Savannah1990 Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Hi everyone, I’m friends with this girl who’m I click well with, we have a long friendship of about 15 years. We tell each other a lot, confide in each other. I do notice that she tends to talk a lot about herself and sometimes seem to be a bit cocky and selfabsorbed. Other friends of mine kind of avoid her because of that. Now, I’m busy with getting into local politics, since this is my passion. And I made it so far that people can vote for me. I’m really busy campaigning and everyone around me is really supportive. Saying they’ll definitely vote for me and support me in that way. And I can really use their votes, because I need a lot of vote to really get there. So yesterday, out of the blue, this friend of my told: ‘ I know what I’m gonna vote, I’m gonna vote for party X!’ (Which is not my party at all). And she has every right to do so, but I was just a bit disappointed that she, as a good friend and close friend of mine, will not vote for me. And ok, if she doesn’t want to vote for me, than that’s fine but why say it out loud like that, right in my face? It kinda seemed that she unpurposely wants to heart me. I reacted with ‘ok, good for you!’ But when I was talking with another friend of mine, she thought this was just being rude of her. I notice that I feel a bit hurt and that I miss her support, or am I overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 I don't think you're overreacting. It sounds like this friend is not supportive of you and is not a loyal friend at all. Just because you've known her for 15 years, that does not mean that you should continue being friends with her. Surround yourself with people who support you. Not people who are going to be petty and self-absorbed and tear you down. Link to post Share on other sites
TheEternalPessimist Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 While she is not obligated to vote for you, the way she told you about her choice makes it seem as if she couldn't wait to rub it in your face that she was voting for someone else so you are definitely not overreacting. There is no easy solution to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Are her political views matched with yours? Her decision to express her intention to vote for another political party may have been made with a little more consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah1990 Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Are her political views matched with yours? Her decision to express her intention to vote for another political party may have been made with a little more consideration. on some issues they are, on others they are not. And I cannot expect her to vote for a party that she dont totally agree with, but I dont understand why she then should explicitly tell me she is going to vote party X. Why then not just say nothing about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: on some issues they are, on others they are not. And I cannot expect her to vote for a party that she dont totally agree with, but I dont understand why she then should explicitly tell me she is going to vote party X. Why then not just say nothing about it? It could have been her way of warning you not to ask her to vote for you. If she had decided to stay quiet, would you have approached her to find out why she hadn't voted for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah1990 Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 21 minutes ago, Alpaca said: It could have been her way of warning you not to ask her to vote for you. If she had decided to stay quiet, would you have approached her to find out why she hadn't voted for you? no, i would have definitely not. And voting goes anonymously here. I wouldnt even have asked her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
World Peace Guy Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Yes, you are over reacting, and don't listen to friends when they speak badly of other friends. Think for yourself. Don't let others think for you. As for your friend, as you said she seems "a bit cocky and selfabsorbed". She's just being herself! She's not thinking of how you feel, because she's "a bit cocky and selfabsorbed". Obviously, you may want to remember that, when you talk about your guarded secrets and stuff, but she's just being herself. If you like being with what she is, great. That's all that really matters. She'll sometimes say things that hurt your feelings, but than all friends do that sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 42 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: no, i would have definitely not. And voting goes anonymously here. I wouldnt even have asked her about it. You know more about her personality than all of us, so it's hard for us to infer what her intention is with her remark. If she's as self-absorbed as you mention, was her response a surprise? As disappointing as her comment and lack of support for you may be. Link to post Share on other sites
amygirl908 Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 She's not obligated to vote for you but after 15 years of friendship you might think she would have been more considerate of your feelings. This is something that you're clearly putting a lot of time and effort into and it means a lot to you. She doesn't have to vote for your or be out there campaigning with you, but she also doesn't have to outwardly rub it in your face that she has no intention of supporting your endeavor. This a huge life moment and IMO her reaction wasn't cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 (edited) On 2/19/2021 at 2:50 AM, Savannah1990 said: Hi everyone, I’m friends with this girl who’m I click well with, we have a long friendship of about 15 years. We tell each other a lot, confide in each other. I do notice that she tends to talk a lot about herself and sometimes seem to be a bit cocky and selfabsorbed. Other friends of mine kind of avoid her because of that. Now, I’m busy with getting into local politics, since this is my passion. And I made it so far that people can vote for me. I’m really busy campaigning and everyone around me is really supportive. Saying they’ll definitely vote for me and support me in that way. And I can really use their votes, because I need a lot of vote to really get there. So yesterday, out of the blue, this friend of my told: ‘ I know what I’m gonna vote, I’m gonna vote for party X!’ (Which is not my party at all). And she has every right to do so, but I was just a bit disappointed that she, as a good friend and close friend of mine, will not vote for me. And ok, if she doesn’t want to vote for me, than that’s fine but why say it out loud like that, right in my face? It kinda seemed that she unpurposely wants to heart me. I reacted with ‘ok, good for you!’ But when I was talking with another friend of mine, she thought this was just being rude of her. I notice that I feel a bit hurt and that I miss her support, or am I overreacting? I think it’s rude . I struggle to understand why a genuine, well-meaning friend would ever feel compelled to say something like that? Honesty is not enough of a reason for me if she can still talk about her political views in other ways and literally no one ultimately know who you are voting for when you go to the poll. I’d wonder too about this friends motives ... Best of luck with your campaign Edited March 1, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Saorla Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 (edited) I think you should keep your involvement in local politics and your friendships completely separate, OP. Religion, politics and money are the three things to keep away from openly discussing with your friends and family, even if you are directly involved in one of those things. Especially if you take it so personally. I also think it´s somewhat wrong that your other friends are going to vote for you as an act of support, unless they truly believe in what you stand for. A vote shouldn´t be given because of a personal connection only. Anyway, I think you are overreacting in this case. Edited March 2, 2021 by Saorla 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Yes, I think you are overreacting. She is who she is. And, I don't think what she said was rude. None of us can infer the context of her comment to you because we're not there and we don't know either of you. Surely, in the 15 years you've known her, you can tell when she's being mean or when she's just being her boisterous self? I think you are disappointed and hurt, because deep down you expected her to vote for her and support your political aspirations, just because you two are friends. I know you said you didn't put those expectations on her, but based on your feeling disappointed, you clearly did. Or, her response wouldn't have bothered you. Unless you asked her, "Will you help me with my political campaign by joining my staff of volunteers to do x,y, and z?" then your friend is not obligated to get involved with your political aspirations. And her response was just telling you who she is voting for. That shouldn't have bothered you the way it did. Link to post Share on other sites
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