I just broke up with my girlfriend and I don't know how to feel about it.

[Trevor irregal]

 Let me start off with my girlfriend is amazing, the best I have ever had. She’s literally everything a guy could want. She’s beautiful, smart, strong emotionally, really good person, beautiful personality, she’s perfect. To many things to list. But something happened that makes me question if I want her.

I was over at her house like I have been a billion times before, but it was Valentine’s Day it was different this time. I was a little upset because my girlfriend invited her friend over to hangout. I wanted to just be a her and me day. Watch Netflix and eat dinner, give each other presents, etc. Everything was going good. I was super happy to be there. But it started to get boring.

We were eating dinner and for some weird reason my entire mood changed from happy to not wanting to be there or even talk to her. I left because it started snowing and I got home and it was just weird. I wanted to break up with her for no reason. She hadn’t done anything wrong; matter of fact she done everything right except for inviting her friend over. I have had these thoughts before but they made me feel terrible.

Fast forward to yesterday. I wake up and I start to have the thoughts of wanting to break up again. But someone talked me out of it.

Well, a couple hours later I decide it’s time I got my phone ready and texted her. She replied back happy. And then I told her. She FaceTimed me and asked me why I said I don’t know why. She cried but for some reason I didn’t feel bad. It was almost as if I lost feelings within a day.

Well, I started crying because she cried. I don’t want to turn our memories into just memories I want to make more memories. But I just can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

She gave me some time to think about it. I called it off. The thought of her with someone else angers me. I thought I loved her. But why does it feel like I suddenly lost feelings? Is this normal? Any advice?

Edited February 16, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs and thread title

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Trevor irregal said:

I was over at her house like I have been a billion times before, but it was Valentine’s Day it was different this time.

It's good you finally ended things. You've wanted to for a while now.

[Gaeta]

 She’s beautiful, smart, strong emotionally, really good person, beautiful personality, she’s perfect.....but you were never in love with her and it's ok. It's like you had to convince yourself over and over that you should love her, she is so perfect. It doesn't work that way

Do her a huge favor and block her, that will allow her to move on and get over you faster. 

 

[Calendula]

11 hours ago, Trevor irregal said:

I wanted to break up with her for no reason. She hadn’t done anything wrong; matter of fact she done everything right except for inviting her friend over. I have had these thoughts before but they made me feel terrible.

Fast forward to yesterday. I wake up and I start to have the thoughts of wanting to break up again. But someone talked me out of it.

Well, a couple hours later I decide it’s time I got my phone ready and texted her. She replied back happy. And then I told her.

Sounds to me like you breaking up with her was something that came completely out of the blue for no obvious reason with no obvious build-up. Has anything been odd or felt off about your relationship lately, such as over the past few weeks? 

If I had to make a blind guess, I might suggest that the friend being unexpectedly present during what you thought should have been an intimate Valentine's Day interaction made you feel rejected and so you shut down emotionally as a way of escaping your discomfort. Have you had feelings of self-doubt or low self-confidence in the past that might have contributed to such an emotional shut-down? If you did feel rejected by the friend being present, then perhaps you subconsciously wanted to break up with your girlfriend to prevent a future in which she might directly reject you and be the one to end your relationship. The fact that you felt terrible about such thoughts might indicate that you subconsciously knew that what you were doing wasn't the right course of action, but you let fear motivate you anyway. 

Did you at any point directly ask why your girlfriend had invited her friend over or discuss with her, perhaps by pulling her to the side, the reason her friend was there? It is entirely likely that your girlfriend was trying to help her single friend out, to keep her from the Valentine's Day blues and sorrows of being single. Yeah, she probably should have checked with you first instead of blind-siding you with the unexpected, but it seems your response is a bit extreme. There may even have been an intention of allowing you a chance to get to know the friend in a more intimate way as a means of leading to a possible kinky future interaction. While this may seem unlikely, it isn't completely out of the realm of possibility. 

[Trevor irregal]

9 hours ago, Calendula said:

Sounds to me like you breaking up with her was something that came completely out of the blue for no obvious reason with no obvious build-up. Has anything been odd or felt off about your relationship lately, such as over the past few weeks? 

If I had to make a blind guess, I might suggest that the friend being unexpectedly present during what you thought should have been an intimate Valentine's Day interaction made you feel rejected and so you shut down emotionally as a way of escaping your discomfort. Have you had feelings of self-doubt or low self-confidence in the past that might have contributed to such an emotional shut-down? If you did feel rejected by the friend being present, then perhaps you subconsciously wanted to break up with your girlfriend to prevent a future in which she might directly reject you and be the one to end your relationship. The fact that you felt terrible about such thoughts might indicate that you subconsciously knew that what you were doing wasn't the right course of action, but you let fear motivate you anyway. 

Did you at any point directly ask why your girlfriend had invited her friend over or discuss with her, perhaps by pulling her to the side, the reason her friend was there? It is entirely likely that your girlfriend was trying to help her single friend out, to keep her from the Valentine's Day blues and sorrows of being single. Yeah, she probably should have checked with you first instead of blind-siding you with the unexpected, but it seems your response is a bit extreme. There may even have been an intention of allowing you a chance to get to know the friend in a more intimate way as a means of leading to a possible kinky future interaction. While this may seem unlikely, it isn't completely out of the realm of possibility. 

It was completely out of the blue. I just randomly started feeling nothing towards her. I haven’t noticed anything off except me. I have been kinda depressed the last two days. I did feel as if it was wrong for her to invite her friend over. Yeah I have self doubt before. Me and my girlfriend are back together. But still the same problem it’s like I have shut down all feelings for her. I don’t even smile at her pictures or anything anymore.

[Trevor irregal]

Just now, Trevor irregal said:

It was completely out of the blue. I just randomly started feeling nothing towards her. I haven’t noticed anything off except me. I have been kinda depressed the last two days. I did feel as if it was wrong for her to invite her friend over. Yeah I have self doubt before. Me and my girlfriend are back together. But still the same problem it’s like I have shut down all feelings for her. I don’t even smile at her pictures or anything anymore.

This has happened in the past about two months ago. Where all I felt was down and I felt nothing towards her. But eventually things went back to normal.

[Calendula]

25 minutes ago, Trevor irregal said:

It was completely out of the blue. I just randomly started feeling nothing towards her. I haven’t noticed anything off except me. I have been kinda depressed the last two days. I did feel as if it was wrong for her to invite her friend over. Yeah I have self doubt before. Me and my girlfriend are back together. But still the same problem it’s like I have shut down all feelings for her. I don’t even smile at her pictures or anything anymore.

This doesn't sound normal. In my experience emotions between people typically change either gradually over time or suddenly for a very dramatic reason. Depression and negative feelings of self-worth can have strong effects on our feelings for others and how we interact with them, sometimes causing us to push others away when we need their help the most. Only you can figure out what might be going on in your head and why, but you might need some outside, in-person help if you can't think of a reasonable, rational explanation for your dramatic shifts in feelings. There may be a justifiable medical reason, such as changing brain chemistry or a health condition, that could be affecting your moods. You might start with your general practitioner but eventually I would suggest trying to see a psychiatrist if you can. I'm not sure how it is elsewhere, but here in the USA psychiatrists can prescribe a medication if they think you needed it and would be more familiar with the range of medical conditions that could lead to such radical shifts in mood and behavior. 

You might also talk to your girlfriend about the issue. When you go through such episodes you may rationally know that you still care for her and want to be with her even if you can't figure out your feelings, and you need to tell her this. You also need to tell her your recent observations regarding the issues you've had with your moods and feelings and that your swings just don't make sense to you. One of the points of being with someone is to have them there to support you when you have difficulties. In a relationship you don't have to be perfect all the time and you need to allow yourself to lean on her for support. If you can't let her support you or ask her for help, then you may never be able to figure out if you two could make it long term as a couple. If she cares for you, and it really seems like she does, then she'll support you through this challenge as you try to figure out what is going on up in your head. Keep communicating about what you feel, why you feel that way (if you think you know), what you don't understand and what you want to be different. You don't seem to like having these episodes, so that feeling itself works in your favor, but only if you tell her. 

[World Peace Guy]

Not enough information, but I would say it is very likely that you are having fear of commitment. You know the old saying "nice guys finish last". The same applies with girls. If she's marriage material, it brings out fear of commitment, and that can make you want to break up with her and give the appearance of not loving her.