How do I disclose my felony conviction to this woman?

[GorillaTheater]

1 minute ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

This woman earned her Law Degree from my favorite school.

Okay, an incidental connection then. The rest of what I wrote still stands.

[Miss Spider]

Probably once you guys start dating,  which may never happen. If it doesn’t, you need to accept. All she did was accept your friend request. It is nothing to obsess over. Obsessing can lead to stalking behavior. 

I dated a guy with a felony for selling cocaine and he didn’t tell me until the third date. I think if you are dating and it’s going in what you see as a serious direction is when you tell people that 

Edited February 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Crazelnut]

My man, you are waaaay too invested in a woman you've barely spoken to! You're creating an entire relationship without knowing much about her. And the felony issue is a red herring. You will probably never get to the point where you can reveal it. 

And what is up with bailing out on law school if she doesn't want you? That's crazy! You need to calm down about her. Just go to school. 

[Trail Blazer]

First, establish if she has a mutual interest.  From there, disclose such information at an appropriate time.  Don't put the cart before the horse.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

Here are a few things that I have decided on:

1) I run into her a couple more times and ask her to coffee and if she states no, I’ll leave it at that and drop out of my favorite school.

2) I run into her a couple more times and ask her to coffee and if she accepts it, in a public setting, I disclose my felony conviction to her and if she tells me that she can’t associate with me, I’ll leave it at that and drop out of my favorite school.

What do you think?.

I think this makes zero sense and is incredibly foolish. 

[5x5]

9 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

What do you think?

If you're determined to drop out of your favourite school, you could save yourself some grief and just get on with it.

[Atwood]

Do not drop out of your favourite school for anybody. Your education is important and romantic affiliations should have no bearing on the choice you make. Choose the best school for you regardless of what happens with this woman. People come and go, the choices you make for your education stick with you for life. 

As for the dating thing, you are moving quickly. Take things one step at a time and try not to think too far into the future. You might not run into her again...if you're planning on "running into her" by looking into her travel patterns or her information on social media - you must not do this or you are risking becoming a stalker again and if this person is an attorney, she'll know how to swiftly file charges. Take a step back, take a breather. If you're interested, you could ask her if she wants to go on a date or you can back off. Please don't monitor this situationor try to make it fit what you want. Ask for a date if it's appropriate, accept whatever answers she gives you, and do not let it make you change your entire life plans like school. If she agrees to meet up with you, then you can decide when would be an appropriate time to bring up your history - and you will have to practice radical acceptance that she will likely not want to see you again and it won't be the end of the world.  

[elaine567]

We used to have a poster here who was an expert in the cold approach of women.
He said of all the women he chatted to and gave him their details, then only about one in fifty would agree to go on a real date for all sorts of different reasons.
The chances of this woman dating you are very very slim, without even considering the felony conviction...

 

[winny]

Cannot understand why he will drop out of grad school if this woman doesn’t go out with him... can anyone else understand?

[Wiseman2]

Do you have a parole officer or a therapist you can discuss this with?

There seems to be a few legal, personal and other issues at hand that make this scenario complicated.

[Buckeyestrong45]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you have a parole officer or a therapist you can discuss this with?

There seems to be a few legal, personal and other issues at hand that make this scenario complicated.

What are you talking about?

I’m not on parole.

I’m about to attend graduate school and that woman earned her Law Degree from the same school.

Nothing is making this complicated.

[jspice]

2 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I’m about to attend graduate school and that woman earned her Law Degree from the same school.

.

What does this have to do with anything? You come off kind of stalker-like and n this thread so this woman would need to tread very carefully when it comes to you. 
someone should probably warn her. 

[Miss Spider]

15 minutes ago, jspice said:

What does this have to do with anything? You come off kind of stalker-like and n this thread so this woman would need to tread very carefully when it comes to you. 
someone should probably warn her. 

Yea I agree... your post comes off kind of stalky and odd in ways even without light of the fact you have a criminal record for stalking and plotting a violent act... so yeah combined with that it’s all kinds of red flag  .., like how do you have this information, anyway. Did she tell you or did you social media stalk. You have a next to 0 relationship with this person so that you are speaking like this about a stranger who only added you on social media is very strange. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Buckeyestrong45]

7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yea I agree... your post comes off kind of stalky and odd in ways even without light of the fact you have a criminal record for stalking and plotting a violent act... so yeah combined with that it’s all kinds of red flag  .., like how do you have this information, anyway. Did she tell you or did you social media stalk. You have a next to 0 relationship with this person so that you are speaking like this about a stranger who only added you on social media is very strange. 

I got her information from Google.

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Buckeyestrong45]

7 hours ago, jspice said:

What does this have to do with anything? You come off kind of stalker-like and n this thread so this woman would need to tread very carefully when it comes to you. 
someone should probably warn her. 

When somebody types her name on the internet, it’s public knowledge. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Buckeyestrong45]

7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yea I agree... your post comes off kind of stalky and odd in ways even without light of the fact you have a criminal record for stalking and plotting a violent act... so yeah combined with that it’s all kinds of red flag  .., like how do you have this information, anyway. Did she tell you or did you social media stalk. You have a next to 0 relationship with this person so that you are speaking like this about a stranger who only added you on social media is very strange. 

I met this woman and we spoke for 20 minutes.

She accepted my follow request to her Private Instagram Account.

I typed her name on the internet and found her online profile and everything listed in terms of her education.

That’s public knowledge.

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[lana-banana]

Why would you drop out of school over her? Are you suggesting you don't care about school except for its connection to her? That kind of talk is what's making people alarmed. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by lana-banana

[BaileyB]

17 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I run into her a couple more times and ask her to coffee and if she states no, I’ll leave it at that and drop out of my favorite school.

That’s like shooting yourself in the foot when you have stubbed your toe. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by BaileyB

[Buckeyestrong45]

14 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Why would you drop out of school over her? Are you suggesting you don't care about school except for its connection to her? That kind of talk is what's making people alarmed. 

I love that school because of their football, basketball, and Soccer programs.

 

 

[Prudence V]

On 2/14/2021 at 2:00 PM, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I have high functioning autism.

So do many of us. In all likelihood, it means you’re bad at reading social cues.

You have two choices on this:

1. Read the advice you were given. You asked for it, people invested time and effort providing it. Read it with an open mind, and see if there is anything to be learned. You don’t mention whether the woman you spoke to for 20min is also neurodiverse. If she’s not, I’d advise you to pay extra attention to the advice you’ve been given here. Most of it comes from neurotypical people and is probably a good guide as to how this woman will respond, if she’s neurotypical. 
    
2. become defensive, reject all the advice you asked for out of hand. Ask the woman for coffee, knowing that chances are high she’ll refuse. Drop out of your favourite school, blowing the investment your family have made. 
    

It’s your choice, but I see one of these having far better likely outcomes than the other. 

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove references to edited comments

[mark clemson]

Try to take a higher perspective here.

Grad school  >  potential love interest

There is no easy way to explain to a woman that you have a felony conviction for actions related to stalking. You will risk "scaring her off".

NOT disclosing is a bad idea as well, as when she finds out she will be equally scared AND even more suspicious since you were not up front about it with her.

 

Perspective:  recognize that the odds of things working out with her are not high at all. If you give it a shot, recognize there is high probability of failure.

That is the situation, unfortunately. I don't think there is any advice anyone can give you that will change the essential situation.

[BaileyB]

34 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Perspective:  recognize that the odds of things working out with her are not high at all. If you give it a shot, recognize there is high probability of failure.

To be fair, this statement is true for dating. Period.

Things generally don’t work out, until miraculously... sometimes they do.

You don’t quit school because you were rejected or things didn’t work out with a woman. If people did that all the time, there would be a bunch of unemployed people out there with no education and no future prospects. 

[smackie9]

Stop over thinking, and forget all this crap. Ask her out on a date. If the date goes well, ask her out again. on the second date disclose in the most honest manner possible. That's it done.

[NuevoYorko]

whether she wants to date you or not really has nothing to do with your graduate studies.

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

I love that school because of their football, basketball, and Soccer programs.

Exactly.  So why would you drop out or decide not to go?  Because a woman you talked with for 20 minutes who went to the same school years ago rejected you?  Assuming she does reject you, you don't know that she will, nor do any of us.

That's quite an over-reaction given what's quoted above.

No woman should have that sort of power over you Buckeyestrong, I'd revisit that thought process.

Edited February 18, 2021 by poppyfields