Men: would you find it rude if a woman you met on a dating website told you the reason you can't find dates is because you are too negative?

[Candacesims]

I was looking at my near section and has blocked some men that were there to just have sex and not have a relationship.

Then I saw this guy profile and saying "I get tired of getting played".

I message saying "you will never get date if you bit a negative". Its none women say to men that negative is turn off. Then message guys for seem to be negative sent something or do something about and not just blocking people unless you have to.

I would prefer to help a person out if a person is struggling to find a date. I would sent to message to make they know the women will not like negative emotional.

Edited February 14, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
formatting and thread title

[SumGuy]

Although you are pretty much 100% correct in my book, that his comment is going to turn women off; unsolicited advice on how someone is "doing it wrong" is generally considered a bit rude.

Now if someone asks, it is not rude to let them know.

[neowulf]

4 hours ago, Candacesims said:

I was looking at my near section and has blocked some men that were there to just have sex and not have a relationship.

Then I saw this guy profile and saying "I get tired of getting played".

I message saying "you will never get date if you bit a negative". Its none women say to men that negative is turn off. Then message guys for seem to be negative sent something or do something about and not just blocking people unless you have to.

I would prefer to help a person out if a person is struggling to find a date. I would sent to message to make they know the women will not like negative emotional.

Here's the thing.

Everyone is on the road, on their journey.  Sure, you could provide them feedback, but ultimately, you aren't on a dating site to "fix" men. 

You can't know what those men have been through, or how they've been broken. 

Telling them "You know, being negative isn't attractive" isn't revelatory nor particularly useful feedback.

I understand you're just trying to help, but perhaps your energy would be better spent focused on your own journey?

[Candacesims]

16 minutes ago, neowulf said:

Here's the thing.

Everyone is on the road, on their journey.  Sure, you could provide them feedback, but ultimately, you aren't on a dating site to "fix" men. 

You can't know what those men have been through, or how they've been broken. 

Telling them "You know, being negative isn't attractive" isn't revelatory nor particularly useful feedback.

I understand you're just trying to help, but perhaps your energy would be better spent focused on your own journey?

this doesn't make sense of all I don't want be alone but I can find anyone that I liked

[Candacesims]

23 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Although you are pretty much 100% correct in my book, that his comment is going to turn women off; unsolicited advice on how someone is "doing it wrong" is generally considered a bit rude.

Now if someone asks, it is not rude to let them know.

I been very unlucky with only finding the unwanted men and still being struggling to find a decent man since my last relationship end because being too toxic .

[neowulf]

11 minutes ago, Candacesims said:

this doesn't make sense of all I don't want be alone but I can find anyone that I liked

What I'm saying is to do your best to fix your own life, be positive in your own journey.

That will make it easier to attract a man who is also positive.

[neowulf]

6 minutes ago, Candacesims said:

I been very unlucky with only finding the unwanted men and still being struggling to find a decent man since my last relationship end because being too toxic .

There is a lot of luck in finding good people.  If you persist, you'll get there.

[basil67]

I know you tried to help, but your actions would have been interpreted as rude. 

The rule of advice is to give it only when it's asked for.  And base your opinions on more than when someone sighs about being tired of getting played.

[Lotsgoingon]

Basically, the smart policy is to not offer unsolicited, unrequested advice. You really don't know anything about this person. You don't know what history they have, what pain they're recovering from and so on. 

And it's really a waste of your time and energy to comment on someone else's profile. 

Focus on finding people you like. Communicate with people you like. Period. 

[Candacesims]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I know you tried to help, but your actions would have been interpreted as rude. 

The rule of advice is to give it only when it's asked for.  And base your opinions on more than when someone sighs about being tired of getting played.

yet when I ask for it they always refuse and my friend did also refuse to help me with dating 

[basil67]

While it's nice to help others if they want it, nobody is obliged to do so.

[Candacesims]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

While it's nice to help others if they want it, nobody is obliged to do so.

nobody bothers to do help they were my friend but turn out to be fake friend . i was asking for help to find another man to be a boyfriend and been very struggling to get one so far .I just seem to get the unwanted type of men that I don't want but they seem to be attracted to me . i am getting stick of some past ex boyfriend changing when I don't want them to do

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Candacesims said:

Then I saw this guy profile and saying "I get tired of getting played".

I message saying "you will never get date if you bit a negative".

You're not getting paid yo be a dating coach or therapist so don't waste your time or energy on this. Just delete block those types.

[MsJayne]

Why is it considered negative to be honest? He's letting women know he's not looking for shallow, insincere people. Date sites are brutal and full of dishonest people,  and many of them are the ones who drink the Dating KoolAid and think they have to pretend to be someone they're not. No one's positive 24/7, anyone who pretends to be probably needs some sort of counselling to help them overcome their need to be a great big fake. 

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

Why is it considered negative to be honest? He's letting women know he's not looking for shallow, insincere people. Date sites are brutal and full of dishonest people,  and many of them are the ones who drink the Dating KoolAid and think they have to pretend to be someone they're not. No one's positive 24/7, anyone who pretends to be probably needs some sort of counselling to help them overcome their need to be a great big fake. 

I'm using "you" in a general sense in this post, not referring to you in particular:

The thing is, making that kind of announcement on your profile does a lot more than that. For one, it doesn't actually solve the problem you are trying to avoid (it may actually draw the attention of shallow, insincere person and put off the type of person you're most attracted to). It also communicates to the world that you don't understand people too well, lack self-awareness and may have a huge sense of entitlement: IME, people who talk about the type of the people they don't like when no one is asking for that information tend to fall under these categories.

If you don't want to date shallow, insincere people, then learn how to recognize them and avoid dating them. Find out why you often gravitate towards people of that kind (if you do) and work on yourself so that you stop doing that. That requires focus on yourself, not on the people who have the flaw you want to avoid. So to reiterate, I guess making the announcement is negative because it communicates to the world your insecurities, the issues with which you're struggling, and the fact that you're primed to expect the worst of others, and that's hardly putting your best foot forward.

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

I'm using "you" in a general sense in this post, not referring to you in particular:

The thing is, making that kind of announcement on your profile does a lot more than that. For one, it doesn't actually solve the problem you are trying to avoid (it may actually draw the attention of shallow, insincere person and put off the type of person you're most attracted to). It also communicates to the world that you don't understand people too well, lack self-awareness and may have a huge sense of entitlement: IME, people who talk about the type of the people they don't like when no one is asking for that information tend to fall under these categories.

If you don't want to date shallow, insincere people, then learn how to recognize them and avoid dating them. Find out why you often gravitate towards people of that kind (if you do) and work on yourself so that you stop doing that. That requires focus on yourself, not on the people who have the flaw you want to avoid. So to reiterate, I guess making the announcement is negative because it communicates to the world your insecurities, the issues with which you're struggling, and the fact that you're primed to expect the worst of others, and that's hardly putting your best foot forward.

first is that I don't put on my profile and yet I still end up with lots of lots shallow men and men  that already married .it doesn't they single or in  relationship .

[Candacesims]

3 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Why is it considered negative to be honest? He's letting women know he's not looking for shallow, insincere people. Date sites are brutal and full of dishonest people,  and many of them are the ones who drink the Dating KoolAid and think they have to pretend to be someone they're not. No one's positive 24/7, anyone who pretends to be probably needs some sort of counselling to help them overcome their need to be a great big fake. 

I mean every time that I go on that dating sited  it just been men without any profile pic or bio  and relationship statutes .this what I dislike about online dating I want to find a long term relationship and still not yet happen . I think I might be cursed 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Why is it considered negative to be honest? He's letting women know he's not looking for shallow, insincere people.

If I were dating, I'd swipe left on his profile immediately because he doesn't sound like he's in a place to be dating.  Yes, people do get jaded, but if that happens, it's time to take a break and regroup. 

 

[Blind-Sided]

[redacted]  that person wasn't on a dating site to get advice... they were there to find a date.   This site is for advice. 

Edited February 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove characterisation of fellow participant

[Candacesims]

4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

[redacted]  that person wasn't on a dating site to get advice... they were there to find a date.   This site is for advice. 

 

yet all  these guys are rude too . one that I met . is there any other advice or not 

Edited February 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Candacesims]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

If I were dating, I'd swipe left on his profile immediately because he doesn't sound like he's in a place to be dating.  Yes, people do get jaded, but if that happens, it's time to take a break and regroup. 

 

what if I can't find a grouo

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Candacesims said:

 all  these guys are rude too . 

So? Delete and block them. Done. It's best not to respond like a spammer or troll on dating sites.

Keep in mind users could report you and the dating site could cancel your account.

Be careful online. It's not a place to spew your anger. That's for your therapist to sort out.

[mark clemson]

If I was pretty negative to begin with, no doubt I'd find it rude, rather than accepting it as constructive criticism.

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, Candacesims said:

first is that I don't put on my profile and yet I still end up with lots of lots shallow men and men  that already married .it doesn't they single or in  relationship .

I wasn't accusing you of doing any of those things, @Candacesims. I was referring to the subject you mentioned in your original post: the idea that it was negative for guys to say certain things in their profiles. @MsJayne wanted to know why people would consider those things negative. I was trying to explain why (from my perspective).

[SumGuy]

21 hours ago, Candacesims said:

I been very unlucky with only finding the unwanted men and still being struggling to find a decent man since my last relationship end because being too toxic .

I've a feeling we all experience this, the unwanted ones are usually available (aka "on the market") because few can stand to be with them.  The really decent ones (especially those interested in long term) once they find a decent person are no longer available.

Glad you ended or got out of the toxic relationship.  No relationship is far, far better than a toxic one in my view (and experience).