I like her except her teeth

[UsuallyConfused]

I just met a woman I've been texting with for a few weeks.  I was instantly put off by how yellow her teeth were!   It repulsed me inside actually.  I find her physically attractive otherwise, and I like her personality so far, but I can't get past those teeth.  The thought of kissing her turns me off big-time.  What should I do?  How can I get her to whiten or whiten/clean her teeth so I don't have to tell her I'm no longer interested?  And if her teeth can't be fixed enough for me, the tempting (cowardly) thing to do is just break it off with her without saying why.  But if I tell her why, it could be such help for her dating success, because I'm wondering if she's turning off all numbers of guys when they meet her.  Thoughts?  Please help!

[Calmandfocused]

Is she a smoker? 

Are they rotten or simply discoloured?  
 

Im a woman and poor dental hygiene in a man is a massive turnoff. It usually comes hand in hand with bad breath. 
 

You know if she turns you off, you really don’t have to see her again. Just say you didn’t feel the chemistry which is the truth. 

It’s not your place to tell her about her teeth especially after one date.  She can have her teeth how she wants. However, likewise you can choose not to date her. 

[Gaeta]

She knows her teeth are yellow. Chances are she had dental treatment, or took medicine for an illness that yellowed her teeth and it's not reversible. There are a few medical conditions out there that will do that. Before you  put your foot in  your mouth by asking her to whiten her teeth you might informe yourself first. 

[smackie9]

Move on, she's not right for you, but maybe someone else that doesn't mind some yellowing teeth.

[Ruby Slippers]

Just move on. She knows what she looks like and is OK with it. Just tell her you're not feeling the spark and wish her the best. Somebody out there, maybe a guy with similar teeth, won't have any issue with it.

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, UsuallyConfused said:

I just met a woman I've been texting with for a few weeks.  I was instantly put off by how yellow her teeth were!   It repulsed me inside actually.   The thought of kissing her turns me off big-time.  

Dude, that is your cue to wish her well and move the hell on.

I mean, not to be rude, but are you serious with this?  Did you really need to ask what you should do?

 

[UsuallyConfused]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

She knows her teeth are yellow. Chances are she had dental treatment, or took medicine for an illness that yellowed her teeth and it's not reversible. There are a few medical conditions out there that will do that. Before you  put your foot in  your mouth by asking her to whiten her teeth you might informe yourself first. 

Yes - that's what I was thinking!  Maybe it's from an illness or medicine.  I want to have this not bother me so much, because maybe we'd be happy together, but I can't get the repulsive thoughts out of my mind.  Dang it!

[poppyfields]

Well, if you get on well, you could always suggest veneers as long as you're paying. 😂

Or, they even have fake ones that are a fraction of the cost, and look relatively real, I believe they're placed over your natural teeth.

What I am saying is there are options, assuming you're attracted to her beyond her teeth.

This is assuming her dental hygiene isn't the issue or smoking, but some sort of medical condition

Poor dental hygiene (bad breath, stains) and/or smoking cigs = if me I'd take a pass. 

[Trail Blazer]

Bad teeth, whether they be crooked or discolored, is a massive turn-off for me.  I'd struggle to get past that as well.  

Obviously you're a little torn because you feel that she's otherwise a great match, aside from the yellow teeth issue.

All you can do is let her go because you certainly are not in a position to tell her about her teeth.  It would be extremely rude to do so.

[introverted1]

So many possible reasons.   https://www.animated-teeth.com/teeth_whitening/t2_white_teeth.htm

But.  If you don't want to kiss her as she is now, then just move on.  She either:

• Knows and doesn't care
• Knows and can't afford treatment
• Knows and there is no treatment
• Knows and doesn't care
• Is unaware

Whichever one it is, there is no way for you, a man she hasn't even met yet, to suggest that fix her teeth. 

Next.

Edited February 18, 2021 by introverted1

[dramafreezone]

51 minutes ago, UsuallyConfused said:

I just met a woman I've been texting with for a few weeks.  I was instantly put off by how yellow her teeth were!   It repulsed me inside actually.  I find her physically attractive otherwise, and I like her personality so far, but I can't get past those teeth.  The thought of kissing her turns me off big-time.  What should I do?  How can I get her to whiten or whiten/clean her teeth so I don't have to tell her I'm no longer interested?  And if her teeth can't be fixed enough for me, the tempting (cowardly) thing to do is just break it off with her without saying why.  But if I tell her why, it could be such help for her dating success, because I'm wondering if she's turning off all numbers of guys when they meet her.  Thoughts?  Please help!

No don't tell her that it's her teeth.  She is well aware of every physical flaw that she has.  It will cross her mind.  And don't worry about her dating life, some guy won't care about it.  She'll be fine.

Some woman has turned you down because you were too fat, too short, your nose was crooked, your ears were too floppy, whatever flaw you have, so just keep that in mind.

Edited February 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ShyViolet]

No, you should not tell her that her teeth are a turn-off and ask her to whiten her teeth.  That would be SOOO rude.  What you need to do is stop seeing her.  Simple as that.

[MsJayne]

Bad teeth or bad breath are among the top turn offs for a lot of people. Personally I can deal with crooked teeth, but not brown/grey/yellow/green teeth . On the one hand you can't tell someone you barely know that their teeth are a problem, but on the other hand it's probably the reason she's single. She probably knows, but orthodontics are expensive and most people don't have thousands to spend on their teeth. If you really like her perhaps feign a toothache and that'll raise the teeth subject, see what she says. If she says nothing then chances are she doesn't realise how bad hers are, but you will probably find that she's well aware of it but can't afford to fix them. I actually find over-whitened or really fake-looking perfect teeth a turn off, they look every bit as ridiculous as over-inflated lips or fake pneumatic boobs.   

[MeadowFlower]

1 hour ago, UsuallyConfused said:

I just met a woman I've been texting with for a few weeks.  I was instantly put off by how yellow her teeth were!   It repulsed me inside actually.  I find her physically attractive otherwise, and I like her personality so far, but I can't get past those teeth.  The thought of kissing her turns me off big-time.  What should I do?  How can I get her to whiten or whiten/clean her teeth so I don't have to tell her I'm no longer interested?  And if her teeth can't be fixed enough for me, the tempting (cowardly) thing to do is just break it off with her without saying why.  But if I tell her why, it could be such help for her dating success, because I'm wondering if she's turning off all numbers of guys when they meet her.  Thoughts?  Please help!

Aren't teeth naturally off-white? And maybe she does have good dental hygiene even though her teeth aren't white-white?

In any case I would suggest you didn't go out with her since this is a big thing for you. 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, UsuallyConfused said:

Yes - that's what I was thinking!  Maybe it's from an illness or medicine.  I want to have this not bother me so much, because maybe we'd be happy together, but I can't get the repulsive thoughts out of my mind.  Dang it!

Does she have bad breath?

smoke?

live off of coffee?

other medical issues?

 

you should ask her and find out why.

[spiderowl]

Are they really exceptionally yellow or are you just used to seeing people who have whitened their teeth or had veneers fitted?  Both whitening and veneers are unnatural.  Yellow teeth does not necessary mean dirty teeth; it could be her natural colouring.  Regardless, if you find it so off-putting there is no point in continuing to date her. 

It would not be good to tell her about her teeth.  I am sure she will be well aware of them and the last thing she needs is someone pointing out her flaws.  We all have flaws.  I just think you should be aware that whitening teeth and adding veneers is something people have started to do for fashion.  It was not customary in the past.  We have become used to seeing people with exceptionally white, glowing teeth.  People should not have to treat their teeth with potentially harmful medical treatments just to fit the norm.  It's about as reasonable as expecting people to have plastic surgery because they are ageing naturally.

Edited February 19, 2021 by spiderowl

[SpecialJ]

If you tell her, you'll either hurt her self-esteem or she won't take it personally and she'll just think you're a shallow jerk. Perhaps she'll share why they're yellow, if it's beyond her control, just to make you feel shallow. Either way, there's no useful outcome for either of you here. 

She probably does already know, but if somehow not, let someone who has known her and established a trusting friendship or family member tell her. 

But for one date? If you doubt you'll ever want to kiss her, even if you get to know her better, just move on and meet others who may be a better match for you. It's only been one date. At this point, no harm no foul. The point of dating is to learn if there are dealbreakers or, if not, do you want to keep getting to know someone better. You've got your answer on the kind of look you're attracted to, which is fine unless you find something to nitpick about any and every woman you meet. Then you've got a problem.  

FWIW, I know an otherwise beautiful and successful woman who has messed up teeth due to something irreversible that happened when she was a teenager. She's been married for 20 years with several kids. This woman you went out with will do just fine and find someone if stained teeth is her only flaw. Going to the dentist during covid for cosmetic work sounds unnecessarily risky anyway, so it's not your place to ask that of her. 

[Cookiesandough]

I think it’s easy to associate it with hygiene, but that isn’t the case. It’s a stain. But I’m kinda turned off by teeth too discolored too.. . I can fux with crooked , snaggly , etc. can be cute in moderation. Sad if all she is is some activated charcoal and crest white strips away from being your dream girl

[SpecialJ]

I looked at your past posts, and women not matching your dream body has been a recurring issue for you over the years. Have you been able to dig into that more?

Asking someone you barely know to change for you is quite disrespectful, but that was your first reaction, should you ask her to whiten her teeth for you, while saying almost nothing about her personality or who she is.

Very often, being obsessed with images of your perfect physical type (body/face) is a distancing mechanism to protect yourself from intimacy, and it's not actually about how the woman looks nor does it give her an opportunity to just be who she is as a person. It's not seeing her or respecting her for who she really is, but instead trying to control your own feelings and environment so you feel safe by projecting who she should be by using an image she can't live up to.

Sorry if that's harsh, but if you want to fall in love with a partner, it'll be difficult with your current perspective because you'll keep unintentionally sabotaging yourself. And if you do find someone who puts up with being projected all over, it'll be a difficult and chaotic relationship for you both. She probably would need to have low self-esteem to begin with in order to accept a partner who *needs* her to be a certain way, making the relationship conditional and a power play. 

Edited February 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs

[Dis]

My bf (soon to be ex), Has stained, discolored teeth
 

I didn't know it when I met him but he dipped tobacco. I encouraged him to quit and he did. 

 

I was willing to overlook the teeth issue because he had the best personality but over time I will say it's yucky and his breathe is awful (side effects of medications)

 

Probably wouldn't overlook something like that again 

[Goodguy05]

Buy her a gift card to the dentist lol

[Fletch Lives]

Grasshopper, don't look gift horse in mouth! 😄

[Blind-Sided]

All you can do is move on.  

In my younger life... I knew a girl who was petite, slim, but curvy, blond.... she was VERY pretty.  BUT.... her teeth were VERY crooked.   Every time she smiled... I cringed. All she needed was braces, but at 23... she didn't want to.  Eventually... I just stopped coming around. (she was a friend of my cousin) 

I think for me... when a pretty girl smiles... it warms my heart.  And bad teeth kind of blows something I look forward to. 

It may sound shallow... but it is what it is. 

Edited February 19, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, UsuallyConfused said:

I was instantly put off by how yellow her teeth were!   It repulsed me inside actually.

You're entitled to your tastes, likes, dislikes, deal breakers and turnoffs.

So this is simple. You say "nice meeting you, we're not a match" and move on.

[HiCrunchy]

I'm a huge coffee drinker and didn't realize how yellow my teeth had gotten over the years. When I was 21, I whiten my teeth for the first time with an over the counter kit and it made a world of difference my smile. They weren't an abnormal white, just off white.

Soooo honestly, she might not know how yellow her teeth are really. Things we see day to day might not look too different to us but look very pronounced to strangers. Like people using old pics on dating sites and gaining some weight/looking older while still claiming they look the same. Strangers on the other hand will see the differences in the pictures.

I'd bring up teeth whitening and say ur thinking about doing it. Look at her reaction, if this is a sensitive topic then body language will give you the info you need to know.

Edited February 19, 2021 by HiCrunchy