Wiseman2 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 Excellent. It's always better to end on good terms. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 Yes, it's really nice that you're able to end this in such a loving way. You'll both be fine. (((hug))) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 The ending is very sad to read, but I am glad you are both able to end it in such a loving way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) ***Update*** Thanks so much for the validation I guess our love and respect for each other was never the problem. We still kiss and cuddle. Sad and ripped up that we're ending because of reasons outside of our control. I still find it so bittersweet that we can end it like this. As friends, as companions, as people who truly want the best for each other to the point where even now we can't help but love each other until we can't anymore when we physically part ways. It's a beautifully tragic ending. So there's some good and bad news. I finally got in touch with my old landlord. The woman who owned my last place. It's a tiny house nested in a small wooded neighborhood. The house was perfect. It was bright, quiet and clean. I had the whole place to myself. No close neighbors. No noise besides birds in the morning and the tree frogs and bull frogs at night. A huge backyard with a trail behind it leading to a little oasis consisting of a small pond with a bridge. Trees leaning over it with circle of sun above. Inside the house, a bay window and an open floor plan. My cats loved that window. My thoughts and my life were inhibited, all that free space to myself. The energy was amazing. I stayed up so late to dance around listening to music and then going out to the deck to listen to the tiny night creatures that engulfed the yard. My dreams flowed there. Felt like I had the whole world at my feet. And?... I get to move back in. But, not until July 1st. So, that means I'll have to find a month to month lease until then which is what I'm working on now. 2 moves will really suck with all the stuff I have and I'm not looking forward to have to live in temporary not so great place but honestly? I'll do anything to get back to that dream of a house. When I first moved into my bf's place., a concrete jungle of an apartment. I cried for months about leaving my quiet country house behind. I can't express the gratitude I have in my heart that I'll be back there soon. Edited February 28, 2021 by Disillusionment373 4 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) The house sounds lovely Dis, the time will go by fast. I'm also happy you and your now-ex? ended on good terms, and yes it is bittersweet. That's the perfect word. It's sad but you seem to have come to terms with it which is to be admired. I wish I had your strength. Me? I'm back to shaking again, verge of tears. Challenging time for sure in so many ways. But we soldier through, don't we, the journey continues. Edited February 28, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 (edited) I hate to ask this... but do you think he is taking it serious? I hope that it’s just he is in a place of acceptance. But sometimes in the situations, the person is in denial about the breakup. They seem calm at first, but it’s more just sadness and shock. Then they want to remain friends and later try to change your mind and get back together . This happened with my last ex. We ended similarly. Not with the kids stuff but that I just had to move on and he was sad about it but wasn’t mad at me or anything. He wanted to stay friends, then I had to sever the ‘friendship’. Not say this will happen to you. Perhaps your ex is just a particularly mature guy. Just a possibility. Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 1, 2021 Author Share Posted March 1, 2021 23 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I hate to ask this... but do you think he is taking it serious? I hope that it’s just he is in a place of acceptance. But sometimes in the situations, the person is in denial about the breakup. They seem calm at first, but it’s more just sadness and shock. Then they want to remain friends and later try to change your mind and get back together . This happened with my last ex. We ended similarly. Not with the kids stuff but that I just had to move on and he was sad about it but wasn’t mad at me or anything. He wanted to stay friends, then I had to sever the ‘friendship’. Not say this will happen to you. Perhaps your ex is just a particularly mature guy. Just a possibility. I don't think it's hit fully yet...or not to a serious extent either Like last night he said, "You know, now that we don't fight anymore this is the best we've ever been." I was like, "Huh? You know that's just because it's over, right?" I think he won't be able to process it fully until I move out. I'm not at all worried about any boundaries being crossed though. Not at all. He's a good man and respects my choices even though I don't think he understands the impact of them yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Hello Dis! Sorry about this not working out... I think in order to make better decisions in the future you have to come to terms with an alternative version of it - without marriage and kids. When you are ok with whatever the future holds for you, the pressure lessens. You can't make an informed choice from a place of anxiety about your biological clock and "not being there yet at 34 years old". By accepting that your dreams might not come true you give yourself a better chance to fullfill them, believe it or not. You will be seeing things more clearly and not dive into something that is pretty clearly doomed from the start out. Just don't be so harsh on yourself. You are whole as you are and don't have any voids to fill in. Think of marriage and settling down as a beautiful and welcome addition to your already fullfilled life, but not something you must do before a certain age. Keep the door open and don't rush. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 On 2/28/2021 at 1:51 AM, Disillusionment373 said: It's a tiny house nested in a small wooded neighborhood. The house was perfect. It was bright, quiet and clean. I had the whole place to myself. No close neighbors. No noise besides birds in the morning and the tree frogs and bull frogs at night. A huge backyard with a trail behind it leading to a little oasis consisting of a small pond with a bridge. Trees leaning over it with circle of sun above. Inside the house, a bay window and an open floor plan. My cats loved that window. My thoughts and my life were inhibited, all that free space to myself. The energy was amazing. I stayed up so late to dance around listening to music and then going out to the deck to listen to the tiny night creatures that engulfed the yard. My dreams flowed there. Felt like I had the whole world at my feet. And?... I get to move back in. But, not until July 1st. I am so happy you get to move back into this lovely little house! It sounds so amazing! July is just around the corner. The way you described the breakup brought tears to my eyes. I think this breakup will be a turning point for you Dis, you will rise from it with more wisdom and clarity. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 Fellow Cancerian friend, I totally feel you on the importance of a home you love and I'm glad to hear you can get the place back. You're lucky! To us crabs, our crab shell is our home is our castle 🏡 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 2, 2021 Author Share Posted March 2, 2021 On 3/1/2021 at 3:20 AM, EternalClarity said: Hello Dis! Sorry about this not working out... I think in order to make better decisions in the future you have to come to terms with an alternative version of it - without marriage and kids. When you are ok with whatever the future holds for you, the pressure lessens. You can't make an informed choice from a place of anxiety about your biological clock and "not being there yet at 34 years old". By accepting that your dreams might not come true you give yourself a better chance to fullfill them, believe it or not. You will be seeing things more clearly and not dive into something that is pretty clearly doomed from the start out. Just don't be so harsh on yourself. You are whole as you are and don't have any voids to fill in. Think of marriage and settling down as a beautiful and welcome addition to your already fullfilled life, but not something you must do before a certain age. Keep the door open and don't rush. So funny you said this because I've been doing a lot of reflecting and talked to my therapist about things and I've come to the conclusion that, by trying to force this picture perfect future I want to come to fruition, I've actually been hindering the possibility of it happening. I know that now. Back when I lived in my old place, I really did have the world at my feet. I was so happy there. I wish I had spent that time enjoying what I had and talking my time rather than having this rushed agenda. My plan is to get back there to my old place and to enjoy my life and whatever that means for me. If I'm meant to find someone and get married then kids, that will happen on it's own time. I'm a at a point where surrendering to that is something I'm at peace with. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 2, 2021 Author Share Posted March 2, 2021 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: I am so happy you get to move back into this lovely little house! It sounds so amazing! July is just around the corner. The way you described the breakup brought tears to my eyes. I think this breakup will be a turning point for you Dis, you will rise from it with more wisdom and clarity. This just made me teary. Thanks G. I think so too. I think this changed something inside me that's in some way setting things straight for me. Can't really explain it. 💖 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 2, 2021 Author Share Posted March 2, 2021 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Fellow Cancerian friend, I totally feel you on the importance of a home you love and I'm glad to hear you can get the place back. You're lucky! To us crabs, our crab shell is our home is our castle 🏡 It really is, isn't it?? If our homes aren't a place we love and feel peaceful in, the rest of our lives kind of crumble. Funny how that works. Can't wait to be back there. Just have to make it until July 31st (I made a typo with July 1st). The peace and relief I'll feel when I step back into that place is going to make me burst into tears...I just know it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 6, 2021 Author Share Posted March 6, 2021 I think I'll start a journal here...if everyone doesn't mind. I need something to get me through the days until I get into my own place Tonight, after work. I cooked my ex a late dinner, as I always did. He doesn't eat unless I cook for him. And if he does, it's deli meat/cheese sandwiches (makes me worried for him after I move out). We watched TV for a bit then I told him he should get some sleep. He wakes up at 4 or 5am. He isn't a good sleeper. I went up and re-made the bed. He brushed his teeth. He had a long day of dressings changes at work, I had 3 admissions. He needed to sleep, while I needed to think and escape. I tucked him into bed as I always did, the little things we did for each other haven't changed since the break up. We both still love each other and still want to take care of each other for the time we have left. He pulled me into the bed. He tickled me as he always does. Then cuddled me. I could tell he was doing that because he was already missing me. I started to cry and I told him I want the best for him and just because it didn't work with him doesn't work mean it wouldn't work with him and someone else. I honestly don't think he has much time for a gf but I'd like to think there's someone out there for everyone and because he's so wonderful, I want to believe that for him. I asked him if he's realized I'm leaving yet. He said, "I don't think about it.' I said, "Will you think about it when I leave?" He said, "Yeah. At that point I will.". He just doesn't want to face it yet. He's trying to let his strength pull him through until then, while I'm actively processing everything in the meantime. He started feeling me, all over. He needed it so I took care of him. I did it not because I felt I had to, but because he deserves it. I did it because of all those times when I demanded things he couldn't give me. And it broke him. For all those times I criticized and he did nothing but scrape at every resource he had to make things better for me. To make me happy. I did it because he's a good man and because I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done to him. I'm sorry for expecting things I knew he couldn't give but tried so hard to. I'm sorry for depleting him. He didn't deserve that. I wake up every day here, groggy and unhappy. I wake up thinking, 'ugh f*ck, I'm still here.' Whereas in my old place I woke up like a spring was coiled beneath me and I couldn't wait for what the day had in store. Every day I'm working on finding a new place, picking up an extra shift, saving money. That makes me get lost in the days to come, it makes me chase the day I'll get back to that little house in the country. Seems so far off. Like an impossible feat to get back there. But I know I will. And when I do, I can honestly say, I won't miss it here and any sad feelings I have about missing my ex will be overshadowed by my negative feelings for his son and this place. But I'll still think of him. I'll still love him in a way that allows me to honor him, yet move forward. I'll still look back at this time and think about how this set me straight. 34 years pushing for something I may or may not have. I'll be grateful this gave me some peace with whatever happens down the road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 @Dis Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The way you described your evening with your soon to be ex-boyfriend sounds so loving and bittersweet. There are so much love and care in the relationship still. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I wish you the best moving forward. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 4, 2021 Author Share Posted April 4, 2021 (edited) ***UPDATE*** I got my old place back! My little country cottage and will be back there fully moved in on May 4th!!! Just in time for summer in the country! 🌼🌲☀️ I just cannot wait to be back there, finally in a home where I feel at home. I haven't had that since I moved in here. I can't wait to breathe the fresh country air, to unpack my things finally and put everything to rights (75% of my belongings are still in boxes here as there wasn't enough space). Can't wait to hear the tree frogs loudly singing in the night and the deer in my backyard. The little pond with the bridge and tadpoles in the back alcove of the yard. The big bay window and the afternoon light. The little stove where I can cook and drink wine in whatever clothing I want! The open floor plan with all the space I need all to myself. Finally a bathroom that's all mine which I've been dying for! 🤣 A cozy little cottage where I can breathe and unwind and feel at peace. A place where I can start over with a different mindset, no more rushing, no more pressure...just enjoyment 💖 And going to get a new cat too! I had to put one of my cats down last summer. Benjiman. He was my cat soulmate and there has been a void every since. I want to adopt a cat who really needs a home. Like a cat with a missing eye or ear. Those are the best cats, IMO. 😻 It's been a long road and finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel 🌞🏡 Edited April 4, 2021 by Dis 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 4, 2021 Share Posted April 4, 2021 15 minutes ago, Dis said: ***UPDATE*** I got my old place back! My little country cottage and will be back there fully moved in on May 4th!!! Just in time for summer in the country! 🌼🌲☀️ I just cannot wait to be back there, finally in a home where I feel at home. I haven't had that since I moved in here. I can't wait to breathe the fresh country air, to unpack my things finally and put everything to rights (75% of my belongings are still in boxes here as there wasn't enough space). Can't wait to hear the tree frogs loudly singing in the night and the deer in my backyard. The little pond with the bridge and tadpoles in the back alcove of the yard. The big bay window and the afternoon light. The little stove where I can cook and drink wine in whatever clothing I want! The open floor plan with all the space I need all to myself. Finally a bathroom that's all mine which I've been dying for! 🤣 A cozy little cottage where I can breathe and unwind and feel at peace. A place where I can start over with a different mindset, no more rushing, no more pressure...just enjoyment 💖 And going to get a new cat too! I had to put one of my cats down last summer. Benjiman. He was my cat soulmate and there has been a void every since. I want to adopt a cat who really needs a home. Like a cat with a missing eye or ear. Those are the best cats, IMO. 😻 It's been a long road and finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel 🌞🏡 Sounds dreamy. Glad you are assimilating nicely with your new kitty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 4, 2021 Author Share Posted April 4, 2021 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: Sounds dreamy. Glad you are assimilating nicely with your new kitty. Aw thanks it is dreamy! Haven't gotten there yet and haven't gotten my new kitty yet either. Waiting until after I move and Emelia 😸and I settle in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 4, 2021 Share Posted April 4, 2021 I'm very happy you're getting your cottage back 2 months ahead! You will be back there in no time! Thank you for giving a home to abandoned cats. My daughter is like that she always picks the most beaten cat she can find at the shelter and they get to have a beautiful retirement in her country house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted April 27, 2021 Author Share Posted April 27, 2021 *** 8 days until I'm back home!!! *** Movers are booked, rent and deposit paid and 90% of my things are packed! I'm getting so excited I seriously think I'm going to cry when I get there ...for an entire week 🤣 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted May 4, 2021 Author Share Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) ***I'M BACK HOME*** Well, I'm back home...but having a tough day. I got 3 hours of sleep which makes me either b**chy or weepy. So that's kind of exacberating the sad feelings I have about leaving a wonderful man. I can't enjoy being back home yet. I just feel sad and like something is amiss. I don't even want him back, I don't want to move back and I don't want to ever try again...but that doesn't change the fact that this hurts. Guess I'm just grieving the loss of a man who was so good to me, my best friend...but was never right for me I just need sleep and I'll feel better tomorrow Edited May 4, 2021 by Dis 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted May 5, 2021 Share Posted May 5, 2021 Yes sleep and giving yourself time to readjust is all you need. Enjoy the peace and beauty of the cottage/country area. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted May 6, 2021 Author Share Posted May 6, 2021 Feeling better today and I'm really grateful for that I smudged my cottage from top to bottom and got a lot unpacked and put away. It felt good to put my things in their rightful places because at my ex's I couldn't unpack 75% of my things because there wasn't any space. I keep reminding myself of things like that, makes me feel good. I'm appreciating all the things I have here that I didn't have back at my ex's. My cat, Emelia kept me up quite a bit last night meowing and meowing, she's adjusting too. Whenever we move somewhere new she just howls for like 24hrs lol. I gave her extra treats today. It's been rainy and cozy here in the country but tomorrow is going to be nice. I'm going to go out back to the pond and look at the tadpoles then going to go for a jog. The roads here are so quiet and pretty. I miss him and it hurts to think about him but I know I made the right decision and I'll settle in. Tomorrow I'll be extra grateful for being here because if I was still living with my ex we would have his son for 2 days (our days off) and instead of locking myself in the bedroom for the day, I'll have this whole quiet country cottage to myself, sleepy country roads to walk and a pond out back to enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted May 6, 2021 Author Share Posted May 6, 2021 On 5/5/2021 at 12:13 AM, ClearEyes-FullHeart said: Yes sleep and giving yourself time to readjust is all you need. Enjoy the peace and beauty of the cottage/country area. Thank you, I will 💖 Link to post Share on other sites
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