Any success stories?

[foolmetwice88]

My wife and I are separating, but I'm having a hard time deciding between separation and divorce.  Just wondering if anybody has any success stories that involved separating from their spouse? From what I've read, most separations end in divorce so I'm trying to make sure we get the most of it and don't waste our time.

Thank you!

 

[Blind-Sided]

On 2/15/2021 at 2:13 PM, foolmetwice88 said:

.... From what I've read, most separations end in divorce so I'm trying to make sure we get the most of it and don't waste our time.

 

Honestly... That is the "Success Story".

OK... I'm really not trying to sound negative... but it depends on what is wrong.  If it's just the two of you are getting on each other nerves, and have been together for a long time... then you need to learn to talk to each other again.  A couple's retreat, or counseling will help.  I have one set of friends who fell in love again by going to a week long retreat that was organized by their church, and was full of group classes. It's been a few years, and as far as I can tell... they are still very happy. 

If it's one sided... then there is no fixing it. What I'm saying is... if it's your spouse driving all of this... the you don't know the real story. In my case... the exW snapped, and wanted out.  She made it feel like a few times, we could work on what was wrong... but then I would listen, and try to fix what she was talking about... but then I would be met with anger.  So the reality is... no mater what I did, she wanted out, and it was all lip service to buy time until she could make her move. She may say that's not true, and try to defend her side... but at this point... it doesn't matter.  AND... unfortunately... that's how the story goes. I've seen it a bunch of times here... And I'm seeing it with my own eyes with friends.  

To me... there is no reason to actually "Separate". Unless it's required before you divorce. The reason is... you can't work on the issues if you aren't together.  

And finally... yes, it's a waste of time. The longer you draw it out... the longer the pain takes to heal... and the longer it takes to become yourself again. 

I'm sorry you are in this position, and I wish you peace in moving forward. 

[ThePhoenixStillRises]

I can't provide you with a success story but I can give you a divorced female's perspective on your question.  If my ex had left me alone like I asked him to do and had given me some space (as I also asked him to do), there's a greater possibility that things may have worked out differently.  In my opinion, someone considering divorce may need that bit of distance and separation to be able to sort out their true feelings and have a chance to find out if they are going to really miss their spouse and for what reasons they are going to miss him or her.  In other words, to try to figure out if the love is there to overcome the reasons they no longer want to be married.

Instead of respecting what I asked, my ex was constantly pressuring me and badgering me about whether there was any hope...even to the point where he would wake me up at night and be in my face about it.  His actions just made me more and more resolute in my decision that I no longer wanted to be married to him.  

I hope you find the answers you are seeking.

[Wiseman2]

On 2/15/2021 at 2:13 PM, foolmetwice88 said:

My wife and I are separating, but I'm having a hard time deciding between separation and divorce.

Sorry this happened. No doubt it's painful. However separation is a step toward divorce on a marriage repairing device. It's probably best to lawyer up so you don'r get blindsided.

 

 

[Marc878]

Living on hopium will get you an extended stay in limbo. I doubt you’ll listen so....

[Marc878]

Check your phone bill.