La.Primavera Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 You are way too invested in a guy you have just started dating. It might be understandable if he was on the same page, but he clearly isn't (despite wanting to make things official so quickly). He is behaving like a single guy who is still weighing up his options. I think you have been misled by him. If you could take a step back and objectively look at the situation, you would see some big red flags with this guy. I think you've rushed things too quickly to know if he even deserves the title of boyfriend, let alone everything else that involves. His lack of enthusiasm should be enough for you to pull on the breaks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Well..I have pulled on the breaks. Ever since he started acting distant, I mirror him. The only time I initiate is when I wanted to see him on Saturday. But...I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow. Should I bring this up to him or act like everything is fine and see how he acts next week? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) 37 minutes ago, CalipsoRose said: Well..I have pulled on the breaks. Ever since he started acting distant, I mirror him. The only time I initiate is when I wanted to see him on Saturday. But...I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow. Should I bring this up to him or act like everything is fine and see how he acts next week? I don't advise "mirroring" him, because that IS a game. Just start becoming more independent in general, make plans of your own, become less available naturally, organically. Don't "play" hard to get, simply "be" hard to get by virtue of your independent self-sufficient nature, not as a game. You can still be receptive, warm and responsive, that doesn't have to stop. Like I said in a previous post, it's about balance. Don't' give too much, but don't give too little. Learn balance. Start dancing to your own drummer, be your own woman. Dance to your own tune. No I wouldn't say a word to him. Men (in general) don't respond to words, they respond to actions. So just start making plans without him and stop relying on him so much. Start letting him come to you, and if that means you don't talk or see him for a few days, so be. Don't pick up his slack for him, he will become lazy, like he is now. If he doesn't step up to the plate on his own accord, then let him go, there is nothing you could have done anyway. Edited February 27, 2021 by poppyfields 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Thank you Poppy. I should also point out that I have anxious-attachment style - so I tend to think there's something wrong, even when there may not be. I was just re-reading through our text messages and he kept talking about how stressed out he was from work all week and I was interpreting that as an excuse to avoid me, but maybe he is honestly dealing with some things in his own life. I will take your advice and pull back, not focus on him so much. I just always worry there's another woman involved because I have been cheated on a few times from different relationships in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) I am having second thoughts about even going. I don't want to go over there if he doesn't truly want me there. Should I say something like, "If you're too tired from work this week, we can hang out some other time" or should I just leave it alone and go? Or maybe I should just go over there for a few hours and leave, cuz normally I spend the night? Edited February 27, 2021 by CalipsoRose Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 7 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: Well..I have pulled on the breaks. Ever since he started acting distant, I mirror him. The only time I initiate is when I wanted to see him on Saturday. But...I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow. Should I bring this up to him or act like everything is fine and see how he acts next week? I should have been more clear. When I said pull on the breaks, I really meant taking a break from him in order to give yourself enough time to reassess whether this is the kind of guy you really want to be in a relationship with. I have a feeling with some space you will realize you are putting out way more than you get in return, and that you can do better than him. I wouldn't reach out to him again. If he contacts you, I'd make an excuse and not go over there. At this point, I don't think it should be about what he wants or what he will do. It should be about you figuring out your boundaries. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who isn't that interested in seeing you? I hope not because you're worth more than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 10 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: It just sounds like he was on the fence about seeing me, or not very excited? It's sounds like you are correct in your interpretation of this. Lay back and see what happens. Stop inviting him over to hang out. Never have an open door policy with someone like this. Either you have something set up, or you spend time productively or doing something enjoyable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Ok so you were all right. I woke up today with a hunch to check his instagram. Turns out he had added 10+ other women and some of them were of women who were 18 years old dressed very, very provocatively. So I know that means he's been active adding new women on his dating sites. So I texted him saying "hey I noticed you've been acting distant lately but I just saw on your instagram that you have added a ton of girls since me and I know what that means. It makes sense now why you don't seem that interested. I don't want to waste my time" he said "Im not sure about that. But I have been struggling to keep the convo going lately to be honest. I don't want to waste your time either." Which is BS because I've been the one trying to keep the convo going with open ended questions that he doesn't even reply to. Good lord. I'm exhausted from being constantly disappointed in dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hes 34 and he would also talk like a baby. He would literally say things like "I sleepies." and it was a red flag and a turn off. He didn't show me much effort in terms of planning the actual dates, I would just show up at his house and he would have a bottle of vodka open on the table with a candle burning and we would watch movies and order food. UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 1 hour ago, CalipsoRose said: Hes 34 and he would also talk like a baby. He would literally say things like "I sleepies." and it was a red flag and a turn off. He didn't show me much effort in terms of planning the actual dates, I would just show up at his house and he would have a bottle of vodka open on the table with a candle burning and we would watch movies and order food. UGH. Ah, the ole' vodka and candle date. Good riddance. Sorry Calipso. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 1 hour ago, CalipsoRose said: He would literally say things like "I sleepies." Was he wearing cartoon footie pajamas?🍼👶 6 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 5 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Ah, the ole' vodka and candle date. Good riddance. Sorry Calipso. Lol @ the ole' vodka and candle date, is that like a thing? Never heard of it. 😳 I'm more like good riddance to the "I sleepies" comment, that is hilarious! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Was he wearing cartoon footie pajamas?🍼👶 😂 😂 😂 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalipsoRose Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Is it better to cuss someone out after you found out they were cheating and put them in their place, or just block them after confronting them and never speak to them again? Because I just blocked him after he said the last thing he said to me but now I am wishing I had laid in a few verbal jabs before I cut ties. I know its more mature to just block and delete, but I feel like I let him off too easy. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 On 2/27/2021 at 3:47 PM, Wiseman2 said: Was he wearing cartoon footie pajamas?🍼👶 If you have something else to say, say it nicely, block and delete. You say and do what you do because of who you are, not because of who he is. Nothing else to say nicely? Then block and delete without saying anything at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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