How do I disclose my felony conviction to this woman?

[normal person]

On 2/13/2021 at 9:00 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I had taken my car and drove 1000 miles and threatened a woman.

Why did you do this? Just so we have some context.

On 2/13/2021 at 9:00 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

The conversation lasted for 20 minutes and it went well. I did not disclose my felony conviction to her.

Are you really assuming she has a romantic interest in you based solely on the fact that she spoke to you and let you follow her Instagram account? If so, for what reasons are you assuming she's interested in you?

On 2/13/2021 at 9:00 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

1) The next time that I see her, do I bring up both my felony conviction and autism diagnosis?

You might as well. [redacted] Letting her know you stalked and threatened someone would be the nice thing to do. 

On 2/13/2021 at 9:00 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

2) How do I explain all of this to her without freaking her out?

That'll be hard. This is going to be a big pill to swallow (assuming she even wants to speak to you). She has every right to freak out over an ex felon is suddenly obsessing over her. My money says she'll be polite and then soon after you tell her will avoid you like the plague. [redacted] I fear you're likely to get yourself into more trouble. Do yourself a favor and just forget about her and stay at school. 

Look at this way: if she likes you, she's already Google'd you, found out that you're a ex felon stalker, made every plan to avoid you for the rest of her life, and already breathed a sigh of relief [redacted] You'll be lucky if that's the worst of it. If she doesn't like you, she hasn't Google'd you and doesn't know about your past. So why even bother speaking to her again and jeopardize her feeling of comfort and security, school, career, etc? Either way it ends in disappointment, but if you don't speak to her again, there aren't any more negative consequences for you. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Buckeyestrong45]

2 hours ago, normal person said:

Why did you do this? Just so we have some context.

Are you really assuming she has a romantic interest in you based solely on the fact that she spoke to you and let you follow her Instagram account? If so, for what reasons are you assuming she's interested in you?

You might as well. Odds are she can tell that you're autistic from a mile away. If you hadn't mentioned it already I would've asked if you were because your logic does not seem neurotypical in the slightest. Letting her know you stalked and threatened someone would be the nice thing to do. 

That'll be hard. This is going to be a big pill to swallow (assuming she even wants to speak to you). She has every right to freak out over an ex felon is suddenly obsessing over her. My money says she'll be polite and then soon after you tell her will avoid you like the plague. People with autism often misinterpret or mishandle situations like these and I fear you're likely to get yourself into more trouble. Do yourself a favor and just forget about her and stay at school. 

Look at this way: if she likes you, she's already Google'd you, found out that you're a ex felon stalker, made every plan to avoid you for the rest of her life, and already breathed a sigh of relief and told her friends that she got hit on by a real-life creepy stalker. You'll be lucky if that's the worst of it. If she doesn't like you, she hasn't Google'd you and doesn't know about your past. So why even bother speaking to her again and jeopardize her feeling of comfort and security, school, career, etc? Either way it ends in disappointment, but if you don't speak to her again, there aren't any more negative consequences for you. 

If she’s not interested, I’ll drop out of my favorite school, simple as that.

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Buckeyestrong45]

2 hours ago, normal person said:

Why did you do this? Just so we have some context.

Are you really assuming she has a romantic interest in you based solely on the fact that she spoke to you and let you follow her Instagram account? If so, for what reasons are you assuming she's interested in you?

You might as well. Odds are she can tell that you're autistic from a mile away. If you hadn't mentioned it already I would've asked if you were because your logic does not seem neurotypical in the slightest. Letting her know you stalked and threatened someone would be the nice thing to do. 

That'll be hard. This is going to be a big pill to swallow (assuming she even wants to speak to you). She has every right to freak out over an ex felon is suddenly obsessing over her. My money says she'll be polite and then soon after you tell her will avoid you like the plague. People with autism often misinterpret or mishandle situations like these and I fear you're likely to get yourself into more trouble. Do yourself a favor and just forget about her and stay at school. 

Look at this way: if she likes you, she's already Google'd you, found out that you're a ex felon stalker, made every plan to avoid you for the rest of her life, and already breathed a sigh of relief and told her friends that she got hit on by a real-life creepy stalker. You'll be lucky if that's the worst of it. If she doesn't like you, she hasn't Google'd you and doesn't know about your past. So why even bother speaking to her again and jeopardize her feeling of comfort and security, school, career, etc? Either way it ends in disappointment, but if you don't speak to her again, there aren't any more negative consequences for you. 

 

You do realize that lawyers have dated felons before, right?

Or are you not that knowledgeable?

I will drop out of my favorite school if she doesn’t associate with me.

I’m not the one paying for it.

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[GorillaTheater]

2 minutes ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I will drop out of my favorite school if she doesn’t associate with me.

I’m not the one paying for it.

The fact that you appear to be willing to f*** over your family who IS paying for it, for the sake of some woman you barely know, says a lot.

I bet you haven't shared your plan with them, have you.

[Buckeyestrong45]

Just now, GorillaTheater said:

The fact that you appear to be willing to f*** over your family who IS paying for it, for the sake of some woman you barely know, says a lot.

I bet you haven't shared your plan with them, have you.

That’s my decision, not yours.

I really don’t care about my family. 

[poppyfields]

33 minutes ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I will drop out of my favorite school if she doesn’t associate with me.

I’m not the one paying for it.

But why, you still haven't answered that.  What's your thought process behind that decision?  

It makes no sense, and I now agree with elaine and others, your mindset about this is quite alarming and rather extreme which does not typically bode well for dating and developing a relationship with a woman you like. 

It's way over the top man.

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed reference to hidden content.

[Buckeyestrong45]

Being in prison, I realized from my mistakes.

As for my favorite school in graduate school, the only reason that I am doing the program that is not similar to my undergraduate is because they don’t have a masters in which I received my undergraduate at. It’s no loss for me.

I have the right to try and pursue this, if she says no, then that’s that. I’ll still drop out of my favorite school. The only reason that I went back to school to earn my undergraduate degree is to attend my favorite school for graduate school. I’m not the one paying for it. I’m not your family member.

I explain my criminal charges on the website where you ask lawyers questions and they told me to wait and then proceed to tell her everything. They stated to tell her what I did first before revealing the charge. 

Also, one of the lawyers stated that he succeeded a prosecutor in the northwest whose boyfriend was a federal felon and his charges were more significant than mine. Which is why he stated that her boss gave her the option of keeping her job as a prosecutor for that office if she ended her relationship or leave if she kept the relationship, she left.

[redacted]

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gate keeping, removed quoted deleted comment.

[Buckeyestrong45]

17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

But why, you still haven't answered that.  What's your thought process behind that decision?  

It makes no sense, and I now agree with elaine and others, your mindset about this is quite alarming and rather extreme which does not typically bode well for dating and developing a relationship with a woman you like. 

It's way over the top man.

 

The only reason that I went back to school to earn my undergraduate degree is to have a chance to attend my favorite school for graduate school. My favorite school didn’t have the masters program for the undergraduate degree that I had earned. The only reason that I applied to that masters program is to attend my favorite school.

My undergraduate degree is 10x better than the Masters Program. I have a chance to do my Post Doctoral in that Masters Degree but really I am just wasting my time.

I’m not the one paying for it, it’s no loss for me.

 

[Trail Blazer]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

You don't believe people are capable of improving themselves and turning their lives around for the better?

I do, and I admire people who are able to do that.  It's not easy.  Many people were handed a poor deck of cards or as in Buckeye's case he struggles with Autism.

I actually applaud him for developing the necessary skills required to be accepted to a reputable University.

Given that this woman is a criminal defense attorney, there is every reason to believe she is open minded enough to believe the same and that people deserve a second chance.

Of course I do.  I would hope that being incarcerated for a period of time helps many detainees in their rehabilitation process.  This is the aim that every correctional facility shouldered strive to achieve and generally does achieve in many instances.

In saying that, in the case of the OP, it's of mine and many other poster's opinion, that his priorities are out of sync with someone who is truly focused on turning their lives around.

Don't get me wrong - as a red-blooded male, women can be a big distraction in life.  However, in the case of the OP, he doesn't have his life in order and he's seemingly allowing self-gratification cloud his judgement and dictate his decision making.

Based on what OP has shared, it is my view that OP is focusing on areas of his life which should not be the priority right now.  It's also an area where he's found himself fall foul of the law in the past, whilst still displaying obsessive tendencies which, at the very least, raise some doubts about whether he's truly changed at all.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

You do realize that lawyers have dated felons before, right?

Or are you not that knowledgeable?

And surely you realize this is the exception, not the norm?

Regardless, if you come at her with the same attitude that you have presented here, it is not going to go over well. I promise you that. 

[elaine567]

If you do end up meeting this woman again and you at some point decide to tell her. 
She recoils in horror and doesn't ever want to see you again.
How will you handle that?

OK so you say you will give up grad school, but then what? 

[Lotsgoingon]

You really need to make friends first and get competent at that. Learning how to make friends and stay friends is a great stepping stone to dating.

[Buckeyestrong45]

17 hours ago, elaine567 said:

If you do end up meeting this woman again and you at some point decide to tell her. 
She recoils in horror and doesn't ever want to see you again.
How will you handle that?

OK so you say you will give up grad school, but then what? 

I will give up on my favorite school for graduate school and drop out. I will move to a State down south. I’m not the one paying for it, my family is. I will end communication with my family after I drop out.

I will look for a job in a new state down south with my undergraduate degree. My undergraduate degree is 10x better than the masters degree that I am going for at my favorite school.

Life is full of disappointments. Disappointment after disappointment.

My experience at my favorite school would be lackluster and my heart at my favorite school just wouldn’t be there to enjoy the experience and to make friends.

That’s life.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I will give up on my favorite school for graduate school and drop out. I will move to a State down south. I’m not the one paying for it, my family is. I will end communication with my family after I drop out.

That’s life.

No, it isn't. That's a series of poor choices you elect to make. 

There is zero need to destroy your own life for a woman you've spoken to for 20 minutes. 

Are you currently under the care of a medical or mental health professional, and have you spoken to them about your thought process on this? 

[Buckeyestrong45]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, it isn't. That's a series of poor choices you elect to make. 

There is zero need to destroy your own life for a woman you've spoken to for 20 minutes. 

Are you currently under the care of a medical or mental health professional, and have you spoken to them about your thought process on this? 

I’m not going to waste my money talking to a pointless licensed shrink.

 I have every right to drop out of my favorite school in graduate school.

If she doesn’t want to associate with me, than I won’t be able to enjoy my time at my favorite school. I will be in a annoying mood towards everyone that tries to befriend me at school. It would just be a bad experience.

The issue that I am going to have is this:

I talk to her a couple more times and I ask her to coffee (not a date) in a public setting and she agrees to it. I explain my past and she googles my name on her phone and when she asks me questions, I tell her that I made poor judgements and owned up to my mistakes. She doesn’t judge me for my past. 
 

She has friends in higher level. Her friends and family will try to convince her otherwise.

 I made mistakes that I can’t rewind back to from 9 years ago.

[ExpatInItaly]

31 minutes ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

 I have every right to drop out of my favorite school in graduate school.

Of course you do. 

It's just a really bad idea and suggests you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you'll be ready to date. 

You're already way too fixated on this person. Money invested on a qualified doctor could go a long way in helping you, as it doesn't appear you have a solid grasp on things at present. That is equally as likely to send this woman running as your criminal record, OP. 

Just because you've done your time for your crime does not mean that there aren't other areas you need to work on. 

 

[Buckeyestrong45]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Of course you do. 

It's just a really bad idea and suggests you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you'll be ready to date. 

You're already way too fixated on this person. Money invested on a qualified doctor could go a long way in helping you, as it doesn't appear you have a solid grasp on things at present. That is equally as likely to send this woman running as your criminal record, OP. 

Just because you've done your time for your crime does not mean that there aren't other areas you need to work on. 

 

I’m not going to tell her anything negative.

 I will tell her that:

1) I made mistakes that I can’t take back but would if I could.

2) I used bad judgement.

a long honesty about my past and owning up to it will go a long way.

I already told her when I met her that I am about to attend graduate school. She congratulated me and thought that was amazing.

 

Edited February 20, 2021 by Buckeyestrong45

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

a long honesty about my past and owning up to it will go a long way.

Have you even spoken to her since you met her, though?

 

[Buckeyestrong45]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you even spoken to her since you met her, though?

 

No, but I am considering DM her on Instagram. We met last Saturday Afternoon.

Edited February 20, 2021 by Buckeyestrong45

[Buckeyestrong45]

On 2/14/2021 at 10:14 PM, elaine567 said:

Just because she has seen it all before does not mean she will be happy getting involved with a potentially violent stalker.
Sending people to prison is far removed from having a convicted felon sharing your life...
She will also be very aware of those felons that never actually  manage to rehabilitate.

A criminal defense attorney doesn’t send people to prison, a prosecutor does.

I asked people on another website about my situation and some lady with a lack of knowledge stated:

”You can’t date lawyer woman if you have a felony. She’ll lose her job.”

These people don’t realize that a lawyer is allowed to date a felon.

I will get to know her better and then I will reveal my felony and misdemeanor conviction to her. 

She seems like the type of person who likes to get to know new people. Hopefully she doesn’t judge me for my past.

The two major issues that I will have are:

1) Her friends (She has friends in high places.)

2) Her family.

Hopefully that this doesn’t deter her away.

[redacted]

Edited February 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
provocation

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

She seems like the type of person who likes to get to know new people. Hopefully she doesn’t judge me for my past.

You need to be realistic here, OP. 

Most women, lawyers or not, are not going to be keen on dating a man who's got a felony conviction for the crimes you committed. That's just the way it is, and yes, it's a price you'll probably continue to pay for a long time. Can people change? Yes. Does that mean others will be open to giving them a chance? Well, no, it doesn't. And that's their prerogative. Your problem will have a lot more to do with your own past behaviour than anything her family or friends might think - let alone the woman herself.

But again, you're getting way too far ahead of yourself. It's not the time to be seeking out lawyers in forums asking for dating advice when you have no clue if this woman has any interest in you, or is even single. You need to establish those things first. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Be honest and see what happens. She can very easily research your arrests and prison stay.

[normal person]

20 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

These people don’t realize that a lawyer is allowed to date a felon.

Your issue is not a question of whether or not she can date a ex con. It's  much more a question of "would she?" On top of that, you have no reason to believe this woman has any romantic interest in you. Merely talking to you is not enough of a reason. Congratulating you on getting into grad school is not a reason. Accepting an Instagram follow is not enough of a reason. Before you get ahead of yourself and start imagining the minutiae of every scenario where you have to sit down and tell her about your past, you should consider the very real possibility that she might not want to even sit down and have the conversation with you in the first place. If they like you, women will let you know one way or another. If her level of engagement with you is been solely what you've described, then I wouldn't count your chickens before they hatch. If she likes you and wants you to ask her out, it'll be obvious. She'll give you the opportunity and make it easy for you. You need that to happen before anything else. 

[d0nnivain]

 You realize you need to tell her about your past which is good.  All I'm saying is do NOT announce it upon meeting her.  Ease into the disclosure.  Give her time to get to know you a little bit.  Go on 2-3 dates then tell her.  As a defense attorney she probably won't hold a past mistake against you now that you have paid your debt to society.  She may think you are odd & undate-able if you just announce this major disclosure to her out of the blue.  

As for your insistence that you will drop out of your favorite school if she doesn't date you, frankly that is short sighted & insane. 

On 2/18/2021 at 4:48 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I really don’t care about my family. 

 

Your attitude about not caring about your family & being willing to waste their money by dropping out of grad school, that is just crass.  That bad attitude makes you unattractive.  Your willingness to squander somebody else's hard earned money that they are using to help you indicates selfishness & lack of caring.  I could get passed the prior conviction.  I would not overlook this uncaring attitude.  So you may want to revisit your approach to life in general & dating.  

[normal person]

18 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Ease into the disclosure.  Give her time to get to know you a little bit.  Go on 2-3 dates then tell her.

Respectfully disagree. Also, we have no reason to believe this woman is interested in him in any way yet so there's no reason to even think about having to cross this bridge yet.

18 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

She may think you are odd & undate-able if you just announce this major disclosure to her out of the blue.  

But how do you think she's going to react when he reveals that he went to jail for stalking and threatening someone and decided not to tell her for a while? You wouldn't feel immediately uncomfortable, turned off, in fear for your own safety, and resentful that you weren't told this immediately? She's not going to think "Right away he told me he drove 1000 miles and threatened to kill a woman -- at least buy me a drink first, jeeze, lol!" It's not some quirky idiosyncrasy that she "may" think is "odd." She's going to be terrified. This isn't something that can be overlooked that easy, like "I have a roommate," or "my mom can be a bit obnoxious when she drinks." It's an absolute deal breaker for most and to think OP is is doing anything but lying by omission by withholding it is incredibly selfish, in my opinion. Is there any woman out there who wouldn't feel lied to or deceived if they went out with OP a few times and weren't given this information beforehand? If 1000 sensible women knew what we know about OP, how many of them would be interesting in meeting him? My guess is next to none. 

18 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Your attitude about not caring about your family & being willing to waste their money by dropping out of grad school, that is just crass.  That bad attitude makes you unattractive.  Your willingness to squander somebody else's hard earned money that they are using to help you indicates selfishness & lack of caring.  I could get passed the prior conviction.  I would not overlook this uncaring attitude.  So you may want to revisit your approach to life in general & dating.

Here is where I do agree. Yes, his willingness to waste someone else's money is incredibly alarming and selfish and makes me question his judgement and how he might treat anyone else (including the woman in question).

Here's where I disagree with basically everyone --  this brand of blatant callousness and disregard should preclude him from dating even if the prior conviction didn't. If he's so quick to thanklessly turn on people who help and support him, how can we assume anything different will be in store for anyone else who enters his life? It doesn't sound promising at all. In fact, it sounds malicious and sort of disturbing. Given these attitudes, I can't in good consciousness suggest OP pursue anyone until he figures out his underlying issues. Yes, he paid his debt to society but it doesn't sound like he's rehabilitated yet at all, and people here suggesting ways he might go about dating this woman are potentially putting her in harm's way, in my opinion. If it were my sister, cousin, friend, etc, I'd be worried for her if I knew how remorselessly OP was willing to handle his school situation and turn on his parents. I don't see what some woman none of us know did to deserve to put in this situation, and I it's very concerning to me that people are suggesting ways to OP that he could put her in it. In what universe is this ok? 

Edited February 23, 2021 by normal person