Friends very slow to respond to messages, I'm noticing a general trend

[TheEternalPessimist]

6 hours ago, jspice said:

Have you reacted in the same way when male friends have  dropped communication? Have you called them out? 

It's been a while since that happened but yes I definitely have. 

[jspice]

I can absolutely understand why people step away from you and why they don’t tell you. 

[TheEternalPessimist]

You can't "absolutely understand", you can have an opinion but you don't know me.

[LuckyM]

I think I understand because these things happen to me  I too am pessimistic

I am usually the 1 to initiate calls and I make far more calls than I get. A very old friend gives me phony excuses that he is busy Or he  he didn't get the message or his cell doesn't work  Then he acts like I'm his BF and invites me over.  Dont give them the benefit of your doubt like I do. I hate giving up!! One lady friend never calls me unless I call her.  

This is apathy and indifference. Not a trend. It is real life for many of us. You are needy or alone and they are not. Sounds like you are past the point of diminishing returns with them. Expect less and less 

Is it possible they fear you will ask them to get together with you. The covid may make them reluctant.  

[TheEternalPessimist]

I feel like apathy and indifference is much worse than it was say 10 or 15 years ago though.

I doubt they fear I would ask them to get together and I doubt COVID is making them reluctant since I hung out with some of them during COVID, they could have easily refused back than and I didn't force them to hang out. 

[Backinthesaddleagain]

@TheEternalPessimist I read through this entire thread. I was actually just complaining about this to some family members recently so it piqued my interest. I am a 42 year-old divorced man. The journey from where I was in 2017 until now has been awful, but at the same time has given me strength. I feel almost exactly like you do with your struggles. I am good looking, charming, personable. When I was younger I always had a smallish but tight group of friends, mainly because I am selective with who I share my life with. As I have gotten older etc., I have found that GOOD friendships are harder and harder to find. Friends have come and they have gone, and with a divorce you lose a lot of them too.

Now I find myself in a strange place, with almost all of my network being married with children, having busy professional lives, etc. and they don't have the time or desire to maintain a friendship with a single man with little responsibility and a lot of freedom (or their spouse isn't keen on them spending too much time with a single man). It is easy to be dismissive and say "what happened to them" or whatever, but as others have said here we all change. Sometimes people just grow apart. It sucks that you seem to be a genuine person, but in reality, I meet so many plastic fake people that you wouldn't want to be friends with most of them anyway. 

Try to keep positive and focus on yourself. Don't do things like dwell on other's behavior. Stay strong and happy, be friendly, and eventually you may meet some people who are like you. I went through my phone a while back and sent out texts to all of my friends and acquaintance's. After 1 week, anyone who didn't respond was deleted- and I deleted A LOT of people from my life. It felt great to do that housekeeping, as some of the "friends" on my list were just really garbage people anyway. 

Also, with a screen name like TheEternalPessimist, you are continuing your off-putting and woe-is-me demeanor. The time for change is today, and the only one that can start the ball rolling is you. I also heard a quote on here once that really stuck with me- "you cannot have friends, you can only be a friend" This quote was instrumental in my decision to analyze myself and try looking at it from an outside perspective. Human beings do not own each other. We alone decide who to spend time with, communicate with, and share life with. If you have people who aren't giving you what you need, it is time to find new people. Be patient, and get out there. A good friend isn't going to show up at your doorstep, you have to put in the effort. 

Good luck