ALH Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 A little background info... I dated a guy for 7 months and lived with him for about 5 of those months. Both in our 30's. Before I moved in, I sent test letters to his address because he claimed he never received mail at his place. I needed an address so I could switch mine over. I would ask him to check the mail and he would say, "just checked. Not a single piece of mail! Completely empty!" A few days later, without me even asking, he sent a text saying, "just checked the mail again. Still nothing! This is ridiculous! I have no idea what's going on." Fast forward to a couple weeks later when I moved in. I checked his mailbox myself only to find that it was JAM PACKED FULL OF MAIL! I brought it all inside and showed him, asking if he ever actually checked. His response was, "No. I was just saying that." Things were a little up and down but overall, they became pretty great. However, I always found one thing really weird....he rarely initiated anything sexual with me. Whenever I brought it up, he would say he was tired, didn't feel like showering, or that me asking was a turn off. A few weeks later, he was drunk and accused me of being suspicious with my phone. I wasn't being suspicious, however, this did lead me to question whether or not there was something suspicious on HIS phone. When he fell asleep, I went through his internet history and found A TON of porn! Literally, multiple websites every night. I also found an IG message to a girl he dated in middle school. He mentioned in the convo how she was the first girl he ever made out with and said that they should hang out when she's back in the area. I was more disgusted with the porn, but at the same time, it made me realize why he wasn't sexual. I was honest about going through his phone and what I found and he apologized saying that he wouldn't continue. A couple weeks later he got home late from work. He took a shower and when he got out, he asked for me to give him oral. Considering that it was so rare for him to want this stuff, I jumped on the opportunity! However, when I began, I noticed a very STRONG scent...LATEX! I immediately questioned it and he said, "I don't know. That's weird. Wouldn't the shower have washed any smell off of me?" Weird response. Why was is there in the first place? Since then, things really blew up. He always drank pretty heavily but once he mixed Adderall with it, he was a monster. He kept telling me to leave; then he would tell me to stay. It was happening constantly. Finally, one day while he was gone, I packed up all my stuff and left. So I'm out of the relationship, but I'm still questioning a lot of things and just want to gather some opinions of others who may have gone through the same thing. Especially regarding the latex, I'm not sure what else that smell could be on THAT part of his body. Does this sound like a compulsive liar? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 12 minutes ago, ALH said: I dated a guy for 7 months and lived with him for about 5 of those months. Both in our 30's. he said, "I don't know. That's weird. Wouldn't the shower have washed any smell off of me?" Weird response. Why was is there in the first place? He always drank pretty heavily but once he mixed Adderall with it, he was a monster. He kept telling me to leave Excellent you left. Why did you move in after dating so briefly? It's impossible to decipher the statements of a drunk/drug abuser. Also it seems you did not know that mush about him in general. Basically he seems full of it, be glad you cut your losses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALH Posted February 18, 2021 Author Share Posted February 18, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Excellent you left. Why did you move in after dating so briefly? It's impossible to decipher the statements of a drunk/drug abuser. Also it seems you did not know that mush about him in general. Basically he seems full of it, be glad you cut your losses. My lease was up in my current place and it would save me time and money since he lived 45 min from me. More of a convenience thing. But yes, I am learning more about him after the breakup. He didn't reach out for 2 days after I left and when he did, it was to ask when I'd be coming back to get my TV...didn't even ask how I was, where I was, and if I was okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 You moved in with a guy just after two month of dating? WHAT ON EARTH WHERE YOU THINKING? Yes, there is something definitely off about this guy, no doubt about it. Next time, time things very slowly, look for any red flags before making any commitments. Just be glad that he didn't turn out to be a serial killer and that you didn't catch and STD's from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 (edited) 54 minutes ago, ALH said: Before I moved in, I sent test letters to his address because he claimed he never received mail at his place. I needed an address so I could switch mine over. I would ask him to check the mail and he would say, "just checked. Not a single piece of mail! Completely empty!" A few days later, without me even asking, he sent a text saying, "just checked the mail again. Still nothing! This is ridiculous! I have no idea what's going on." Fast forward to a couple weeks later when I moved in. I checked his mailbox myself only to find that it was JAM PACKED FULL OF MAIL! I brought it all inside and showed him, asking if he ever actually checked. His response was, "No. I was just saying that." That is very peculiar indeed. Why would someone lie about receiving a mail? Don't know how to explain that one. How on earth could you stay with him after that incident? Most importantly, why would you want to stay with such compulsive liar? Should've just turned around and left him right away. Edited February 18, 2021 by Alvi Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALH Posted February 18, 2021 Author Share Posted February 18, 2021 11 minutes ago, Alvi said: You moved in with a guy just after two month of dating? WHAT ON EARTH WHERE YOU THINKING? Yes, there is something definitely off about this guy, no doubt about it. Next time, time things very slowly, look for any red flags before making any commitments. Just be glad that he didn't turn out to be a serial killer and that you didn't catch and STD's from him. This was definitely my fastest moving relationship. We said "I love you" early on, talked about a future, etc. I will definitely learn from it! Thank God he wasn't a serial killer, but he did get violent when he drank, often pushing me away forcefully, claiming that it was okay because I was "sitting down and not standing up." I'm glad to be gone, though I don't have a permanent place yet. It's just nice that I'm no longer pretending to be asleep while my heart is palpitating because I'm not sure which version of him is going to walk through the door... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALH Posted February 18, 2021 Author Share Posted February 18, 2021 6 minutes ago, Alvi said: That is very peculiar indeed. Why would someone lie about receiving a mail? Don't know how to explain that one. How on earth could you stay with him after that incident? Most importantly, why would you want to stay with such compulsive liar? Should've just turned around and left him right away. Isn't it though?? At the time, I remember thinking, 'that's really weird', but I quickly dismissed it. After I left him, a lot of memories like that resurfaced. I should have left him much earlier because now he's turned everything around on me. He said it's my fault that things happened like they did and even said he's "MUCH happier with me"...which hurts to hear, but considering the kid couldn't tell the truth to save his life, who knows if that's even true. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 2 hours ago, ALH said: This was definitely my fastest moving relationship. We said "I love you" early on, talked about a future, etc. I will definitely learn from it! Thank God he wasn't a serial killer, but he did get violent when he drank, often pushing me away forcefully, claiming that it was okay because I was "sitting down and not standing up." I'm glad to be gone, though I don't have a permanent place yet. It's just nice that I'm no longer pretending to be asleep while my heart is palpitating because I'm not sure which version of him is going to walk through the door... My heart goes out to you. I am not a psychiatrist or a phycologist to diagnose this guy, but he is definitely not well in his head. I am glad that you are safe and out of his reach now. That is the most important thing. Next time take things slowly, what is the rush? I would not advise to move in together for a least a solid year of dating. Observe, see what a guy is like. His behavior, his actions. If you see any red flags or something strange or unusual, bid him adieu and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALH Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 12 hours ago, Alvi said: My heart goes out to you. I am not a psychiatrist or a phycologist to diagnose this guy, but he is definitely not well in his head. I am glad that you are safe and out of his reach now. That is the most important thing. Next time take things slowly, what is the rush? I would not advise to move in together for a least a solid year of dating. Observe, see what a guy is like. His behavior, his actions. If you see any red flags or something strange or unusual, bid him adieu and never look back. Thank you! I appreciate your kind words and advice. He isn't well at all and actually while speaking with my therapist, she mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder. I did a lot of research and he possesses most, if not all, of the characteristics. It's sad, because he told many times that he knew he had a problem but would never get help for it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 This dude sounds off his rocker. This is also why you should never fast-forward a relationship. Fortunately you got out, but this could have ended so much worse for you considering how unstable he is. Slow down next time, and take your time getting to know someone. About the mailbox...some manipulators will test people to see what red flags they'll dismiss, and thus what exactly they can get away with. They'll continue to push the envelope. He saw you dismissed his weird mailbox stunt so he knew he could probably be more of an ass and you might tolerate it - at least for a while. I don't doubt some of the that (the mailbox, the latex comment) was deliberate. Link to post Share on other sites
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