do you know that? and even if he is not contacting her, then it doesn't mean he doesn't want to contact her.
People can pine after lost loves for literally years... 
You have inveigled yourself into this break up and that was not a very sensible thing to do as once he gets over her, he will be looking for someone else and that someone else is unlikely to be you.
That is how it usually plays out.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Cappygyal said:

1. would a man who only wants sex AND doesn’t have feelings spend days with her back-to-back? Mind you this is my second time spending ample time with him.

2. when his drama queen idiot ex messaged me and said he was a jerk who talked bad about me and I deserved better than being his pawn she said he told her how he was irritated with me the entire time I was there. I call BS - a man isn’t going to spend days with a woman who he finds irritating. I don’t think he’d spent days with a woman he only just wants sex from. 

1. This has already been answered in this thread, but yes, he absolutely would. 

2. See the answer to Question 1. 

Don't make the mistake of assuming you're the only girl he's sleeping with, either. Even if he's not with his ex, you are unlikely to be his only sexual partner right now. 

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

So you don’t think she forced him to do and say those things only to appease her in that moment and not actually mean it? He did those things only to end back with me a month later so to me he only did it to shut her up.

But he's not "back with you".  You guys are hooking up and just friends at best.  At worst, he's using you.

I'm sorry, I don't think my contributions are helpful or productive.  Like someone said I think you will just learn from your experience with this guy what is really going on. I hope you find your worth at some point in the future. good luck

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

Well two things:

1. would a man who only wants sex AND doesn’t have feelings spend days with her back-to-back? Mind you this is my second time spending ample time with him.

2. when his drama queen idiot ex messaged me and said he was a jerk who talked bad about me and I deserved better than being his pawn she said he told her how he was irritated with me the entire time I was there. I call BS - a man isn’t going to spend days with a woman who he finds irritating. I don’t think he’d spent days with a woman he only just wants sex from. 

OMG! Of course a man would spend days with a woman back to back - you had sex with him throughout the weekend, correct? Jackpot! 

And yes, even if you are irritating, as long as you are willing to have sex with the man... he is willing to tolerate you for a few days.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

This doesn’t sound like a hookup if I met/went out with him and his friends.

Isn’t the bar where people go when they want to meet people to hook up? Isn't that what happens at the bar? I wouldn’t assume anything if he took you to the bar to meet his friends? They were potentially there looking for women to hook up with... In their eyes, you just happened to be the woman this guy was hooking up with that night. 

I was once set up with someone by a friend. When we spoke, he told me that he was going to the bar with his friends that night and he asked me to join. That wasn’t exactly how I wanted our “first date” to go. (We never did get that first date, because it was apparent to me that he was more interested in a casual hookup than dating). My point being, meeting his friends at the bar does not imply any kind of commitment. 

[Cappygyal]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Isn’t the bar where people go when they want to meet people to hook up? Isn't that what happens at the bar? I wouldn’t assume anything if he took you to the bar to meet his friends? They were potentially there looking for women to hook up with... In their eyes, you just happened to be the woman this guy was hooking up with that night. 

I was once set up with someone by a friend. When we spoke, he told me that he was going to the bar with his friends that night and he asked me to join. That wasn’t exactly how I wanted our “first date” to go. (We never did get that first date, because it was apparent to me that he was more interested in a casual hookup than dating). My point being, meeting his friends at the bar does not imply any kind of commitment. 

Thanks for telling me that story I thought meeting the friends was a good indicator but I guess not. 

After I met them (the first time I was here and when they briefly got back together) I do know his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”.

 

[LivingWaterPlease]

5 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

Thanks for telling me that story I thought meeting the friends was a good indicator but I guess not. 

After I met them (the first time I was here and when they briefly got back together) I do know his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”.

 

If you haven't figured it out by his behavior and responses to your posts here, the above should be more than a clue to you to get out of Dodge. Oh my! That would send me scrambling as far away as possible but not don't think I'd still be in the vicinity needing to scramble.

I'm not going to call this a fake situation but it could cause one to wonder. I guess truth is stranger than fiction, no offense. I write that so that you can see, since all of this thread is on the up and up, where it seems (not saying it IS) to fall along the spectrum of truth vs fiction.

 

[Cappygyal]

5 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

If you haven't figured it out by his behavior and responses to your posts here, the above should be more than a clue to you to get out of Dodge. Oh my! That would send me scrambling as far away as possible but not don't think I'd still be in the vicinity needing to scramble.

I'm not going to call this a fake situation but it could cause one to wonder. I guess truth is stranger than fiction, no offense. I write that so that you can see, since all of this thread is on the up and up, where it seems (not saying it IS) to fall along the spectrum of truth vs fiction.

 

It’s definitely true. I posted screenshots earlier in the thread but the mods removed it.

Why is what his friends said a clue to scramble?

[BaileyB]

24 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

Why is what his friends said a clue to scramble?

Do you really have to ask that question, after 12 pages of discussion...