1Jessie86 Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 I'm currently stationed overseas with my husband of two years and 11 month old daughter and we are having difficulties in our marriage. He is the perfect man, but he is flawed, as we all are, and I'm having difficulties getting past these flaws. We have these moments or days where we just don't want to talk to each other because we're upset with one another. Last night he chose to sleep on the couch because I wanted to leave the window cracked in the room (it was a windy night). I hate it when he sleeps on the couch because he gets a great night sleep because he doesn't hear the baby when she wakes up crying overnight. I don't see this as fair. Then things keep piling up on top of each other that worsens my frustrations. Today was a bad one. He didn't clean up after feeding the baby. He didn't clean the dishes after I cooked dinner (that's normally what we do). He didn't even attempt to clean the kitchen table. He didn't help feed the dogs. Then what really upset me was not having him help get the baby ready for bed. We do this together every night. It's out routine for our daughter. I'm sure he stood back because he knew how upset I was. This pisses me off. It's not fair. Crap like this keeps coming up. He has these really lazy moments. I feel stuck. I can't just buy a plane ticket and say I'm out. I'm not sure what to do or how to go about talking about this with him (again). Advice? Opinions? We just started speaking to a counselor. I hope this helps. Thank you for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 5 minutes ago, 1Jessie86 said: He has these really lazy moments. Is it a lazy moment or is he passive aggressively trying to send you a message? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1Jessie86 Posted February 15, 2021 Author Share Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, BaileyB said: Is it a lazy moment or is he passive aggressively trying to send you a message? Yes, good point. Most likely something is upsetting him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 12 minutes ago, 1Jessie86 said: Yes, good point. Most likely something is upsetting him. That’s my guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 2:51 PM, 1Jessie86 said: He didn't clean up after feeding the baby. He didn't clean the dishes after I cooked dinner . He didn't help feed the dogs. him help get the baby ready for bed. We just started speaking to a counselor. Excellent. Hopefully that will start the dialogue on what is really building up here. Instead of helping, etc. Have specific things he does and specific things you do. For example he takes care of dog feeding walking etc he takes care of shopping, you take care of feeding/bathing the child. It seems like you want too much "togetherness", particularly you want him to suffer because the child is crying? It seems like there is a toxic level of resentment and passive withdrawal.. Are you away from your family and friends? Is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1Jessie86 Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 Wow wise man indeed. Yes we are overseas and this is my first time away from family so there is absolutely a level of resentment. We've discussed this before. I'm not quite sure how to fix it but we're trying to work at it. Thank you. On 2/15/2021 at 8:57 PM, BaileyB said: Is it a lazy moment or is he passive aggressively trying to send you a message? 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Excellent. Hopefully that will start the dialogue on what is really building up here. Instead of helping, etc. Have specific things he does and specific things you do. For example he takes care of dog feeding walking etc he takes care of shopping, you take care of feeding/bathing the child. It seems like you want too much "togetherness", particularly you want him to suffer because the child is crying? It seems like there is a toxic level of resentment and passive withdrawal.. Are you away from your family and friends? Is he? lockquote widget Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Do you both work at jobs (away from the home)?? Link to post Share on other sites
amberp Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 We had such a problem, and what helped was that I talked openly, expressed what I liked. it's better than hoping that the person himself will understand. Ask him, I'm sure he just doesn't notice. Link to post Share on other sites
SaraSays Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Was he ever a good partner? Did he ever contribute to the family's housework without you having to ask? Did he ever willingly undertake work to help the family in the home? Did he ever spontaneously start cleaning, cooking or going to the supermarket, because he realised the family needed those things to be done? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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