Where and how I can meet potential romantic partners for a clueless person?

[Radio]

Hi guys, I'm a 26 year old heterosexual male and I've never dated before. I've tried dating apps and speed dating (pre covid obviously). I've also asked out some women I thought I had good chemistry with who turned me down. I'd say I've been searching on and off for the past 5 years but to no avail. 

Looks wise, I'd say I'm on the unattractive side becasue I'm balding, have a crooked nose, have kind of a weak chin but I grow a beard to hide it these days but I'm not overweight either. 

I have a job that keeps me quite busy so I can't really go to loads of places and covid anyway. Is there any site or app that could work for me that I don't know of? Or any advice in general? I'm too shy to ask people I know for advice pertaining to this topic, it makes me feel quite uneasy. 

Thanks

[Weezy1973]

@Radio

 

What are you looking for? Casual dating? Marriage and kids? One night stand?

Being below average in looks isn’t a big deal. People find love all across the looks spectrum. 
 

Dating is generally a numbers game. Join the common free sites/apps (POF, Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid ) and probably join a paid one (Match, eHarmony etc.).

 

Most important thing is to have as many recent good pics as possible. Pics of you actually doing things. Hiking, traveling, playing sports, etc. A common problem I see in a lot of men’s profiles is that their pics are boring. Lots of selfies. 
 

So that’s a good start:

1. Know what you’re looking for from dating.

2. Join lots of sites / apps.

3. Have recent, quality, interesting pics.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

@Radio

 

What are you looking for? Casual dating? Marriage and kids? One night stand?

Being below average in looks isn’t a big deal. People find love all across the looks spectrum. 
 

Dating is generally a numbers game. Join the common free sites/apps (POF, Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid ) and probably join a paid one (Match, eHarmony etc.).

 

Most important thing is to have as many recent good pics as possible. Pics of you actually doing things. Hiking, traveling, playing sports, etc. A common problem I see in a lot of men’s profiles is that their pics are boring. Lots of selfies. 
 

So that’s a good start:

1. Know what you’re looking for from dating.

2. Join lots of sites / apps.

3. Have recent, quality, interesting pics.

Good advice and I will add this, manage your expectations with OLD because it can be mentally quite tough to not get matches. The fact you have something that keeps you busy helps to ensure your entire focus is not on dating.

 

[Radio]

Thank you both for the advice. I would say I'm looking for something serious like something that could lead to marriage and kids.

[dramafreezone]

7 hours ago, Radio said:

Hi guys, I'm a 26 year old heterosexual male and I've never dated before. I've tried dating apps and speed dating (pre covid obviously). I've also asked out some women I thought I had good chemistry with who turned me down. I'd say I've been searching on and off for the past 5 years but to no avail. 

Looks wise, I'd say I'm on the unattractive side becasue I'm balding, have a crooked nose, have kind of a weak chin but I grow a beard to hide it these days but I'm not overweight either. 

I have a job that keeps me quite busy so I can't really go to loads of places and covid anyway. Is there any site or app that could work for me that I don't know of? Or any advice in general? I'm too shy to ask people I know for advice pertaining to this topic, it makes me feel quite uneasy. 

Thanks

I would recommend working on yourself.  Get in shape, buy some new clothes (even hire a stylist if you can afford it), fix up your home, do the best with what you have.

Once things are back open, just go do the types of things you like to do as far as hobbies.  Just make sure it's outside of the house.  I believe in the law of attraction.  When you're doing what you love, the right women will gravitate to you and it will happen naturally.

Additionally, never say to a woman you're looking for something serious, at least not right now.  Just say you're content with your life but if the right person came along of course you'd be interested in a relationship.  That's much healthier than going around telling women (even on a date) that you're looking for a girlfriend.  That comes off as desperate.

Edited February 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Cookiesandough]

The most quality( as in most into them and compatible) dates I have met through friends/social circle or hobbies. It’s really hard for me to get into people I meet OLD. They’re perfectly nice people, I guess.  But I just can’t feel really into them because I guess it feels a bit forced to me at the beginning , in a way that I never really can get over...  

 

So by having friends who have friends or a hobby you’re really into . 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ZA Dater]

I think via friend and mutual interest activities is probably the best for most people. OLD I think can work some of the time depending on what your expectations are.

[dramafreezone]

On 2/26/2021 at 12:17 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

The most quality( as in most into them and compatible) dates I have met through friends/social circle or hobbies. It’s really hard for me to get into people I meet OLD. They’re perfectly nice people, I guess.  But I just can’t feel really into them because I guess it feels a bit forced to me at the beginning , in a way that I never really can get over...  

 

So by having friends who have friends or a hobby you’re really into . 

I have a theory that many women subconsciously downgrade men on OLD, because they either see them as players or not competent enough to attract women in person.  Do you think that's a possibility?

[Cookiesandough]

16 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I have a theory that many women subconsciously downgrade men on OLD, because they either see them as players or not competent enough to attract women in person.  Do you think that's a possibility?

I can’t speak for everyone, but I think many do. I’ve spoken to friends who feel similarly about online dating, even if they can’t pinpoint why. Not that into fish in a barrel.  I think the ‘downgrading’ is not limited to men, if you ask me. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I can’t speak for everyone, but I think many do. I’ve spoken to friends who feel similarly about online dating, even if they can’t pinpoint why. Not that into fish in a barrel.  I think the ‘downgrading’ is not limited to men, if you ask me. 

Well maybe both sides do downgrade, but I think women do it more.  Guys are really simple, we just need someone we're attracted to and who's ok to be around.  That's more than enough in the short term, so I think the average man can be sold 99% by a good OLD profile.  Women are more complicated generally speaking.  Women can turn down a handsome guy with a crap attitude or who is mentally weak, if he looks like he's trying hard, or if it just doesn't feel right, because I think on a fundamental level women have a better sense of being in an abundant mindset.  If this one doesn't fit, just move on and find something that fits better.  That's something I try to adapt in my own life.

Edited February 28, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Cookiesandough]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Well maybe both sides do downgrade, but I think women do it more.  Guys are really simple, we just need someone we're attracted to and who's ok to be around.  That's more than enough in the short term, so I think the average man can be sold 99% by a good OLD profile.  Women are more complicated generally speaking.  Women can turn down a handsome guy with a crap attitude or who is mentally weak, if he looks like he's trying hard, or if it just doesn't feel right, because I think on a fundamental level women have a better sense of being in an abundant mindset.  If this one doesn't fit, just move on and find something that fits better.  That's something I try to adapt in my own life.

For most men, you’re probably right. But it can not be “ most” , but still “many”.  When a man has a lot of options, I think it differs slightly. When choices go up, choosiness tends to go up as well. There are men that run through a lot of attractive and ok to be around women on dating apps, but ultimately fall for a he one at work or their friend group for a similar reason. 
 

My reason, and I thought about it in a bit, boils down to the opinion I’ve formed regarding high quality men and online dating. I haven’t known many that fit what I’d consider ‘high quality and attractive’ that needed to resort to online dating. This varies from woman to woman, and for me personally has little to do with physical attractiveness. Just having to resort to that forced aspect of it. Where are you have to advertise in hopes of finding love... skipping over the whole organic part of it, the skipping over the whole the “getting to know you without seeing pics and a self -description and no romance on the line” and saying to yourself “hey I’d probably f them, eventually”, then asking for a love interview/date with this virtual stranger. Yes, there is some thing inherently low quality about that to me. The fact that I can do it again and again, the same formulaic mate-shopping. And if I don’t like it or I get tired of it, I can just drop them and go back to the drawing board where many others of the same are waiting to apply. It definitely takes the spark out a bit. Especially having met my boyfriend “the natural way”. It makes what we have all the more valuable to me... that I was able to skip over all that forced mess . 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

I guess maybe you don't "downgrade" guys necesssarily, but it's a negative mark on the record.  So guys on OLD all begin with that negative mark, but they can make up for it if they're amazing everywhere else.  "Downgrade" does sound severe when I read over my comment.

I don't go OLD just because I don't want to already start off in the hole so to speak due to that negative mark.  I've gotten dates off of it but I much prefer meeting women at work, at trivia nights, bars ETC.  In person I have so much more working in my favor.  That's why I suggested OP go do things that he likes to do in person, so that he's in his element and has a lot of factors working in his favor.

Edited February 28, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Gaeta]

I think nowadays you have to mix both OLD and real life. Considering 75% of singles have an online profile it would be a great loss of opporunity to not try it. Stay away from tinder and such. 

As for meeting real life depends where you are. Where l live we have 6 months of snow and cold so forget about meeting in real life half the year unless you enjoy clubs and well not the best of spots.

 I do very well online. I'm confident and l get dates. It's also very predictable to me, you go meet someone you've seen on pictures or video, it's like playing a part in a movie l've practiced 100s of time. I feel 0 stress doing this.

At the other end l do really....really bad in person!! Each time l've been approached live by a man l lost all my confidence, blushed and turned mute!!  One of those times a man approached me while at the coffee shop next to my work. He says hi how are you with his best smile, l said *hi* and turned around and left lol. Then called myself stupid for the rest of the day. Lol. 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Gaeta

[Cookiesandough]

I don’t like cold approaches.. that’s not what I’d ever mean when I suggest meeting “ in person” ... cold approach and online dating aren’t much different to me , but I’d give online dating an edge as at least there is some insight into their char via profile  before you show interest in them. But no guy thus far that I’ve  been really into used OLD and actually were kind of against it . That’s just me, though. 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Radio]

So, I've tried again with the apps but still no interest from women lol. I tried Hinge and Bumble this time; I got 1 match on Bumble and got ghosted lol.

So, I figured that I'll keep trying maybe for another week or so and then eventually just delete all the apps. I guess I'll just focus on my life and hope to meet someone in real life. Dating has always been bleak spot in my life but I still have a great life otherwise. 

Thank you all for the advice by the way, it was much appreciated 

[Cookiesandough]

Yea . Try developing relationships irl you can. There’s a whole other science for some people to successful on online dating.  It’s more about developing good text skills, writing good bs about yourself , and taking the right staged photos that show you in a flattering way so that people shopping for love think you fit the bill. And ppl are surprised they find so much garbage on there lol.  It’s not for everyone 

[poppyfields]

On 2/28/2021 at 2:17 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

My reason, and I thought about it in a bit, boils down to the opinion I’ve formed regarding high quality men and online dating. I haven’t known many that fit what I’d consider ‘high quality and attractive’ that needed to resort to online dating. This varies from woman to woman, and for me personally has little to do with physical attractiveness. Just having to resort to that forced aspect of it. Where are you have to advertise in hopes of finding love... skipping over the whole organic part of it, the skipping over the whole the “getting to know you without seeing pics and a self -description and no romance on the line” and saying to yourself “hey I’d probably f them, eventually”, then asking for a love interview/date with this virtual stranger. Yes, there is some thing inherently low quality about that to me. 

I so agree with you about that shortskirts, except I don't necessary think people are low quality, but the forced aspect of it, yes.  The expectation (and pressure) that when you meet, you're "supposed to" click with this person; it takes all the uncertainty and spontaneity out of it, which is half the fun!  And how attraction develops, imo.

That said, I did connect with my ex on a dating app first, and we clicked in person but that was a first.  But for some reason, it didn't feel forced, I didn't feel that "pressure" to connect with him in person, it all felt very natural and organic.  

But I think that is rare, and I will probably never use dating apps again for that reason.

I do think two people can connect on line though, not a dating app where there is that "pressure" to connect but an app where you share a mutual interest of some sort, where you get to know people organically.

Like a book or movie club chat room or app or something similar.  You're all engaging with each other, and one person in the group stands out above the others, in your eyes.  A mental chemistry of sorts.

 

Edited March 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

19 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yea . Try developing relationships irl you can. There’s a whole other science for some people to successful on online dating.  It’s more about developing good text skills, writing good bs about yourself , and taking the right staged photos that show you in a flattering way so that people shopping for love think you fit the bill. And ppl are surprised they find so much garbage on there lol.  It’s not for everyone 

The more I hear about other people's OLD experiences, the more I feel like I was incredibly lucky when I used it.

Other than being stood up a couple of times, pretty much all my dates looked like they did in the pics.  None were horrible people - we just didn't click with each other which is normal sometimes.

I never applied science to anything I did.  I never wrote much at all in my bio and I certainly didn't put too much thought into profile photos.

 

[Cookiesandough]

Yea... I want to clarify I’m not saying everyone on there is bad *** it’s just not for me ... it’s not how I like to meet people.. And maybe not for radio for the same or different reasons

& yea I’m just going by things I’ve heard that there’s whole ‘lotta duds  on there and I’m not surprised by that 

Edited March 6, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

The more I hear about other people's OLD experiences, the more I feel like I was incredibly lucky when I used it.

Other than being stood up a couple of times, pretty much all my dates looked like they did in the pics.  None were horrible people - we just didn't click with each other which is normal sometimes.

I never applied science to anything I did.  I never wrote much at all in my bio and I certainly didn't put too much thought into profile photos.

 

Yeah this was my experience too, and I met my wife through OLD so different for different people. I think the main mistake people is thinking OLD is the same as dating people you meet IRL. It’s not. But once you “get it” it’s still a viable way to meet people. 

On 3/5/2021 at 11:12 AM, Radio said:

So, I've tried again with the apps but still no interest from women lol. I tried Hinge and Bumble this time; I got 1 match on Bumble and got ghosted lol.So, I figured that I'll keep trying maybe for another week or so and then eventually just delete all the apps.

Case in point. Why delete the apps? Can’t you focus on your life and continue on the apps? I always advocate to get on as many apps as you can because it’s just a numbers game. More apps = more numbers.