CalipsoRose Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 I am in a brand new relationship, we became official two weeks ago. He came on very strong, joking about how I was his wife even before our first date. He was honestly everything I have been looking for in a mate, so I didnt see that as a red flag. We had a great first date and the chemistry was incredible. We had another wonderful second date where we ended up spending the night together. On the third date we agreed to be exclusive. He would text me every day throughout the day, and I would text him goodnight every night. This has gone on since day one. The past few days I noticed he was acting less affectionate via text but he said he was really tired from working overtime lately. I should point out that on his dating profile when I first saw him, it said "Lets talk for a few days then ghost each other like it always ends up during a pandemic" but I disregarded this as sarcasm and not a red flag. Anyway, on Valentines day he said he "may be too tired to hang" because he had just woken up from a nap from working overtime at a medical research office. I was bummed but I said ok, and then he said actually I'm waking up, you can come over, so I did. We had a very sweet romantic Vday dinner and everything was fine when I left. I should also point out that we both drank quite a bit and I ended up spilling my childhood out to him which was full of abuse, so I'm really hoping that isnt what has scared him off - but he seemed supportive. I texted him goodnight, and he didnt reply. I figured he just fell asleep. The next day, still nothing - usually by this time he would text me first. So I waited all day without texting him assuming he needed some space and took the advice all my friends were telling me - not to text him. I caved at 9 pm and sent him a text asking him how his day was, and its now 12 am and he hasnt replied. He hasnt texted me all day, which is very abnormal from our typical communication. No one is so busy that they cant send a ten second text to tell the other person they're ok or that they're just busy. I literally was on the verge of tears because I'm 90% sure I'm being ghosted. What do you think is going on? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 I'm so sorry to read this, CalipsoRose. Since he's not replying I'm not sure what there is you can do. I definitely wouldn't text him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) But his birthday is in two days. If I dont hear from him by then, should I send him a happy birthday text and say something like "are you ok?" Edited February 17, 2021 by CalipsoRose Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Ohhh I'm so sorry I know it feels awful. One of the many perils of online dating. Communication issues and what seems to be, ghosting. There isn't much you can do. But if I were you I wouldn't text him any more than you already have. Why? Because if he is pulling back you're only going to push him further away by continuing to text him and because at the end of the day, (assuming he's not in a coma...never happens), do you really want a guy who's going to leave you hanging like that? Even if he does text you back who's to say he won't disappear again? How old are you two? Why sleep together so soon? Were you okay with that or did you think about maybe waiting to establish more of a foundation there? I'm not judging either way. Just seems early and considering he doesn't seem too reliable maybe slow things down a bit unless you're okay with a casual hookup. Stay busy in the meantime and remember that no matter what happens, this isn't the end of the world even though it feels terrible in the moment. Best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) I'm late 20s, hes early 30s. Honestly I didnt mind sleeping together so soon because we really liked each other and I havent been with anyone in 6 months since my last relationship. But maybe it scared him off. Not sure yet. I'm hopeful that maybe he will reach out tomorrow. Edited February 17, 2021 by CalipsoRose Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: ,joking about how I was his wife even before our first date. his dating profile said "Lets talk for a few days then ghost each other like it always ends up during a pandemic" How long have you been dating? So many red flags 🚩. It seems more like you dodged a bullet. This was way too much way too soon. Hopefully he'll just ghost as promised and you can thankfully cut your losses early rather than drag things out with a clown like this. It's hard to say which is creepier. The wife remark or the ghosting remark. Lessons learned are good. Nonsense future talk. Comes with black box warning about ghosting, starts making "tired" and "busy" excuses early on. As well as dating is not therapy and certainly not a place to discuss childhood problems. Also don't get this drunk. Edited February 17, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Sorry but it does sound like you've been ghosted. You should not text him again. You already texted him twice and he's not replying. Continuing to text him more will only make you seem desperate and like you're not getting the message. This relationship was one big red flag. Deciding to be exclusive after the third date? You rushed this relationship without even giving yourself time to get to know this person. You got caught up in this fantasy without using good judgment and allowing the relationship to unfold at a healthy pace. It's not surprising that it crashed and burned as fast as it began. Next time do not rush things and get ahead of yourself like this. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Don't text him again, not even for his birthday. Making any further contact = you chasing him and will only make you feel worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 I woke up to a text from him at 9 AM saying "Just woke up. 2nd shift sucks." Like I said in the first post, he works at a medical research facility in a high position and has been working overtime late afternoon to night shift. So I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt but will take note of any more red flags that come up. Also, since everything has already been rushed, how do you rectify this? Any tips on how to slow it down to a more healthy pace without losing the connection altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, CalipsoRose said: Also, since everything has already been rushed, how do you rectify this? Any tips on how to slow it down to a more healthy pace without losing the connection altogether? Just make sure you understand that you are just getting to know this guy. You DO NOT know this guy well enough to make any major decisions. Don't let the relationship progress any further than it already is for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) Give it a little time and reply with a smile emoji? Or "for sure" in response to his text, Idk, kind of surprised he texted you though maybe he wants a birthday text is why he did it, again, idk. Caution here! I do think the V Day issue throws budding R's off. Edited February 17, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 From the sounds of it, you two have been dating for about two weeks. Is that correct? Slow it down by not making a two week relationship the center of your life. He hasn't: work is still his main priority. I would argue that is how it should be at this stage. The challenge here is that you are already feeling vulnerable. Try to focus on something other than the relationship: Organize something safe with friends, make dinner for whoever is in your bubble, take on a new project at work, set a new workout challenge for yourself. Do something for yourself that will keep you balanced -and that has nothing to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 I dont think I'm out of the woods yet. I can tell there has been a pretty significant shift in his level of attention and affection in communication. Based on past experiences with guys, this often means there's someone else he's talking to. I hope not, but the pattern is always the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 29 minutes ago, CalipsoRose said: I dont think I'm out of the woods yet. I can tell there has been a pretty significant shift in his level of attention and affection in communication. Based on past experiences with guys, this often means there's someone else he's talking to. I hope not, but the pattern is always the same. I'm really sorry OP. Go with your gut on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 I am really sorry this happened to you. Always be very very wary of men coming on very strong, using cheesy jokes like you're his wife, or say things like you're special. It's all about taking you to bed then their interest lower and poof they're gone. I wish it wasn't like that , but it is. One more advice. Do not go to men's house when they tell you to come over last minute. That's equivalent of calling an escort. Don't accommodate them at 2 weeks dating. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 13 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: But his birthday is in two days. If I dont hear from him by then, should I send him a happy birthday text and say something like "are you ok?" No. You are about to be trashed big time, and the only reason he's sent you the text about his shifts is because he feels a little guilty about ignoring you, and also he's probably planning to use you one last time on his birthday. The bit about him calling you his wife, etc, is the kind of flippant thing that men of this caliber use to lure women in. Would you have slept with him on the second date if he hadn't made you feel special by saying that to you? It had the desired effect, which was to make you feel straight away that there was a special connection and you're made for each other. He says it to every woman he meets. The Valentines Day 'too tired' thing...absolute garbage - he avoided it because he has no feelings for you. Please save your self esteem by being the one to put an end to it, by completely ignoring his birthday. Your feelings are spot on, and if you spend any more time with him you're just being used. Guys like him should come with a tattoo of a pig on their forehead as a warning to vulnerable women. Be strong. Sending you a hug and sending him some ugly karma. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) Ugh not that “let’s talk then ghost each other” line. Look, that was witty and clever when the first person wrote it. But after 1/10th the guys on dating apps copy and pasted it to their profile, it just makes him look like someone that lacks any originality. Anyway... Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day that outs the players of the world( most of the time). Because unfortunately, due to our current understanding of physics, we can only be at one place at one time😒. And on valentines you are supposed to be with the person that you love the most. That means the other people that you were playing will realize that you were just playing them. sorry that this happened. Best to just leave it be. At least it sounds like it was only a few weeks. Edited February 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to hang out tomorrow and his response was, "I think I'll be around." So I said, ok let me know what time if you want me to come over. He replied with, "I don't think I'll have to work thank god." But he rarely works on Saturdays. It just sounds like he was on the fence about seeing me, or not very excited? What do you think it means? I haven't seen him all week. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Could there have been a "special project in the works" (at work), where he was unsure if he would have to go to work or not?? Maybe he had some errands to do Saturday morning?? Laundry?? Grocery shopping?? If he has a M-F schedule, Saturday mornings are "catch up" time for everything he may have procrastinated during the evening hours during the week. He may have had a tough week at work and wants to decompress Saturday morning/day. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, CalipsoRose said: I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to hang out tomorrow and his response was, "I think I'll be around." So I said, ok let me know what time if you want me to come over. He replied with, "I don't think I'll have to work thank god." But he rarely works on Saturdays. It just sounds like he was on the fence about seeing me, or not very excited? What do you think it means? I haven't seen him all week. Hi CalipsoRose, you asked on another thread why your boyfriends tend to lose interest as soon as your interest increases and you treat them "so well." (Your words). Well, this is a perfect example. Why are you asking him to hang out tomorrow? And then after he gives you such an apathetic, nonchalant response, you push it by asking him to let you know what time IF he wants you to come over? Girl, with a guy as aloof as he is, let HIM be the one to ask you to "hang out," better yet, let him be the one to ask and take you out on a proper date! Or if you are inclined to ask him and he gives you such an apathetic answer - "I think I will be around"? Like he's doing you some great favor by possibly "being around"? WTF. That is your cue to say "oh shoot look at the time, gotta run, chats with ya later"! lol And hang up. Make other plans! Flip the script, let HIM be the one wondering what YOU are doing. You're making all this much too easy for him, you are too available. With respect, please stop doing that. Have higher standards, his nonchalant apathetic attitude would not fly with me one bit!! Anyway, I am sorry to say this but what it means is he's bored, uninspired and has a "take it or leave it" attitude about you. Edited February 27, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Ugh this is what I don't understand. I don't understand how it makes me "too available" to want to see my boyfriend once a week on a Saturday. That seems pretty normal to me. Anything else would be like playing games (like oh I don't want to see my boyfriend for two weeks straight to try to be less available?). I can't stand dating sometimes, this is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, CalipsoRose said: Ugh this is what I don't understand. I don't understand how it makes me "too available" to want to see my boyfriend once a week on a Saturday. That seems pretty normal to me. Anything else would be like playing games (like oh I don't want to see my boyfriend for two weeks straight to try to be less available?). I can't stand dating sometimes, this is ridiculous. There is nothing wrong and everything right about wanting to see your boyfriend once or week, or twice or even three times a week! Problem is, HE doesn't. Otherwise, he would be asking to see you. And certainly not responding to your invite to see him with "I think I will be around." Good gawd, a man can't get much more apathetic than that. There is a definite imbalance here, with you being more invested than he is. That is not the time to push for more time together, it's the time to start becoming more independent, and making plans without him. Give him a chance to wonder about you and miss you. That is how you will maintain his interest, and this is true even when you're in a long term committed relationship. Is it a game? You betcha, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. If played right, it can actually be fun! Watch Esther Perel videos on You Tube, she explains it well. Edited February 27, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Ok...but if he was done, wouldn't he just come right out and say "sorry can't, I'm busy tomorrow"? Then I would get the hint. He did apologize earlier today for acting distant blaming it on how stressed he's been at work and needing to sleep more. Do you think there's another woman or something? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, CalipsoRose said: Ok...but if he was done, wouldn't he just come right out and say "sorry can't, I'm busy tomorrow"? Then I would get the hint. He did apologize earlier today for acting distant blaming it on how stressed he's been at work and needing to sleep more. Do you think there's another woman or something? I have no idea, how long have you been dating him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 We have been exclusive for only 1 month. Link to post Share on other sites
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